Loving Listening: Interpreting The Language Of The Heart

Loving Listening: Interpreting The Language Of The Heart

by Lisa J Testart, Pierre H Testart

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Overview

Loving Listening: Interpreting The Language Of The Heart by Lisa J Testart, Pierre H Testart

There are plenty of books on how to save relationships, how to be better parents, or just about any “how to” situation you can think of. The self-help section of any bookstore is overflowing with innumerable volumes dedicated to helping us manage our lives better.

Listening, however, in a way that is loving and respectful, isn’t so well documented. We can find plenty of help for the big picture relationship stuff – the affairs, the toxic dynamics, the conflict management and so on – but little attention is paid to the day-to-day issues, the small interactions that are like paper cuts to a relationship, whether it is intimate, familial or work-based.

This book explores what the conditions are within us that allow us to be a “non-loving” listener, and how we can change our lives in real and meaningful ways with simple, yet practical, tools and exercises.

This book has been written for you, the reader.

It is comprehensive, accessible and relatable, with down to earth, common sense discussions about the real world we live in today; a world of distractions and barriers to effective listening that are bombarding us from all directions.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780992550028
Publisher: 8th Avatar
Publication date: 10/24/2015
Series: Loving Series , #1
Pages: 182
Product dimensions: 6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.39(d)

Table of Contents

Introduction 1
Lisa . . . . . . . . . 5
Pierre . . . . . . . 8
I Impediments to listening from childhood to adulthood 17
e Human Condition 19
Glenn's Story 20
is is his story... . . . . . . 20
Childhood Issues 35
Money - Not Asking . . . .. . . 36
Flight or Fight - Where Does the Poison Come From? . . . . 38
Poor Role Modelling . . .. . . . 40
Walking on Eggshells . . . . . 42
I'll do it! . . . . . .. . . . 43
Other Factors 45

Our Resources . . . .. . 45
Relationship/family breakdown - divorce and separation . 46
Alcohol, drugs and other substances . . . . 48
Familiarity breeds contempt . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 51
You've Just Had a Conversation in Your Head . . . . . . . . 52
Male v Female listening . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 53
Life distractions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 55
Listening through the filters . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 56
Emotional intelligence deficit . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 56
Our own internal projection of consequences . . . . . . . . 58
Anna's Story 60
is is her story... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 60
II Relationship dynamics and their impact on listening 69
What is a relationship? 71
Relationship Stages . . . . . 73
Declarations of Love . . .. . . . 75
What is love? . . . . . . . . 76
Intimacy . . . . . . 81
Power and control . . . . . . . 82
Sex and intimacy 84
You Don't Hear Me Anymore . . .. . . . 87
Hold My Hand . . . . . 90
Foreplay . . .. . . . . 91
vii

III Understanding the process of Listening 93
What is Listening? 95
Why Listen? . . . .. . . . 97
Why do we stop listening? . . .. . . 99
What is poor listening? . . . . . . 101
Negative Listening . . . . . . 103
Distracted Listening - Phubbing . . .. . 104
Activity - Phone Fiddle . . . . . 112
Agenda Listening . . . . . . 114
Agenda Listening - how do we leave our judgement behind? 114
Mind Reading - Our Unspoken Expectations . . . . . . . . . 116
Activity - Mind reading course . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 118
Make it about me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 120
Activity - Make it about ME. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 120
Brutally Honest . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 122
Yes, Honey, I heard you the first time. . . . . . . . . . . . . 125
Further Activities 126
Feeling Heard . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 126
Activity - Not being heard . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 126
Empathic/non-empathic Listening . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 128
You v Me - Reflective Listening . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 129
I Forgot . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 132
Giving advice/fixing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 136
Activity - Advice giving . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 138
viii
T C
Judgement . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 140
Activity - Judging others . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 142
Compliments 144
IV Interpreting the Language of the heart 147
e Solution - Antidotes 149
Open Heart 150
Being Present . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 152
Gift Giving . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 155
Gratitude . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 159
Deep Listening . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 160
Conclusion 165

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