This book is about happiness. We have forgotten to enjoy the great ride parenting is and instead focus on little things and stresses.
Do you want to be a happy parent?
Do you want your child to adore and respect you?
Do you want your child to love broccoli as much as ice cream?
Do you want to feel confident of your choices and your child’s self-belief?
Then you will enjoy this book.
Open your mind to a new philosophy, one that combines the best of ancient wisdom and new.
Create the magic of parenting in your life with these altruistic insights for parents, or those planning children. Make everlasting loving memories for you and your child.
|Product dimensions:||5.50(w) x 8.50(h) x 0.45(d)|
Read an Excerpt
Magical Parenting MantrasPowerful Insights to be Joyful Parents and Raise Inspired, Loving Children
By Ridhi Doongursee
Balboa PressCopyright © 2012 Ridhi Kanoria Doongursee
All right reserved.
Chapter OneThe Big Decision
(Are we ready to be parents?)
"Making a decision to have a child—it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." Elizabeth Stone
Trust me, if there's anything that can turn your world upside-down and inside-out at the same time and make you smile till your face hurts, it's the decision to bring a bundle of joy into this world.
When you're making a life-changing decision like parenting, some optimistically unrealistic people, in an attempt to convince you, say, "How much could things possibly change?" Yeah, well those guys haven't had kids for sure. They also haven't experienced heaven up-close and personal like I have and I continue to.
I got married quite early. I had just moved in with this man who I adored. And the closest I had been to thinking about having a baby was listening to Justin Bieber's hit track playing full-blast in my gym.
I was stubborn, looking forward to my career and far from feeling ready to take on the big job of parenting.
I knew at that point that once I had a child, I would have to become responsible for life. I would always have him or her on my mind. No matter where I was travelling or if I was at the world's best nightclub grooving next to Paris Hilton, I would be thinking of whether my baby was okay.
But then one morning something changed (It really was that dramatic). I suddenly found myself feeling prepared or at least inching towards that desire faster than usual.
Many days were spent having those mandatory yet lengthy discussions with family members ("Yes! Please have a child soon; we're dying to be grandparents") and friends ("Oh my god! Are you really ready? Wow!").
Even more time was spent asking ourselves the imperative questions. Are we financially ready? Are we prepared to make the lifestyle changes? Will we have to move into a bigger house? Is there job security? Will we be able to give our angel the best upbringing at this stage?
But suddenly, mundane situations began turning in favor of the big decision. Our work, for instance, was going to keep us from travelling for two years. And this seemed like the perfect timeframe for us to become parents and take care of our newborn without the worry of having to jet set often.
We realized that we had travelled extensively, partied through many nights, and slogged at work for even more. It was time to take our relationship to the next level. And it was around then that I felt sure that I wanted to live the greatest experience a woman can have in life. That's when I knew we were ready for the two big Ps—pregnancy and parenthood!
Many couples in this generation are too scared to have children. They see today's stressed parents who look like they have such a difficult life! Really? Since when did a joyful experience like parenting become scary? Since when did a blessing become a fear?
Well it doesn't need to be a fear! And I will give you some magical tools that will make you enjoy this joyride!
At this time:
1. There's no such thing as too much information. Utilize all the numerous resources available at your service—online articles, baby courses, videos, and books—to make this natural journey even more fun.
2. Don't stress. Having a child comes most naturally to a woman. Your body works like magic to protect your baby and prepare you intrinsically for this experience. Your system will go through innumerable changes to ready itself for your child. So if you're worried about whether you'll be a good mother or if you'll be able to wake up when your baby cries, don't! You're not alone in this. Thousands of years of evolution and Mother Nature are there by your side. Human beings are meant to procreate. It is, in many ways, their purpose and responsibility towards mankind.
Chapter TwoWe Are Pregnant!
(Those nine bittersweet months)
"A child gives birth to a mother" Unknown
This doesn't happen often. So, first of all, enjoy every second of it. For once, you're actually hoping to get knocked up after having some mind-blowingly great unprotected intercourse (I like the scientific ring to that term). The fact that you know this session means so much more than all the others, adds to the ecstasy.
Every month, a few days before I was supposed to start my period, I'd run and get myself a few pregnancy tests (safety in numbers, if you ask me).
All of month one, you usually emerge from the bathroom disappointed. I did, for a couple of reasons, actually. First of all, for all these years I was paranoid that I'd miss my period because birth control promises 98 percent safety, and now, when I want to make it to that niche group, the universe is making me wait! But on second thought, thank God for that. We don't want that much fertility around the world either now, do we?
Then on one of those unexpected evenings when I finally succeeded at distracting myself from thinking about my yet-to-be-conceived child, there it was. The pregnancy test that I religiously carried out and left at the bathroom counter had taken an extra minute to let the second blessed line emerge!
And there it was. Your one-way ticket to awesomeness—parenthood! I was pretty sure I heard fireworks, but that could also be the neighborhood kids. But this feeling, the most incredible one in the world, is best defined as indescribable!
For the first few weeks, you want to imagine the first signs of your baby bump. You also want to make the most of the privileges of being pregnant. But the most exciting part of this initial phase is your first sonography.
I remember when we were running late for the appointment, my husband, the loving law-abiding citizen that he is, actually skipped a traffic signal. A minute after which, a police officer caught us sneaking past red-handed. "My pregnant wife has a doctor's appointment we're late for," he genuinely tried to reason with the cop, who after a glance at my non-existent belly must have thought to himself, "The excuses these kids come up with these days". But we looked concerned enough, thankfully, so he let us go with a strict warning. I saw it as a good sign—the pregnancy was not only meddling with my hormones, but my husband's too! I'm not alone!
With each subsequent visit to the gynaecologist, you begin marveling at nature even more. I was barely six weeks into my conception and I heard my child's heartbeat for the first time that day at the clinic. There's nothing that can be equated with this feeling. It sunk in even deeper. Eventually you can see his or her hands and legs and each doctor's visit is so exciting. I was carrying life inside me. That fuzzy black and white image of the inside of my womb was my little baby.
With the mood swings and cravings kicking in, the highlight of each month is looking forward to the next sonography. In between, I decided I'd educate myself about everything there is to learn about pregnancy. Yes, you can actually read about what part of its body is developing on the sixtieth day! Please do also refer to chapter 4 ("Think It. Get It!" will be pretty helpful at this stage of parenting for both moms and dads, as it proved to be for me)
Anyway, between Lamaze (breathing exercises), Kegels (vaginal exercises), long walks, and lots of books, I was (and you will be too) in theory ready for the real deal.
Tips I think are lifesavers:
1. Get pampered. It is extremely important moms and dads, that you spoil yourself during those nine months. You need to love yourself to be able to love your child. Take time out for a long bath or a spa session. Work on feeling good, taking a holiday and spend money on yourself. Don't think about whether you will have enough cash to buy your baby the toys he or she will want. Children enjoy playing with kitchen utensils just as much!
2. Enjoy the attention. Very soon, you will have enough and more on your plate to handle.
3. Talk to other families. Nothing works like some first-hand experiential motivation. Take time out for a friendly chat with your best friend or another (positive) mother.
4. Exercise. Don't take those regimens lightly. Make sure you do the pregnancy stretches and breathing exercises, and walk as much as possible. All this comes in handy when you're ready to push. Even husband and wife strolls together are great for health emotionally and physically.
5. Enjoy your baby photos. I've said it before and I'll say it again, nothing compares to the joy of being able to see the shape of your angel on that sonography machine. Let the maternal instincts kick in!
6. Don't let people stress you out. Listen to what you feel like, and ignore the rest. Eat healthy and also allow yourself what you enjoy munching on the most. Don't get influenced by those who are too negative or constantly stressed.
Chapter ThreeYou're already SuperMom/Super Dad!!
(The first month as mom 'n' dad)
"Before you were conceived I wanted you. Before you were born I loved you. Before you were here an hour I would die for you." Maureen Hawkins
The last thirty days of your pregnancy are the toughest simply because you're more or less out of patience. And you don't have any more sonographies to look forward to. At this point, I just wanted to drive up to the hospital and start pushing!
Eventually I did. Those twelve hours of labor pains taught me to take advice from only the most-reliable sources in life, and especially when it comes to the epidural, "just take it!" I gave birth to my little boy within thirty minutes of the angelic shot! (Please refer to chapter 21—" "Filter The World", as it's a very important reference point for the constant advice that will come your way.) There he was, snuggling up next to me like he'd been doing this for ages. As for the delivery, I said it then and I'll say it again, it felt beyond magical, and I would do it many times over without even blinking an eyelid.
I could have sworn the next three days felt like they lasted a year. Or at least I wanted them to. Those hours with my child were the most divine moments of my being. We felt emotion like never before. We gazed into our newest family member's eyes as he slowly wrapped his tiny fingers around our hands. I thought I knew my husband's every look, but he too on that day glowed brighter than ever.
The connection that children have with the distinct scent of their mothers is something that even science has proved. So basically the minute they come into the arms of their parents, they feel and look at peace. Being able to watch him or her calm down when you hold him or her is an out-of-body experience, so enjoy this new feeling.
This is also when you realize that if there's anything that's free in life, it's advice. (Again please refer to the chapters on "Filter The World") Although some of it was really useful, you have to filter through what works with your parenting philosophy. At times, sheer experience counts, but sometimes you have to combine old-school and new-age options to get your perfect fix.
At the end of the first few weeks, changing diapers will be like second nature to you. I think my husband and I could have done it in our sleep! (I'm sure we did too.)
But more importantly, I had understood one thing—babies cry. Yes, they do. That's the only way they know how to communicate. Whether it's an uncomfortable posture that's troubling my son or a nappy change is in order, or even when he's ready for his next meal, all he has to do is break into a sniffle, and I know exactly what he wants.
My husband I were each other's support system through this time. So don't hesitate to just stop whatever you're doing and give the man you love a big hug, for no evident reason. Trust me, it works wonders for both. Remember, the father might not have carried the child for nine months, but he also goes through phases of uncertainty and insecurity. In moments like these, I used to just remind him that I'm with him in this, and we together will give our family the best upbringing ever.
You will also realize it's not just the dad and the mom in this. Somehow when the mom is the one supposed to be dealing with this hormonal upheaval that the body is going through, everyone else around also feels it's their right to comment and interfere in the smallest of things, when all they should be doing is giving unconditional support and love to the new parents.
Take it from me, a mother's instincts (further detailed in chapter 26) are rarely wrong, and if you feel someone around you is being negative or hurtful, just distance yourself from that person. You and your body have been through enough!
The first few weeks are mostly just really long, long sleepless nights. But trust me, they will pass. The coming months will be easier. Within some time, your baby will start holding his/her head up. You have no idea what a big feat that is. By which time the feeding and sleeping patterns will more or less be in place. Your life will start getting back to a semi-normal state. Also, if you apply the theories detailed later in this book, the so-called difficult children or phases of parenting that you hear of will never happen!
During this time the trick is to try and sync your day with your baby's. I rested when my son slept, and I gave myself some "alone- time" when my parents and in-laws were around keeping him entertained. It's the few hours in the middle that you have to steal for yourself and your husband. Give him a lot of affection as and when you can; don't forget he's still getting used to not having all your attention.
Basically, by the end of the first thirty days, you're at the peak of your energetic self. You can multi-task like a dream; be it changing diapers, making your baby giggle, giving him or her a soothing massage, changing your baby's clothes, or bathing your baby. And that's it; before you know it—you're supermom!
Between the liquid feeding, breast-feeding, some poop, a little burping, lots of pee-pee, some more poop, many more nappies, and many, many more nappies, actually—you will be baptized by fire.
Soon the firsts began. I captured those moments forever. His first responsive smile, first finger clenches, and first coos.
You have to experience this to believe it. It gives your life purpose like never before. It makes you smile and cry for lesser known reasons, and, boy, do you feel zest for life or what!
From then on, I knew he'd be the only reason behind every move of mine. And I was prepared and looking forward to it every minute. My bundle of joy was wrapped in my arms, and I, in my husband's. The journey had begun.
Important pointers especially for this phase:
1. Hold your child. Soon after you've delivered, hug your baby close to your body; it's a beautiful bonding moment.
2. Don't be afraid to top feed. It takes a day or two for the breast milk to come in, and unless you want to deal with a hungry crying newborn for the first two days/nights just give a top feed once or twice while you're in hospital. Your child will not reject your breast milk once you start on that, and you will get some much-needed sleep. I did this when I delivered. After the first few days, I started breast-feeding my child. Various people gave me too many opinions on the matter. Some said "Exclusive breast feeding is important on the first few days." Others claimed, "The baby would have to deal with nipple confusion," and so on. Nothing of the sort happened. Then I spoke to a few doctors, only to realize that this is standard practice for moms who also want to breast feed exclusively. Of course, you still put the baby to your breast, as colostrum (which comes before full milk flow) is also very good for the child.
3. Get a breast pump. It makes life easier and reduces your discomfort. Also, definitely learn the "correct" way of feeding, unless you want to be in agony while your child is busy getting a dose of nutrients. Your nurse, pediatrician, or gynecologist can teach you how.
4. Feeling like your body's taking time to produce milk? See a doctor. Don't worry. There are many natural remedies (Satavarex, and some even say Guinness) that help increase your milk flow.
5. Avoid the scar. The vaccinations that leave those round marks on children's arms can be given at the base of their feet now. This should be confirmed with your doctor, of course.
6. Newborns lose hair. It's natural. Their bodies are at the healthiest stage, and new hair will grow back as soon as the old batch falls.
7. Oh, buy a baby bath chair. It's this soft net chair in which your baby lies so you can bathe him or her easily. Once you are home and the nurses are not around with their pro techniques, this goes a long way in helping to hold your tiny baby in the wet conditions of a baby's bath. (Very specific instructions will be given by your nurse for this)
8. At night some babies sleep for three to four hours at a stretch, some wake up every one to two hours for a feed. If you want to sleep longer, consider expressing once in the middle just after a feed so that your partner or someone who can help gives your baby the next feed, and you get a few more hours of sleep. Also you or your partner can sleep in separate rooms a few days a week so that both of you get turns in sleeping a little longer if your baby is waking up often.
9. It gets easier. Life gets better after the first forty days. The sleepless nights subside, and your body starts adjusting to the new world of parenthood. In a matter of three months, you'll be a pro! The first 30 days really are the hardest because the mother has hormonal changes; sleep depravation and the new feeling of immense responsibility of a life. Trust me it gets easier, much easier after the first thirty-forty days. Even easier as the baby holds their head up in the next three months.
Excerpted from Magical Parenting Mantras by Ridhi Doongursee Copyright © 2012 by Ridhi Kanoria Doongursee. Excerpted by permission of Balboa Press. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Part I. Introduction (What every parent wants)....................1
Part II. The Arrival! (My journey)....................7
1: The Big Decision (Are we ready to be parents?)....................9
2: We Are Pregnant! (Those nine bittersweet months)....................13
3: You're already SuperMom/Super Dad!! (The first month as mom 'n' dad)....................17
Part III Magic!....................23
4: Think It Get It! (Envisioning—the power of the mind)....................27
5: No Such Thing As Bad Kids (Positive parenting)....................33
6: Don't Just Hear: Listen (Communication)....................47
7: Wow! Broccoli For Dinner! (The vegetable war—what works and why)....................59
8: Yes, You Can! (Positive negotiation)....................71
9: Invisible Inspiration (Strengthening the subconscious)....................83
10: Believe It or Not, Your Baby Is Human! (Children deserve respect)....................89
11: Anger Management (It's a normal emotion)....................97
12: Don't Force the Tiger to Fly! (Each child is a genius)....................101
13: Love Your Child From Head to Toe!....................107
14: The Second Big Decision (Schooling and academics—busting the stress)....................113
15: Bullying (Being singled out)....................119
16: Feel the Heat! (Experience-based learning)....................123
17: Boo-Boos Are Good! (Physical development)....................131
18: Pediatricians (The hunt for reliable advice)....................137
19: Your Own Piece of Heaven (Children are gifts Learn from them)....................139
20: Thank Your Child! (Appreciation)....................151
21: Filter the World (Outsiders, advice, judgment)....................155
22: Grandparents (Finding a balance)....................165
23: Husband-Wife Relationship (Loving the partner)....................171
24: Me Time (Am I bad for having a social life?)....................173
25: Single Parents (Part of life)....................177
26: Mother Knows Best (Trust your instincts)....................181