You Don’t Have to Settle
Over the last four decades, I’ve met one-on-one with thousands of men. Most of them know that Jesus promised “a rich and satisfying life” (John 10:10), but too many are confused about what that looks like. In fact, I’d estimate that 90 percent of Christian men lead lukewarm, stagnant, defeated lives—and they hate it. When men try to put into words what’s holding them back, they invariably describe one or more of these seven symptoms:
• “I just feel like I’m in this thing alone.”
• “I don’t feel like God cares about me personally—not really.”
• “I don’t feel like my life has a purpose. In fact, it seems random.”
• “I have destructive behaviors that keep dragging me down.”
• “My soul feels dry.”
• “My most important relationships are not working.”
• “I don’t feel like I’m doing anything that will make a lasting difference.”
Do you see yourself in these statements? In my experience, these inner aches and pains correspond to seven primal God-given needs that all men feel deeply. And in Man Alive, I’ll show you something surprising—God’s plan to harness that raw, restless energy you feel, pull you out of mediocrity, and propel you toward the life you were meant to live. I promise you…there is a way. No man should have to settle for half alive. You can become the man God created you to be. You can experience a powerful life transformed by Christ. In this book, I’ll show you how.
Patrick Morley, PhD.
|Publisher:||The Crown Publishing Group|
|Sold by:||Random House|
|File size:||2 MB|
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
As stories began to emerge after the collapse of the World Trade Center towers, several survivors from the South Tower mentioned a courageous young man who mysteriously appeared from the smoke and led them to safety. They did not know who this man was who saved their lives, but this they remembered: wrapped over his mouth and nose
was a red bandana.
For fifty-six minutes the man in the red bandana shouted orders and led people down a stairwell to safety. “I found the stairs. Follow me,” he would say. He carried one woman down seventeen flights of stairs on his back. He set her down and urged others to help her and keep moving down. Then he headed back up.
A badly injured woman was sitting on a radiator, waiting for help, when the man with the red bandana over his face
came running across the room. “Follow me,” he told her. “I know the way out. I will lead you to safety.” He guided her and another group through the mayhem to the stairwell, got them started down toward freedom, and then disappeared back up into the smoke.
He was never seen again.
Six months later, on March 19, 2002, the body of the man with the red bandana was found intact alongside firefighters in a makeshift command center in the South Tower lobby, buried under 110 stories of rubble.
Slowly the story began to come out. His name was Welles Crowther. In high school he was the kid who would feed the puck to the hockey team’s worst player, hoping to give his teammate that first goal. He became a junior volunteer
firefighter in Upper Nyack, New York, following in his dad’s footsteps.
Welles graduated from Boston College, where he played lacrosse, always with his trademark red bandana. His father had always carried a blue bandana.
After college he worked as an equities trader on the 104th floor of the South Tower. He had a habit of putting change in his pocket in the morning to give to street people on his way to work.
Not long before September 11, Welles told his father, “I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this work.” He
was restless for more. Crunching numbers for invisible clients just didn’t seem like what he was born to do. He dreamed of becoming a firefighter or public servant.
On September 11, 2001, at the age of twenty-four, Welles Crowther became both. And also a hero, because he was willing to go up while everyone else was coming down.
There Must Be More
This story touches a need deep inside me—something so primal that I find it hard to put into words. But it makes me yearn to feel more alive. And every man with whom I’ve ever shared it has felt the same way.
Like Welles, we all want to make a contribution and leave the world a better place. It is a primal need—one among many. By “primal,” I mean that as men we have a raw, restless energy that’s different from women. It needs to be channeled, chiseled, transformed.
Over the last four decades, I’ve met one-on-one with thousands of men over coffee, in restaurants, in offices, online, after Bible studies, or just hanging out at the racetrack—men like you. I’ve listened to their stories. I’ve heard what they said and didn’t say. Christian men know—or strongly sense—that we were created to lead powerful lives transformed by Christ.
But something is blocking them. With a few inspiring exceptions, most men I talk to are confused about what a powerful, transformed life really looks like, regardless of how much “I love Jesus” they’ve got. They have high hopes for what Christianity offers but little to show for it. Their instincts are screaming, There must be more! When men try to put into words what keeps them from feeling fully alive, they invariably describe one or more of these seven symptoms:
- “I just feel like I am in this thing all alone.”
- “I don’t feel like God cares about me personally—not really.”
- “I don’t feel like my life has a purpose. It seems random.”
- “I have a lot of destructive behaviors that keep dragging me down.”
- “My soul feels dry.”
- “My most important relationships are not working.”
- “I don’t feel like I’m doing anything that will make a difference and leave the world a better place.”
Do you feel the angst? Do you see yourself on this list? As you can see, as men, our similarities dwarf our differences.
These inner aches and pains—these yearnings—correspond to the seven primal, instinctive needs we’ll be exploring
in this book.
The High Cost of Being Half Alive
I’d estimate that as many as 90 percent of Christian men lead lukewarm, stagnant, often defeated lives. They’re mired in spiritual mediocrity—and they hate it. Despite their good intentions, after they “walk the aisle” and “pray the sinner’s prayer,” most men return to their seats and resume their former lives. They don’t take the next steps. Almost imperceptibly, one disappointment at a time, the world sucks out their newfound joy and passion for life in Christ.
Men lose heart, go silent, and anesthetize their pain. Then they give up, burn out, drop out, or just slowly drift away. It’s not just getting older; it’s an assassination of the soul. And isn’t that exactly what the enemy of our souls wants?
As Jesus said, referring to the devil, “The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy” (John 10:10).
No man fails on purpose. None of us wakes up in the morning and thinks, I wonder what I can do today to irritate my
wife, neglect my kids, work too much, and have a moral failure. But many of us will.
The statistics are jarring:
- 80 percent of men are so emotionally impaired that not only are they unable to express their feelings, but they are even unable to identify their feelings.
- 55 percent of marriages experience financial dishonesty, and it’s usually the husband.
- 50 percent of men who attend church actively seek out pornography.
- 40 percent of men get divorced, affecting one million children each year.
The collateral damage is staggering. Tonight, one-third of America’s seventy-two million children will go to bed in a home without their biological dad. But perhaps the greatest cost to the physical absence of fathers is the practical absence of mothers. Essentially, one person must now do the work of two. As a young woman who grew up without a dad said, “When my mom and dad divorced, I didn’t just lose my dad. I also lost my mom, because she had to work long hours to support us.” A man leaves. A woman weeps herself to sleep. A little girl prays, “God, why is my daddy always so angry with me?” The men problem has made Dr. Phil a very rich man.
There has to be a better way.
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
“Man Alive” from ‘Patrick Morley’ focuses on the seven primal needs of men: 1. To feel like I don’t have to do life alone. 2. To believe – really believe – that God knows, loves, and cares about me personally. 3. To believe that my life has a purpose – that my life is not random. 4. To break free from the destructive behaviors that keep dragging me down. 5. To satisfy my soul’s thirst for transcendence, awe and communion. 6. To love and be loved without reservation. 7. To make a contribution and leave the world a better place. Patrick has done a splendid job of sticking to these themes throughout this book As a result, the end product is crisp and precise. The chapter discussing on the subject of “loving and being loved without reservation” was head on. I liked it the most. It contained the most practical tips to develop a healthy relationship with wife and children. Patrick has done an excellent job of identifying the problems the men face in today’s world. I could relate with most of them. But when it comes to solutions, he provides some insights and leaves the rest open to readers to develop their understanding from that premise. Some insightful one-liners from the book: • As many as 90 percent of Christian men lead lukewarm, stagnant, often defeated lives. They are mired in spiritual mediocrity and they hate it. (pp 13) • Digging into the Word of God is easily the number one factor that differentiates men who have tapped into God’s power. (pp16) • Let’s face it. The world will chew you up and spit you out. The put-downs, cut-downs, sarcasm, snarky remarks, critical spirits, disrespect, disloyalty, lies, insults, betrayals, and jokes at your expense are real. (pp 18) • Discipleship includes both the moment of salvation and the lifelong process of sanctification. (pp 45) • Repentance is a commitment to see ourselves as we really are, own it and then allow the godly sorrow we feel to inspire deep change. (pp 59) • Every man needs a deep need to make a difference, to make his life count, and to leave the world a better place. Yet in the crush of daily duties, this powerful need often gets misdirected or ignored. (pp89) • Unfortunately, as Oliver Wendell Holmes once said, most people go to their graves with their best music still inside them. (pp 90) Kudos to Patrick as most of the audience will be able to relate to the points he tries to convey through his book. My take: Four of our five stars. Please note that I received a digital copy of this book from WaterBrook Multnomah through its program Blogging for Books in exchange for an honest review. Also be informed that the opinions I have expressed are my own. I was not required to write a positive review.
Most men lead hollow lives. And they hate it. They work in jobs that offer them no long-lasting fulfillment. Their relationships are surface. They don’t have any deep friendships like they see celebrated in the movies. No, men are dying inside. Man Alive proposes to transform “your 7 primal needs into a powerful spiritual life.” The book offers a chapter for each need (along with an introductory and concluding chapter). Does it succeed? Well, yes and no. Dave Ramsey has a quote on the front cover: “You need to hear the truth and brother-to-brother encouragement that Patrick Morley delivers in Man Alive!” Either Ramsey doesn’t read a lot of men’s ministry books or he’s overselling. The book makes a good survey of a bunch of problems facing men. Morley does a fine job presenting God’s answers, and how churches can help provide answers. There’s honestly a lot of good stuff in here. My struggle as I read it lay in that I’ve been doing a fair amount of work in men’s ministry, and this book is aimed at men who haven’t. I’m not the target audience, and it showed. I wanted each chapter to go far deeper, and this book isn’t aimed to do that. Morley makes a lot of excellent observations and clearly understands how many men work. Some of these are truly “well, duh” statements for anyone who pays attention to such things, but again, this book is aimed at those who haven’t necessarily been paying attention. For instance, he bemoans the lack of deep, genuine friendships among most men. He notes a great litmus test: have you been in your friends’ homes? If you haven’t, can you call that person your friend? He suggests that men join small groups in local congregations and share their stories. Within that same chapter, he makes an observation that cheered me. I’ll let Morley talk: "Christianity is heart transformation, not behavior modification. The reason that 90 percent of men lead lukewarm, often defeated lives is really quite simple. They’re trying to solve the wrong problem. Most of us have the idea that Christianity is about behavior modification – using determination to change our behavior or be more spiritual… Authentic faith is really about the heart. Of course, Christianity is also about behavior, but it’s behavior that overflows from what we believe in our hearts." Yay! Transformed hearts lead to transformed lives, and far too many men focus on the transformed lives without transforming any hearts. Morley is law-focused, of course. Especially after the last incredible book I read (Jesus + Nothing = Everything), I glommed onto those law motivation passages. Be aware of them! Yet Morley has a lot of good things to say, and I was able to take a lot of good information away. Incidentally, the seven primal needs of the book include the need for true friendship, to know that God cares about you personally, to believe that my life has a purpose, to break free from destructive behaviors, to be in awe, to be loved, and to leave the world a better place. I’ve started addressing some of those needs explicitly in sermons and Bible studies, and I have noticed that the men are paying much more attention than they had. I will be reviewing these needs and showing how the Gospel fulfills those needs. Morley also notes later in the book that, “Repentance is not merely asking God to make us better men; it’s asking him to make us different and to change our ways.” Wow. That is a powerful – and true! – message. We are to drown our old sinful nature in daily repentance. That means not “getting better” but longing for true change – longing to be different. Morley doesn’t pull any punches. Thankfully, he does breathe out the Gospel at that point, showing how the Father longs to forgive us. There’s a lot of things to commend here. As I mentioned before, the biggest fault of the book is that it doesn’t go deeper – but I’m fairly certain that going deeper would hamper the purpose of the book. If you’re looking for a great place to start in dealing with men’s ministry, or you’re a man looking to get going spiritually and figure out why your life just seems so stale, this is a good place to start. If you’re already well-read, this might serve as a good “summary” book for your shelf.
"Man Alive" by Patrick Morley is a book written for men, all about living a more satisfying, and electric spiritual life. This book attempts to peel back the layers of spiritual redundancy that many men fall into, and reignite the fire for God. I think that this book offers up so many awesome insights into why men fall into a stagnant spiritual walk, even if they don't recognize it at first. Patrick Morley gives honest, real advice on how to escape the humdrum, going through the routine type of faith, and truly live an electric spiritual life - the one that we were meant to live. Morley offers a man-to-man type of conversation, backed with Biblical advice and references. I would recommend this book to men of any age who want more out of their walk with God. I think that this book offers something that any man could benefit from.
First off let me take care of legal business...I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review, ok now let me speak about this spiritual, eye opening read. This is must-read book for men of all ages. Women share their feelings, but men bottle up their concerns about inadequacy and fear of failure. Men too need to understand how God has a plan for them and created them, to be priest of their home to their fullest. Written in down-to-earth language like he’s sitting in your own living room having a personal conversation with you, this book was a wonderful non-preachy opportunity for men to understand that God DOES care about them personally. I like the reflection and discussion questions at the end of each chapter to help the reader reflect back on what he’s learned and how to apply it. He tells the busy man, “Your most important small group, prayer group, fellowship group, discipleship group, and ministry is your family.” So if your a man who's still wondering in the dark, then pick this read up to shed some light upon your life.
Since the late 80′s, Patrick Morley has been one of America’s most respected authorities on the unique challenges and opportunities that men face. After spending the first part of his career in the highly competitive world of commercial real estate, Patrick has been used throughout the world to help men think more deeply about their lives. I received his latest book Man Alive: Transforming Your Seven Primal Needs into a Powerful Spiritual Life from Multnomah publishers & Edelweiss for an honest review. From the onset, Morley writes, “Over the last four decades, I’ve met one-on-one with thousands of men. Most of them know that Jesus promised “a rich and satisfying life” (John 10:10), but too many are confused about what that looks like. In fact, I’d estimate that 90 percent of Christian men lead lukewarm, stagnant, defeated lives—and they hate it.” Morley does a terrific job in Man Alive relating how to fulfill the things that most men feel are basic needs. As a reader, you feel immediately that Morely knows how to relate to men, and how to speak their language. Morely describes the 7 primal needs as: 1. To feel like I don’t have to do life alone. 2. To believe that God loves and cars about me personally. 3. To understand how my life has a purpose, and that my life is not random. 4. To break free from the destructive behaviors that keep dragging me down. 5. To satisfy my souls thirst for transcendence, awe, and communion with God 6. To love and be loved 7. To make a contribution to the world This book is a great companion to any man’s life who has reached this stage where he is seeking answers to what and why. The book is laid out so that each chapter addresses one of the primal needs, along with personal examples and stories from the author. Each chapter also contains follow up questions to help push the reader further. This book would make a great men’s group discussion topic and would certainly recommend this book to any man who wrestles with these questions. This book would also be a great read for women who wish to understand the mental workings of things that men wrestle with. This was a great book and I will certainly use it’s teachings as a resource in the years to come.
Man Alive by Patrick Morley I have been reading Patrick Morley's books for well over ten years now. The first one I read was The Man in the Mirror. When I read that book it changed my life. I had not been a part of any type of men's ministry at church before. What I knew about men's ministry was what most men know: barbeques, construction, softball, and ushering. The book helped teach me things about myself and becoming a man. Well, Man Alive has been a book that was able to repeat this for me. Morley took years of ministering to men and combined them into a very easy, yet convicting, book to read. I would recommend this book to all men, men's ministry leaders, pastors, sons, uncles, fathers, and the list goes on and on. Morley talks about seven primal needs each man has within their soul. He mentions needs like "to feel like you don't have to do life alone" and "to break free from the destructive behaviors that keep dragging you down." The one that struck a major chord in my life (this time around), was the need "to understand how your life has a purpose, that your life is not random." Could it be because I am in my early 30s and have two kids with one on the way? Maybe. I don't really know. But, I do know that Morley's discussion of purpose and discipleship has resonated with my soul. Each year at my church we have a pastoral vision designed to direct the year. This year's vision is Excellence. One of the sub-points focuses on discipleship. Call this random chance or call this predestined and God ordained. It doesn't matter to me. This book has ministered to me (and my Facebook & Twitter friends who have been getting the free "snippets") in such a way that I will forever be transformed into a man like I was not before. A man with purpose, loved, and in communion with God like never before. An old man transformed into a new man. Paul says it well in 2 Corinthians 5:17, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new." Did the book do it alone? Not at all, but I would have to say it assisted in the transformation. Truly transformed into a new man...a Man Alive! I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.
This book is written by Patrick Morley a well known author. It was directed to men and so I had a hard time getting into it. He makes lots of statements about the fact that men feel that God doesn't care about them personally and how we all have the need to love and be loved without reservation. He also says men need to make a contribution and leave the world a better place. He offers ideas on how to accomplish these things. I was sent this book free from Waterbrook Multinomah to read and review. The opinions are my own.
This a great book for those involved in men's ministry it will help you in meeting the needs of the men you minister to. Patrick Morley give seven primal needs of every man. Each chapter starts with a real situation, explains the need, then gives a worksheet to the reader transform these needs into a better disciple of Christ. I think another advantage for this book is for woman it will give them a better understanding of the man (men) in their life. Three of these needs: to break free from the destructive behaviors that keep dragging me down, the need to be loved without reservation, and the need to feel like I don't have to do life alone are very helpful for the man -woman relationship. Just these three needs alone women will find helpful in understanding their man and in helping them meet these needs. I received this book for free from Waterbrook Multnomah Publishing group for this review.
The author used christianity too hevily. I'm ok with christinanity as a spiritual framework and faith, but when people rely on it to the same point as a fat person relies on thier rascal scooter it sickens me.