The newly favored man is not really a man at all, but a hairless, effeminate, germ-fearing, non-meat-eating, exfoliating, wristband-wearing woman of the worst order. We as men are told that we must embrace the sacred feminine in ourselves, even if it doesn't actually exist, and become the very quintessence of woman, plus penises. This situation is untenable. This trend must stop.
BE A MAN
Some hard-and-fast rules from
MAN THE BOOK
If something happens to the pilot, you must land the plane.
If you're tweezing your eyebrows, you might as well go ahead and wax your labia too.
If a sandwich anywhere costs more than a steak at Outback, do not purchase it.
A sister's cleavage is always fair game, unless it is your own sister.
If it gets you into bed with a girl, it isn't a lie.
Since 1997 is over, no more tribal band tattoos allowed. Period.
Men who aren't diehard fans of at least one NFL team should be looked upon with scorn and suspicion.
Stop being a wuss and read-no, memorize this book.
The Deadly Hippos are Clay Travis, Chris Shaw, DJ Harrison, Josh Townsend, Kwo, The 27, and Hunter McCrary. These seven men, from racially, ethnically, and religiously diverse backgrounds, make their living as lawyers, a research scientist, a professional basketball player, and a former collegiate three-point specialist who now sells Subarus. Hailing from all corners of the United States, if they enter a bar while your girlfriend is present, their sheer masculinity will immediately make her moist between her legs. Please visit the Deadly Hippos at www.deadlyhippos.com.
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