Mended: Restoring the Hearts of Mothers and Daughters

Mended: Restoring the Hearts of Mothers and Daughters

by Blythe Daniel, Helen McIntosh


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“An amazing resource for anyone who desires to deepen their mother-daughter relationship in a biblical, healthy, and healed way.”
—Lysa TerKeurst, New York Times bestselling author and president of Proverbs 31 Ministries
You can be restored even when your relationship is frayed
Ever wonder why mothers and daughters can be so different and even seem to speak different languages?
Mended gives you conversation starters to speak life into your relationship with your mother or daughter. Discover powerful words that usher in healing for wounded hearts and rebuild, restore, and reconcile your connection.
Set new patterns going forward as you…

  • find common ground and put your relationship ahead of your differences
  • learn what to say when you don’t know what to say
  • grow closer when you do hard things together

If you have a difficult history with your mother or daughter, you don’t have to continue patterns of brokenness. No matter how worn you feel, you don’t have to become unthreaded. God wants to mend your heart to His and to hers.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780736973519
Publisher: Harvest House Publishers
Publication date: 04/09/2019
Pages: 208
Sales rank: 122,535
Product dimensions: 5.50(w) x 8.50(h) x (d)

About the Author

Blythe Daniel is a literary agent and marketer with 20 plus years of experience in publishing. She is a speaker at writer’s conferences and is interviewed for podcasts and webinars. She has written for Christian Retailing and Focus on the Family publications, and she links hundreds of bloggers with millions of readers through BlogAbout. Her passion is helping authors share their unique stories. The daughter of Dr. Helen McIntosh, she lives in Colorado with her husband and three children.

Dr. Helen McIntosh (EdD, Counseling Psychology) is a counselor, speaker, educator, and author of Messages to Myself and Eric, Jose & The Peace Rug®. Her work has appeared in Guideposts, ParentLife, and HomeLife magazines. She resides in Georgia with her husband Jim. They have two children, son Bryan and daughter Blythe, and five grandchildren.    

Table of Contents

Foreword Stasi Eldredge 11

Introduction 15

1 I See You, You See Me: The Layering of Us 25

2 Being Right or Being Closer: Relationship Above Differences 37

3 Spying What When: Words to Love and Live By 55

4 It's My Part: Responsibly Reacting 69

5 Forgiveness Finder: Aiming for God and Each Other Over Offense 91

6 Words That Can Bring You Back Together 109

7 With No Permission Comes No Advice 119

8 Resisting the Cs: Changing and Controlling Your Mother or Daughter 135

9 A New Generation: Setting Things Differently 153

10 Restoring Your Heart 169

11 Doing Hard Things Together 183

Afterword 197

Appendix A 199

Appendix B 201

Notes 206

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Mended: Restoring the Hearts of Mothers and Daughters 5 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 12 reviews.
michelemorin 19 days ago
Anchored in boots-on-the-ground wisdom, Mended offers practical steps for relationship building specifically for mothers and daughters, but with universal application: Put the relationship ahead of differences. Does it really matter how the dishwasher is loaded? Is it necessary that you see eye-to-eye on every point in order to enjoy one another? Speak positive, concrete relational words. One of Helen’s strengths is the framing of words into what-to-say-when-you-don’t-know-what-to-say. Her sayings appeared in bold print in the book, and I can picture them saving the day. For example: “What I want is a good relationship, and you are more important to me than this problem/this difference of opinion/this snag.” (41) “Would you and your spouse be willing to share with me what you need to hear from me–or what I need to do–for us to be restored? I wish to clear up any offenses on my part.” (46) Own responsibility for your part of the damage. Ask God to open your eyes, to give you creativity and unselfishness in your response. Try to assume the best of each other. Beware of over-love. “Over-love” is “a subtle form of control.” (139) Based in fear, it over-protects and over-expects, all in an attempt to get one’s own needs met through its object. Moving Forward, by Grace An honest picture of patterns from the past is necessary for building a healthy future. As a mother, Helen shared transparently that “every difficulty [she] had with [her] mom helped in countless ways in her relationship with Blythe.” (39) This was possible because she looked squarely at the unhealthy behavior that created land mines in her own childhood and determined to make new generational patterns going forward. The beautiful string that holds together these pearls of wisdom is the story of Helen and Blythe’s walking hand-in-hand through lymphoma, and Helen’s gradual recovery. There was real strength in the hard places as Blythe came alongside her mum to comfort and encourage–and found their love for one another deepened in the process. It’s ironic, in a way, for me to be reviewing a book about strong mother/daughter relationships. The haze of disappointment still lingers over my own experience, but even in this there is grace, because broken ground can become a meeting place where hearts are mended. My children and grandchildren are God’s gift to me, a “yes” from the One who makes all things new–an affirmation that no matter where we’ve been, in the process of rebuilding, restoration, and repair, we can find ourselves standing, by grace, on common ground. Many thanks to Harvest House Publishers for providing a copy of this book to facilitate my review, which, of course, is offered freely and with honesty.
AmyElaineMartinez 29 days ago
Mended is like giving a gift to yourself. Whether your relationships are rockin’ or a little rocky, Mended helps to bring a deeper level of healing and restoration in some of the most important relationships in our lives. I love how the author and her mother share insights and wisdom from their own lives helping us know we’re not alone in this struggle. I highly recommend this book!
AmyY 3 months ago
Does your relationship with your mother or daughter need help, or do you just want to strengthen it? If so, I strongly urge you to read this book and pass it on! It has so many helpful tips and stories in it. My daughters are small so I'm sure that I will be re-reading this book in the future to put it to use with them as well!
Anonymous 3 months ago
This book has been a God sent to me. It has touched me in so many ways. Me and my Mom wasn't close for a longtime. But after reading this book the things I experienced wasn't all about me and my wrong doings. This book has and will be my with me always as being a mom to three children of my own to help guide me not to make the same mistakes again. Blythe and Helen an Mother Daughter team did an outstanding job on this book and I would highly recommended this book to any moms daughters are grandmom's.
MelissaGH 3 months ago
A most beautiful book written with heartfelt love and devotion. As I read each page, I recalled the special relationship my Mother and I experienced. I recall times of turmoil and most of all, times we shared love and compassion for each other. Although this is a Mother/Daughter book, I thought about my son while reading. The child and parent dynamic is unique and extraordinary. This book is a blessing to everyone who reads it. I received a complimentary copy. No review was required.
RachaelAdams 3 months ago
Blythe and Helen write in such a way it feels like we are part of the family talking around the dinner table. These women approach the mother-daughter relationship with honesty, humility, and grace. Through real stories and experiences, they share Godly insight and wisdom that we can readily apply to our own relationships. For the woman who desires a healthy relationship with their mother or daughter, Mended is the resource is for you.
Anonymous 3 months ago
I loved how Blythe and her mom Helen shared their hearts so freely. I am praying for God to give me an opportunity to talk to my own mom and to help me to keep my eyes open with my own relationships with my two daughters. So many good suggestions and tips that can be applied to many different type of relationships.
Anonymous 3 months ago
This book has been a real help in my life! Even though my mother and I have a great relationship, there are so many nuggets of truth in here that have encouraged me (and challenged me!) to communicate more openly with my mom. Blythe and Helen do a fantastic job of providing both solid wisdom and practical applications. I would highly recommend Mended for any mother or daughter, but it also has helped me with other relationships in my life as well. Restoration for our hearts is possible, and Mended is a beautiful tool God can use to bring about His redemption and our transformation. I promise you won’t regret buying this book!
Anonymous 3 months ago
Raised in an unhealthy home, this book ministered to my heart from the first pages. Both tender and practical, Mended encourages readers to approach their mother-daughter relationship with a grace-filled perspective while tenderly restoring the broken areas that have led to pain, unforgiveness, or emotional distance. Blythe and Helen invite the reader into their own stories while leading women deep into scripture and God's heart for restoration and renewal of that which has caused woundedness. Unafraid to tackle difficult subjects, the authors address such topics as emotional abuse, toxic relationships, and family strongholds all while focusing on the transformative power of Christ. Conversation starters and prayers are imbedded throughout the book as well as a 'Making it Personal' section at the end of every chapter that I found particularly helpful. Beneficial for any mother or daughter, I highly recommend this book and already have extra copies that I plan to share with other women. "Mended" will be a book I refer to again and again as I continue to raise my own daughter.
LisaAppelo 3 months ago
Mended is a great book written by a mother-daughter team who look at their relationship from both points of view. Mended provides excellent wisdom, solidly based in scripture, for working through some of the stickiest issues that spring up in the mother-daughter relationship along with practical tools for talking through the issues. Blythe Daniel and Helen McIntosh address hurt, control, release, forgiveness, and restoration always through the lens of pursuing the relationship over being declared right. McIntosh talks about the hurt she had as a daughter constantly trying to please her mom and how she changed that paradigm when she became a Christian and had her own daughter. As a mom with a daughter I'm still actively raising as well as a daughter who's launched and on her own, I've underlined and highlighted the conversation starters and suggestions to communicate well.
Anonymous 4 months ago
An excellent book about restoring/rebuilding the most important relationship - mom and daughter. Written by a mother and daughter (with granddaughters!), this book is chock full of great advice on fixing your relationship (and that advice can also help your other most important relationships as well!!). Love the conversation starters for some help with those really tough convos. Highly recommended for all relationships! We all have a mom, and even if you are close, your relationship can ALWAYS be better!
Librarycataloger 4 months ago
This book is definitely one that should be listed if there is ever a Required Reading List for Mother/Daughter Relationships! It covers so many issues that occur between mothers and daughters during the different stages of their lives. You often hear mothers's say "Oh, she's being a typical teenager" and you see teen daughters who roll their eyes and perhaps make snide remarks about their moms and these moments shouldn't be taken lightly. They can actually be the beginning of serious hurts and even estrangement. Mended offers many examples that occur during our lives and this is why I love this book so much. We are shown how to overcome the hurts and begin the healing process before the damage becomes an irreparable situation. The authors have filled this book with thoughtful observations, wonderful advice and best of all, a liberal amount of God's Word. I especially like that each of the chapters end with a Mending Thread and a Making It Personal section to help us analyze our own situations. There are eleven chapters and I found myself especially drawn to chapter 3: Saying What When: Words to Love and Live By and chapter 10: Restoring Your Heart. I believe that many people struggle with finding the right words and I also know that my heart often needs to be restored! One of McIntosh's observations spoke expecially to me in chapter 10. On page 169 she states "As we work through layers of our relationship with our mother or daughter and restore hearts, we need to become restored to God with our own heart. There are two kinds of restoration of the heart: toward God and then towards others". My own mother is with Jesus but I still have my relationships with my daughter, my fellow man and my Heavenly Father. Blythe Daniel and her mother Helen McIntosh have opened their hearts and exposed their own relationship in an effort to help all of us in ours. I consider Mended: Restoring the Hearts of Mothers and Daughters to be a wonderful resource and I will certainly recommend it to others. In fact, I have purchased an extra copy to share!