Mentalization in the Family: A Guide for Professionals and Parents / Edition 1

by Janne Oestergaard Hagelquist, Heino Rasmussen

Overview

Mentalization in the Family draws upon the latest research on child development, parenting, and mentalization theory to provide a comprehensive guidebook for parents, teachers, social workers, and any professional working with families today.

The book explains the core concepts of mentalization, an idea whereby an appreciation of internal mental states, both those of others and oneself, can lead to an understanding of overt behaviour. It explores key ideas central to this – such as attachment style, internal regulation, emotional compass, and parental navigation – but also offers practical guidance around issues such as play, siblings, boundaries, and sexuality.

Accessibly written throughout and featuring pedagogical tools that bring the theory into life, this wide-ranging book will be essential reading for a range of professionals, from those working with foster families to teachers working with troubled or disruptive children. It also offers a way for parents to better understand themselves, their own parenting style, and the dynamics which make up family life.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780367221027
Publisher:	Taylor & Francis
Publication date:	07/21/2020
Pages:	280
Product dimensions:	6.12(w) x 9.19(h) x (d)

About the Author

Janne Øestergaard Hagelquist is an authorized psychologist and accredited specialist in child psychology and supervision. She works with treatment, supervision, and training of professionals on topics such as mentalization, overcoming trauma, and PTSD handling.

Heino Rasmussen is organizationally trained and works with training and coaching on the implementation of the mentalization theory in organizations, teams, and families.

Table of Contents

List of figures viii

Preface x

Structure of the book xii

Reading guide xiv

Introduction 1

The theory of mentalization 1

Example - teaching children to mentalize 3

When mentalization fails 4

Learning, parenting, and parenthood 6

Responsibility, authority, power, and mentalization 8

Punishment 10

Reward 13

Legitimacy (and social power) 14

Knowledge - being the smarter one 16

Epistemic trust - RAM 17

1 Mentalizing - basic concepts 23

Mentalization 24

Mentalization failure 26

The vicious circle 28

An open mind 30

Power and authority 34

Mirror neurons 37

The triune brain 39

2 The nautical universe 42

The child - the ship 43

A safe harbour 45

Attachment styles 48

The lighthouse 52

The door to learning - epistemic trust 54

The lighthouse - giving and receiving authority 57

Window of tolerance 59

Point of entry 62

The gangway 64

Be proactive and think ahead 68

Selective attention 70

Developmental path - from internal to external regulation 72

Chaos and rigidity - flexibility and mentalization 76

Emotional compass for parental navigation 78

Anchor 81

STORM 83

3 The child's development 86

Development age 0-3 87

Development age 4-8 99

Development age 9-12 108

Development age 13-18 114

Development promoting interaction - obtaining skills 123

Model obtaining skills 125

4 The mentalization toolbox 127

The toolbox 128

Reflections before opening the box 130

Regulating yourself first - stay calm 132

Regulating the child 134

The right side of the toolbox - support, and lubricate 136

The left side of the toolbox - setting the course 138

The bottom of the toolbox 140

Reflect and repair 142

The emotional compass 144

Regulating emotions - the volume button 146

Complex emotions 148

5 Your own childhood's influence on your parenting style and the mentalizing family 151

Caring adults in one's childhood - angels in the nursery 152

Negative experiences in one's childhood - ghosts in the nursery 155

Repetition compulsion 158

Overcoming trauma and negative experiences 162

Creating a learning environment when interaction is difficult 164

Triggers in parent-child interaction 167

Crisis plan 170

An open mind - the thermometer 172

The family community 175

The relationship - the space between the couple 179

The mentalizing family 183

The family hierarchy 186

The family - external boundaries 189

The family - boundaries between family members 192

The family - internal boundaries 196

6 Challenges in parenting 199

Play 200

Physical contact and hugs 202

Conversations with children 204

Mentalization in groups-of parents and children 208

Sleep 211

Sexuality 214

Shame and guilt in parenting 218

Siblings 222

Lies 225

Boundaries 228

Conflicts and the conflict staircase 232

Bullying - victim-offender-bystander 235

Alcohol 238

Trauma 243

Divorce 247

Grief 251

The empty nest 255

References 258

Index 262

Editorial Reviews

"Parenting and family life comes both completely naturally to us and yet is so complex at the same time, it can feel almost impossible to feel we’ve ever got it ‘right’. In this wonderful book, Janne Østergaard Hagelquist and Heino Rasmussen, both parents and clinicians make the impossible seem possible. Using clear language, wonderful images and providing us with a tool kit, they help us to regain our capacity to mentalize in the most non-mentalizing system of all – the family. This is the book you will wish your parents had read and which your own children will undoubtedly benefit from. I wish I had it before I had children!" Sheila Redfern, Head of Service, Specialist Trauma and Maltreatment

"The authors use the mentalizing framework expertly to articulate for parents an understanding of child development that provides a basis for practical help in parenting. They have organized their presentation with crystal clarity while providing an abundance of everyday examples of parenting challenges accompanied by useful suggestions and strategies. Most importantly, they give primary weight to the quality of relationships among family members, grounded in sensitive and skillful mentalizing that the authors exemplify." Jon G. Allen, PhD, Professor of Psychiatry in the Menninger Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at the Baylor College of Medicine; and Senior Staff Psychologist in The Menninger Clinic, Houston, Texas

"In this new volume, Janne Østergaard Hagelquist and Heino Rasmussen provide a sensitive and reflective guide for parents and families who wish to increase their mentalizing capacity. With humor and humility (two important characteristics of the mentalizing stance), and rich and vivid examples, the authors manage to gently convey not only the "what", but also the "how" of mentalizing. All parents and families can benefit from reading this book, and the volume also presents a very useful tool for psychoeducation that clinicians may use in their work with families." Carla Sharp, PhD, Director of Clinical Training and the Developmental Psychopathology Lab at Houston University, Texas

From the Publisher