Mindful Discipline: A Loving Approach to Setting Limits and Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child

by Shauna Shapiro PhD, Chris White MD, Christine Carter PhD (Foreword by), Dean Ornish MD (Foreword by)

Overview

Raising happy, compassionate, and responsible children requires both love and limits. In Mindful Discipline, internationally recognized mindfulness expert Shauna Shapiro and pediatrician Chris White weave together ancient wisdom and modern science to provide new perspectives on parenting and discipline.

Grounded in mindfulness and neuroscience, this pioneering book redefines discipline and outlines the five essential elements necessary for children to thrive: unconditional love, space for children to be themselves, mentorship, healthy boundaries, and mis-takes that create learning and growth opportunities. In this book, you will also discover parenting practices such as setting limits with love, working with difficult emotions, and forgiveness and compassion meditations that place discipline within a context of mindfulness. This relationship-centered approach will restore your confidence as a parent and support your children in developing emotional intelligence, self-discipline, and resilience—qualities they need for living an authentic and meaningful life.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781608828845
Publisher:	New Harbinger Publications
Publication date:	06/01/2014
Pages:	232
Product dimensions:	5.90(w) x 8.90(h) x 0.60(d)

About the Author

Shauna Shapiro, PhD, is a professor at Santa Clara University, a clinical psychologist, an internationally recognized expert in mindfulness, and a mother. With twenty years of meditation experience studying in Thailand and Nepal, as well as in the West, Shapiro brings an embodied sense of mindfulness to her scientific work. She has published over one hundred journal articles and chapters, and coauthored the critically acclaimed book, The Art and Science of Mindfulness. Shapiro is the recipient of the American Council of Learned Societies teaching award, acknowledging her outstanding contributions to education, and has been invited to lecture for the King of Thailand, the Danish government, and the World Council for Psychotherapy in Beijing, China. Her work has been featured in Wired, USA Today, Oxygen, The Yoga Journal, and the American Psychologist. Shapiro lives in Mill Valley, California, with her eight-year-old son, Jackson.


Foreword writer Christine Carter, PhD, is a happiness expert, sociologist, and the author of Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kidsand Happier Parents. Carter has helped thousands of people find more joy in their lives through her books, online classes, coaching, and speaking engagements. She teaches happiness classes online throughout the year to a global audience on her website www.christinecarter.com. Her blog is syndicated on the Huffington Post and Psychology Today.

Table of Contents

Foreword Dean Ornish vii

Foreword Christine Carter xi

Acknowledgments xiii

Part 1 A Discipline We Can Feel Proud Of

Introduction 3

1 Why Discipline Matters 13

The Key to a Healthy Mind and a Fulfilling Life

2 How Self-Discipline Develops 23

Growing From Impulses to Judgments to Authenticity

3 Mindfulness 37

Nourishment for Life and Parenting

4 The Mindful Discipline Approach 49

Transmitting Self-Discipline

5 Relationship 67

The Source of Nourishment

Part 2 The Five Essential Elements of Mindful Discipline

6 Unconditional Love 85

Preserving Trust and Inherent Value

7 Space 103

Supporting Autonomy, Competence, and Responsibility

8 Mentorship 119

Promoting Healthy Habits, Strong Values, and Emotional Intelligence

9 Healthy Boundaries 137

Encouraging Impulse Control and Adaptability

10 Mis-Takes 157

The Gifts of Compassion, Humility, and Forgiveness

11 The Heart of Maturity 175

How Emotional Intelligence and Resilience Are Grown

12 Epilogue 185

Appendices

A Discipline and the Brain 189

B The Basics of Attachment 191

C Qualities and Capacities of a Healthy, Self-Disciplined Individual 195

D The Promise and Perils of Praise 197

Suggested Reading 201

References 203

Interviews

Shapiro lives in Mill Valley, CA; White lives in the greater San Francisco Bay Area.

Editorial Reviews

03/17/2014
Using the word “discipline” to mean self-regulation in alignment with personal values, this gentle handbook teaches parents Buddhist-style practices of mindfulness as a basis to access their own wisdom and meet their children’s needs with the right mix of love and limits. Clinical psychologist Shapiro (The Art and Science of Mindfulness) and pediatrician White see the process of parenting as having five essential elements: the yin factors of unconditional love and space to build autonomy and competence balance the yang factors of mentorship and healthy boundaries, and the lessons in humility and forgiveness that come from our “mistakes.” Breaking from their calm tone, the authors criticize both authoritarian and permissive parenting approaches as unhealthy, in contrast to their preferred “authoritative” approach, which gives children clear limits and hierarchy, but as containers that make them feel receptive and safe rather than as tools of control. Though oversimplified descriptions of the physiology behind feelings of safety and fear prove distracting, Shapiro and White’s commitment to balanced parenting gives readers motivation to become strong role models. (June)

Publishers Weekly

This reader-friendly book is a masterful guide for parents. With great gentleness and humility, Mindful Discipline weaves together the rigor of science, the wisdom of reflection, and decades of clinical experience, offering parents one of the most exceptional road maps on how to raise happy, resilient, and emotionally healthy children.”
—Andrew Weil, MD, author of Spontaneous Happiness and Eight Weeks to Optimum Health



“If you raise your children with respect for who they are, nourishing compassion, clarity, and wise limits, they will bloom and blossom. The tools for mindfully doing so are here in these pages.”
—Jack Kornfield, PhD, author of A Path with Heart


“I’m deeply impressed and inspired by what [Shapiro and White] are offering the world! It fills such an essential niche, and moves forward our understanding of ‘how to’ in an important way.”
—Tara Brach, PhD, author of Radical Acceptance and True Refuge


“This intelligent, tender, and beautifully written book helps parents tap into their inner wisdom and create the optimal emotional environment for their child's growth and development. Loaded with powerful exercises grounded in clinical expertise and scientific theory, this book will help all of us navigate the path of parenting with greater ease, clarity, and grace.”
—Kristin Neff, PhD, associate professor of human development and culture at the University of Texas at Austin and author of Self-Compassion


“Coming from an expert on mindfulness and a leading pediatrician, this deeply wise book shows parents how to nourish both self-discipline and self-worth inside the children they love. Grounded in research, full of personal examples, and loaded with down-to-earth suggestions, this book is a gem.”
—Rick Hanson, PhD, author of Hardwiring Happiness


“Shauna Shapiro and Chris White have created a wonderful integration of the power of mindful awareness and the insights from studies of child development and the brain to lovingly guide us to a more rewarding and effective way of being as parents. The science of attachment reveals that the most robust predictor of our child’s development is how we have come to make sense of our lives from the inside out. This book beautifully illuminates how the previously independent fields of attachment and of mindfulness actually share common ground—that knowing yourself is the best gift you can give to your children. An effective way of achieving this parental presence is through mindfulness, and the stories, ideas, and exercises of Mindful Discipline offer a fabulous guide to creating the deep and receptive internal knowing that will empower your children to become resilient, reflective, and compassionate beings themselves. What better gift can you offer of yourself to your child, and the world?”
—Daniel J. Siegel, MD, clinical professor at the University of California, Los Angeles, school of medicine; author of Brainstorm and The Mindful Brain; and coauthor of No-Drama Discipline, Parenting from the Inside Out, and The Whole-Brain Child


“Mindful Discipline should be read by every parent. This book contains the operating instructions for family life that none of us received in school. Twenty-five years ago mindfulness saved my life. Now it informs all of my actions, including the way I am with my children.”
—Noah Levine, author of Dharma Punx and Refuge Recovery


“This finely and sensitively written book points to the fragility and resilience of a child’s soul and demonstrates so clearly how in need each child is of an equally fragile and resilient adult’s guidance. An adult, however, having been on the Earth much longer, has been able to add experience to the fragility and resilience and thus becomes the author of the child’s life until he or she is experienced enough to become the author himself or herself. This beautiful book is a wonderful guide to parents who wish to lovingly, mindfully, and clearly accompany their children at the beginning of their life journey.”
—Meinir Davies, management and teaching team coordinator at the New Village School, Sausalito, CA

From the Publisher

★ 04/01/2014
Mindfulness expert Shapiro and pediatrician White describe a holistic system in which parents improve their child's behavior and promote cooperation while at the same time fostering motivation, emotional intelligence, self-esteem, and resilience. The authors offer five elements of mindful discipline: unconditional love, space for children to be themselves, mentorship and transfer of values, and the admission of one's own mistakes. The carefulness edge takes place, the authors say, when parents develop their own self-awareness and can adopt their child's perspective. This enables the child to choose the best course of action based on the competing needs of the moment, instead of their own history. VERDICT Combining parenting skills with the practice of mindfulness is genius. Essential for anyone raising a family.

Library Journal