Missing the Links: A Mother's Murder of My 17-Month Old Son Garrison

by Gregory E. Burchett

Overview

Greg Burchett is a tenured professor of Life Sciences at Riverside City College, and currently lives in Riverside, California with his surving son, Gregory.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781491814895
Publisher:	AuthorHouse
Publication date:	09/05/2013
Pages:	286
Product dimensions:	6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.64(d)

Read an Excerpt

Missing The Links

A Mother's Murder of My 17-Month Old Son Garrison

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By Gregory E. Burchett, Joanie Gibbons-Anderson, Robert Jew

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2013 Gregory E. Burchett
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4918-1489-5

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CHAPTER 1

Growing Up and the Business of Life

It's interesting, the juxtaposition of personal humanity. At our core, we are social creatures, yet we strive for individuality. Wanting to be alone, yet needing to be surrounded by others. Whether living in a group and forming a family-unit, or being alone with no one to either depend on, or be dependent upon.

The eternal fairytale dream of finding that special someone, settling down and being a part of something larger than yourself. This is in competition with the innate desire to be independent and free-spirited, a stallion roaming free on the prairie, with no-one to answer to.

I am a social beast. I prefer being with others, as a general rule, with specific moments of absolute solitude, in order to re-charge my social "beastlike" battery. My fondest memories growing up were of being surrounded by family, tons of my childhood friends, at our home on football Sundays. Many pool parties, lots of food, drink, and tons of laughter. These were some of the best times of my life. I am one of the few people you can talk with who actually enjoyed growing up, being a part of high school, and being a teenager. This is what I want for my son, Gregory. I want him to enjoy his being a kid, for as long as possible. It's also what I had wanted for Garrison.

I didn't get married at a young age. Thought I was doing the right thing – finishing my education, finding that perfect job, paying off my bills, purchasing my first home, and after (what I thought) growing up just a bit, opening my eyes in order to find that special someone. I wanted to find that special someone to build a future with, that special someone to grow old with, and that special someone to fall in love with. The "right thing" was difficult though. I made many, many mistakes. Heartless women who chewed me up, and spit me out. Women who were, without a doubt, some of most sincere, honest, and sweet people who ever lived. My pushing them away, and in turn breaking their hearts. My craving strength in someone, and being rejected. My trying to "save someone" and feeling empty inside. My total lack of self-confidence, with no sense of self-worth, in any interpersonal romantic relationship.

Simple truth – I wasn't ready for a relationship, at all.

Chance Encounters

Garrison's mother Lori and I met by total accident. A fortuitous mixture of timing, and of circumstance. I am an Associate Professor of Biology at Riverside City College, and I had been selected by the administration to attend a conference on curriculum development in San Diego in 2003. I spent three days there, with colleagues from my school. I had a wonderful time. It was a very good learning experience, in one of the most beautiful cities in the world.

Lori was also at the conference. We never actually met, though.

It turns out she worked at Mt. San Jacinto Community College, within a 30-minute drive of where I lived and worked. It turns out that she knew most everyone I worked with. It turns out that during a group discussion, that my participation had grabbed her attention. She had realized that I was from Riverside, and she had been "checking me out" during those few days through my colleagues that she also knew. It turns out she had the "scoop" on me, long before I ever heard her voice. It turns out everyone told her how "wonderful" I was.

It turns out that my life changed that weekend, for both good, and bad.

Throughout the weekend meetings, we had exchanged glances, but hadn't met. At the concluding meeting, she walked up to me and handed me her business card.

"I think you want this."

I said thank you, and handed her my card.

That was it – no conversation, no getting to know one another, nothing else. Honestly, I didn't think anything more of it, and based on my personal history, I didn't think that anything would happen.

She did, though.

Two days later, she sent me an email. The next week, we met for dinner.

Some may think that she acted in a predatory fashion, and I was her "prey" in how we met. I don't think so, but perhaps I am mistaken.

She had a teenage son named Nicholas. One of my first distinct memories of getting to know Lori was being invited to his football practice, and us walking around the stadium and talking.

Life's simple moments, at their finest.

That was it. That is how my life changed: my responding to her interest, my being brave enough, confident enough, and strong enough to take a chance on continuing to do the right thing by sharing my life with who I believed at the time was that special someone.

Like the classic western – The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.

That is life ...

This is life ...

The good moments, the bad times, and the incredibly ugly.

Looking back, it seems that our life, once we decided to join forces after two years of dating, was a whirlwind. Lori moved into my home at Riverside, and we had discussions on whether to renovate that house, or to find another home. We eventually purchased a home together, and it seemed life was good.

I love to open my home to people. I love to cook for people. Whenever I have people come for a visit, I am like a busy bee all over the place, and that suits me just fine. Perhaps this is a reflection of my childhood, with crowds of friends over, and my mother being frantic (in a good way) providing for everyone. I love it.

This time of my life was also very hurtful for me. On one hand, I wanted to be inclusive and be surrounded by those who loved me. On the other hand, there was a growing division and rift between me and my family.

When my family met Lori initially, they liked her. But, as time passed, they grew to dislike many things that she said or did. I did not have their support in my relationship with Lori. I did not have family support for our wedding; I did not have family support during our pregnancy, and during Gregory's birth.

Lori and I had planned on getting married prior to our getting pregnant with Gregory. We had plans on when we would be getting married, and then our pregnancy changed the time frame, and affected our wedding plans. Because of my relationship with my family, we decided to elope for our marriage.

After thoughtful consideration, we invited two of my closest friends, and Lori and I got married, with just the four of us, in a very simple fashion. I am so thankful that my friends said they would go with us – I had invited lots of other people, and there were many gracious apologies, many reasonable excuses. But alas, they all answered no to my invitations. I love and respect each and every person I invited to be part of that day, and have no regrets for those who were unable or unwilling to make it. I also have no regrets to those I chose not to invite. I preferred to be surrounded by people who supported me, as opposed to those who pretended to. As it turns out the four of us, spending a wonderful weekend together, made my moment worth remembering.

Lori and I were now married, having just purchased our home together, and were about to give birth to Gregory. I was told on multiple occasions by multiple people that these are the three toughest things a person goes through in their life, and we were doing them all at once! We got married, we were pregnant, and we bought a new home! It was tough, but it was all good as well.

As I sit here writing this just now, and my remembering those conversations, how little did I know.

My Gregory

Gregory was born on August 28, 2005. I was alone at the hospital, alone in the waiting area, alone in the hallways. I was scared to death. No family, no friends – no one was there with me. To their credit, my parents and other members of my family would have probably been there had I asked. But to be honest, I feared more stress would be caused by their presence.

One week prior to Gregory being born, I had a dream. Lori was giving birth, and it was a difficult delivery. She died giving birth, and I was left with to raise a son. This was more than a dream – it was a very real nightmare.

When I had the dream, I woke up quite shaken. Lori had asked me what was wrong. I tried to deny anything was troubling me, but she was successful in getting me to admit my dream. My telling her about my "vision" was troubling (obviously) to her. She consistently has said that her dreams can predict the future, and if you spoke with her she would give you multiple "examples" of how this is true. In my experience, my dreams were never predictive, and I don't claim to be able to see into the future. However, her experiences led her to question her near "future" while giving birth to Gregory.

When I met Lori, she already had one young son, Nick, from her second husband. Lori also had another daughter, from her first marriage. I thought because she had two children previously, that she had lots of experience, and this "having a kid thing" should be a piece of cake, no problems, and all should be good. You try to tell this to yourself, and you hear others say it as well. But statistically speaking, any one of ten-thousand things could go wrong for you not to have a happy, healthy child. There is always reason for concern.

Most people say that statistics suck. Generally speaking they don't have a clue what statistics actually are, or how they should be used. Unfortunately, the reality of what statistics illustrates can suck. Big time.

Lori went into labor. We went into the hospital, and were told that we needed to induce labor. Gregory was under physical stress, and the physicians wanted to help him along. Lori did not want to induce labor. She had always had an easy time giving birth, and she didn't think there was a problem now. Against her wishes, Lori was given medicine to induce labor. Gregory's stress levels went through the roof. Lori was very upset, and she exploded on the nurses and doctors. She then made the decision to go home (against all of our wishes). I wanted her to calm down, so I took her home. I was nervous to begin with, dismayed at how Lori acted, and scared to death. Lori felt that it was the hospital's fault that the baby was showing signs of stress, and she wanted nothing to do with it. She hated the doctors, and she hated the nurses. I became the focus of her frustration and anger.

A very long day passed – then we went back to the hospital; Lori was still in labor. Nurses and doctors again advised Lori to induce labor. After some lengthy discussion, Lori allowed it, but this time, it got worse. Gregory's vital signs actually took a turn for the worse.

Emergency C-Section ...

I can lecture to a large group of eager collegiate students until I am blue in the face about what happens from an anatomical, physiological, or surgical perspective, but until I actually emotionally went through this, I didn't have a clue.

I watched as they rushed Lori to the operating table. My knees got weak, and I almost collapsed to the floor. This was precisely the vision I had seen in my dream ...

No one there with me. I made a phone call to my best friend Robert Jew. I don't remember much of that conversation. I remember pacing up and down the long lonely hallway in the hospital. I recall that he brought a sense of perspective and relief to me. I am fortunate that he was there for me that night.

But, alas, all went well. I got to hold Gregory in my arms. He was born happy and healthy, and Lori recovered quite well. It became apparent that Gregory's umbilical cord had been wrapped around his torso, as well as his neck multiple times – hence the physiological stress when Lori was in labor. It didn't matter whether she was induced into labor by physicians, or if labor had come by itself naturally. Gregory's stress would have been the same. Upon reflection, I don't think that Lori ever realized it, or if she had, she didn't admit it. Especially to the medical staff, whom she verbally accosted.

We came home from the hospital with a beautiful, living, healthy little person. I was so nervous. I was so scared. I was so proud.

The week prior to Gregory being born, I "threw" my back out. I think it was a result of the stress of his impending birth. But for about two weeks or so, I remember not being able to bend over to pick him up. I can laugh about that now, but I can tell you that it was quite embarrassing at the time. I also remember being happy that Lori had been a parent previously, and it seemed as if it would be "old hat" to her. In addition to taking care of Gregory, she took care of me as well. She kept me focused, taught me much about caring for an infant, and I was a happy dad.

Gregory was born just prior to the first week of my Fall semester at school. We decided that Lori should take six months off from work to be with Gregory as much as possible. What an exciting time! After Christmas, I then took some time off work in January, and we made the transition for her to go back to work. During this time, I stayed home with Gregory, and was a stay-at-home dad. I offered, and Lori gratefully accepted, to drive back and forth from home to her work daily. As Lori would often say, some quality "boobie-time" was a must. This served multiple purposes. Lori got to go back to work, and still got to spend some time with Gregory. I made the drive to her work at least once per day so she was able to breastfeed Gregory. This was well worth my time, effort and energy. Gregory's transition to a bottle didn't go well, and this made it much easier for Gregory. It was a lot of work on my part driving back and forth, but it was fun. Again, I was a happy dad.

I prepared to go back to teaching for the Spring semester, in February 2006. We enrolled Gregory into RCC's Early Childhood Studies (RCC ECS) program. What a beautiful, wonderful, caring, nurturing place. Gregory spent many a happy day there. It is a teaching program for students learning about the academics of early childhood studies, and it is also a day care facility, but with a twist. There are professional faculty and staff present at all times. There are teaching labs, where college students can observe, or participate when required by their classes. RCC's ECS wasn't cheap, but it was on campus where I worked. How lucky I was - I got to take him to school with me every day, got to go visit him between my classes, office hours, and meetings. I had lots of very good "eyes" watching him. I felt very safe with Gregory there.

This also allowed Lori to continue working without having to worry about caring for Gregory. It seemed, at least from my perspective, to go quite well for her.

From my perspective, as a proud daddy, I got to spend a lot of time with Gregory. I was a happy dad.

Did I mention that I love this place, and the people who are there? Little did I know how important this program would actually become to my life, and for Gregory's life as well. I will discuss much more on this important topic, later.

I was now a proud father, and I had begun my family. We got into our "rhythm" of life, between working, taking care of one another, and taking care of Gregory.

As much of life is, we continued our discussions of what we wanted out of life, and what our future plans were.

Lori wasn't very happy in her job – it wasn't intellectually stimulating. She had a Masters Degree in Education, and decided to complete a certificate pattern in ESL (English as a Second Language). This was part of our long-term plan for her professional life. We thought that if she could get a teaching position close to home, our lives could synchronize, we could take summers off to travel and vacation, and that our retirement age may have more security.

My Little Garrison

We got pregnant with Garrison, and we had decided that his addition would make our family complete. We weren't planning on having any more children, so during our hospital stay when Garrison was born, Lori had a tubal ligation. As we got closer to Garrison's due date, Lori still harbored anger and resentment over Gregory's birth, and wanted nothing to do with the same hospital again. A new OBG was suggested in Orange County (a little drive for us), and Lori was extremely happy and comfortable with her. When we arrived at the hospital for Garrison's planned birth, our room was overlooking the Pacific ocean. What an amazing place.

Garrison was born precisely two years and two days after Gregory (August 30, 2007). What an exciting time. It was a gentle pregnancy, and there were no complications. We had a c-section scheduled, and everything went as planned. I was not nearly as stressed with Garrison's birth. Heck, I didn't even throw out my back. By now, I was "old hat" in the parenting world.

In addition, I had more family and friends surrounding me. Although times were still tough (and strained) with many of my personal relationships, this time the birth of our second son was quite a bit more inclusive of others, and they got to share in my joy. I got to share in their joy as well.

Life seemed to be coming together for me. As is a constant them in my life, time, and patience, seemed to be my mantra.
(Continues...)

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Excerpted from Missing The Links by Gregory E. Burchett, Joanie Gibbons-Anderson, Robert Jew. Copyright © 2013 Gregory E. Burchett. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

Contents

Preface....................     ix     

Chapter 1: Growing Up and the Business of Life....................     1     

Chapter 2: Centrifugal Force....................     17     

Chapter 3: Evisceration and Emasculation....................     71     

Chapter 4: Focus....................     99     

Chapter 5: Cranial Rectal Insertion....................     215     

Chapter 6: Living versus Breathing....................     255     

Epilogue....................     261