Read an Excerpt
My Cloak of Colors
By Jennifer Balgobin
Trafford PublishingCopyright © 2013 Jennifer Balgobin
All rights reserved.
Out of Control
Moving to the sounds of the universe
sends my soul wondering to places,
rolling to waves,
spinning out of control,
loosing sense of time.
Only the now is in my presence.
I spin in the rythm of my own heart,
I make my place in my system,
yet all touches me.
I am here.
I put my head against the flower and kiss it
as if it were my lover.
My finger tip touches the dog's ear,
all heat from my body enters it and we play.
I dog, it dog, play fight for the love of each other.
Doing nothing feeling everything,
my screen behind still lids fill with smiling thoughts.
Laughter from silence enters my mouth,
sound penetrates my home,
I laugh at a joke which no one made
I laugh, I know the joke.
Sweet juices drip from my lips
mango lollipops dripping wet
sweet dreams of grandma laughing in my ear
I ask her if she remembers making love
she starts laughing all over again
I come back from purple
feeling I've just visited with a saint.
Freedom to forgive to forget nourishes the soul.
All bad lifted in the drenching of water,
everything washed away into the ocean.
No wishes to remain trapped in memories
making the body sick.
Throwing to the wind conditioned mind,
knowing change is iminent,
relaxing in that thought unafraid of the world .
My world is okay.
Changes sending me to mountains I've never climbed
Smiling, hearing their call, knowing in time feet
will be welcomed on their bodies.
Climbing their breasts, the neck to the head,
stopping at the peak,
where all energy enters.
Sitting on top, looking at the beauty of the land
Knowing we are walking plants of this bountiful place.
hair stands at attention, back straightens
paying respect to all life.
I've got love in my heart,
no foolish pride to make me mad.
I lift the peace off the earth
take it to my heart
light up my soul.
No tears of pain.
I build my own kingdom.
Tears flowing are the release
smiles appearing from nowhere.
Rain soothes the eyes,
makes me wonder where I'm from?
Can't remember, keep walking
walking with a purpose, without knowing where I'm going.
Dearest love of all the worlds
lift me off this ground,
take me to where my heart pounds.
Love till the eyes see no more
the boundaries of this world
till I hear your song in every corner of the world
when my heart finds its true universe.
An angel, oh, only so high,
kissed me gently on the cheek this morning.
Returned then to the foot of my bed,
sat quietly waiting for me to rise.
Surprised by its gentleness,
awakened to the day,
wasn't afraid only curious,
from dreams to an angel at my cheeks.
Joy shines in your eyes,
seeing my reflection in them
I know I am a part of your life.
Your hands, small, tender popcorn.
Putting each finger into my mouth
tasting the newness of your baby's soul
delicately sitting on your skin.
Fine is your hair.
So gentle yet grasping your touch.
Feeling the strangeness of the outside the world
no longer water caressing your form.
Mother in your life will clear your path.
The love from her heart nourishes her milk,
this you take as your food.
It will make you strong
drink till you sleep, in sleep you know only good.
Sweetness so full of life,
Directly to differences avoiding similarities
caught up with the seriousness
led into playland by your wit.
I almost forgot how to chase and catch
you remind me with your nervousness.
To play I must be a participant,
by remembering how to play from the heart I make you laugh
within the laughter finding our friendship.
my dolphin babies
from the sea
with your fins
you mak me laugh
like a child I talk to you
as if I could be heard
from the ocean
I can feel you smiling
from the ocean you make me smile
alawys feeling like a child
when your fins go sailing by.
The Hairy Barbie
(try it with a Scottish accent)
Before he interogated me from behind,
he screamed, "you have a hairy ass"!
I said "I'm a human being not a barbie doll shaved clean,
so kiss my hairy ass and let me walk.
You're blocking my way to beautiful days,
with your pin up like needs and daily sexual catastrophes.
You're making it difficult for me to see me.
Yes I'm a hairy monkey swinging in the breeze, my ass is free.
I'm imprisoned only by these cages,
but you imprison yourself with ideas of how I should be.
So get off of my grass
take a look at your own ass
and see how great you can be.
Spreading my legs open under the running tap
water drips just so
bringing about visions of lustful chaps
who had so long ago sent me to delusional states
with lapping tongues, biting teeth,
upon my needy queenie.
A sadness.... it was only water playing as a lover.
No more searching for memories.
Water dripps merrily on
until raw and loud coming
make the bathroom walls hum,
pent up energy finally feeling the flow.
beneath the pounding of your tongue
love falls delicately through the mist
incubating the symphony of white
a moment produces sweet skin
as moon shadaows floods sweat and power
smell like delirious petals
Naked I sit touching myself
no feelings for anyone,
yet feelings for the self
rise up dashing me towards the bathroom.
Dizzy from my own expectations
of translucent feelings rising,
my hands seem thin against my skin,
releases enough to make me realize
those desires aren't quite dead.
So until the enlightening moment of chastity,
I shall feed myself my own hands
stand shuddering in need
before my full length mirror.
So flighty I am when love powders me,
All I see is the twinkle in everyone's eyes.
I am being pursued by all
except the one who remains distant.
My flowers are here,
we wonder what's with all the merriment
deep down between the legs?
I cannot understand myself always touching there.
No one's bounced their balls on my parched walls
for over a year.
Who is propelling me to such personal research?
Putting myself in God's hands,
keeping an eye out for work
staying out of mischief
hands out of panties.
You have me burning,
tossing me around come midnight.
My body collapses,
entwined in white draped to the waist,
my nipples seek.... something ...
is anyone there?
My lips part,
my tongue searches for.... ahh....
is anyone there?
I feel there is.
Is it you? I feel it is. Am I free to display my trust?
Spreading myself open,
It is you
for my ass rises high to greet your face
it is you,
for when I come your name spills from my lips.
Invisible stallion wild with fight please come forward,
stop the others from trespassing on private property,
you have me.
I wanted to be inside my lover's skin,
after that bashful and soul clearing moment.
Now here you are sitting in mine
kissing me from inside.
My heart radiates with your passion,
I touch me so I can touch you.
Beloved lover confronting me with your spirit,
you fill up nights with soulful orgasms.
In the steam room big black beautiful women sit,
thoughts reeling around in their heads
getting muddled up with steam.
These women big.
I look at them from the corner of my eyes
I wish I could paint their bodies, their thoughts.
Black glistens. Powerful.
When the steam gushes in again,
they're dark shadows sitting on steep steps,
wet and beautiful.
They intimidate me.
I wish I could speak but their souls are so powerful,
their laughter real and funny.
I want to laugh
where do you get the strength?
Sweetness of life you blow me,
One minute my head next my spirit.
Ping pong, the only time I have to be filled with
blah blah blah.
Happiness just rushed into me,
The culture of convenience lacks concentration.
Shit breeds shit and then what?
To start all over again.
The lack of concentration of confidence
everything slowly stripped away,
till only a shell.
A pretty shell with cobwebs inside
spiders and such crawling inside.
Giant piece of bubble gum.
Blow me up,
make me sticky all over
I need to live.
You think you're a Christian?
Not with the iron bars on your front doors.
Eyes saws, tongue claws,
backside bulging with broken glass
gnawing at your heart.
The world even God cannot fart,
with your tainted mind and cruel gossiping insides,
turning out hate as factories turn out twinkies.
Your cruelty to humanity shows on you.
You walk as if the divine was following you.
Steeped in hypocrisy
you bleed from head to foot.
A Clear Space Inside
To return to a clear space inside,
where creation lies,
reaching underneath the sequinned smiles
doubled over in pain
pulling out the knife,
is an entire creative process on its own.
System's pilot on auto.
room for tremendous disasters,
never unforgiveable mistakes.
Reach for the cherry on the icing.
A truly tasty delicious life waits for the ravenous.
Feel and feed your heart what it begs you for,
some breathing room some tensions released.
Crickets on the wall
sing you a lullaby sweeter than....
in sleep much can be healed.
Rest your mind your will.
Let hidden energy
heal all that grates against your stomach,
bleeding you with rage, sinking,
Allow the wind's compassion to make love to you
smoothimg out troubled thoughts,
rest your head, remember your dreams.
Climbing out of myself
Many times wishing to climb out of myself,
instead tears lull me to sleep.
Within an hour the pains of your absence are lifted,
awakened to a 5pm tea,
thanking stars for pushing away the pain
into the bed through the floor back into the earth.
Listening, looking ,walking much
till I tire again.
Tremors are passing through,
whispers from waves passing through my breasts.
A slight sickness
as molecules rearrange their lives inside my roots,
arranging my destiny.
Breathing deeply waves sink
to places I cannot with mind dig into.
Any change within feels sudden.
I observe all the cards being shuffled in my system.
Simple are the movements,
all parts turning a new leaf.
Belonging to the autumn
season of my destined birth,
colors finding new shades of life.
Shivering not as the skin of old is left behind
entering the world an autumn butterfly.
Brilliant is the sun's worhipper,
flying in the golden rays colors become alive.
Cannot be grasped yet admired
belonging to the wind,
fence filled jasmine.
Don't capture me you will kill me.
Let me fly
I will come by sitting on your shoulders.
Songs flutter off of my wings,
the ripple waves from my singing
are the gentle kisses I send to you.
Sitting still upon this time
crazy I appear to others
the most sane I have ever felt
not wondering as night time falls
about anyone's difficulties not even my own
difficulties are handled by eternal strings
I have the best sugar daddy in the world
Stilled with Joy
No longer lazy but stilled with joy,
beauty exceeding the eyes limits.
Not alone the room inside is filled,
I have all that is needed to furnish.
Asking to be used
to be taken as an instrument for experimentation and joy
to be shown the bountiful the limitless
the blooms on the wilderness floor.
Flowers spring form,
finding a way to grow,
knowing life is their essence
so bloom they must to have a life
to live their existence.
Whisper to a Flower
Fear not that which you fear
in your darkest hour all things are being prepared.
Take heed sit with a light heart,
beckon me into your thoughts
hold a flower to you
whisper to it, I will hear
I will take care of you
I am alive in your soul.
The Almighty Glow
I am blinded from the world I know
into the arms of the almighty glow
not restricted by my perception
enveloped in all completion
moving forward though standing still
until beyond my own recognition
I am no longer just this.
Exploding in my Heart
I cannot help but smile at that which surrender's itself to me
I surrender to thee that walks with me
exploding in my heart
making joy dance in my eyes
To the end I will stay
wishing always your hands caress my soul
everything shimmers in silence
my way is clear.
I can see you
I touch you
open your arms
pierce your closed heart
release this need to survive
surrender to the joy of the inward sky.
Wishing only to remember dreams
from places still and deep
confident that love abides within
Bhajans bring tears
all come to thee for eternal rest
have lain awake anticipating your arrival
have shed many layers needing to shed more
holding on as you pull another off
have waited long to know you.
To the Moon
You hold me up to the moon
flooding with feelings I shine through
all thoughts evaporate into night
smile lingers for a while
baked in kisses by the moon.
Through my Skin
Valentines day approaches,
I see you clearly smiling.
You are carried far above the skies,
in this day you will be my lover forever.
Kiss me gently
let me feel you through my skin,
your love forever being displayed.
I am alive to love
I am alive to the bliss.
Dancing in the Air
I cannot see the future
living solely in the present
this day is one and only
tomorrow shall be the same.
Today is my future
if today I should listen and lighten the heart
then tomorrow will simply be.
If I speak the truth I will not be led astray
only to land of soul riches
where dancing takes place in the air.
I Saw Me
Riding upon Rumi's vision,
seeing what I could not,
back in days of bleeding rage,
from lack of control of all the "greatness" in the world.
Looked into a mirror,
Standing still nothing being around
beautiful feelings of eternity
filling human angles.
I jello became full of color,
crying for the power holding me up
while inside was made new.
Purposely focused on breath
have relieved self of fears
born from mind.
Commissioned to move forward
without threads holding me up
as the world's "special person",
the feelings are special as I seek the truth.
Alone is something cherished by few.
When brain thinks it knows
silence whispers the wasted moves.
Silence takes me deeper into silence
to arrive at another threshold.
You Complete Me
I have told you how much I love you,
you who hold me up in the world.
Conquering all doubts
there is clearance to that special feeling.
Your gift soothing the world's harsh tugs and pulls.
You complete me
I feel clean.
Hair, skin, body feels cleaned
smooth as grandpa's shirt.
Acceptance of kindness signifies changes.
No matter the simplicity of this awareness
the act has found its way to me.
I a queen finally accepting my cloak of colors,
do not resist the temptation
to take kindness and unwrap it as a perfect gift.
In humility holding out my hands,
saturating my life.
giving life to being.
Stilled from external pain.
Inside is swept through by a moment,
life is free again.
Have declared bankruptcy
yet heart is still beating.
Creative when hunger punches
gratitude is food.
Heavy yet walking lightly,
platforms of feet padded sunbeams.
Comfort in times of sorrow?
A tree trunk,
tossing my head up to the birds highway,
filling pores with white feathers,
Sounds of clouds moving
Mating with the tree,
belching out unity.
Dandelions, Daffodils and Daisies
Mystery unveils itself
never again to feel alone.
Myself arrives the way it was intended.
Celebrating its energy
calling out to happiness,
seeing dandelions daffodils and daissies.
Excerpted from My Cloak of Colors by Jennifer Balgobin. Copyright © 2013 Jennifer Balgobin. Excerpted by permission of Trafford Publishing.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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