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Getting Naked: Five Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life (While Fully Clothed & Totally Sober)

Getting Naked: Five Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life (While Fully Clothed & Totally Sober)

by Harlan Cohen
Getting Naked: Five Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life (While Fully Clothed & Totally Sober)

Getting Naked: Five Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life (While Fully Clothed & Totally Sober)

by Harlan Cohen


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From Harlan Cohen, the bestselling author of THE NAKED ROOMMATE: And 107 Other Issues You Might Run into in College, comes GETTING NAKED, an honest, hopeful guide to getting a date, falling in love—or lust—and finding happiness in love (and in life). With a simple 5-step approach to finding the love of your life, Harlan answers the most commonly asked questions from his syndicated advice column, his college tours, his website, and his newest book for Gen Y. He helped a generation make the most of college life, now he'll help them find the love of their lives.

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Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780312611781
Publisher: St. Martin's Publishing Group
Publication date: 04/24/2012
Pages: 320
Product dimensions: 5.25(w) x 8.00(h) x 0.72(d)

About the Author

HARLAN COHEN is a nationally syndicated advice columnist, speaker, and author of the bestselling advice book for college students, The Naked Roommate: And 107 other issues you might run into in college, now in its fourth edition. He has been a guest on the Today Show, all Chicago TV stations, and 100+ radio shows, and has been quoted in the New York Times, USA Today, Chicago Tribune, LA Times, and the Wall Street Journal.

Read an Excerpt

Getting Naked

Five Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life (While Fully Clothed & Totally Sober)
By Harlan Cohen

St. Martin's Griffin

Copyright © 2012 Harlan Cohen
All right reserved.

ISBN: 9780312611781

We Learn … Sharing Our Feelings Is Stupid (or Just a Very Bad Idea)
It all starts with a first crush. That’s when we first smell danger. It’s also when we first learn that sharing our feelings is a VERY BAD idea or just plain stupid. From the first “like” our knee-jerk reaction is to avoid letting anyone know. We might confide in a friend or two, but the only way we are willing to openly share our feelings is if we are 100 percent certain the person we like will like us back.
We’ll flirt, ask friends to ask questions, creep on Facebook, ogle, Google, and investigate, but rarely say what we feel. We get as much information as possible without letting the people we like know we like them. We want to know if someone is available and interested. We ask friends to do our dirty work for us. The reason we use friends is so we can distance ourselves far enough to deny our feelings ever existed should the person we like not reciprocate or others find out about them. Technology and friends give us a safe buffer to cast blame and run like hell should rejection or humiliation find us.
As a result, we have imaginary relationships with people who don’t know they’re in relationships with us (thank you, Facebook). We get jealous of people who like the people we secretly like. We have friends find out information about the people we like, which inadvertently gets the people we like interested in our friends because they are the only ones talking. Most friends won’t date the people we like, but some will. It’s difficult not to blame them. It’s hard to meet people.
If we do share our feelings and our crush shares our interest we breathe a sigh of relief. If a crush doesn’t share our feelings the results can be devastating. It only reaffirms why it was wrong and stupid for us to share our feelings in the first place. We quickly learn that sharing our feelings and not having them reciprocated is about the worst thing that can happen. We can’t stand the pain of not being liked by the people we like. If other people find out it’s that much more humiliating. So we learn to hide our feelings and run like hell when we smell rejection coming.
*   *   *
Step 1 will give you the power to say and do what you feel without the fear of being rejected and/or humiliated.
My biggest hang-up was me. I was so worried about how I was perceived by other people that I didn’t get involved. It was self-preservation.
—Heidi, twenty-six, married

Copyright © 2012 by Harlan Cohen


Excerpted from Getting Naked by Harlan Cohen Copyright © 2012 by Harlan Cohen. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Table of Contents

Before Step 1 xi

The Philosophy of Getting Naked xi

This Book Is Written For… xii

The Naked Truth About Getting Naked xiii

Before Step 1… xv

Three Promises xix

Part I Why We Think Men Are Assholes, Women Are Bitches, and Couples in Love Suck: Our Informal Relationship Education 1

Lesson #1 We Learn… Sharing Our Feelings Is Stupid (or Just a Very Bad Idea) 7

Lesson #2 We Learn… We Are All Defective 9

Lesson #3 We Learn… Hooking Up Is Faster and Easier Than Dating 13

Lesson #4 We Learn … We Don't Know Where, When, or How It Happens (But Still, It Happens) 17

Lesson #5 We Learn… Men Are Assholes, Women Are Bitches, and Couples in Love Suck 19

Despite What We "Learn" 23

Part II The Getting Naked Experiment: 5 Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life (While Fully Clothed & Totally Sober) 25

Introduction: The Getting Naked Experiment 27

Step 1 Embrace the Secret Truth 33

Meet the Unspoken and Undeniable Truth 33

Embrace The Truth 36

Thousands of People Will Want You 39

Give Thousands of People Permission to Want You 42

Millions of People Will Not Want You 44

Give Millions of People Permission to Not Want You 47

Put Yourself in More Rooms 50

Talk to People in Rooms 53

Date or Hook Up with People in Rooms 55

Demand Respect In and Out of Rooms 58

Welcome to a Bigger, Brighter, and More Forgiving World 61

Step 2 Train in Your Thong(s) 65

Intro to Training 65

Training in Your Thong 66

Why a Tight Thong? 69

The Naked People in Your Corner 71

Why You Must Train Physically 74

How to Train in Your Physical Thong 76

Why You Must Train Emotionally 79

How to Train in Your Emotional Thong 81

Why You Must Train Spiritually 84

How to Train in Your Spiritual Thong 86

Change What You Don't Love 88

Love What You Can't Change 93

You Don't Need to Creep, Plot, Plan, Drink, or Puke 98

You'll Want a Complement, Not Just Compliments 100

Hooking Up Will Never Feel the Same Again 103

You Can Find Thousands of People Who Want to Date You 105

Assholes, Bitches, and Couples in Love Will No Longer Suck 107

Once You've Trained… You Will Date, but Never Settle 109

You're Almost Ready for Your Getting Naked Experiment to Begin 111

Step 3 Stop Making Excuses 113

Excuse #1 I'm Too Shy to Approach Someone 115

Excuse #2 I Never Know What to Say 117

Excuse #3 I'm Old-Fashioned (aka I Don't Do the Approaching) 120

Excuse #4 It's Hard to Meet People 123

Excuse #5 I Don't Want to Look Creepy 126

Excuse #6 I Can't Tell If Someone Is Single 128

Excuse #7 I Don't Want to Lose a Friendship 131

Excuse #8 I Don't Do Online Dating 134

Excuse #9 I Don't Do Setups 138

Excuse #10 I'm Not "Experienced" 140

Excuse #11 I Don't Want to Hurt Someone's Feelings 143

Excuse #12 I Don't Like Dating 146

Excuse #13 I Don't Like Playing Games 150

Excuse #14 I Don't Want to Get Hurt 152

Excuse #15 I Don't Want to Commit 155

Excuse #16 I Don't Have Time 157

Excuse #17 I'm Too Picky 159

Excuse #18 I Don't Do Long Distance 162

Excuse #19 I Don't Want to Lose My Job 165

Step 4 Take the Risk 169

How to Take Your Risk 170

Risk #1 Do It Online 172

Risk #2 Do It Blind 179

Risk #3 Do It with a Friend 182

Risk #4 Do It on the Job 185

Risk #5 Do It at School 190

Risk #6 Do It Commuting 193

Risk #7 Do It at a Bar 196

Risk #8 Do It at a Party 200

Risk #9 Do It with a Neighbor 205

Risk #10 Do It on Vacation 208

Risk #11 Do It Religiously 212

Risk #12 Do It in a Group 215

Risk #13 Do It Adventurously 219

Risk #14 Do It Voluntarily 222

Risk #15 Do It Randomly 225

Step 5 Celebrate, Reflect, and Repeat 231

CELEBRATE: Finding a Date or Hooking Up 233

CELEBRATE: Not Finding a Date or Hooking Up 235

REFLECT: Don't Be a Hater 237

REFLECT: Don't Be a Hider 240

REFLECT: The Three Forms of Adversity 242

REFLECT: Umm, Is It Me? 243

REFLECT: Umm, Is It You? 246

REFLECT: It Is What It Is (and It's Called The Universal Rejection Truth) 249

REFLECT: Turn to the People in Your Corner 252

REFLECT: Take Time to Recoup 255

REPEAT: Take the Same Risk Again-or Find a New One 257

Naked Final Exam 259

Part III The Getting Naked Experiment 263

My Getting Naked Experiment-Part One 267

My Getting Naked Experiment-Part Two 273

Your Getting Naked Experiment: A Recap 283

10 Getting Naked Experiment Tips 291

Getting Naked FAQs 293

Naked Acknowledgments 297

Customer Reviews