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Stress Relief
Life is stressful. There is no way around the fact that the course of a human life will include both positive and negative stressors, from planning the birth of a child to setting the will of a deceased loved one, from paying bills to looking for and landing a dream job, from getting on a plane to an island vacation spot to walking into the biggest meeting of your life. Stress is a normal reaction to physical, emotional, and mental challenges, even the great ones.
The problems arise when stress becomes our go-to state, and we cannot come down from or off the elevated responses we have to a stressful situation. The body is a powerful adjustor, but often the hormones released under stress, the cortisol and adrenaline that give us the ability to fight or flee, stay high enough to keep us on edge, and eventually take a toll on our health. Those stress responses, if they continue beyond the duration of the actual challenge or situation, give us no relief, no relaxation, and the hormones continue to stay in our system, disrupting our sleep, digestion, heart rate, mental clarity, and mood. A 2020 study in the British Medical Journal “Open” with 38,000 Finnish adults showed that chronic heavy stress was associated with a decreased life expectancy for both men and women.
There are two kinds of stress. Acute stress is short-term and goes away once the challenge is met or a better response is adopted. It can be positive stress over an exciting new challenge or dealing with a flooded basement unexpectedly. We all experience acute stress throughout our lives. Chronic stress is longer-lasting and often revolves around marriage and family issues, illnesses, money problems, and ongoing trouble with a work or career. This kind of stress is deadlier because of the possibility that you will adapt to it over time, not realizing that there is a more peaceful way of living. Chronic stress means chronic high levels of the fight-or-flight hormones that make you feel on edge, with tense muscles, a quick pulse, sweating, and anxiety.
Too much stress leads to inflammation in the body, and a higher risk of heart disease, strokes, cancer, diabetes, skin problems, high blood pressure, insomnia, high blood sugar, heartburn and indigestion, headaches, fatigue, weight gain, and mental issues such as depression and panic attacks. If you already have these conditions, the addition of chronic stress makes it much worse.
Both kinds of stress, when not dealt with properly or gotten under control, can lead to the following symptoms: Chest pain and racing heart; Sweating; Trouble having sex; Stomach aches; Headaches; Indigestion, diarrhea, and constipation; Exhaustion; Insomnia and trouble falling and staying asleep when you do sleep; Jaw clenching; Muscle aches and tension; Panic attacks and mood swings; Skin rashes, eczema, psoriasis outbreaks; High blood pressure; Menstrual problems; Easily catching colds and flus; Stiff neck; Weight loss or weight gain; Excessive use of drugs, gambling, shopping, sex, smoking, eating, or alcohol to “wind down”; and Forgetfulness and poor memory recall.
So many things in life can stress us out. Weddings, divorces, new jobs, being fired, retiring, deaths, illnesses, moving, having a baby...If the stress is ongoing and there is no relief, it is always best to seek the help of a doctor or therapist that can help you work on responses and coping behaviors. This is especially helpful if there is trauma or violence involved, or you are not processing grief and moving forward after a long period of time. You will know when stress has gotten the best of you if you stay tuned in to how you feel and what is happening. There are signs all around you, and if you ignore them, it could result in an accident or illness.
There are many ways you can naturally deal with stress, as we will explore here in this section. In the herbs and plants list, and the natural remedies, are other suggestions for managing stress. You do have control over your body’s autonomic nervous system, and manage your heart rate, blood pressure, and mood to become more resilient.
One of the best things to do is try to avoid being overwhelmed before stress occurs. This can be achieved by thinking positive, meditation and praying regularly, talking to friends and loved ones when stressed out, getting out in nature, exercising, eating healthy, and finding some spiritual practice to soothe the soul. Getting into and keeping a routine often helps you regain a sense of control when life seems chaotic. This can be as simple as adopting a morning routine of yoga out on your back patio, or structuring your day to include mini-breaks, or getting in some exercise early to have more energy later or cut off all work-related communications before dinner is served and spend your evenings engaged with family, friends, or doing some activity that brings you joy and a sense of calm.
Having more structure can also extend to goals. Stress accompanies overwhelm, so if you have goals, breaking them down into structured, small bits that can be achieved easily gives you more control and the sense of accomplishment to keep you motivated.
Relaxation techniques such as breathing exercises can be done whenever stress arises, and you can do them at your desk, in your car, or in bed before you get up in the morning. At the end of the day, you can try a cup of herbal tea to soothe the nerves before attempting sleep. Perhaps a phone call or facetime chat with a good friend and a glass of wine is all you need to wind down. Maybe journaling or taking a long, hot bath is your thing. If you make self-care a regular part of your day, you will find that you handle stress much better when it does show up, with a lot less anxiety and lack of control.
Chronic stress leads to physical, mental, and emotional burn-out. You feel as if you have hit a wall and there is no way past it. What was a natural response to your environment is now a beast you cannot keep caged. But there are many ways to release all that blocked and stored up excess energy and to decompress even in the most trying of situations that don’t involve taking pharmaceuticals with dangerous side-effects. Getting stress under your control and learning new ways to be more resilient and adaptive will not only benefit your health, but those who love you and spend the most time with you.
According to Dr. Tony Hampton, for his column at Diet Doctor, you can deal with stress in negative ways, by eating too much comfort foods, turning to drugs or alcohol, sleeping too much or too little, and not paying attention to your stress responses. You can also deal with it in positive ways, such as a healthy diet, getting exercise and movement, breathing deeply, thinking positive, reframing the situation in a more positive way, changing your interpretations about an event, taking supplements like Vitamin B and magnesium that help you deal with stress, and being grateful and mindful of the present moment. He suggests you also work to identify your stressors first, as a way to face them directly and understand how you can reduce their impact and influence in the future.
Dr. Hampton writes, “One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned to reduce my stress is to take care of my needs first, set boundaries, and say no. When I do, I have much more to give to others. I cannot help others effectively if I cannot help myself first.”
The idea of caring for ourselves first may feel selfish to some, but it is critical. If we are sick, tired, and irritable, how can we possibly be of benefit to anyone else? Dr. Hampton brings up boundaries and learning to say no. In this hectic, 24/7-connected world where we are always accessible, putting boundaries into place to protect our time and energy is essential. It starts with learning how to say no.
Boundaries
Before you can begin to take better care of yourself, you need to know where you begin and others end. You need to stop living to please others, feeling their feelings, worrying over things you cannot control, and trying to insert yourself into someone else’s life, or let someone do the same in yours. You need boundaries.
The idea of boundaries often leaves people feeling selfish, as if they are cutting others out and pushing others away. The truth is, boundaries are necessary for well-being to identify where we begin and end when interacting with others. All too often, those lines of demarcation blend and merge and we find ourselves in a co-dependent situation where we no longer have a strong sense of identity.
Having boundaries keeps healthy and mature, because it holds us to an authenticity of thoughts, behaviors, and actions that are ours and ours alone, unaffected by the desires of others. Our boundaries let others know what we will accept, and not accept, and when someone disrespects us or breaches our personal space, we let them know not to do it again. Establishing strong boundaries is about keeping our life our life and not someone else’s, but also respecting that we end somewhere, too, and they begin. It’s impossible to ask others to respect our boundaries if we don’t reciprocate.
Then, when we interact, we do so from a healthy position where we know what we want, and are not engaging in people-pleasing, co-dependent, or enmeshed behaviors.
Once we establish boundaries, and they may be different with everyone we meet or every situation we find ourselves in, then we move on to the next pre-requisite for a plan of self-care – learning what to say yes to, and what to say no to without guilt or apologizing. Only when we have strong boundaries will we be able to accomplish this and protect our time and energy.
We all know the power of saying “yes” to life, to new people and experiences, to going for our dreams. But too often we find ourselves exhausted and burnt out, pulled in ten different directions, no longer able to find pleasure in the things we once loved to do. You know the feeling, when life becomes a chore and your calendar is so full, you barely have a moment to go to the bathroom.
Creating and enforcing your boundaries may be perceived by others as being selfish and spoiled. The truth is the opposite. It’s the ultimate form of self-care, being able to spend your time and energy doing the things that are important to you, not to someone else you are trying to please, or appease.
Here are some tips to creating and sticking to boundaries:
Always check in with yourself when asked to do something. Is it aligned with your values and goals? If not, don’t do it and if you feel pressured, ask the person to stop pressuring you. Do not let the emotions of others affect your own. Realize where they end and you begin. You can care, but don’t absorb. Being enmeshed in the emotions of others is co-dependency. Say what you mean and mean what you say. This creates integrity and lets people know you are true to your word. Never try to fix or save another person. You can help and support them through a challenge, but by fixing them, you deprive them of the chance to save themselves and build their own sense of self-worth and resilience. Define your own likes, wants, and needs and don’t mix them up with the likes, wants, and needs of others just to be a people pleaser. You give up your soul and spirit when you twist and bend yourself into a pretzel to be approved of. Seek your own approval and worth. It’s great to be liked by others and to have them value us, but if we don’t first value ourselves, none of that matters. We will become a bottomless pit that cannot get enough approval from outside. Even with children, lovers, and friends, have your own life goals, hobbies, passions, and purpose. You are the only you you have and although you will share the path of your life with many others along the way, it is only your path to walk. They have their own. Make self-love a priority because when you love yourself, you will not allow others to use you, take advantage of you, walk all over you, or treat you poorly. Boundaries begin with loving yourself enough to realize you are whole and complete just as you are. Solid boundaries and self-respect lead to being able to say yes to the things you truly want in life with ease and say no without the guilt and shame of hurting someone else. You also serve as a role model for others seeking to enact their own boundaries and start saying no to what they don’t want to do, even if you are the one asking.
