Read an Excerpt
Negotiating The Inner Peace Treaty
Becoming The Person You Were Born To Be
By Chelsea Wakefield
Balboa Press
Copyright © 2012 Chelsea Wakefield, LCSW
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4525-4404-5
Chapter One
THE THEATRE OF OUR LIVES "All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances and one man, in his time, plays many parts" Shakespeare
Human beings are not simple creatures. Shakespeare said that we play many parts during our time on earth. Underneath the surface of our lives, forces compel us to play particular roles. We live out underlying scripts, but sometimes we mystify ourselves by behaving in ways that are "out of character." Inner Peace Treaty work is about exploring these hidden forces, and learning to direct them in creative ways so that we can fulfill our greatest potential.
I have found the metaphors of the theatre useful in describing the workings of people's inner lives. If we view our impulses, thoughts, moods, reactions and behavior patterns, as if they were coming from an Inner Cast of Characters, this framework opens up a whole set of possibilities. If we name our Inner Characters, we can dialogue with them, and begin to recognize when they are active on the stage of our lives. How do they operate, to influence us for good or ill? We can learn their histories, who wrote their scripts, and what their needs and agendas are.
Our Inner Characters play out the different roles and chapters of our lives. They enter and exit the stage and interact with each other. Each Inner Character generates a recognizable set of perspectives, energies and body sensations that influence us to act in particular ways.
We are often unaware of these underlying dynamics, even though they drive us constantly and cause us to be at war with ourselves. With awareness, we can transform our internal conflict into an alliance for living an integrated, purpose filled life. A life that springs from our deepest essence is an adventure to be lived with passion and curiosity rather than a series of problems to be solved.
The Inner Cast of Characters
People don't usually think about how multi-faceted they are and the problems this creates. I am not talking about having a "multiple personality disorder," which requires serious clinical intervention. I am talking about how normal people have conversations with themselves and will say things like, "a part of me wants to do this and another part of me wants to do that."
The process outlined in this book is for healthy people who want to become more integrated and anchored in a centered awareness, directing the potential of the sub-personalities within them. Our feelings do not always agree with our thoughts. Our practical and spiritual lives often seem at odds with each other. Our impulses sometimes do not agree with our values. These inner arguments go on under the surface of our awareness, creating much unrest, which manifests itself as a low-grade anxiety or irritation. We find it difficult to settle into a sense of peaceful well-being. How we manage these internal tensions really determines our success and our happiness.
Negotiating the Inner Peace Treaty is about learning to live with clarity and a core sense of peace amidst the diverse agendas and dynamic tensions of your Inner Self System. In gathering your differing aspects of self at an Inner Round Table, you will learn to resolve inner conflicts, negotiate dynamic alliances, and discover new possibilities for creative and purposeful living.
In the following pages, we will explore the premise that we are multidimensional people. We are beings of tremendous complexity. Although we each have characteristics that we think of as "who we are", there is a lot more going on under the surface. That is why we surprise ourselves and sometimes act in ways that we do not understand. This unexpected behavior can cause us regret and embarrassment. Sometimes we demonstrate acts of profound courage that seem to spring from some unknown place. The fact that we can act in ways beyond our current self-definition shows us that we can move beyond the limits of past history and live into new possibilities.
As we begin to observe our inner dynamics, things that were once a mystery begin to make sense. When we begin to understand our Inner Cast of Characters, we can direct their energies. We can discover their scripts and even rewrite them, introducing new story lines and cast members that will result in profound changes.
Most of our Inner Characters are there to help us, but they differ in their views of how to accomplish this. Allowing one Inner Character to dominate our life, while the needs of other Inner Characters are neglected, leads to imbalances and problems. Some Inner Characters try to protect us by watching and warning of possible dangers on the horizon. Some criticize our every thought, word and deed, trying to keep us from coloring outside the lines. Some Inner Characters comfort, encourage and guide us, like good parents. Some solve problems, analyze situations and formulate plans. Some are childlike, playful, and full of wonder. Some are driven by instinct, with no regard for rules or consequences. Some Inner Characters carry the longings of the heart and help us to connect to what is meaningful in human relationships. Some are quiet and monastic and seek soulful communion.
Carl Jung, Archetypes, and Individuation
Carl Jung, the founder of Analytical Psychology, recognized that human beings play many parts and have many inner patterns of being. These patterns spring from a realm called the collective unconscious and are recognizable throughout history and found in all cultures. He called them Archetypes.
Archetypal patterns are the basis for all characters and story lines in myths and fairy tales, as well as the story of our lives. There is a particular energy and expression at the core of every archetype. Examples of these are the Good Mother, the Wise King, the Innocent, the Orphan, the Stern Father, or the Hero.
Jung also described how "our personal unconscious, as well as the collective unconscious, consists of an indefinite ... number of complexes or fragmentary personalities." In this book, we will refer to these complexes and fragmentary personalities that take on a life of their own as Inner Characters.
Becoming aware of our unconscious patterns and drives, integrating them into the conscious personality, and living ever more deeply into our destiny, Jung called the process of Individuation.
How the Inner Self System Develops
Where do these Inner Characters come from and why does each person have a different "cast?" Psychologists Hal and Sidra Stone explain this process beautifully in their book, Embracing Our Selves. The Inner Self System develops from the time we are born. As little children, we are vulnerable and depend on the people around us to take care of us. We learn what kinds of behaviors and personality characteristics will be rewarded and which will be punished. We develop the Selves that will protect our vulnerability and help us get our needs met. This author refers to them as our Inner Cast of Characters. The aspects of our personality that we disown descend into the unconscious shadow lands of our lives.
When I was introduced to Hal and Sidra Stone's work, I was reminded of the explorations I did in acting classes years ago, where we entered deeply into each character's world to study and understand them. What was reality like for them? How did they come to see it in this way? How did they move and gesture? Each character had a distinct feeling. "Getting into character" meant leaving our own personality behind, becoming someone entirely different, and then returning to our original identity after the play was over. I began to reflect on how fluid identity could be, and how we each have an Inner Cast of Characters that play out the roles in our lives. One of Hal and Sidra's greatest contributions to my understanding of the Inner Self System is their emphasis on how our Inner Selves or Characters carry distinct and differing energies which can be identified and understood through a dialogue process.
The Theatre of Our Lives
Many people come into my office with the question of "who am I ... really?" They have a sense that they are more than the face or persona they show to the world. Returning to the metaphors of the theatre, we discover that they are often living a script written by others. This disturbing discovery breaks a spell of unconsciousness and starts them on the journey to discover their essential Self, the path of Individuation.
Most of us don't think about what motivates us to do the things we do, let alone who is driving us. We are engaged in the flow of life. Each of us has a unique Inner Cast of Characters. Our foundational "cast" develops in childhood. The experiences we have, the roles we play, our relationships, the work we do, and the challenges we face influence our Inner Cast over the course of our life. At one time or another certain Inner Characters may have larger or smaller roles. Some of our Inner Cast get written out of the script, left behind in the mists of the past. New Inner Cast members are added as we develop or as the need arises. Shadow Selves may emerge unexpectedly, bringing upheaval or the invitation to grow into greater wholeness.
Most of us have a set of Inner Characters that operate consistently in the world. This is how people gain a sense of our "character". It is a good thing to have a stable, consistent ego identity, but this identity is only one of many possibilities within us.
YOUR INNER CAST OF CHARACTERS
Here are some ways of thinking about your Inner Cast of Characters:
Main Players
All of us have aspects of self that clearly define us. I call these Main Players, because they have starring roles, occupy the stage most of the time and motivate the primary actions of our lives. We have Main Players in each of the domains of our lives. They develop out of our roles in family and work life, achievement and reputation, traits and abilities, wounds and struggles, personal and cultural history, values and beliefs, body and health, sexuality, group affiliations and spiritual life. Main Players in different domains of our lives, such as work and home, may have significant conflicts with one another.
Supporting Cast
Our Supporting Cast is not as visible as our Main Players because they operate behind the scenes. They watch over us, attending to our needs, providing inner nurture, structure, encouragement and protection. They help us plan and problem solve, set limits and remind us of our values. Some people have an inadequate internal support system. Inner Supporting Cast members can be invited in and integrated through Inner Peace Treaty work.
Not So Supporting Cast
The Not So Supporting Cast, includes such characters as the Inner Critic, who harasses us and tears us down. The Voice of Pressure will not let us rest. The Script Monitor and the Rule Keeper constrain us, and the Voices of Warning frighten or shame us, reminding us of painful events or secrets.
Inner Children
Behind our more powerful Inner Characters you will find vulnerable Inner Children. We try to forget about them, but they are still with us and can influence us significantly. I call these parts of self the Kids Behind the Curtain because they often hide behind the masks we show the world.
Retired Selves
Our Inner Cast changes over time. Each of us has a set of Retired Selves who carry important pieces of our personal history. When life becomes a litany of dull work routines and family responsibilities, the aging football star remembers the glory days of adoring girls and cheering crowds. The harried mother of teenage children may reminisce about the days when her beauty and charm captivated the heart of the midlife man who now sits absorbed in the television set. These longed-for "days gone by" are remembered by our Retired Selves.
Sometimes people get stuck in life because they hang onto an Inner Character that needs to be retired. I see this in Empty Nest Mothers who must now redefine their purpose, and write a new chapter of life once their children are grown. Corporate Executives retire and must find a new identity apart from their profession. Veterans and War Heros sit at the VFW bar, reminiscing about the supercharged days when death was a constant companion and their buddies had their backs.
Shadow Players
Finally, locked away in trunks, closets, and the basement of the internal theatre, dwell our Shadow Players, the disowned parts of self we banished because they were unacceptable or dangerous to our survival. Here is where our most troublesome material resides; all the impulses, instincts, longings, trauma and anything that makes us frightened or uncomfortable about ourselves.
It is important to understand that everyone has shadow material, even those who live quiet, idyllic lives. Good, moral people, and those that exemplify our highest societal virtues have Shadow Selves. Pleasers often have a Shadow Rebel. High Achievers can have Shadow Slackers.
Shadow Characters can hijack the system with sudden unexplained actions or overwhelming emotion. This is why we need to get to know them. They often appear on the stage of our night time dreams as terrible, frightening characters or cataclysmic events.
Uncovering shadow material can sometimes be frightening and disturbing, but it is also the arena where some of our greatest potential lies. It helps to travel this terrain with an experienced guide, who can hold a safe space for dark and instinctual material. Dark shadow, once surfaced and consciously integrated, often becomes the raw material of our greatest gifts to the world.
It is also important to understand that not all shadow is dark. We tend to think of our shadow material as that which is negative or shameful, but many of us banish that which is most bright and beautiful about us. We do not want to stand out too much. We do not want others to envy or resent us for being gifted or "special".
The Mystery That We Are
You can see that there is a lot going on inside of us. This is why we are often such a mystery to ourselves. Even when we are trying to be real and authentic, the question remains, "which me is the real me?"
Each situation in life requires something different from us. The Inner Characters that operate at work are different from the Inner Characters that operate at home. The face we show in public, our Persona, is not the same face that we show in our most private moments. When we return to our childhood home, we often find ourselves feeling and behaving like the person we were when we were kids. Without defining the Inner Cast and who is behind the scenes, a lot remains hidden or unknown.
Sharon's Story
My client, Sharon, went home for the holidays. Seated around the table after the meal, the topic turned to the economy and current politics. Sharon was forty two years old, and a successful trial attorney, who was able to formulate powerful closing arguments in the face of tough opponents. She was well informed about politics and began to offer her own well considered opinion. After about six words, her older brother, John, cut in and began to quote a popular television news commentator. The whole family immediately turned away from Sharon and began to listen attentively to what John was saying.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Negotiating The Inner Peace Treaty by Chelsea Wakefield Copyright © 2012 by Chelsea Wakefield, LCSW. Excerpted by permission of Balboa Press. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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