Nice Is Just a Place in France: How to Win at Basically Everything

Nice Is Just a Place in France: How to Win at Basically Everything

by Betches


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The creators of the popular blog use their signature wit and wisdom to teach you how to make it in a dangerous world filled with nice girls and carbs.

LOOK, MAYBE YOU’RE A NICE GIRL, but we’re guessing you’re more like us or you probably wouldn’t have picked up this book. Not that we have a problem with girls who are nice people. But being nice is just not the way to get what you want. And this book is about getting what you want. Not in like a finding happiness, giving back to the world, being grateful for what you have sort of way. But in a ruling your world, being the most desired, powerful badass in the room way, so you can come out on top of any situation: guys, career, friends, enemies, whatever.

How does a betch make that happen?

Here are some highlights:




We didn’t come up with these life lessons. We’re just the ones who wrote it all down. This is not self-help. Self-help is for fat people and divorcées. This is how to deal with your problems when you have no problems. You’re welcome.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781451687767
Publisher: Gallery Books
Publication date: 03/12/2013
Edition description: Original
Pages: 318
Sales rank: 117,998
Product dimensions: 5.20(w) x 8.20(h) x 1.00(d)

About the Author

Jordana, Aleen, and Samantha are the Founders of Betches Media. Betches started as a website and is now a viral social media and digital humor company.

Table of Contents

Introduction 1

Glossary 13

Lifestyle: How to Live Like a Betch 17

Talking Shit: Embracing the End of Nicegirls 18

Abbreviations and Linguistics: The Language of Efficiency and Humor 22

Diets: Talking Shit Was Never So Topical 26

Working Out: A Necessary Moral Dilemma 32

Getting Fucked Up: Yay! 36

How to Party Like a Betch 45

Vacations and Summers: It's a Hard-Knock Life 60

Image: How to Appear Unapproachable and Hot 67

Appearance: How to Present Yourself in Public without Being Mistaken for a Homeless Woman or Ke$ha 69

Clothes: How to Dress Like a Slut (the Classy Way) 76

Status Symbols: What They Say about You 82

Social Media Image: How to Look Like the Shit on the Internet 86

The Art of Being Late: How to Show People That Your Time Is More Valuable than Theirs 98

Appearing Down-to-Earth: How to Fool People into Thinking You're Not Superficial 100

Not Keeping Up with the News: How to Pretend to Know What's Going On When You Have No Fucking Idea 104

How to Manipulate Your Parents into Thinking They Raised a Normal Child 107

Social Life: People Who You Like Are Worthy of Your Friendship 111

The Bestie Group Circle 111

Guy Friends: A Fairy Tale 126

How to Text Like You're Kind of a Big Deal 129

People You Dislike: How to Deal with Them While Not Appearing Psychotic 135

Enemies: The Objects of Your Animosity 138

Managing the Outer Circle: Fake Is Better than Nothing 143

College: Using Higher Education to Get Ahead 149

Not Doing Work in College: How to Revolve Four Years of Your Life Around Drinking and Hangovers 150

Studying Abroad: How to Culturally Immerse Yourself in Foreign Alcohol 158

Spring Break: How to Go Hard without Going Home to Jail 163

College Social Life: How to Keep Friends and Alienate (the Right) People 166

Greek Life 168

College Bros: Athletes and Frat Douchebags 173

Graduation: A Survival Guide 183

"Career": A Word We Use Loosely 183

Career Paths: Picking the Least Toxic Poison 185

How to Apply for a Job Like You Give a Shit 192

So Now You Have a Job: How to Never Do Work at Work 195

How to Ask for an Undeserved Raise 198

Sex: Keep Your Legs Closed and You Too Can Rule the World 203

Navigating the Bedroom: It's Harder than You Think 210

Postcoital Conduct: Learning to Take a Hint 219

Sexting: Getting Fucked in 4G 221

Birth Control: Manipulating Your Period as if It Were a Man 223

The Game, Dating, and Love 229

The Game: Loving Shady Assholes and Hating Nice Guys 230

Winning the Game: The Scientific Method of Conquering Any Male 249

Dating: More than Just Free Dinner 256

The Groupies and How to Get Rid of Them 270

The Art of Getting to the Second Date 271

Delusional Dating: The Guide to Dating a Guy Who Doesn't Know It 275

On the Importance of Being Single 277

When Love Takes Over 280

The Long-Distance Relationship: A Recipe for Tears 287

Manipulating Men 291

Now That the Love Is Gone: How to Get Over Your Ex 296

Tying Up the Loose Ends: How to Get Rid of the One Who Won't Go Away 303

Happily Ever After Requires a Prenup-Getting Engaged 305

Conclusion: You Can Skip This Part 313

Acknowledgments 317

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Nice Is Just a Place in France: How to Win at Basically Everything 3.8 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 20 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I thought this book would offer practical advice but is actually just a parody of today's most shallow women. It's a fun read though.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Love this book!! Told all my friends about it.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Definitely a page turner. Infused with up to date pop culture references and a clear perspective on how to life for the high maintenance betch in her twenties.
Anonymous 24 days ago
i guess i has high expections but this book was so boring i couldnt wait to finish reading it so i can be done with it
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I didn't like this book at all, granted I didn't finish it. From the beginning I was turned off by what seemed to be a "women earn success by tearing each other down" mentality.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Definitely for the new adult crowd. But an older Betch can use some of the advice, such as being more confident and believing in herself.
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Funniest book i've read this year!  
Anonymous More than 1 year ago