How does a betch make that happen?
Here are some highlights:
DON’T BE EASY.
DON’T BE POOR.
DON’T BE UGLY.
We didn’t come up with these life lessons. We’re just the ones who wrote it all down. This is not self-help. Self-help is for fat people and divorcées. This is how to deal with your problems when you have no problems. You’re welcome.
|Sold by:||SIMON & SCHUSTER|
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About the Author
Table of Contents
Lifestyle: How to Live Like a Betch 17
Talking Shit: Embracing the End of Nicegirls 18
Abbreviations and Linguistics: The Language of Efficiency and Humor 22
Diets: Talking Shit Was Never So Topical 26
Working Out: A Necessary Moral Dilemma 32
Getting Fucked Up: Yay! 36
How to Party Like a Betch 45
Vacations and Summers: It's a Hard-Knock Life 60
Image: How to Appear Unapproachable and Hot 67
Appearance: How to Present Yourself in Public without Being Mistaken for a Homeless Woman or Ke$ha 69
Clothes: How to Dress Like a Slut (the Classy Way) 76
Status Symbols: What They Say about You 82
Social Media Image: How to Look Like the Shit on the Internet 86
The Art of Being Late: How to Show People That Your Time Is More Valuable than Theirs 98
Appearing Down-to-Earth: How to Fool People into Thinking You're Not Superficial 100
Not Keeping Up with the News: How to Pretend to Know What's Going On When You Have No Fucking Idea 104
How to Manipulate Your Parents into Thinking They Raised a Normal Child 107
Social Life: People Who
You Like Are Worthy of Your Friendship 111
The Bestie Group Circle 111
Guy Friends: A Fairy Tale 126
How to Text Like You're Kind of a Big Deal 129
People You Dislike: How to Deal with Them While Not Appearing Psychotic 135
Enemies: The Objects of Your Animosity 138
Managing the Outer Circle: Fake Is Better than Nothing 143
College: Using Higher Education to Get Ahead 149
Not Doing Work in College: How to Revolve Four Years of Your Life Around Drinking and Hangovers 150
Studying Abroad: How to Culturally Immerse Yourself in Foreign Alcohol 158
Spring Break: How to Go Hard without Going
Home to Jail 163
College Social Life: How to Keep Friends and Alienate (the Right) People 166
Greek Life 168
College Bros: Athletes and Frat Douchebags 173
Graduation: A Survival Guide 183
"Career": A Word We Use Loosely 183
Career Paths: Picking the Least Toxic Poison 185
How to Apply for a Job Like You Give a Shit 192
So Now You Have a Job: How to Never Do Work at Work 195
How to Ask for an Undeserved Raise 198
Sex: Keep Your Legs Closed and You Too Can Rule the World 203
Navigating the Bedroom: It's Harder than You Think 210
Postcoital Conduct: Learning to Take a Hint 219
Sexting: Getting Fucked in 4G 221
Birth Control: Manipulating Your Period as if It Were a Man 223
The Game, Dating, and Love 229
The Game: Loving Shady Assholes and Hating Nice Guys 230
Winning the Game: The Scientific Method of Conquering Any Male 249
Dating: More than Just Free Dinner 256
The Groupies and How to Get Rid of Them 270
The Art of Getting to the Second Date 271
Delusional Dating: The Guide to Dating a Guy Who Doesn't Know It 275
On the Importance of Being Single 277
When Love Takes Over 280
The Long-Distance Relationship: A Recipe for Tears 287
Manipulating Men 291
Now That the Love Is Gone: How to Get Over Your Ex 296
Tying Up the Loose Ends: How to Get Rid of the One Who Won't Go Away 303
Happily Ever After Requires a Prenup-Getting Engaged 305
Conclusion: You Can Skip This Part 313
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
I thought this book would offer practical advice but is actually just a parody of today's most shallow women. It's a fun read though.
Love this book!! Told all my friends about it.
Definitely a page turner. Infused with up to date pop culture references and a clear perspective on how to life for the high maintenance betch in her twenties.
I didn't like this book at all, granted I didn't finish it. From the beginning I was turned off by what seemed to be a "women earn success by tearing each other down" mentality.
Definitely for the new adult crowd. But an older Betch can use some of the advice, such as being more confident and believing in herself.
Funniest book i've read this year!