The No-Cry Discipline Solution: Gentle Ways to Encourage Good Behavior Without Whining, Tantrums and Tears

The No-Cry Discipline Solution: Gentle Ways to Encourage Good Behavior Without Whining, Tantrums and Tears

by Elizabeth Pantley


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The No-Cry Discipline Solution: Gentle Ways to Encourage Good Behavior Without Whining, Tantrums and Tears by Elizabeth Pantley

Another breakthrough title in the No-Cry series--for parents of children ages 2 through 8

The No-Cry Discipline Solution is a definite must-have for all parents and caregivers of young children. If you are looking for understandable, effective, and nurturing tools to raise good human beings, let this book be your guide.”

--from the foreword by Tim Seldin, president of the Montessori

Foundation and chair of the International Montessori Council

The No-Cry Discipline Solution is based on one important fact: parents know their children best. This book turns discipline into a positive, affirming experience by offering a collection of proven techniques that you can custom-tailor to your child's unique personality. This groundbreaking approach allows you to:

  • Achieve the big Cs of parental discipline: cooperation, communication, and consistency
  • Defuse or prevent tantrums and eliminate whining
  • Manage your own anger
  • Uncover and solve the real problem fueling your child's misbehavior

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780071471596
Publisher: McGraw-Hill Professional Publishing
Publication date: 04/25/2007
Series: Pantley Series
Edition description: List
Pages: 320
Sales rank: 1,003,591
Product dimensions: 5.50(w) x 8.30(h) x 0.80(d)

About the Author

Elizabeth Pantley
is the creator of McGraw-Hill’s now-classic No-Cry series of parenting books: The No-Cry Sleep
, The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers, and
The No-Cry Potty Training Solution.
She is the president of Better
Beginnings, a parent education company, and her school newsletter,
Parent Tips, is distributed nationwide.

Table of Contents

Foreword     xv
Acknowledgments     xvii
The Foundation for No-Cry Discipline: Essential Parenting Attitudes
Discipline: A Complex Job Made Easier with the Right Outlook     3
Banish the Myths     7
Planning Ahead, Looking Ahead: Your Child as a Teenager     17
Building a Strong Foundation     24
Discipline and Emotional Control     38
The Four Parts to Discipline     42
No-Cry Discipline Parenting Skills and Tools
Everyday Challenges     49
First, Solve the Real Problem     53
Discipline and Cooperation: Choose Your Adventure     69
Reminder Page: No-Cry Discipline Parenting Skills and Tools     106
Tantrums, Fussing, and Whining: The Big Three     107
Reminder Page: Stop the Tantrums, Fussing, and Whining     125
A Peaceful Home: Staying Calm and Avoiding Anger
Searching for Peace     129
Anger: The Shame and the Secret     130
Why Do Parents Get Angry at Their Children?     133
Different Levels of Anger     151
Your Anger: Do You Accidentally Make Things Worse?     154
Having a Plan to Manage Your Anger     162
Reducing Anger-Producing Situations     185
Do You Need More Help?     186
Reminder Page: Six Steps to Staying Calm     188
Specific Solutions for Everyday Problems
Applying No-Cry Parenting Skills to Everyday Problems     191
Baby Talk     194
Backtalk     196
Bath, Not Behaving In     199
Bath, Not Wanting One     201
Bath, Won't Get Out     203
Biting, Child to Adult     205
Biting Other Children     207
Bossiness     211
Car Problems     215
Dawdling     218
Day Care or Preschool, Dropping Off and Picking Up     220
Doesn't Come When Called     222
Hitting a Parent     224
Hitting, Kicking, and Hair Pulling     227
Interrupting     231
Lying     234
Manners     237
Mealtime Behavior     240
Messiness     242
Other People's Undisciplined Children     244
Playtime Behavior     246
Restaurant Behavior     249
Roughhousing or Wild Play     252
Sharing     254
Shopping Misbehavior     258
Sibling Fights     262
Sleep Issues-Bedtime     265
Sleep Issues-Naps     268
Swearing, Bad Language, and Bathroom Jokes     271
Teasing and Name Calling     274
Toothbrushing     277
Traveling     280
Yelling, Screaming, and Shouting     283
Index     287

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No-Cry Discipline Solution 4.5 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 32 reviews.
Kelli34 More than 1 year ago
I can honestly say that this is the single most important book that a mother should read, after the obvious What to Expect When You are Expecting. I am always looking for a better way of handling the behavioral challenges that I face with my daughter, not only from her Autism, but because I have had ZERO experience with children prior to having her. I didn't know what to expect with my daughter and for the better part of well... 5 years, I've felt completely inadequate and in the dark. The book started out with correcting my outlook on discipline, by talking about the old aged theories and myths and then provided me with a better more appropriate view and attitude on the very behavioral challenges that I face with my daughter. It broke down several causes for the behavior problem, bringing me down to my daughters view of things. It was such an eye opener. So many things we take for granted such as not enough sleep, boredom, enough food, or even their frustration with life, which we can so totally take for granted, can cause the tantrums and arguments. "Your child's misbehaviors are a direct result of the fact that she cannot control her emotions." was a powerful statement to read as Mrs Pantley also compared the very situation to adults. How many times have we as adults not be able to control our emotions? (definitely more than I'd like to admit) So why do I expect it from somebody who has been in this world for only 5 years? She also discusses dealing with our own anger issues by pointing out the ways you might be feeding fuel to the fire, while also providing you with a 6 step control plan. It truly is amazing how much we can get off track and cause more of our own problems without even realizing it. I can't recommend this book enough. I still flip through and re-read bits and pieces in it every morning just so I can help remind myself to see things from my daughters eyes, and to retrain my way of thinking and dealing with what is going on with her. Too often we get wrapped up in our own mind, our own frustrations of the world at our adult level, and we forget or simply write off the "problems" a 5 year old has to face. Thank you Mrs Pantley for shedding light on all of these issues and helping this mom have a better handle on discipline.
AlexandraK More than 1 year ago
As a stressed-out parent who has felt many times like she's reached her limit, I've read many parenting books searching for the answers. Some teach you "the way" to parent. Some have made me feel like a failure as a mom. Some offer advice and solutions that just wouldn't work in real life; at least not MY real life. This book- The No-Cry Discipline Solution- is not like the others. I started reading with a mix of high hopes and low expectations. Almost instantly I discovered my new parenting bible! I was able to try out a few methods immediately on my children (I have 4 from 11 months-9 years) and they worked...and more importantly- THEY WERE EASY. My 3 year old is a nightmare when it comes to hand-holding and "walking feet". After reading the book (and on the FIRST try) he is cooperating in a way I never thought would happen. In a restaurant during a negative moment I used another solution I learned from the book and had a family approach me, complimenting how I handled the situation. She said she would have yelled and was amazed at how well my way worked. I had to share my source! I love the comments and quotes from parents scattered throughout the book, the humor she injects from time to time and the real-life scenarios that really help and truely work. This is a book worth recommending to every parent. 5 stars all around!
SherryE More than 1 year ago
The No-Cry Discipline Solution is an excellent book for parents of children ages two through seven who wish to guide their children on the road of good behavior without yelling at them or spanking them. It is divided into four parts: The Foundations for No-Cry Discipline, Skills and Tools, Staying Calm and Avoiding Anger, and Specific Solutions for Everyday Problems. In the first section, there is a chart showing typical older child/teenager misbehavior, preferred behavior, and how to help your young child develop the preferred behavior. This chart has some very good advice and is easy to use as a quick reference. At the end of the second section, Ms. Pantley provides a reminder page of 24 parenting skills and tools that can be used to discipline your child. This is another great quick-reference page. A good portion of the book covers anger management. Ms. Pantley acknowledges that anger is normal. There isn't a parent alive who doesn't get angry at his/her children. The key is managing it. There are several good strategies listed for doing this. As with the rest of the book, there is a useful reminder page of things to do for quick reference. In the last section, specific problems are listed in alphabetical order. Under each problem, there is a "Think about it section" which helps a parent understand the reason for the misbehavior, a "What to do" section with suggestions to encourage good behavior, and a "What Not to Do" section. Just about every bad behavior is listed, from biting to not wanting a bath. As a parent, I find myself returning to this book when dealing with specific behavior issues with my children. This is not a book you read once, then put on a shelf. While I feel that the title "No-cry Discipline" is a little misleading (your kids will cry!), I would still highly recommend this book for all parents with young children
Guest More than 1 year ago
Elizabeth Pantley has, thankfully, added another book to her ¿No-Cry¿ series. This latest one offers discipline solutions for toddlers and children, aged 2 to 8 years. All types of potentially difficult situatons are covered such as bedtimes, tantrums, not brushing teeth, hitting, bitting, meal times, inappropriate language use and more. She covers not only what the child might be feeling but also the parent¿s feelings. A very helpful section looks at anger, what it means, possible triggers and how our own anger can affect the situation and sometimes make things worse. Pantley offers useful suggestions on keeping one¿s own emotions in check, turning the situation around with distracting methods (make a song out of what you want done, use humour) and offers appropriate consequences when or if necessary. My favorite section has to be Part 4: Specific Solutions for Everyday Problems. When my girls were small (twins and a singleton 22 months their elder), I just didn¿t have time to read psycyologically-based, drawn-out solutions for situations which generally had one child, one adult and the general message ¿follow this advice and all will be well.¿ Yeah right! Not in my house where the parents were outnumbered by little ones feeding off of each other¿s behaviour. I needed quick, helpful, supportive feedback with several possible suggestions to consider in turning things around. Flying by the seat of your pants and/or ¿learning as you go¿ doesn¿t always equal good parenting skills. Pantley clearly and concisely states a situation, for example Sibling Fights. Each begins with a story from a frustrated parent. Pantley asks us to Think About It (in this case Sibling Fights) and addresses what such fights can mean for the child. She then offers step by step ideas on What to Do and, perhaps more importantly, What Not to Do. Pantley cross-references to other areas of the book for additional suggestions. In this case, Biting Other Children Bossiness, Hitting, Kicking and Hair Pulling Playtime Behaviour. Most topics are covered in two pages, making it quick and simple to grab the book (topics are alphabetically listed), peruse the appropriate area, absorb some techniques and get back to the home situation, all in a timely fashion. That¿s my kinda guide! If you have kids aged 2-8 years, this book is a must have. I hope that Pantley will soon add a ¿No-Cry Discipline¿ focused on preteens and teens.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I use this book both personally (as a mother) and professionally (as a parent coach). Elizabeth Pantley offers readers easy-to-use tools to address common behavior issues in a gentle, loving way. Pantley simplifies the complex job of parenting by offering practical techniques that effectively address behavior as well as strengthen the parent-child relationship. This book not only has great tips and tools, but Pantley approaches the readers as she does her discipline strategies - in a gentle, nonjudgmental way. She speaks to the reader in a way that offers supportive advice and normalizes the challenges of parenthood. I highly recommend this book!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I got this when my little guy was tiny, before discipline was even an issue, and I'm so glad I did. It changed the way I thought about parenting. My parents were excellent and very loving, but I was brought up in an era where if your child did something wrong, they got a verbal warning (which all too often meant nothing and carried little weight) and then a smack if the problem behavior persisted. I always thought that this was the soundest way to parent - until I had my own child. Then I just couldn't imagine smacking him, ever. You're told over and over again as a new mum to follow your instincts, and every instinct I have screams against hitting my child, or even yelling at him. When I started researching and reading about sleep issues I came across the No Cry Sleep Solution, and that was a total 'Aha!' moment. We're currently working our way through the potty training and discipline books and they're looking pretty dog eared by now! Elizabeth writes from her own experience with her kids and as a parent convinced that there had to be a better way than a reactively based parenting approach. She helps you understand WHY your child is doing what he/she is doing, and what you can do to address that effectively and even avoid these issues wherever possible. She also makes it clear that in many situations, whilst the fix may not be the 'instant' fix of a slap or a yell, it's a longterm, real solution that will better help strengthen the bond between parent and child and lay strong foundations for your child and your family. I love her down-to-earth, warm approach - it's clear that this is a book written by someone who is passionate about loving, proactive parenting and wants to share that information. And the best part is (which Elizabeth will tell you in every book), this isn't a one-size-fits-all 'course' - you just read through and pick out the solutions and approaches that will work for your family. You aren't required to follow the book step by step, or to adhere to a certain mindset in order to benefit from it, so it will work for anyone. This would make a great gift for new parents!
HWilliams1983 More than 1 year ago
My son is very stuck into his routine and does not like to stop doing what he is doing or do what we want until he is ready. This book helped me learn to give him fair warning and work him into something new without a tantrum or meltdown. My son is very stubborn and works on his own time. If you have a child that struggles with change, this book will help tremendously. My son now helps his brother with transitions and it is great to see them work together. I can't say enough good about this book!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book is thoughtful, supportive and honest. As a mother of four, Elizabeth Pantley knows that parenting strategies are not one-size-fits-all. What works for one family may not work for another; what works for one individual child may not work for his/her siblings; what works for an individual child on any given day may be completely ineffective with that same child the very next day. With this reality in mind, Pantley presents a wide variety of gentle discipline techniques to help parents find the right balance and the best methods for their unique set of circumstances and their unique children. I have found that some parenting books can make you feel insecure as you fumble to make the best choices for your family, but Elizabeth Pantley presents her ideas in a very positive, encouraging manner and gives readers a real confidence boost. She understands that the type of parents who pick up this book are parents who not only deeply love their children and want to do right by them, but are also committed to becoming the best parents they can be and are willing to put in the time and effort to continually improve. Parenting is an ever-changing process and gathering a variety of skills is one of the best ways to make the difficult times more manageable. Rather than offering readers unachievable parent/child ideals, Pantley helps readers recognize where they need to improve their parenting skills without feeling like they have to be perfect all the time; her goals are realistic and she acknowledges that recognizing our own faults and owning up to them are more important than perfection. Practicing the skills, modeling behaviors we want to see in our children and taking the time to teach them are more important than strict compliance to any one method or program; in addition, being flexible and acquiring a wide repertoire of parenting skills are our best bets for encouraging good behavior and maintaining an overall happy, peaceful household. And a key component to achieving all of this is to both expect and offer mutual respect (for both parent and child). Pantley also recommends customizing and modifying her ideas and suggestions, as needed, in order to create solutions that suit individual families and/or individual children. She encourages us to keep trying and never to give up on ourselves or our children because we all deserve it! Side-note: The books in the "No-cry" series are not meant to create perfect little children who never cry and/or never misbehave. All children cry and that can't be changed, no matter how great of a parent you are. All children will get tired, hungry, cranky, bored, jealous, disappointed and so on at some point; these are normal, healthy reactions to growing, learning and just living life and there is no parenting book out there that will make your child immune to the overwhelming feelings/emotions that often lead to tears. It is important to understand that the "no-cry" part of Pantley's books does not promise unrealistic results about how often or how intensely our children will (or should) cry. "No-cry" means that we, as parents, are using gentle, respectful strategies that do not INDUCE additional tears in our children by making them feel unloved, disrespected or otherwise hurt intentionally when they misbehave. Pantley challenges us to pinpoint and acknowledge the root cause of our children's misbehaviors, to validate their feelings, and then to teach them how t
Chiclet More than 1 year ago
I have loved Elizabeth Pantley's books and website. When I had a newborn I read "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" with amazing results. When my oldest started showing signs of fearfulness when leaving me and her dad we read "The No-Cry Separation Anxiety" book and will continue to use the tools for helping our kids feel strong, brave and confident when apart from us. The "No-Cry Discipline Solution" came to me at just the right time. With a three year old and 1 year old I really have appreciated the information in this book. These were the most valuable chunks of the book for me: "First, solve the real problem" This section reiterated how important it is to identify what physiological problem could be causing your toddler to "act out." Tiredness, hunger, frustration, boredom, over-stimulation, fear, feeling powerless, confusion. The solutions for these most basic problems (which can cause HUGE behavioral problems, understandably) were great. It's important to remember that your kids are overwhelmed by how they are feeling, and that it is natural for them to have this feeling, and that as their parents we should help them feel more comfortable so they can function better without getting to the point of meltdown (in most cases, not all). I have become better at looking at my kids and asking myself: Why could they be at frayed point of meltdown? Are they hungry? Tired? Bored? In my household those are the top three reasons. "Why do parents get angry at their children?" EVERY PARENT SHOULD READ THIS SECTION. This section was validating and helpful. It talked about ways that we can support ourselves in managing frustration and anger that is sometimes misdirected at our household. Pantley wrote about misdirected anger, unrealistic expectations, anger as a normal response (but one that should managed). As parents, we really need to look at existing anger "as a cue that something is wrong and needs to be changed." If we learn to problem solve regarding our own anger, and frustrating aspects of our lives we model that emotionally responsible approach for our kids. That is huge in preventing tantrums and meltdowns now and when they are parents. These are huge, life-long lessons. I am really pleased with this book and am looking forward to using many, many tools learned from it!
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honeybeesmamma More than 1 year ago
Like Elizabeth Pantley's other books, this book is so easy to read and understand that I couldn't wait to try the techniques out on my children. She reminds us that we can avoid lots of bad situations by reading our child and reacting before bad behaviors arise. She makes me feel like a good mother for listening to my child's cues rather than following older generations and their ideas for discipline that are handed down from generation to generation.
Busy__Mom More than 1 year ago
300+ pages is a lot of reading when you're a parent desperate for help! ParentsDigest offered the summary, like Cliff Notes, for this book, thank goodness! And although we haven't exactly gotten rid of tears entirely (that's a bit misleading in the title) we have found some effective, but more gentle, approaches to discipline in our home.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Guest More than 1 year ago
I don¿t remember exactly how I came across this book, but I¿m glad I did. In one of my favorite parts of the book, Part 2, ¿Everyday Challenges¿ the author writes ¿And who would have thought that raising one tiny child could bring so many frustrating everyday challenges¿. The first few paragraphs rang true with me. My eyes filled up because I had a particularly challenging day that day, and I felt like finally, I found a book and an author that would help. My twin girls are now four and a half years old. I have read various parenting and child development books throughout my life as a new mom, some were more helpful than others. Reading this book, however, is like having a conversation with someone. Someone who understands and wants to help. It gave me a different outlook on raising our girls. I didn¿t want to constantly battle, and have constant discipline issues. I had fallen into a rut and felt like I wasn¿t being the mom I wanted to be. I ran out of sticky tabs - highlighting various parts of this book that I wanted to share with my husband. I highly recommend it, and am thankful for the realistic approach she offers. I have tried to not overwhelm myself with tons of books. I would pick some up here and there. This book is the kind of book that I will hold on to and reference regularly to remind myself on how to keep going, positively. I have seen changes in my girls and myself with help from suggestions in this book and I am grateful.
Guest More than 1 year ago
When she says 'no-cry' I think this time she is talking about the parents not crying, my twins would bring me to tears of anger and frustration. This book really should be called the 'No-Angry Parent book' she really helps you, the parent, understand how you could love your children so unconditionally and still get SO angry by thier behaviors!! She has helped me understand 'why' they behave the way they do and gives actual tools/skills to use to help cope with many different situations. My 3 yr old twins really respond to the 'Talking Mommy hand' when I need to get thier attention. A must read for any parent of a toddler 'or 2!'