How much pain and abuse can one person endure? The answer is "endless" as long as she is walking in the arms of her Heavenly Father. This is my story. It is a lifetime of memories, pain, terror and finally freedom. It is a story of a shaky faith in a 'daddy' God who never condemned the times I fell but rewarded me endlessly for the times I allowed Him to gently pick me up and try once more! My life is like a movie, as if I am walking this journey with you. I see no faces in my childhood and I disassociate as though I were merely a spectator looking on.
I believe that life is an illusion, a conglomerate of facts we tell ourselves to make it through the day and night. I was a chameleon, taking on the persona of those around me, flowing from one dictator to the next. In retrospect it was the knowledge that I was "invisible", that even the dead dry hay, fed to the cattle, had more value than I did. That was my legacy from my mother!
I ask you not to focus on Carol but on Jesus Christ, who walked this journey with me. It was His love and strength that got me through it. God did not want puppets to follow Him around so He gave man free will. The people in my life chose to abuse me. I also chose to abuse myself. But Jesus told me He would, "Restore the years the locust have eaten," and my friend He has done just that. I believe my book will give hope, courage and compassion to understand individuals who have such unfortunate afflictions.