Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships / Edition 3

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships / Edition 3

by Marshall B. Rosenberg PhD, Deepak Chopra
ISBN-10:
189200528X
ISBN-13:
9781892005281
Pub. Date:
09/01/2015
Publisher:
PuddleDancer Press
ISBN-10:
189200528X
ISBN-13:
9781892005281
Pub. Date:
09/01/2015
Publisher:
PuddleDancer Press
Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships / Edition 3

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships / Edition 3

by Marshall B. Rosenberg PhD, Deepak Chopra
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Overview

5,000,000 COPIES SOLD WORLDWIDE • TRANSLATED IN MORE THAN 35 LANGUAGES

What is Violent Communication?  
If “violent” means acting in ways that result in hurt or harm, then much of how we communicate—judging others, bullying, having racial bias, blaming, finger pointing, discriminating, speaking without listening, criticizing others or ourselves, name-calling, reacting when angry, using political rhetoric, being defensive or judging who’s “good/bad” or what’s “right/wrong” with people—could indeed be called “violent communication.”
 
What is Nonviolent Communication?  
Nonviolent Communication is the integration of four things:  
• Consciousness: a set of principles that support living a life of compassion, collaboration, courage, and authenticity
 
• Language: understanding how words contribute to connection or distance
 
• Communication: knowing how to ask for what we want, how to hear others even in disagreement, and how to move toward solutions that work for all
 
• Means of influence: sharing “power with others” rather than using “power over others”
 
Nonviolent Communication serves our desire to do three things:  
• Increase our ability to live with choice, meaning, and connection
 
• Connect empathically with self and others to have more satisfying relationships
 
• Sharing of resources so everyone is able to benefit

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781892005281
Publisher: PuddleDancer Press
Publication date: 09/01/2015
Series: Nonviolent Communication Guides
Edition description: Third Edition, Third edition
Pages: 264
Sales rank: 10,892
Product dimensions: 5.90(w) x 8.90(h) x 0.80(d)

About the Author

Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD (1934–2015) founded and was for many years the Director of Educational Services for the Center for Nonviolent Communication, an international peacemaking organization. During his life he authored fifteen books, including the bestselling Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life (PuddleDancer Press), which has sold more than one million copies worldwide and has been translated into more than 30 languages, with more translations in the works.

Dr. Rosenberg has received a number of awards for his Nonviolent Communication work including:
2014: Champion of Forgiveness Award from the Worldwide Forgiveness Alliance
2006: Bridge of Peace Nonviolence Award from the Global Village Foundation
2005: Light of God Expressing in Society Award from the Association of Unity Churches
2004: Religious Science International Golden Works Award
2004: International Peace Prayer Day Man of Peace Award by the Healthy, Happy Holy (3HO) Organization
2002: Princess Anne of England and Chief of Police Restorative Justice Appreciation Award
2000: International Listening Association Listener of the Year Award

Dr. Rosenberg first used the NVC process in federally funded school integration projects to provide mediation and communication skills training during the 1960s. The Center for Nonviolent Communication, which he founded in 1984, now has hundreds of certified NVC trainers and supporters teaching NVC in more than sixty countries around the globe. A sought-after presenter, peacemaker and visionary leader, Dr. Rosenberg led NVC workshops and international intensive trainings for tens of thousands of people in over 60 countries across the world and provided training and initiated peace programs in many war-torn areas including Nigeria, Sierra Leone, and the Middle East.

He worked tirelessly with educators, managers, health care providers, lawyers, military officers, prisoners, police and prison officials, government officials, and individual families. With guitar and puppets in hand and a spiritual energy that filled a room, Marshall showed us how to create a more peaceful and satisfying world.

Table of Contents

Foreword Deepak Chopra xiii

Acknowledgments xvii

1 Giving From the Heart 1

Introduction 1

A Way to Focus Attention 3

The NVC Process 6

Applying NVC in Our Lives and the World 8

NVC in Action: "Murderer, Assassin, Child-Killer!" 13

2 Communication That Blocks Compassion 15

Moralistic Judgments 15

Making Comparisons 18

Denial of Responsibility 19

Other Forms of Life-Alienating Communication 22

3 Observing Without Evaluating 25

The Highest Form of Human Intelligence 28

Distinguishing Observations From Evaluations 30

NVC in Action: "The Most Arrogant Speaker We've Ever Had!" 32

Exercise 1 Observation or Evaluation? 34

4 Identifying and Expressing Feelings 37

The Heavy Cost of Unexpressed Feelings 37

Feelings versus Non-Feelings 41

Building a Vocabulary for Feelings 43

Exercise 2 Expressing Feelings 47

5 Taking Responsibility for Our Feelings 49

Hearing a Negative Message: Four Options 49

The Needs at the Roots of Feelings 52

The Pain of Expressing Our Needs versus the Pain of Not Expressing Our Needs 55

From Emotional Slavery to Emotional Liberation 57

NVC in Action: "Bring Back the Stigma of Illegitimacy!" 61

Exercise 3 Acknowledging Needs 65

6 Requesting That Which Would Enrich Life 67

Using Positive Action Language 67

Making Requests Consciously 72

Asking for a Reflection 74

Requesting Honesty 76

Making Requests of a Group 77

Requests versus Demands 79

Denning Our Objective When Making Requests 81

NVC in Action: Sharing Fears About a Best Friend's Smoking 85

Exercise 4 Expressing Requests 88

7 Receiving Empathically 91

Presence: Don't Just Do Something, Stand There 91

Listening for Feelings and Needs 94

Paraphrasing 96

Sustaining Empathy 101

When Pain Blocks Our Ability to Empathize 103

NVC in Action: A Wife Connects With Her Dying Husband 105

Exercise 5 Receiving Empathically versus Non-Empathically 109

8 The Power of Empathy 113

Empathy That Heals 113

Empathy and the Ability to Be Vulnerable 115

Using Empathy to Defuse Danger 117

Empathy in Hearing Someone's "No!" 120

Empathy to Revive a Lifeless Conversation 121

Empathy for Silence 123

9 Connecting Compassionately With Ourselves 129

Remembering the Specialness of What We Are 129

Evaluating Ourselves When We've Been Less Than Perfect 130

Translating Self-Judgments and Inner Demands 132

NVC Mourning 132

Self-Forgiveness 133

The Lesson of the Polka-Dotted Suit 134

Don't Do Anything That Isn't Play! 135

Translating "Have to" to "Choose to" 136

Cultivating Awareness of the Energy Behind Our Actions 138

10 Expressing Anger Fully 141

Distinguishing Stimulus From Cause 141

All Anger Has a Life-Serving Core 144

Stimulus versus Cause: Practical Implications 145

Four Steps to Expressing Anger 148

Offering Empathy First 149

Taking Our Time 152

NVC in Action: Parent and Teen Dialogue A Life-Threatening Issue 154

11 Conflict Resolution and Mediation 161

Human Connection 161

NVC Conflict Resolution versus Traditional Mediation 162

NVC Conflict Resolution Steps-A Quick Overview 164

On Needs, Strategies, and Analysis 165

Empathy to Ease the Pain That Prevents Hearing 170

Using Present and Positive Action Language to Resolve Conflict 172

Using Action Verbs 173

Translating "No" 174

NVC and the Mediator Role 175

When People Say "No" to Meeting Face to Face 181

Informal Mediation: Sticking Our Nose in Other People's Business 182

12 The Protective Use of Force 185

When the Use of Force Is Unavoidable 185

The Thinking Behind the Use of Force 185

Types of Punitive Force 186

The Costs of Punishment 188

Two Questions That Reveal the Limitations of Punishment 189

The Protective Use of Force in Schools 190

13 Liberating Ourselves and Counseling Others 195

Freeing Ourselves From Old Programming 195

Resolving Internal Conflicts 196

Caring for Our Inner Environment 197

Replacing Diagnosis With NVC 199

NVC in Action: Dealing With Resentment and Self-Judgment 204

14 Expressing Appreciation in Nonviolent Communication 209

The Intention Behind the Appreciation 209

The Three Components of Appreciation 210

Receiving Appreciation 212

The Hunger for Appreciation 214

Overcoming the Reluctance to Express Appreciation 215

Epilogue 217

Bibliography 220

Index 223

The Four-Part Nonviolent Communication Process 231

Some Basic Feelings and Needs We All Have 232

About Nonviolent Communication 233

About PuddleDancer Press 234

About the Center for Nonviolent Communication 235

Trade Books From PuddleDancer Press 236

Trade Booklets From PuddleDancer Press 242

About the Author 244

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