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Not "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity after Infidelity

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Overview

Not "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity after Infidelity by Shirley Glass

One of the world’s leading experts on infidelity provides a step-by-step guide through the process of infidelity—from suspicion and revelation to healing, and provides profound, practical guidance to prevent infidelity and, if it happens, recover and heal from it.

You’re right to be cautious when you hear these words: “I’m telling you, we’re just friends.”

Good people in good marriages are having affairs. The workplace and the Internet have become fertile breeding grounds for “friendships” that can slowly and insidiously turn into love affairs. Yet you can protect your relationship from emotional or sexual betrayal by recognizing the red flags that mark the stages of slipping into an improper, dangerous intimacy that can threaten your marriage.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781416586401
Publisher: Free Press
Publication date: 11/01/2007
Sold by: SIMON & SCHUSTER
Format: NOOK Book
Pages: 448
Sales rank: 87,137
File size: 2 MB

About the Author

Shirley P. Glass, Ph.D., one of the world's leading experts on infidelity, draws on more than two decades of original research and hundreds of clinical cases to provide a step-by-step guide through the process of infidelity -- from suspicion and revelation to healing. In addition to offering concrete advice about how to tell, what to tell, and when to tell, Dr. Glass presents eye-opening quizzes that will help you ensure safe friendships and secure marriages by exploring the vulnerabilities in your relationship and any outside influences that may put it at risk. With her profound, practical guidance, you can prevent infidelity and, if it happens, recover and heal from it.

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Not "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity after Infidelity 4.2 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 32 reviews.
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book addresses so many things I'd never thought of while in the midst of the revelation of the affair my parnter had - I'd spent six months being told I was crazy and paranoid, and had started to believe it myself. I finally sought out the answers I wasn't getting from my spouse. I found those answers and subsequent clarity and relief within the pages of 'Not Just Friends'. There were so many parts where I could have just taken out the names used in various scenarios and inserted those of my spouse and the affair partner that it was both frightening and validating - remember, I'd just realized I was right to be suspicious the whole time, and that I wasn't actually going mad. 'in her book she calls this insidous tactic employed by a cheating spouse 'gaslighting' after the movie of the same name' I think one of the major assets throughout this book is how it makes the betrayed partner think about the turmoil and pain the cheating spouse is going through - which is both rare, but highly necessary in order to heal a marriage scarred by infedelity. 'Not Just Friends' lays the groundwork for healing a marriage by emphasizing the need for one thing - trust and how to rebuild it. This is obviously an extremely difficult topic to tackle in the wake of betrayal, but absolutely crucial to recovery from the trauma an affair causes, and Dr. Shirley Glass knocks it out of the park with her frank explainations, examples, references, and invaluable experience in the field of infidelity. She helps the betrayed partner consider the RIGHT reasons for both sticking it out and working on a marriage after an affair is discovered, or leaving. Finally, she gives the ultimate gift that every betrayed partner needs in order to recover from the trauma caused by an affair - the safety provided by knowledge. Knowledge of the inner workings of a cheating spouse's mind, and even that of the affair partner. She also providees statistical data that can predict many scenarios which in themselves provide a measure of confidence in the survivability of a situation that seems at many times throughout recovery, unsurvivable. Read this to strengthen your marriage, if your suspicious of your spouse, or if you yourself are considering having an affair. This book will show potential cheaters the extent of the damage that can be done. This book will help betrayed partners pick up the pieces of thier life and learn how to make their marriages stronger than before. Finally, to the person who cheated, this book was written about you, and will slap you in the face, and then tell you what to do to make things right again.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
My wife downloaded a sample of this book. When I saw the Table of Contents, I knew I had to read it to help me understand how a close family friend and myself got way too close. Our families were good friends, especially the three of us and our children. We enjoyed each others' company and could be ourselves without judgement, except around her husband. Our home was a safe haven for her with unconditional love and caring. One day the two of us crossed the line due to vulnerabilities created by unique but different voids in our marriages. We found ourselves in the midst of something much deeper and stronger than we expected or could ever have imagined. It only lasted for six weeks before being exposed. My wife worked through it with us like a saint. Our friend's husband exhibited ridiculous, childish, and hurtful behaviors, including tirades in front of their children and attempts to isolate her from all of her friends, which just made matters worse. This book provides an exemplary explanantion of how such relationships develop, how both the involved and injured spouses may react and behave, which behaviors have positive and negative effects, and how they are perceived by the other spouse. Dr. Glass also discusses the healing process, either together or apart, and how to inform the children of the issue, if necessary. The perspectives and feelings discussed in this book are spot on. I felt strongly enough about the value of the understanding it provided for me that I purchased a second copy for our friend. It is an interesting and fairly easy book to read.
Guest More than 1 year ago
The author understands something that many people overlook - the potential for an affair to start from an 'innocent' friendship. She has done much research (and cites it), and shows that she truly understands the inner workings of affairs and how they begin. I am grateful to her for helping me to voice my concerns and feelings to my spouse as we try to recover from his emotional affair (which was, thankfully, stopped before it progressed further). This book would be a help to anyone who feels their spouse doesn't know where the boundaries should be. It also is a help for those trying to understand the trauma of dealing with an affair, and is looking for ways to keep such a thing from ever happening again.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Clearly, one of the best and most helpful books I've read on this subject. I found it very helpful for both of us. Many explanations made perfect sense after reading this. Highly recommend this book if you find yourself in this extremely difficult situation.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I was desperate to find something to help me cope with what I'd found out (and what I still had to find out) about my husband's online affair with a highschool acquaintance of his, so I turned to B&N and read many reviews of many books available on this subject. Since I'd decided I didn't want a divorce (unless the affair continued) I didn't want a book that would beat my husband up about the affair. I needed to know WHY it happened and how to keep it from happening AGAIN. This book did that. I still want him to read it because it's geared toward both parties in the marriage so that each partner can see it from the other's perspective. When something like this happens it is easy to get wrapped up with your own feelings because you feel like you're the only one who cares about you in your relationship anyway. This book helps you get through that and have a wider view. Now, for some who are close to the affair partner under normal circumstances (it was a friend or coworker), the book helps to see their side of it, too. In my situation, I didn't know her, my husband hadn't had contact with her for 20 years prior to their internet "meeting" so it was very easy for us to separate ourselves from her. I really don't give a flying fig what she was feeling or what led her to want to say the things she did to my husband. The only benefit for me was the "how to deal with her together" aspect. I was terrified of what she might do. All I could think of was "Fatal Attraction", the Glenn Close movie. The book did kind of help me to deal with the fear, but mostly what helped me with the fear was time. Time during which she made no attempts to contact my husband; the more time went by, the safer I felt. It's been 5 months now, and though it still bothers me from time to time, I'm through the tough stuff. This book, along with some quality marriage and individual counseling, is to thank. I'd highly recommend it to anyone who finds themselves in this horrible situation.
marjorie hogan More than 1 year ago
Very informative. Covers all stages of infideliity.. Could not put it down.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book has been a God send for me. Husband was currently involved in online porn, etc, also learned he had an affair years ago. Whenever i would bring up his female friends at work, he said i was crazy. This book saved me when i was at my lowest and validated that i was not crazy. His affair was with a younger coworker that was more than willing to pump up his ego. I purchased a hard copy for the husband to read and we have discussed the book. Read this book ladies. It will open your eyes for the better. Thank you to the author!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Awesome read very informative and data is backed up by countless real cases from course lots and psychologists in the field- the only real reason to dislike this is if you yourself are a cheating spouse and you d Are not ready for what you see in the mirror after reading how this breaks affairs down to what they truly are- individuals not having the right tools to protect their relationships from outside variables- this provides an insight to them so this is a must read unlike what certain non intellectual readers might think.....(user-in MN)
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Great reading that help us lots in our relation ship
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I found most of the information and suggestions given in this book very good and very helpful for anyone who has been betrayed. The betrayer should, especially, read this book. Great common sense suggestions but, unfortunately, some people who betray just won't come clean with the truth...only part of a truth, which is still lying. In reality, sometimes you find that no matter how much effort you put into a gentle approach to get the truth out or need to talk to gain trust back, the betrayer won't open up and/or seems impatient.
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