The New York Times Book Review - Benoit Denizet-Lewis
…a book that is part polemic, part memoir and part road map for gay people hoping to live fully…Out of the Shadows finds its purpose in its strong last two chapters, including an extraordinary one focused on Odets's small chosen family of friends and lovers. Here, his writing is poignant and achingly beautiful—so much so, in fact, that I occasionally had to put the book down to avoid weeping on the subway. There's sadness in Odets's life story, but there's mostly resilience, tenderness and a willingness to fashion an unapologetic gay life, sometimes against all odds.
From the Publisher
"[Odets's] writing is poignant and achingly beautiful—so much so, in fact, that I occasionally had to put the book down to avoid weeping on the subway. There’s sadness in Odets’s life story, but there’s mostly resilience, tenderness and a willingness to fashion an unapologetic gay life, sometimes against all odds. (The exquisitely told story of Odets’s longtime friend and lover, who fled a trailer he shared with a brutally homophobic family and built a life bursting with meaning and intimacy, is the most compelling story of gay self-actualization I’ve ever encountered.)" —Benoit Denizet-Lewis, The New York Times Book Review
“Odets’ trifecta of social commentary, memoir and therapeutic analysis is an astute statement on how to overcome trauma, loss and isolation to live a proud, self-actualized and fulfilling existence as a gay man . . . The final two chapters in which he describes the long road to coming out and his deep love for his lifelong companion, Matthias, and Matthias’ partner, Hank, are some of the most on-point and beautifully written thoughts on love, acceptance and family I’ve read in some time.” —Alexis Burling, San Francisco Chronicle
"[A] fascinating exploration of gay male lives . . . Odets’s warm and lyrical voice, his inspiring picture of how imaginative gay life can be, has sent me queuing for the couch. I have a feeling that many other readers will follow." —Marcus Field, London Evening Standard
"A book full of heart . . . Impressively sound and based on a wealth of research and experience." —Steven Cordova, Lambda Literary
“[A] soaring combination of social critique, memoir, and manifesto . . . [Odets’s] discussions of gay men’s sexual expression and relationships are frank, compassionate, and open-minded . . . Odets’s greatest strengths are his moving prose and ability to make the psychological material accessible and as fascinating and thought-provoking as the poignant stories. Gay men will find much to ponder here, but any reader can find meaning in this extraordinary, stirring invitation to re-examine assumptions about what it means to be gay and to have a good life.” —Publishers Weekly (starred review)
“An insightful and thought-provoking book . . . A luminous humanity shines through, never more so than in the final chapter, the author’s highly empathetic, memorable story of the three men he has loved." —Michael Cart, Booklist
“[Walt Odets’s] writing is perceptive and honest . . . This is an encouraging and deeply compelling study of how gay men can build meaningful identities.” —Kirkus Reviews
Kirkus Reviews
2019-04-08
A San Francisco-based clinical psychologist explores how gay men construct fulfilling lives through self-acceptance and an awareness of their individual core instincts.
With an understanding of the difficult challenges gay men face in America, Odets (In the Shadow of the Epidemic: Being HIV-Negative in the Age of AIDS, 1995) shares case studies and personal stories from his years working during the AIDS epidemic and the aftermath. These serve as examples to help gay men consider how they can move beyond negative family and societal influences to live more satisfying lives. The author views gay men as living in "tripartite communities, with significant psychological and social differences that define each group": older-group, middle-group, and younger-group men, each defined by age and social awareness in relation to the AIDS epidemic, from the often fatal trauma of the early years to the introduction of highly active antiretroviral therapy in 1996 and to the more technologically advanced present era. Odets closely examines the negative impacts of early life experiences, often triggered by a lack of family and/or community acceptance, and stresses the need for self-acceptance in order to move forward. "Self-acceptance allows realistic self-confidence, which is significantly unhinged in adulthood from the expectations and approval of others," he writes. "In the end, authentic self-acceptance—or lack of it—is almost the entirety of what defines a life." The author's writing is perceptive and honest, as he openly discusses relationships and sex and accurately relates the struggles each generation has experienced. These reflect both similarities as well as differences and the difficulties in finding a genuine sense of community, especially within urban gay meccas. Odets convincingly argues for the benefits of talk therapy, with each story revealing how some level of personal growth was achieved. One issue: Though his cases reflect a broad range of ethnic and racial examples, the overwhelming majority of his profiles are about affluent individuals, all of whom can afford years of ongoing therapy.
Though it could have been even more diverse in its presentation, this is an encouraging and deeply compelling study of how gay men can build meaningful identities.
