Table of Contents
Introduction xv
If You're Welcoming a New Baby xx
If Your Children Are Constantly Fighting xx
Part 1 Peaceful Parenting 101
1 How You Can Be a Peaceful Parent 3
The Parenting Skills That Help You Become More Peaceful as a Parent 7
2 How Peaceful Discipline Supports the Sibling Relationship 16
Why Punishment and Permissiveness Cause More Sibling Fighting 17
Rethinking Discipline 20
Setting Empathic Limits 23
Rethinking Time-Outs 25
Rethinking Rewards 28
The Difference Between Consequences and Limits 29
What If Empathy Doesn't Work? 32
Preventive Maintenance 36
When Your Child Is Acting Out: Time-In 41
Helping Kids with Big Emotions: Scheduled Meltdowns 43
How to Help Each Child with Big Emotions When You Have More Than One Upset Child 48
3 What Causes Sibling Rivalry-And How Parents Can Make It Better 52
Your Child's Point of View: That's Not a Friend, It's a Replacement 53
Factors That Can Exacerbate Rivalry 54
The Power of Parents to Foster a Super Sibling Relationship 60
Part 2 Teaching Peace
4 Coaching Kids to Communicate Feelings and Problem-Solve 65
Coaching Essential Emotional Intelligence Skills 67
Your New Role: Interpreter 70
Coaching Kids to Identify and Communicate Their Needs and Feelings 71
Coaching Kids to Set Limits with Each Other 75
Coaching Kids to Listen to Each Other 80
Coaching Kids to Problem-Solve 81
Basic Negotiation Tools to Teach Kids 89
5 When Problem-Solving Fails: Teaching Conflict Resolution 93
What About "We Get Along" Shirts? 93
Why Fighting Is Essential to Teach Children Relationship Skills 95
How to Help Children Learn to Work It Out Themselves 97
Empowering Kids to Stand Up to Teasing 116
Mean Words 118
When Your Child Says He Hates His Sibling 119
Intervening in a Sibling Fight: The Basics 121
Should You Punish Your Child for Aggression? 124
When Your Toddler Is the Aggressor Against Your Older Child 128
Coaching Kids to Handle Aggression from Younger Siblings 132
How to Stop Repeated Aggression 134
Teaching Skills: Intervening in a Sibling Fight 138
Helping Kids Make Repairs After a Fight, Instead of Forced Apologies 143
6 Why Can't They Just Share? Why Kids Fight Over Possessions 147
Rethinking Sharing: A Radical Solution 149
Self-Regulated Turns: What Children Learn 152
Coaching Kids as They Wait for Their Turn 155
7 Easing the Competition 161
"It's Not Fair!" 161
Never Compare 166
Resist Labeling 170
How to Celebrate Each Child Without Fueling Competition 172
Who Gets to Push the Elevator Button? 175
How to Ensure You Don't Unwittingly Foster Competition 177
Helping Kids with Competitive Feelings 178
Birth Order and Competition 181
What If You Prefer One Child? 183
8 Tools to Prevent Rivalry and Nurture Bonding 185
Expect Your Children to Value Each Other 185
Family Routines That Foster Sibling Bonding 188
Family Rules and Mottos That Support Sibling Closeness 192
How to Create More Positive Interactions Between Your Children 194
Strategies to Create a Sibling Team 196
Shifting Alliances: How to Keep Kids from Ganging Up on Each Other 198
Why Roughhousing Reduces Sibling Rivalry 199
Why Not Tickling? 205
When Kids Share a Room 205
When One Child Has a Friend Over 208
Family Meetings: The Resource You'll Be So Glad You Discovered 210
Part 3 Before the New Baby and Through the First Year
9 Before the Baby Arrives: Creating a Warm Welcome 217
Telling Your Child About the New Sibling 218
Twelve Ways to Help Your Kids Begin Bonding During Your Pregnancy 221
Be Sure Your Child Can Rely on Both Parents 224
Ten Tips to Support Your Child Emotionally as He Moves Toward Becoming a Big Sibling 227
Weaning Versus Tandem Nursing 230
Preparing Your Child for the Separation During the Upcoming Birth 232
If You're Planning to Have Your Child at the Birth 234
Creating a Transition Book for Your Child 236
Making an Activity Box for Your Child 237
Work Through Your Own Emotions About Having a Second Child 238
Loving Each Child Best 238
10 Getting Off to a Good Start: Birth and the First Few Months 240
Introducing Your Child to the New Baby 241
The First Week: Settling In as a Family 242
How to Keep Your Child Occupied While You Feed the Baby 247
Helping Your Child with Her Mixed Emotions About the Baby 249
What About Those Overzealous Hugs? 252
Regression: When Your Child Goes Backward 254
Managing Naptime and Bedtime with More Than One Child 257
The Early Months: The New Normal 260
When Your Child Has a Hard Time Adjusting 262
Daily Practices to Stay Connected to Your Child Now That He Has to Share You 265
Using Games to Help Your Child with Jealousy 271
Reading Books to Your Child About Becoming a Big Sib 274
Nine Tips to Foster a Great Relationship Between Your Children Right from the Start 275
11 Building a Positive Foundation When the Baby Begins to Crawl 279
Ten Tips to Maintain a Peaceful Home as Baby Moves Toward Toddlerhood 280
Dividing Your Time 283
How to Help Your Older Child Solve His Problems with the Little One 286
What to Say When Your Child Is Jealous of the Baby 288
What to Do About Toy Grabbing 292
When Your Child Is Aggressive Toward the Baby 294
What If the Aggressor Is Too Young to Understand? 303
What If It's the Baby Who's Aggressive? 304
Games to Help Your Children Bond with the Baby 305
Final Note: Choose Love 307
Acknowledgments 309
Notes 311
Index 313