Please Don't Kill the Freshman: A Memoir

Please Don't Kill the Freshman: A Memoir

by Zoe Trope


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Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780060529383
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Publication date: 07/27/2004
Pages: 320
Product dimensions: 5.31(w) x 8.00(h) x 0.72(d)
Age Range: 14 - 17 Years

About the Author

Zoe Trope exists. She was born in 1986 and graduated from high school with the class of 2003 in Oregon.

Read an Excerpt

Please Don't Kill the Freshman
A Memoir

List of Characters

linux shoe -- fourteen years old. freshman. best friend. homosexual. beautiful. has made me cry many, many times. disgustingly insightful. plays cello. reads philosophy. asked me why Tosca had to die.

plum sweater -- eighteen years old. senior. of the literary persuasion. very dry laugh. very soft (muddy brown) hair.

wonka boy -- fifteen years old. freshman. very fifteen. listens to angry music. thinks his parents are out to make his life a living hell. whines. needs someone. has completely random moments of blue-eyed beauty.

braid bitch -- fifteen years old. freshman. a girl with very long brown hair. Case Boy's temporary girlfriend. smiles to murder the people she loves. fucks with her teeth wide open. spreads rumors. a typical nine-year-old mentality (she said he said I told you so!).

case boy -- fifteen years old. freshman. quiet in his own repressed way. listens to angry music. likes anime, guinea pigs, and the Metallica t-shirt I gave him for his birthday. also prone to expressing his violence through video games.

techno boy -- seventeen years old. junior. has a red car. works at a restaurant. it hurts when he smiles. dandruff. computers, electronic music. seeking a girl that won't eat his heart with a steak knife.

fishsticks -- English teacher with rectangular glasses. also known as the blond Beck wanna-be. listens to Radiohead and talks with his hands.

cherry bitch -- most beautiful girl ever. sixteen years old. sophomore. wears juicy red lipstick. smokes cigarettes like she wants to fuck them with her bright red mouth. makes art with her hands. makes sounds with her hands. makes beauty with her hands.

jar guard -- English teacher who is far too nice. too young to be burned out yet. listens to U2. enjoys the occasional back rub. has a wife. lets anyone write anything on the dry erase board in his classroom.

greasy buddy holly -- self-descriptive. tortoiseshell glasses. I'm rather envious of his occupation. thirty-something. I could say more but he would cut off my lips.

vegan grrl -- seventeen years old. senior. literally a genius. wants to save the planet. eats a lot of fruit. has thin lips and yellow hands. is good at: playing music (flute, guitar, piano, etc.), singing, physics, poetry, art, chemistry, calculus, and saving small children from Ecuador. can't save herself.

curry -- fifteen years old. freshman. mother is literally insane. very conservative family. he likes dressing up in women's clothing (watched Rocky Horror too many times). also enjoys listening to bad punk rock music and hating society.

raskolnikov -- twenty-seven years old. radical goatee. wants revolution like small children beg for candy in the checkout line at a grocery store. hands shake a lot. drinks iced coffee. molds my brain. commie. brilliant. moves in very calculated ways. dresses in black. oh yes, you heard me, he dresses in black.

sloppy charcoal -- ex-girlfriend of Techno Boy. during certain portions of my life, they were going out. she's one of those overly aggressive obnoxious little bitches who knows absolutely everything about everything and knows they know everything about everything.

midwestern tackiness -- extremely neurotic French teacher. you know that one teacher you had in high school who was an utter bitch no matter what you did? yeah, well, she's it.


"The amendment that protects . . ." Sharp voice falling on muffled ears. I got a perfect score, plus five extra credit points. Pardon me for not seeing the point of listening. I could be doing something constructive or even listening but I choose not to. It has never been clarified if apathy is by choice or due to environmental factors. I choose apathy, then regret it later. Roll around frustratedly on my bed and fret about the things I should've done . . . When I woke up, it felt wrong. The random objects cluttering my room were illuminated by a disgustingly bright gray light. I sit up and look out the window. The streets are dry and quiet and the bland oatmeal sky stretches out over the houses without deviation or ending. I want nothing more than to crawl back into my marijuana nightmares but I decide against it. "Write the total over points possible. . . ." He's still talking. I'm pondering the paper cut on my knuckle. This is not an education. I am in day care.

10:28 a.m. 17 seconds

Houston, we've lost power. The clocks have stopped. Buzzing of fluorescent radiation ceased. Hustled voices continue to bounce and break. Tapping of a pencil, silent ink moving over bleached paper. Why couldn't I at least be stuck in a class with people I can stand?


Yesterday, in the library, he was there with his marmalade hat and docile tongue. Librarians itch and curl their hair tighter. "Are you looking for poetry? That isn't poetry." Bitch. Do not tell me what art is and isn't. And stop looking over my fucking shoulder like I'm a criminal when I'm on the internet. You're the one who got stuck working in a high school library. No one chooses that profession, I'm sure.

The literary magazine: weekly orgy of delivered pizza, liter bottles of soda, alterna-teens, loser geeks, art-poetry submissions. We eat and laugh too loud. We make gagging noises at love poetry. We put our elitist words in a book that is published in the spring. The administration does not like us. The administration does not like me because my poem, featuring the word faggot, was published in the winter 'zine.

Today's meeting makes me think in four-letter words. My muddy-haired girl stolen by charcoal freckles. Vegan Grrl's muscles kneading my own into submission. Dark denim overalls inspected by my hands. Plum Sweater tickled and squealing. Arms unwilling to unhinge. Lips mouthing unwanted words.

Please Don't Kill the Freshman
A Memoir
. Copyright © by Zoe Trope. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.

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Please Don't Kill the Freshman 4.2 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 15 reviews.
HayleyW7E More than 1 year ago
Please Don't Kill The Freshman is a book by Zoe Trope, she is in high school and thriving to write a book. This book is like two books in one because Zoe Trope is writing about her journeys while she is writing this book, confusing? I know, but once you read it you will understand. Zoe Trope takes you on a tour of her every-day life, taking the reader to school, to places where whe read part of her book aloud (also called readings), and to where ever Zoe is going next. Thia book is about Zoe and how she is trying to write a book while going to high school and dealing with friends. I really enjoyed the style in which Trope wrote the book, very detailed and you can tell that she worked very hard on it. I could never write a book when I am still in high school, but she didn't only do that. She also made who ever was reading the book feel like they where her best friend, with her every second. I would recommend this book to girls who are in 7th or maybe 6th grade, to high school, and to who ever thinks that will enjoy reading about a girl wirting a book and finding out what she is writing it on.
Crowyhead on LibraryThing 9 months ago
This is the sweet, dramatic, and ruthlessly truthful memoir of one highschool student in America. If you pick this up, do yourself a favor and read at least fifteen or so pages before you decide whether you like it or not. At first I thought I was going to hate this book, but after five pages I was totally disarmed and ended up loving it.
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Guest More than 1 year ago
when your young fitting in doesnt always happen the way you want it to, people, places and social status tend to throw you off coruse sometimes, there is no one who knows this better then Zoe. i ahve read this book mroe than a hundred times(at this point NOT an exageration) and i always walk away from it with something new and moving that maybe i did see before, and i always find myself thinking a little more before i act. being yourself is key. being who people want you to be- generaly happens. in this book, zoe speaks as her self and truely ehrself. one of the more moving books of its time. i cant talk up this book enough, all i can say is its worth the read. Everytime. 3
Guest More than 1 year ago
This was an exelent book! I read it in a matter of a few days. Please if you get a chance READ THIS BOOK!
Guest More than 1 year ago
Zoe Trope is astounding. Her writing is astounding. This book, this style of writing, everything about this girl's creation BLOWS ME AWAY. PDKTF is extremely well-written. It's intelligent. Yes, it may be highly innappropriate for some people. However, I myself am thirteen years old. I loved it. I think that the language and atmosphere and content of this book was flawless. Definitely would recommend it. Zoe Trope is a miracle in the making.
Guest More than 1 year ago
This is a great example of what some people would call modern liturature. I call it just good writing. Linux shoe is a funny name.
Guest More than 1 year ago
First off, Zoe's got mad style. I really, really, REALLY like the way she words stuff. From reading this, she seemed like an intelligent, original, funny, and seriously amusing chick. I laughed out loud several times while reading this...But I suppose I enjoyed it so much because it reminded me of me and the little clique I hang around at school with. Some of the observations she made were so similar to the kind of ones my friends and I would make. Sometimes she'd start ranting and it would just be so weird because I had said the exact same thing before. This book reminds you how alike all of us humans really are. And I dug it. The only people I wouldn't recommend this book to are close-minded homophobes. Love. Is. Love. So¿deal with it.
Guest More than 1 year ago
this book was awesome! it was so kewl! i read it the first day i got it. she's so angsty and so rebellious and free willed. its a real look at who high school students really are. the stuff teachers and parents dont see. u rok, zoe trope.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I love this book. It's one of my favorites out there, and for several reasons. I found it to be very relatable; at times, I was reading my life, it seemed. I liked Zoe's unique writing style, and her verb usage. I loved her use of language; call it inappropriate if you will, but I found it accurate and wild. I loved it.
Guest More than 1 year ago
when i read the first 30 pages or so of the book, i thought, 'gross! i hope i am never, ever like zoe trope!' but in reading the full book i think i realized that the true meaning of the story was much deeper than zoe's strange sexuality. and what is really cool is that zoe is absolutely correct! there are millions of teenagers out there that are exactly the same way. i found a little of myself in that book. i think all teenagers should read it and then they will realize that they are not alone.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I read this book, not knowing what it was really about. From the first page I was in love with it. The uniqueness of the writing style esp. grabbed me. This is a book for anyone who loves to read. As someone wanting to be a writer, this book inspired me to write and look at the way I write. READ IT!
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book is VERY inappropriate for teens (and most adults). There is bad language and adult themes throughout the book. I do not recommend this book
Guest More than 1 year ago
Gret bok!! Wod red it twise.