Raising Ryland: Our Story of Parenting a Transgender Child with No Strings Attached

by Hillary Whittington

Overview

This powerful, moving story—which has already touched more than seven million through a viral video created by the Whittington family—is a mother’s first-hand account of her emotional choice to embrace her transgender child.

When Hillary and Jeff Whittington posted a YouTube video chronicling their five-year-old son Ryland’s transition from girl to boy, they didn’t expect it to be greeted with such fervor. Beautiful and moving, the video documenting Hillary’s and Jeff’s love for their child instantly went viral and has been seen by more than seven million viewers since its posting in May 2014.

Now for the first time, they tell their story in full, offering an emotional and moving account of their journey alongside their exceptional child. After they discovered their daughter Ryland was deaf at age one and needed cochlear implants, the Whittingtons spent nearly four years successfully teaching Ryland to speak. But once Ryland gained the power of speech, it was time for them to listen as Ryland insisted, “I am a boy!” And listen they did. After learning that forty-one percent of people who identify as transgender attempt to take their own lives, Hillary and her husband Jeff made it their mission to support their child—no matter what.

From the earliest stages of deciphering Ryland through clothing choices to examining the difficult conversations that have marked every stage of Ryland’s transition, Hillary Whittington shares her experiences as a mother through it all, demonstrating both the resistance and support that their family has encountered as they try to erase the stigma surrounding the word “transgender.” In telling her family’s story, she hopes she can assist the world in accepting that even children as young as five, can have profound and impactful things to say and share. What emerges is a powerful story of unconditional love, accepting others for who they are, and doing what’s right, regardless of whether those around you understand it.    

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780062388889
Publisher:	HarperCollins
Publication date:	02/23/2016
Edition description:	Reprint
Pages:	288
Sales rank:	548,777
Product dimensions:	5.20(w) x 7.90(h) x 0.80(d)

About the Author

Mother of two Hillary Whittington has advocated for her children for years, serving as a classroom volunteer and public speaker. Through Raising Ryland, Hillary hopes to bring hope, strength, and humor to her experiences as the parent of a transgender child. In sharing her story, she encourages readers to have the courage to make the world a better place for all of us.

Table of Contents

Author's Note ix

Prologue 1

Part 1 Learning to Listen

Chapter 1 Ryland's Creation 7

Chapter 2 Baby Signs 25

Chapter 3 The Gift of Sound 59

Chapter 4 Clothing Catastrophes 67

Chapter 5 Immediate Attention 83

Chapter 6 Growing Family 101

Chapter 7 Canvas for a Cause 111

Part 2 Embracing Our Son

Chapter 8 Transitional Kindergarten 129

Chapter 9 Shaping the Future 151

Chapter 10 Gender Spectrum 164

Chapter 11 Heat in the Marriage 178

Chapter 12 Nuclear Reaction 186

Chapter 13 Educating the Educators 195

Chapter 14 First Day of School 203

Chapter 15 Spiritual Enlightenment 207

Chapter 16 Transgender Day of Empowerment 214

Chapter 17 Coming Out 225

Chapter 18 Child at Play 236

Chapter 19 Conclusion 243

Acknowledgments 255

Editorial Reviews

12/21/2015
Though Whittington has an admirable impulse to use the unexpected viral video fame of her transgender kindergarten-aged son, Ryland, for a teaching moment, her narrative comes across as overly self-congratulatory. Soon after Whittington and her husband, Jeff, addressed toddler Ryland’s deafness with cochlear implants, Ryland began to express clearly, in word and behavior, a male identity, in ways typically seen as markers for young transgender children. Ryland soon adopted male bathroom behavior and masculine hair, clothing, and toy preferences. Hillary researched the subject and learned that gender identity is established in children in the first few years of life. Realizing that the outcomes for trans youth unsupported by their families and communities are very poor, she committed herself to supporting Ryland’s transition, overcoming her own misgivings, and helping her husband and the people around them to understand. Hillary’s carefully crafted eight-page letter for friends and family may be a useful tool for other parents of transgender children. However, the immediacy seems to have been worn away from her well-rehearsed story, leaving more message than emotion. (Feb.)

Publishers Weekly

09/01/2015
When daughter Ryland was one, Whittington and her husband learned that she was deaf and needed cochlear implants. At age five, Ryland announced that she was a boy, and the family facilitated Ryland's transition from daughter to son, as recapitulated in a video that has been seen by seven million viewers. Whittington here explains the decision she and her husband made while addressing practicalities like holding all the necessary conversations. In the news and on the screen (look for a Sundance Film documentary about the Whittingtons in January 2016); a 75,000-copy first printing.

Library Journal

2015-11-29
A new family must regroup after their toddler exhibits gender ambivalence. Whittington, a mother of two, poignantly chronicles the transformative journey of Ryland, her young son who was born female. On his first birthday, the author's son was diagnosed as deaf. A year later, the child received cochlear implants to enable hearing and speech capability. Then, after expressing tomboy inclinations and masculine bathroom traits, he tearfully announced, "I'm a boy." Initially distressed, the family viewed the issue as much more than just a toddler phase and slowly began adapting to the fact that their daughter truly identified as a boy in every way. When their second daughter, Brynley, was born, they came to terms with their transgendered son. Both the author and her husband struggled with the critical next steps in Ryland's upbringing, his gender identity, and childhood development, while their greatest "fears came from how the world would view our child." The road was arduous, yet it began with a simple haircut and proper pronoun use. Amid the years of "private turmoil" and Ryland's many expected (and unexpected) challenges with school and societal rejection, the Whittingtons proactively educated themselves, posted videos online, and emerged as a consistently supportive and nurturing unit. Sensitively handled and written in breezy prose that doesn't linger too long on the expository details of their ordeal, the author sets a fine example for other parents either imagining or personally experiencing a similar situation. Believing their joint understanding and acceptance of Ryland will result in a blissful childhood, the Whittingtons have truly afforded their son the opportunity to "grow up with the chance to cultivate the same self-love and confidence to which every child has the right when he or she is born." An uplifting testimonial to the power of unconditional familial love and acceptance.

Kirkus Reviews