Real Vampires Don't Sparkle

Real Vampires Don't Sparkle

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Matheus Taylor didn't ask to be murdered. To be fair, the percentage of people actually asking to be murdered is probably small enough to be safely ignored, but he felt it was worth stating regardless. His life might have been ordinary, but it was his life and he wasn't done with it yet.

Quin didn't care.

A 1,700-year-old Roman, Quintus Livius Saturnius had a different view of morality than most people. Killing Matheus and hijacking his undead existence seemed perfectly acceptable to him.

Now, Matheus spends his nights running for his life, questioning his sexual orientation, and defying a mysterious new threat to the vampires within his city. Not that he set out to do any defying; he just wanted to be left alone. Unfortunately, that was never going to happen.

Volume One of Real Vampires Don't Sparkle

Fans of Real Vampires Don't Sparkle should be sure to check out more titles from Curiosity Quills Press: Sweet Dreams Are Made of Teeth, by Richard Roberts: a fantasy coming-of-age story set in the world of our dreams, where a nightmare learns who he is—and who he loves.

The Devil You Know, by K. H. Koehler: an urban fantasy pulp/mystery series about demons, rogue angels, and a small group of people living in rural northeast Pennsylvania who are caught in the middle of an angelic war.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781522668671
Publisher: Brilliance Audio
Publication date: 06/14/2016
Series: Real Vampires Don't Sparkle Series
Product dimensions: 5.30(w) x 6.70(h) x 0.40(d)

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Real Vampires Don't Sparkle 4.1 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 7 reviews.
AVoraciousReadr More than 1 year ago
Abrupt cliffhanger, this is only Volume 1 2.5 *Book source ~ A review copy was provided in exchange for an honest review. Mysterious 28-yr-old Matheus Taylor is living his life they way he wants when he is abruptly murdered. Quin, a 1700-yr-old vampire uses Matheus to get an artifact then callously murders him in a filthy alley. Well, technically Quin turned Matheus into a vampire, but in order to do that he had to kill Matheus first. And Matheus never lets Quin forget that he was murdered and turned against his will. However, Matheus has a little problem. He’s attracted to Quin even though he swears he’s not gay. So, not only does he have to get used to a new way of living, he has to confront things about himself he’s buried deeper than the Mariana Trench. While he alternates burying his head in the sand and reaching self enlightenment the vampire world is under attack and his past comes back with a vengeance. Will he, Quin and their friends survive the war to come? The title drew me in because I am so not a fan of that crap that is Twilight. After reading the blurb I figured this would be a good vampire story to, um, sink my teeth into. And to a point, it is. I love the humor and snarkiness in this story. Whenever Matheus isn’t whining like a little girly baby he is pretty damn funny. Quin is sexy and a saint to put up with him. Honestly I both hated and loved Matheus. I can’t decide if he was more annoying or more entertaining. He may have the distinction of being the only character I’ve ever read that is 50/50 with me. When he’s being a snarky smartass I love him. His observations and the way he interacts with his world is so entertaining that when he’s being unreasonably stubborn, digging in his heels only to be contrary and whining, whining, whining it kills me that I just can’t stand him. The writing is very good and the plot flows fairly smoothly with only a few bumps in the road, but what really did it in for me is the abrupt ending. It was like how I feel when I ride a roller coaster. I’m going up, up, up, clankityclankityclank, I’m cresting the hill and then…whoosh! Right over the top and dropping straight down. Only with this book, that was it. The drop and then nothing. The end. Where’s the end?! I was massively confused. And mad. It was only after I looked around on the internet to see what was up that I realized the book in my hands was only a portion of the story. It’s apparently only Volume One and I didn’t see that at the bottom of the blurb. It doesn’t say so in the title. I loathe abrupt endings. If I had known the whole story wasn’t out there yet I would have waited. Now, I can go to the website and read a new chapter every Sunday (there are now 41 additional chapters from where my book stopped), but I don’t have time for that and I have no idea when it will be done. So, I’ll wait until the book is truly done, complete, fini before I go back to it. I also need to mention the editing in this one needs some work. A few mistakes I can ignore, but constant mistakes need to be mentioned. The biggest problems were missing or duplicated words. If a fine tooth comb was used then a finer toothed one is needed. 
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
lucieparis2011 More than 1 year ago
A story that I highly recommend for its succulent retorts. The cover intrigued me. The synopsis has won me over. The story has charmed me and made me laugh a lot. I wanted a vampires story different and original. This is exactly what I had.  In reading the reviews on Goodreads, I had a moment of doubt as the readers find the story a little slow and the sexual questionning of the hero a bit tiresome. Well, for my part, I loved the style. There are fights, murders, conspiracies and power struggles, which guarantee some rythm in the action. But what delighted me was the humor of the author. The bickering between Quin and Matheus are small caustic jewelry. Personally, I loved Matheus' spread and wry humor. A grumpy and grouchy hero, who does not swallow the fact that he was killed. He wants to murder his killer. And it's hilarious... He sulks when he learns that a special connection unites them. His immature thoughts are a delight.  He is also perfect in his doubts. He will not let go of his humanity and refuses to become a monster. But, Matheus is very open-minded about the differences. He groans but always ends up making the right decisions. In addition, I found the way he was questioning his sexuality rather realistic. If he had jumped Quin's bones from the start, I would have sighed and certainly less appreciated my reading. I liked how their feelings develop through the teasing and confusion. As for Quin, its charms lies in his arrogance, its very dominant side and his ability to tease and remained impassive while dealing with the stubborn Matheus.  Certainly, he is atrocious murderer. Strangely, his way of seeing the killings, with centuries of presence on earth and especially his incredible humor, make you forget that he is a heartless killer.  A couple, whose hot interractions, let some delicious sparks appear. I almost heard the dishes crashing and doors slamming from my couch! Lol! The secondary characters also are great. They put a new light on the two heroes,  especially Bianca and Alistair. Milo and Fletcher also piqued my curiosity. I really had a good time and I look forward to the further adventures of these two atypical vampires. A story that I highly recommend for its succulent retorts. Lucie
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Relleman More than 1 year ago
This book for me took a bit to drawl me into it. The first few chapters are a bit wordy and uneventful. I think for me the book did a 360 when they were out being hunted for 3 days. I think bringing other aspects to the story was a good idea. I would have loved for there to be more action, romance and a little less sarcasm. I love a good sarcastic character as the next reader, but there has to be a balance. At times there was balance, then other times it just came off as whiney or bitchy. I am glad I stuck thru the first part, because it did get much better. I am hoping there is more to this story coming, as there was no final ending. I would love to see where it develops. The relationship between Quin and Mat was unique. There are times you just wished Mat would grow up and own up to the fact he was attracted to Quin. Mat really needs to do some self-discovery and ‘find’ himself. The one time this happened wouldn’t ya know they get interrupted. All in all I think this is a good read. This book was given to me in exchange for a honest review.
ABrantley More than 1 year ago
Don't get me wrong. Twilight is one of my favorite books of all time, but still I couldn't resist this novel. Real Vampires Don't Sparkle is less about vampire perfection and more about the vampires we used to know - the ones that were to be feared rather than adored. While the book is about a man running for his life from certain evil, it also contains quite a bit of humor. More importantly though, this isn't a one-trick pony. While today's vampire novels have come to be solely about romance, this book will make you feel more than you have from a vampire novel in a long, long time.