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REmembering BECCALove Is Just A Memory
By Alexander Rosenfeld
AuthorHouseCopyright © 2011 Alexander Rosenfeld
All right reserved.
February 13th, 2009 (I'm not very good at cooking breakfast)
I wake up every morning and my options are already limited. The only things that I know how to cook are breakfast foods, which does not leave me with a very diverse array of options. I can cook eggs, toast, and cereal, and that's it. I like to call it my etcetera breakfast options (etc., eggs, toast, and cereal, get it?). They're the only foods that I have to choose from, but I'm always open to adding more to my repertoire. That is, if I ever decide to get off of my lazy ass and learn how to make some pancakes. How difficult could that be anyway? I mean, they're just cakes in a pan. Anyway, I haven't been the happiest person lately, and breakfast just always reminds me of why I'm so frustrated with my life. I'm not skilled at much, and so I don't feel like I'm going anywhere in life. I think that I know how to get to where I need to be though, but the problem is that it may take a while.
I think the key to life is love. Yeah, maybe that sounds corny, but it's just what I believe. Everyone believes in something ridiculous to keep them going each and every day. The movies always make it seem as if you'll feel something special when you're with the love of your life, and I think that's true, but I also think that I might be romanticizing as to just what that feeling is. Laugh at me for this if you must, but I believe that when you're with the love of your life, you feel what the meaning of life is. It won't be written in words or anything blatantly obvious like that. It will simply be an incredible feeling which can only be felt once you have fully committed yourself to the true love of your life. I don't know, I guess that sounds a bit crazy, but it's just that everyone makes love out to be the most important thing to find in life, and so it would make sense that there would be some clear, magical sign to signify that you have truly found it, such as discovering your own personal meaning to life. I guess, aside from the fact that I romanticize true love to a ridiculous degree, that my problem is that while I know that I want to find love, in order to find myself, I know that I don't really know how to yet. Sometimes I think that my lack of cooking skills symbolizes my unwillingness to open up, and try new things. If I'm ever going to find true love, I'm going to have to learn how to be more open. I'm going to have to learn how to open my heart.
February 14th, 2009 (While I am sleeping my conscience is speaking)
You're like a bookend that sits on a shelf, supporting pages that won't resurrect any form of endearment. You could open the books and read every line, but they were written by someone else, so for you, they won't help a bit. Sure, the books could inspire you to write something of your own, but you're so new to that sort of thing that it's just bound to be some cliché piece of garbage that couldn't woo a lawn gnome. I'm not saying that you're a bad writer or that you're not romantic or even that you're a bad dating choice for anyone between the ages of sixteen and thirty-two. I'm just saying that all you know are bad pick-up lines, corny love poems, and all sorts of other poor romantic sayings that society has bestowed upon you. So, since it is Valentine's Day, and I myself have a heart, I'll let you in on the secret of how to open it up.
Step one: Find a girl who's worth your while. This girl should not have an obnoxiously cackling laugh, an overly gummy smile, poorly highlighted hair, hair that is shorter than yours, a toupee, but then again, you shouldn't have one of those either, an unnecessary passion for unicorns or other mystical creatures, more than three pets, an obsession with perfection, unlimited texting, a pair of pink jeans, more regular underwear than thongs, an STD, or an odd habit of cooking waffles on Sundays when everybody knows that Sundays are pancake days.
This girl needs only to be three things, but she must be all of them. I call it the sunscreen principle, because the girl must be smart, pretty, and fun, or SPF. Her SPF count must be balanced, so that you gain one-third of your pleasure from her from each of these three categories. If she's too smart, she'll annoyingly correct you when you say things wrong and come off as a total smart-ass to your friends. If she's too pretty, she'll either think that she's too good for you one of these days, or you'll act too protective of her, which will surely lead to a break up. If she's too fun, she probably gives into passions she shouldn't on a regular basis, which means she will either cheat on you or tire you out to the point that you honestly can't have any more sex, although you are a man. So, be sure to find the perfect SPF balance or you're bound to get burned.
Step two: Woo her. It's one thing to find the girl who is right for you, and another thing entirely, actually to convince her to go on a date with you. Girls like guys who listen, so start up a conversation about her, and you'll do yourself a lot of good in two ways. One, you'll show that you can listen, and two, you'll learn a lot about her. With this new information, you can begin to leave her cute notes, emails, or whatever it is she likes. Some girls hate the cute stuff, so you'll have to play it cool, and possibly ignore her a bit. Make her think you have other stuff going on. Then she'll think you're important, and become interested as to why you ignore her. That's when you strike, and she's sure to give you at least one date. That's all you need though, as long as you nail step three.
Step three: Wow her. This is the second half of the woo her, wow her process. You've got her right where you want her, on the opposite side of the dinner table from you, but this battle hasn't been won just yet. Now you have to prove that you're entertaining, sophisticated, smart, funny, and everything else that she may be looking for in a man. Some girls just like a guy who has a pretty face and smells good, but be warned that superficial qualities such as these probably aren't satisfactory indicators that the two of you can develop good chemistry together.
Now, as dinner is nearing an end, you need to make your move. At this point, she could either pretend to have other plans or find some other way to avoid spending more time with you, so you have to ask this question just right. Your voice should sound shy yet hopeful; timid yet brave; and mysterious yet enticing. Look her in the eyes, and then look away, seeming to be nervous, but then look back and say, "Would you like to [insert activity here]." This should be your go-to activity, the one that you know you can take a date to and be sure to impress her and show her a good time. Yeah, maybe you're not the type of guy who likes to pull out all the big moves on the first date, but you are trying to have a second date, and this activity is the best shot you have at getting one.
Step four: Get committed. Go on a few more dates, continue to wow her, which I trust you are fully capable of doing, and then get committed. Yes, this will entail some effort on your part, but assuming you actually like the girl, you should enjoy it. Cute text messages randomly sent throughout the day are a necessity, as are flowers every now and then, spontaneous visits to where she works, and watching late night chick flicks even if you do think that they're hurting your performance under the covers. You need to show this girl you care, and that she means more to you than football on Sundays or poker night with the boys. If you can do that, you have a shot at number five.
Step five: Fall in love. If you've been faking this whole time, then it's time to break up. However, if you've done all of this because you actually wanted to, and because the girl you found makes it worth your while to do so, then it's time to fall in love. The secret to this is that there is no set time for it, and it could take as long as never happening or as short as a few minutes after completing step number four. You can't force love, so if you find that you really like this girl, but you don't quite love her, then break up with her and continue performing steps one through four until you find a girl who you do want to fall in love with. Then you can come back and continue reading.
I bet you're wondering to yourself; how do I know if I have fallen in love or not? You will know, trust me. Love isn't accidentally bumping hands while reaching for a chip, catching eyes from across the room, or saving someone from getting run over by the paper boy who's too busy staring at the hot blonde running the other way. Those are coincidences. Love is standing out in the rain until you either die or she gives you a chance; running the last mile to the hospital because your car broke down and you don't have time to call a taxi; and sitting around with her, watching crappy TV on a Friday night instead of going out with the boys, because, for some odd reason, you actually prefer doing that. These are moments when you can realize you're truly in love. If you still don't understand, have no fear, for as I said before, you'll know it when it happens.
Step six: Open your heart to her. Yes, this is the long awaited section you've been waiting for. Sure, I could have told you how to do it some eight hundred words ago, but you would have just ended up doing it all wrong. Why? Because you believe everything I've just said! You're stuck in a relationship with this supposedly perfect woman, struggling to find the words to tell her just how much you love her, and you're wondering why they just won't come to you. Here's a disclosure buddy: you're not actually in love with her! Let's review the steps to see why.
Review of step one: Why you shouldn't look for a girl who's worth your while. I will hold to the fact that you should not pursue a girl who wears a toupee or has an STD, but I suppose that after reading the rest of this paragraph that can be up to your own discretion. This girl should have weird traits! It is way more interesting to date a girl who believes in unicorns, has a gummy smile, owns more than three pets, or has poorly highlighted hair. Girls with odd characteristics better set themselves up to be the perfect woman for you. A perfect woman would be boring, but an odd girl brings excitement, and by growing to embrace her imperfections, your relationship with her will grow stronger. So, don't look for a girl who's worth your while. Look for a girl who's worth a while to get used to.
I do firmly believe in the sunscreen principle, so I won't denounce that. However, it does tie into wanting to find a girl who is a little bit out there. A girl will be more fun if she has odd interests and hobbies. She will be able to open you up to new things, and bring about an excitement a super model most likely could not. A girl will not necessarily be physically prettier if she is a tad odd, but her little quirks might just turn you on in a way that a conventional woman simply would never be able to. Who knows, maybe she's into all that crazy sexual stuff, that at fifteen, you only ever thought could be done on the internet. As for her smartness, well, a girl with a diversity of interests, and strange ones at that, is not guaranteed to be more intelligent than any other woman, but she may appear to be smarter, even if she is not. Why? Well, because she is passionate about things, even if those passions are as weird as having a seemingly unhealthy love for pink jeans. I bet she even looks damn fine in those denim dandies.
Review of step two: Why you don't need to woo her. If you're trying to woo a girl, you're probably acting like someone you're not. Don't target a girl and try to come off as "the man" in order to score a date. Just be yourself, around everyone, and when you meet a girl you might want to date, keep acting like yourself. Sure, do some cute things for her, but don't change your personality. If she ends up liking you, it will be because she thinks the real you is a half decent guy, and then you don't have to be so nervous about step three.
Review of step three: Why you don't need to wow her. Wowing is for magicians, professional athletes, and people who play way too many video games on their computers. When it comes to girls, don't try too hard. Live in the moment and don't try to be someone you're not. There is no need to blow her mind, and make her think that she could never dream of finding someone better than you. Dating is all about chemistry, so if you're acting like your true self and she is acting like her true self, then there is bound to be some form of natural chemistry. That chemistry is what will be the foundation of a strong relationship, not your ability to fit seventeen marshmallows into your mouth. Anyway, that's something she should be able to do, not you.
Review of step four: Don't get committed. You should not have the mental thought of "I'm going to start acting like I'm in a serious relationship with this girl." Just let it happen. Whether it takes two dates or twenty dates, all the cute stuff that comes with being a committed couple should develop from the natural evolution of the relationship. Don't text her randomly during the day just because you want to start acting like you're in a more serious relationship. That, my friend, just like the Titanic, is a recipe for disaster. One day, you will simply start texting her during the day because you actually want to, and that is when the relationship starts getting more serious. In sex, if you force it, they call it rape, and in relationships, if you force it, they call it super awkward. In both cases, she isn't going to like it.
Review of step five: You don't fall in love. Falling means to drop into something. Gravity usually causes a fall, and this force occurs naturally. So, to fall in love means to naturally drop into a state of romantic ecstasy. Why would you want to fall into love? Shouldn't you want to jump into it? As I said before, falling is caused by the force of gravity, and so a person has no control over it happening. However, one can choose to jump, and since love is such a desired element of life, and one that people are picky about in their own individual ways, wouldn't someone rather jump into it than fall? This way you get to make the choice, instead of some odd sort of destiny doing it for you. It just doesn't make sense, that you can choose where to go to college, but choosing who to love, arguably an even more important life decision, has been deemed predestined in some way. You find who you love, you define what love is, and you make it happen. It's as simple as jumping.
Step six: Open your heart to her. Here we are again, the point in this dialogue that has taken just as long to get to as losing your virginity, figuratively speaking. It was necessary to go through those previous steps, because I know that you thought that you were in love with that girl. However, now that you've found a new one, one that follows the correct steps, I'm going to have to disappoint you for just one moment. You still haven't found a girl in the correct fashion, so you are probably not in love with this new girl either. Why? Because you keep listening to everything I say! No one but, you, yourself can tell you how to find the girl of your dreams, get her to go on a date with you, nail that date, both figuratively and literally, commit to her, and fall in love with her. That is all up to you! Don't you see, love isn't something that can be defined, and that is why no one has ever been able to pin point just what love is! Love is what you make it, what you decide it is, and not what someone or something else tells you it is. However, as I promised, I will still tell you how to open your heart.
Oh wait, I can't, but I suppose in saying that I already have. Love will guide you to who you are meant to become, as it is the one entity in this world that can save us all. You will never find yourself if you don't find love, and if you never find yourself, well, then you'll never truly be alive. I know that you know how to open your heart, to find true love and your meaning to life, and take that first step towards becoming who you are meant to be. Now show me.
January 5th, 2010 (Two nights and I can't sleep a wink)
I found her, and she inspired me in a way that I never thought anyone could. I lost her, and now I do not know which direction to take. I can sit here and wait, pathetic as that may be, or I could try and get over her, as impossible as that may seem.
Excerpted from REmembering BECCA by Alexander Rosenfeld Copyright © 2011 by Alexander Rosenfeld. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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