Sarah Starts Living

by Gina Medvedz

Overview

For eighteen years, Sarah has been a devoted wife and doting mother. When her only child leaves for college, Sarah wonders how she will spend her days. But when her husband announces that he is leaving too, Sarah is forced to reexamine everything that she holds to be true. On a dare from her best friend, Sarah agrees to listen to God and do what He suggests. Following signs that she interprets as divine, she winds up in a convent in Connecticut, on a mission in West Virginia, and in a metaphysical bookstore in Pennsylvania. Learning lessons along the way that shift her belief in the nature of God and her mindset about herself, for the first time in her forty-five years, Sarah Starts Living!

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781504329866
Publisher:	Balboa Press
Publication date:	07/31/2015
Pages:	386
Product dimensions:	5.50(w) x 8.50(h) x 0.86(d)

Read an Excerpt

Sarah Starts Living

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By Gina Medvedz

Balboa Press

Copyright © 2015 Gina Medvedz
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-5043-2986-6

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CHAPTER 1

Transition

Sarah's stomach drops as they enter her daughter's assigned room. There, lying on the bottom bunk is Bethany's roommate, Lexi. Although the girls have chatted on the phone about the logistics of everything, such as who would bring the TV or the refrigerator, Sarah could never have pictured the girl who leaps up and pulls Bethany into a bear hug.

"Roomie! You made it!" Lexi cries. They seem happy in that moment, a perfect study in contradiction: Bethany, with her f lowing hippie-skirt and tie-dyed t-shirt, and Lexi, in her leather mini-skirt, black and white striped leggings, and combat boots. After listening for a while to Lexi's endless chatter, Sarah's husband Jeff starts eyeing the door.

"Ready?" he asks Sarah in a low voice. She scans the room. There isn't much else she can do here, and it seems as though she and Jeff are intruding on the girls' private time.

"Is there anything else you need?" Sarah asks Bethany.

"No, Mom. We're great."

We. They are already "we." Sarah knows Bethany will do well. On the day the acceptance letter arrived from Boston University, her daughter ran in circles with a silly grin stretching from ear to ear. High school was never a challenge for Bethany. Boston is a top-rated research school and this is her grand opportunity to excel.

Still, Sarah will miss her. She loves the sound of Bethany's guitar echoing down the hall from upstairs and her excitement when she bounds through the front door after school. Sarah is the kind of mother who loves to have her kid around. The kind that celebrates school holidays and hates when summer ends. Bethany is a joy in her life. Her only joy, if she's honest. Jeff's great, but their relationship is comfortable, predictable. It lacks the enthusiasm that Bethany brings every day with her new ideas and interests to explore. Sarah and Jeff wanted her to experience as much as possible, so they went on road trips, travelled throughout Europe, and visited exotic locations as often as their budget allowed. Their efforts were worth it; Bethany loved England and wants to study abroad there.

Jeff hugs his daughter goodbye and tears come fast to Sarah's eyes. She's amazed how quickly Bethany has grown into a young adult before her eyes. Her little girl isn't crying, though. She's energized and ready, and she'll be fine. Now, if only Sarah could feel so confident.

The ride home is quiet. After a discussion of Lexi's piercings and a disagreement over what to call the electric blue color of her hair, Sarah falls asleep. She dreams that she's sitting in a waiting room when the doctor suddenly appears in his white coat, lifts a hatchet, and chops off her left arm. She awakens to find drool flowing out of the left side of her mouth and her arm tingling with pins and needles.

* * *

Sarah spends the next morning raking leaves and cleaning out the flowerbeds. Later as she showers, the warm water feels wonderful coursing over her sore muscles. The dirt under her fingernails will still be there next week, but she can make herself presentable enough for the bowling alley. Jeff has a tournament with his team, the Bay City Rollers. Allentown Pennsylvania is hardly a bay city, but Jeff's best friend Donny thought it was the coolest name, and the rest of the guys didn't have the heart to shoot it down.

Sarah doesn't mind the tournaments. She likes the other wives well enough, and they've built relationships over time. The conversation is light, usually about the kids or the latest episodes of their favorite shows. Donny's wife Amy is sweet. They can't have kids, and Amy has taken an interest in Bethany's life. Donny and Jeff lived next door to each other growing up. As the wives of such close childhood friends, Sarah and Amy formed a sisterly relationship. They might not have chosen each other, but fate has pushed them together. Shared experiences have paved a rich history, and Sarah is grateful to have Amy in her life.

When Sarah arrives at the bowling alley, she walks around the table, exchanging air-kisses with the other wives.

"Who are you talking about?" she asks, after catching the tail-end of Allison's whining.

"My brother's in town," explains Allison. "His kids make a mess and never clean up, and it's driving me crazy. I can't wait for them to leave. Why does this always happen to me?"

"You think you have problems?" asks Kate. "I have a pain in my side that won't go away. It feels like butterflies most of the time, but then suddenly, it's like someone is thrusting a pencil through my ribs from the inside out."

"You should go to the doctor, Kate," offers Amy, "that doesn't sound right."

"I know!" says Kate. "What do you think it is?"

Everyone ventures a diagnosis, and Kate's mysterious illness seems to subside from a dose of opinions. Sarah considers her hypochondriac symptoms to be a cry for attention, and Kate's banter flows in one ear and out the other.

After what feels like hours, Jeff's hooting and hollering mercifully interrupts their conversation. Another strike lands the Rollers in first place. After high-fives all around, Jeff goes off to the bar for a drink. Sarah is hoping they can leave soon. She has had her share of bowling alley fun. She's looking forward to climbing into bed with her novel. Forty-five minutes later, Jeff looks like he's been celebrating a little too much at the bar, so Sarah offers to drive. On the drive home, she wonders what tomorrow will be like, her first Monday without Bethany. On Mondays, she does laundry and grocery shopping, but really, there isn't that much laundry now that Bethany is gone. Cooking for two people will be strange too. What is she supposed to do with that third chicken breast in the package? She could devise a system of freezing every third breast, until she has two frozen ones, which could then be thawed for a meal. Wow. Is this what her life decisions will be like from now on, and if so, will she die of boredom?

The bed looks appealing. After a quick shower to remove the cigarette smell, Sarah dries her shoulder-length, chestnut-colored hair, grabs her book and reading glasses, and climbs into their king-sized haven. Jeff is already in bed snoring quietly. She gazes at his gray stubble and his salt and pepper hair, and she feels blessed. She leans over and kisses him lightly on the lips. Jeff is a great husband and father. His work in sanitation brings in a decent income, and they've been smart about putting money away. Their parents are generous too, and she's grateful. There hasn't been a time when she wished for more. Tonight though, something feels different, and it goes beyond the new reality of Bethany living in Boston. An awareness dawns of a newly formed space in her heart that needs to be filled. Tomorrow she'll call Desiree. Des always knows how to make her feel better.

* * *

When Sarah awakens, Jeff is already gone. She brushes her teeth, washes up, and throws on her favorite jeans and a gray, long sleeved t-shirt. Jeff has made coffee, she pours herself a cup and snuggles on the couch with their labradoodle, Click. He rests his big head on her thigh, and she runs her fingers through his silky, beige curls, wondering why she still can't shake this strange feeling of emptiness. She dials Des, thankful that her friend has a flexible work schedule. Des deals in high-end accessories, which she buys in New York and sells at home parties here in the Lehigh Valley. Women clamor for the name-brand purses, shoes, and costume jewelry that she sells at prices so low it seems illegal.

Des picks up on the third ring. "Hey Baby! How are you?" she asks.

"I'm alright. Actually no, I'm not alright- I suck. Something is wrong with me." Sarah sounds pathetic, even to herself. In fact, she is reminding herself of Kate, which is definitely not okay.

"Tell me everything. What happened?"

"Nothing really happened," replies Sarah, "it's just that I feel like something is wrong. I feel like there's a hole in my heart."

"A real hole, creating physical pain, or does it just hurt your heart in the hypothetical sense?"

"Yes, that one," replies Sarah. She proceeds to tell Des about the day before, at the bowling alley, when she had such an odd feeling of separation. She almost felt guilty for wanting to get out of there so desperately.

"You and Jeff should go on vacation."

"What?" Sarah questions. "How is that going to help anything?"

"Look, baby," Des responds, "This Bethany thing is a big deal for you! Let's face it, who are you if you're not Bethany's mother? You chauffeured her around for seventeen years. You cooked, cleaned, shopped for her, and carted her all over the universe; all so she wouldn't grow up to be an ignorant fool like me. This is your time now. You're going to have to sit with all of your pains and holes, and figure out what you need to fill them. This isn't something I can fix for you, because you have to do it yourself. If it were me, I would get a massage, or have wild and noisy sex with Bob. You have options now, and you need to take advantage of that!"

Sarah hangs up after they promise to get together soon. She knows Des is right. In truth, she's always right. Des jokes about her ignorance and the fact that she never went to college, but when it comes to common sense, this girl has it. Sarah knows needs to make some decisions about her life, but how can she go about that? She doesn't even know what her passion is, or if she's ever felt any, outside of her role as a wife and mother. Sarah walks over to the mirror in the entryway. It's been so long since Sarah focused on herself, she doesn't recognize the woman staring back. Who is that woman? What does she want?

* * *

At ten minutes after four, Jeff walks in the door and heads upstairs. Sarah is in the kitchen trying to decide what to make for dinner. It's only been one day, and already she's struggling with her perplexing indecisiveness about what to cook for two people. The water in the shower patters like rain above her head. Jeff comes downstairs, pours himself a scotch, and wanders into the kitchen wearing faded jeans and a clean, white t-shirt. He looks like a catalogue model, one of the more distinguished ones for sure, but he looks pretty good for his forty-eight years. He slides into the booth and watches her as she throws together western omelets and a salad.

"How was your day?" she asks.

"It was pretty much the same. We had to pick up leaves after the trash run, so that's why I'm late. You?"

"My day was okay, I guess. I talked with Des this morning. I'm going to go into the city with her tomorrow to help her shop for inventory. I don't know if we'll be back in time for dinner, so you might have to fend for yourself." She places the plates on the table and seats herself across from him.

Sarah looks up at Jeff to find him staring at her with a strange expression. "Is that okay?" she asks, nodding toward his plate.

"What?" he looks startled. Glancing at the eggs, he says, "It's fine. Sarah, we need to talk."

"Okay, what's up?" She notices that he seems nervous. Perhaps Jeff has a plan. She hasn't even thought of that. She and Bethany are the ones who usually organize things. Maybe Des is right, and she and Jeff could use a vacation to get to know each other again, and set some goals.

"I can't do this anymore." Her neck nearly snaps, as his words yank her from her thoughts. What is it that he said? He can't do what anymore? She stares into his eyes, suddenly noticing his fear, or is it concern? She waits for him to continue, thinking that nothing will come out of her mouth if she tries to speak.

"You know as well as I do that this isn't working." His eyes fall to his food, as Sarah's eyebrows shoot up.

"I do?" she squeeks, shocked. "I know this? This is weird, because I don't feel like I know this!" She shakes her head, trying to rid herself of the words that are stuck in her ears like burrs.

"We don't have to make a big deal out of this."

"We don't?" She laughs instinctively, because this is such an understatement. Isn't this the biggest deal possible? What's a bigger deal than this, death? No, death is not such a big deal, because then one of us will get the insurance money and life will continue. How does this work? Will I have to move? Can we afford college and two residences? Oh my God. What will Bethany say? Where will she go for Christmas? It seems trivial and Sarah knows it, but for some reason, this is an issue. Maybe we will still be living together by Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving isn't that far off. Do divorces happen in less than a month? She doesn't think so.

"Look, Sarah, we've grown apart. It happens. We'll both be happier this way." He seems convinced, and a sickening feeling in the pit of her stomach confirms that he has given this much thought.

"I don't understand why you keep including me in this, as if I've ever even considered it!" She can feel herself getting angered by his assumptions. "Do you have any idea how much I love you? Don't you know that I would do anything for you?" Tears squeeze from her clenched eyelids and burn down her cheeks. "How can you do this to us, to our family? How can you think that I want this?" She chokes out the last word on a sob. Her body is shaking with a bone-deep cold, that won't release her from its grip. Sarah doesn't think she will ever be warm again.

Her mind is racing. How did this happen? How stupid am I, that I didn't even see this coming? My God, have I been living under a rock? Sarah reviews the past few weeks and months in her mind. Nothing stands out as unusual. Dinners out with Des and Bob, bowling nights, and family time with Bethany- all process through her memory. Jeff never seemed uncomfortable, or unhappy. Did I do something to upset him? Again, Sarah strains her brain, trying desperately to recall their previous conversations. They don't have sex a lot, but it still happens. Just last week after bowling, they were laughing in the kitchen, playing with the can of whipped cream. Was he thinking of leaving her then? Nothing is making sense to her right now, and she can feel herself shutting down.

Unable to speak, Sarah drags herself up to her room. Click follows along, watching her with big, brown eyes full of concern. It is only five-thirty, but with her head throbbing, and her heart filled with a pain she has never known, Sarah climbs into her bed fully dressed, and pulls the covers over her head. She hears the door open a short while later, and the unzipping noise has her imagining Jeff taking his things out of his drawers, and placing them in the suitcase. Is he leaving? Where will he go? A part of her realizes she is in shock, and that she is thinking he is packing for a trip, from which he will return. He will have to come back eventually, won't he? He has no place to go. At that thought, she hears his footsteps at the edge of the bed.

"I'm going to Donny's. Call me when you're ready to talk." Jeff stands there for a few moments in silence. When she doesn't respond, he walks out and closes the door.

* * *

Sarah wakes up to the sound of her mother's voice on the answering machine. "Hi Honey. Listen, Gladys and I are heading down to A.C. I have comps at Caesars, so we'll be back on Wednesday. It won't kill you to stop by and see Sal. Make sure he eats something. You know how he is, and the last thing I need is to come home to a dead husband. Thanks, Honey. Toodles!"

Louise spends her spare time in Atlantic City with her best friend Gladys. She arranges bus trips, so that she and Gladys can go for free, and they use the profits to gamble. It isn't a bad set-up, as it keeps Louise busy, and gives her something to talk about. Occasionally, Sal will go along, but he says that it's crazy to throw your money away on those one-armed bandits. Louise always argues that it's other people's money, but Sal isn't buying that. "Once they give the money to you, it's yours. You have choices, you know." Deep down, though, Sal is a teddy bear. He is Louise's second husband, and he treats her like a queen.

(Continues...)

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Excerpted from Sarah Starts Living by Gina Medvedz. Copyright © 2015 Gina Medvedz. Excerpted by permission of Balboa Press.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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