A seriously humorous review for the intellectually curious ... and in style and exclusive content, quite unlike ANYTHING written before. A unique experience. Features the Reformation Hypothesis; the Circles of Time; the Bastard Kings of Israel, and numerous other fiendishly original thoughts.
Satan and his minions, Hitch and Snikwad, begin at the Beginning and embark on a journey that takes them through fantastical tales that include: Yahweh’s Re-Creation Day; Eve and the Talking Serpent; Mother No-Ah’s Ark; Father Noah’s Hangover; The Wicked Sodomites Go Blind; The Scandal in the Cave; Tamar Turns a Trick; Holocaust of the Hivites; Joseph’s Magic Wine Goblet and all the sex, drugs, money, murder and mayhem that somehow never quite make it into the weekly sermon.
On the way they discover that the Jewish deity Yahweh is as mythological as the Greek Zeus, the Norse Thor, the Hindu Brahma and everyone else’s concept of what God may possibly be ... if "God" were to actually exist. Not only is the biblical Yahweh not God with a capital “G”, the genocidal old man in the sky is an interloper and very much a newcomer to the business of being an imaginary, lowercase “g” ethnic god. Certain senior priests and pastors and rabbis know this perfectly well – they just keep it to themselves.
Under the fictional fables of angels and virgins and talking donkeys, however, lie what appear to be layer upon layer of ingeniously allegorised human history – genuine history from long before the time of the new Yahweh. The males-only priests of the male Yahweh look to have used well-known myths as cover stories for their Yahwist Reformation: when they evicted Jesus’ corrupt, human-sacrificing, blood-drinking, god-king ancestors from the temple in Jerusalem; blamed women for the corruption, and rewrote many of the biblical writings as political slander … and gave them a curiously anti-Semitic overtone.
About the Author
A seriously humorous Bible review for the intellectually curious. Internationally celebrated author and mythologist Stuart Graham George Lorde-Jardine was born in the prophetically significant year of 1953: the Julian Year 6666. His nativity took place in Northern Ireland on the 8th of June: precisely the 1,321st anniversary of the death of The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh). His father – while perhaps not strictly a carpenter –did undertake woodwork classes at school, and his mother was once a virgin. According to the testimonial evidence of a long-dead maiden aunt, Stuart’s maternal lineage is descended from both the Bruce and Stuart royal families of Scotland. His paternal lineage is of generations of British clergymen and missionaries who carried Bibles and muskets and incurable diseases to unbaptised heathens throughout the Empire and beyond. Young Stuart’s family migrated to the former penal colonies now known collectively as Australia. There he was educated at, and became staff member of, several universities: specialising in economic history. At one such institution he undertook religion studies. The trauma of the experience convinced him the world desperately needed his Reformation Hypothesis and Satan’s Guide to the Bible - a seriously humorous review for the intellectually curious.
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
I haven't read much of this book and I will not. I agree with the second reviewer. But also must add that, If you worship the devil, you must know that God created Lucifer and cast him out of Heaven because he wanted to usurp God , Yawah. He was given a chance to repent and he did not. One of every three angels were cast out with him. Satan is a Liar . He walks the Earth like a lion, seeking whom he will devour. If you think Hell will be fun and your friends will be there, you will be in for a shock. You won't be with any other person in hell. You will be desolate and alone until Gods judgement day, when he will cast everyone who is in hell into a lake of fire! Your soul at that time will truly die and you will be no more! You will simply cease to be. Eternity is a long time to be so alone and without hope. The devil will lure you anyway he can . Be it through sex, perversion, promising you your hearts desire if you worship him. But he is a liar! If you are reading this there is time for you, right now. Just say Jesus , I am a sinner. I don't want to go to hell, I want to be with you in paradise. Wash my sins away and make me clean and a new person. Amen. Then he will Forgive you. Call a pastor and they will help you. Just know this book is one of Satans ways of killing your soul. Read a Bible. It will tell you what to do to gain everlasting life. I am praying for this author and all who are lost. May Jesus take all who are lost in satans darkness and bring them into Gods perfect life. Amen.
This book says that God is nothing more than a mythical imaginary god but let me tell you they are wrong. God is as real as me and you. He made this earth,the universe,He made everything. Some people believe we came from apes or aliens made us or whatnever but who made them? Don't tell me some things can't be explained or that I'm to young to understand because I'm not!!!! God made us and that's all there is to it. Now you may say okay if God made us who made God? There are some things that are uneplainable and that is one of them. But I still believe God exists and loves each and every person in this world. You know why? Because I ssee Him everyday in the beauty of the plants or the gracefullness of a deer. I see Him in each person I come in contact with I see Him in me. I also see Him in His word the Bible. Each person is made in the image of God we all have characteristics of Him. Okay so say you do believe in God but you think He's harsh and so judgemental. God is a just God He needs to judge the good from evil but that's not all He does. What about Jesus Christ? Some people say He was just a good speaker and prophet and He was however He is also the Son of God. The same Son of God who died on the cross the same Son of God who forgave my sin and sooooooo many other people's sin. God loved everbody who ever lived is living or will ever live. He sent Jesus to die a painful and unjust death. Then your probably thinking see I told you God is harsh. Well let me tell you that's not it ay all Jesus knew what was going to happen He did it willingly so you would be forgiven of you sins and live with God forever. Remember going to church with grandma and singing Jesus loves me? Well that song is absolutely true He loves each and every person. Okay so you may know all that already but haven'tt given your life to Jesus I would very much encourage you to do so know. I would be honoered to pray for you and with you so if you would like write a review answering mine with maybe your number so we could talk over the phone or we can talk through the reviews and I lokk forward to bringing you to the Lord. Oh I would loce to answer your questions too!!!
I haven't read the book, just the reviews. I have long suspected that fundamentalists of all religions lack the gene for irony and a sende of humor, which perhaps their constsnt need to eliminate anyone who disagrees with them in the slightest. I have read the Bible many timrs. YHWH is pretty bloodthirsty. Whenever the Israelites need more territory, He tells them to go smite some other desert tribe. As for human sacrifice---I give you the tale of Jeptha's duaughter. Just another sky god who replaced the earth mother goddess. I have always had a certain sympathy for Lilith and Jezebel.