Scriptures

Scriptures

by Debernard

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Overview

Scriptures by Debernard

Scriptures are experiences, thoughts, feelings, freedom, religion, happiness, sorrow, new beginnings, loss, it is life. Readers will be interested in it because we have all had these feelings or experiences and sometimes these things are not easily expressed. It gives words to emotions and experiences and allows the readers to see he or she is not alone. It shows them it is possible to have more than one life experience at a time, to overcome difficulties, to tell someone how much you love them, to say thank you, to believe, to have faith, to fantasise, to be free, to fight back, and to be a victor in life. No one individual is perfect, not only does this book acknowledge that but admits to it. This book is my heart, mind, and soul. Scriptures is my life, my death, and my re-brith.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781449059866
Publisher: AuthorHouse
Publication date: 03/12/2010
Pages: 108
Product dimensions: 6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.26(d)

Read an Excerpt

Scriptures


By DeBernard

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2010 DeBernard
All right reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-4490-5986-6


Chapter One

Trials

The littlest nigga on the block, the one with the 18-inch shotty ... click, click, bang, there goes another body.

The head of the table said do what needs to be done. There's no playing in this game, either stay or run ... get out while you can....if you don't your trapped my man.

Not looked at cause I'm so short, the quiet one, my brother's secret weapon.... that's why I never got caught.

No trust in this game ... I protected the man & his name but your best friend could turn to be your worst enemy. No time to have feelings or guilt for what I've done ... that kind of shit will get you taken son.

Lord I never looked to you except when the time was wrong, but still ... with all that you kept me from harm. I believed in you but had no faith ... my head & heart were below you living in darkness ... and my demons?.. had no face.

Oh Shit, My brother what? Shot in the head? His intelligence gone? Tried to handle business with his hands ... nigga wasn't hearing it.. Bang, Bang. There goes my man!!! Shit I had it ... no more I need out, Remember blood in.. never out.

Things have changed.. word got out ... shorty's starting to calm, those friends I told you about.... yeah ... now they mean me harm!!!

Damn what now? ... I got a son on the way? ... With all this shit I'm going to be a dad? ... I have to get out, that's it I'm done ... take that paper I made take the family & run.

Now I have a family have to keep them safe, I ran but couldn't run far ... shit they found us, take em' out. Shorty w/ the shotty is now in a different game;.... family man is his new name. Damn I made it; I'm out, far from harm.... Take the time morn my brother's death, stop look around, and take breath.

What now?..... New time new fight, I thought my friends were my greatest enemy.... I was wrong.... it was my wife.... damn baby we couldn't make it work, that's ok I have my son & that's all life's worth.

Damn!!!... Trust, love, faith, emotion, all locked in a box shit my head hurts, I feel like it's gonna burst.

Everyone looks & no one sees I'm not who they think I am one more secret for me to keep.

I have issues from time to time, damn!! ... I have to walk away; I could take care of it in a drop of a dime.... but shorty with the shotty is gone, he died.

Lord ... you have given me peace, kept me safe this far at least. I now have faith & I understand of what it takes, to be the man you want me to be ... from this day forward it's you.. my son ... & me!!!!

IF

Two letters can control a destiny ... determine a person's actions Two letters can control your head & heart, IF you let it can tear you apart ...

IF this one lived, IF that one died ... would control.. IF you laughed or cried.

IF I was a better husband..better father ... better son ... better person ... even a better man.... IF I could, would I change ... who I am.

IF you haven't lived, you haven't learned ... & that age-old question..... IF I ruled the world????

IF they would look at us for who we are ... not the color of our skin.... IF brothers would stop destroying themselves from within.

IF you could only see we were meant to be ... just how much I love you ... & how much you mean to me.....

IF I wished upon a star ... they would be in your eyes.... I would take your hand and stand by your side ..I promise I'd keep you safe and that's the way it would be......IF ... you loved me.

IF you had to choose ... left or right ... what would you do???

IF you had the courage, the strength, the wisdom, the power.. would you help those that need you? ... would you be good or evil?????

IF this would have never happened ... IF I knew what to do.... see you can't control IF ... it controls you....

Two little letters ... ain't this a trip???.... See..... life ain't nothing but one big IF!!!!!!!

My Son

The gates from heaven opened from inside.... God put his hand out & laid you down.

I folded my arms & opened my eyes.... to see an angel..... my son..... my life.

You are my first born so I gave you my name.... carry on the legacy & show no shame.

I'm here to comfort, love you & keep you from harm ... I will show you strength & courage to stand on your own.

It gives me so much joy to have you in my life ... to watch you grow up & see happiness in your eyes.

Hold your head high & reach for the stars.... let nothing stop you & be proud of who you are.

We have a love that no one can replace.... I'm able to live my life because of the look on your face. Our bond is something that will never die..... you are my pride & joy & that's no lie.

So my first-born I leave you this word.... I'll always be here & the world is yours!!!!

Searching

I look to you in the darkness of night with tears in my eyes praying for light ... I look to your scriptures for extra strength because you are my heavenly father.... and you have my faith.

There are things that happen & I don't always understand...so much horror and heartache, pain, deceit ... enemies coming from all sides to put you six feet deep. Sometimes I wonder do you see me cry and trying to keep the heart inside ... I know you do and sometimes I think you cry with me or for me and sit me right by your side ... but you still have to let me live this crazy life.

Day by Day

Day by day I've loved & lost ... drowning out the thoughts ... but at what cost?

Monday I hurt, Tuesday I cry, Wednesday & Thursday come ... I feel like I want to die Friday is here ... and I really don't care Saturday & Sunday have come & gone ... Damn!! ... I just want to be left alone

Don't want anyone to see the truth.. just how much I hurt ... without you

So many things stuck in my head...voices & echoes rain.... that's ok ... I've got a thousand ways to numb the pain.

Thoughts flood my head, feelings flood my heart.... day-by-day it's tearing me apart.

I turn my heart to music, which has always been true ... but what am I to do when everything I hear.... reminds me of you??

That's ok because the memories are good.. it just hurts not being where I should

For now I'll take it Day by Day & in the same ... you'll find your way.

Numb

I live in a demented mind, my mind is demented, expectations ... none!!.... It's just like swimming in a sea of blood after pulling the trigger of a loaded gun against my head.... Flowers on my grave, except I'm still awake, each choice I make is the bullet that breaks thru the air striking each part of my being slowly leaving holes all thru me.

Contemplating suicide ... that won't work cuz I can't die, but I can fly, high, thru the sky ... at least that's what he said when I gave him the $20 instead of the $10 & washed it down with a fifth of Henn ... Damn, that's it man!!!

You feel the numbness, the freedom, no more pain, nothing to lose, nothing to gain, let the wind blow thru my hair, 20 stories up & I have no fear ... Damn.. I told you I can fly.... look at me now, no loaded gun, no sea of blood just me gliding thru the air, yeah that's it..I feel so damn free, so damn free, SO DAMN FREE that I didn't even feel it when my mind hit the concrete!

The Pen is Mightier

I put the pen to the paper to reflect what I feel The power of the pen.... Can cause murder.... In some deals These words are formulas of an equation that are brought together to give answers and understandings to my endeavors and after I'm gone.... will live forever. I reflect my anger, my passion, my guilt, my tribulations, my trials, the days I was felt joy....& the nights I cried.

The helped I received ... the love I lost ... my confessions, my questions, my history, my life, the things I did wrong.... & ... the few I did right. I put the pen to the paper to reflect what I think.... providing a different type of knowledge for those to drink ... mentally they see & feel what was taken & what was mine to give.

I put the pen to the paper to confront my fears ... to reflect on a broken past after all these years. I put the pen to the paper the regain my thoughts.... to get to where I need to be because I feel so lost!!!

I put the pen to the paper ... because, god gave me a gift ... some were created be lawyers, doctors, scientist ... I do this!!! I put the pen to the paper...... because I can.... puttin' the pen to the paper reflects... who I am!!!!

Why

Why would you choose to slowly die when you can live forever? Why would you spend your nights crying, your soul dying, your heart hurting, your eyes lying?

Living a lie you know will never be.... hopes of change you wish to see, but there will be no change ... the destiny is yours..... to rearrange. Why would you give up your dream to live a nightmare, or so it seems.... Everyone has wishes of a fairytale ... we made one ... & hell ... it was real.

For the first time your heart was pure, full of love & hurt no more.... You smiled so hard it hurt ... and that's the only time anyone.... heard that word You found something your heart always questioned... for someone to love you & be true is what you were destined.

Why would you not want to be treated with the respect you deserve, a woman of high standards, a woman with class ... admired for her personality ... not her ass.

Can't you see that you can have it all ... not the money & cars but everything that comes with true love ... including my soul?

What is it you can't leave? ... The hurt, disrespect, being called stupid bitch, & the other things outside your name? Feeling tension & stress when you go home, living in darkness & feeling alone?

Why can't you see I'm here? I'll stand in the path of harm & fear; you need not to worry,

I got this!!! ... raise your head & open your eyes & ask yourself the question.... "WHY"?

Blessed

You have blessed me with an heir to my throne, a king one day he will be ... with more heart & mind than me.

The times I ran ... you ran by my side, guiding me thru ... keeping me alive You blessed me with strength when it came time to change ... for my life I had to rearrange You blessed me when it came time to face my greatest fight ... having to sleep with one eye open ... half the night. You blessed me with a presence of an angel you sent from above ... the one who showed me the true meaning of love.

There were times I was cursed ... & felt I lost faith ... felt you turned from me & hid your face.

I yelled at you and asked why? ... why would you take someone I loved?.... more than once in more than one way ... I don't understand? If I'm so blessed why do they leave...you want me to have faith?..you want me to believe?

My brother was taken, my brothers gone ... The one woman I loved ... loves me no more!!!

I've taken it DAY BY DAY ... I've had ENOUGH, I've asked WHY and the TRIALS were too much!!!

Thru all of this you still gave me love.... keeping me as your son.... understanding my pain ... you didn't judge me and you gave me sunshine on days it rained I held up my hands & shed tears from deep affliction ... you embraced me and said .....have no fears ... you will face no conviction.

Thank you so much father ... what can I say? for letting me vast in your glory day after day.

I still don't understand ... & may never know ... but I thank you for the love you've given me ... in more ways ... than one!!!!!

My day

I sit here day after day; thoughts of you fill my head.... I go thru the day with a smile the second I turn my back I frown. Trying to come to terms with what was ... what is & what may be, no matter how much I pretend ... you can see right thru me.

I spent years with my head, my heart, my emotions on lock, the second we started.... that all stopped. I was blinded, blinded because I didn't see you coming.... & this was something I tried to believe I never wanted.

As I think back that first night ... was like damn, ... like it was my first night ... our bodies joined & were a perfect fit ... you came to me & I felt the softness of your lips, the tenderness of your touch, the intensity, the electricity in this feeling ... damn..what the hell???

We looked into each other's eyes & you saw into my soul & in you from my soul, ... provided something you had been denied for so long. Our touch provided us both with something.... we have never known, something thought to be a fiction became reality on its own.

Those feeling continued everyday.... even when we weren't joined as one, but in our hearts & minds.... we always were. Everything about us was perfect ... damn you couldn't get any better if you added water mixed & stirred.

But ... We failed to realize what you left behind ... you didn't have enough time. What I am is what you want, but your past still had you by the hand you struggled to let go but for some reason you can't!!!

Now I spend my days pretending who I was is again who I am, knowing your eyes still see into my soul & I can see into yours, you see you opened something that now can't be closed ... your heart is mine & mine is yours....

Enough

The yelling, the screaming, the cursing, the hatred, the names, the games, who's to blame ...? the light, the dark?

When the hell.. will this all ... just stop?

The lightning, the thunder, the rain of pain..the heartache, the headaches, the drugs, the drinking.

ENOUGH!!!!

Why can't you let me be, love me, leave me kill me, physically, mentally...ah hell it's all the same to me.

What's meant to be.. what's not, who's saying what? The love that's lost, the dreams that fail & at what cost?

The struggles.. the battles.. who's right, who's wrong... how long is this all gonna go on?

Don't push, don't pull, no room to fail.. stop, go, yes, no ... Lie, cheat, steal ... someone wake me up ... this can't be real

I'm ... sinking, I'm drowning ... I can't catch up ... STOP IT!!! I can't take this!!!

I just want to know when.... enough is enough?

Look What You've Done!

You know....you loved me & left me, loved me & left me, loved me & left me ... to think that I loved you after all that was done the time I spent protecting what I had to you broke down as if it was minute!!! I would have done anything for you, fought the world & given it to you, walked across fire & brimstone & you knew this, you chose to use the piece I gave for your own manipulation & deceit.

You caught me by surprise & used the fact I was blind to make what was wrong your right. You used my right to fix your wrong & when you were right your heart took flight. That's it.... it's over & done you played the game & I lost & you chose the wrong one!!!!

In this wrath of hurt & pain I remember the songs, the feelings, see the cards, the pictures, the places the plans & think... how can a love so right be such a lie?.... because you made it one. I understood the first was just something that happened but the second was me being a fool, missing everything about you & not over you so I was exploited & used until it was all good for you.

I'M FIGHTING TO TAKE BACK THE POWER YOU HELD OVER ME, take back what was mine initially, you can have your own pain, manipulation & deceit it will no longer work on me. I've learned a more valuable lesson in this game, no matter how much you try to protect yourself ......your never above the hurt & pain a love that's lost can bring in its rain.... but you can live long & live strong take this lesson & move on so no one can ever break this wall...this one will be stronger & more than 100 feet tall enforced with all that's come from your wrath & a touch of all the pain I have endured from the past ...

So anyone trying to come forth & see what is on the other side will be faced with a mirror of lies, a sea of darkness..... with no light in sight!!!!

This Night

My heart & mind are filled with so much hurt, pain, confusion & conflict & I have to ask myself ... what the hell is this?....what is this that haunts me?........

Is it the woman I loved & lost?...is it the fear of losing someone I love to a sickness with no cure?.......Is it fear of disappointing the heir to my name?....DAMN! ... I just don't know ... it's all in one mind....so it's all the same.

Every night I pray but it always turns out the same.....

"Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray my demons stay buried deep, if they don't this night I awake staring in darkness pondering my fate."

The pressures of the mind feel like a vice, the heart is hurt, bruised, beaten & battered so I keep my distance & let others think it doesn't matter.......

Don't worry I'm strong, made of steel, the "S" on my chest tells you the deal....but if you ask I won't tell you it sometimes means..Sadness, Sensitive, Sarcastic (to hide true feelings), Shielded (to protect this heart from dealings), Secret (to which I keep my identity) or Sin (to which I commit & carry).

(Continues...)



Excerpted from Scriptures by DeBernard Copyright © 2010 by DeBernard. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Table of Contents

Contents

Introduction....................viii
Trials....................1
IF....................3
My Son....................4
Searching....................5
Day by Day....................6
Numb....................7
The Pen is Mightier....................8
Why....................9
Blessed....................10
My day....................11
Enough....................12
Look What You've Done!....................13
This Night....................14
My First Love....................15
Truth....................16
Daydreaming....................17
Thoughts of You....................19
My Prayer....................20
A Piece....................21
For The Love of a Child....................22
Gratitude....................23
Help!!!....................24
Just a Taste....................25
'One Red Rose' (Special guest addition written by: Lucci)....................26
Silence....................27
Mr & Mrs Smith....................28
The Sound of Your Voice....................29
Wake UP....................30
Freestyle....................31
Missing you....................32
Testimony....................33
Lost....................34
In You....................35
Praise....................36
The Great Escape....................37
What I Feel....................38
Separate Ways....................39
This Is Only a Test....................40
Get High....................42
Blind I....................43
I'm Tired (Collaboration with Lucci)....................44
Alright....................46
Domination....................47
My Hero....................48
Closing Prayer....................49

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Scriptures 5 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 1 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I though the author displayed true life through their eyes, you can actually feel the anger, sorrow, and joy in the writing. I related to the material, and was impressed with the new author.