Table of Contents
The Profiler's Daughter 1
Two Husbands Real and Fake 17
The Fake Trip 39
Seeing As Your Shoes Are Soon To Be On Fire 61
Brazilian Fight Club, a.k.a. "Foreign Exercise Class" 77
The Gold Star Breakup 87
The Profiler vs. the By-Referral-Only Tarot Reader: An Interlude 105
Somebody's French Girl: Un Essai En Quatorze Morceaux 119
Icky Sweater 139
Love and Death and Faith and Fate and Marine Iguanas 145
The Profiler Selects 157
The Skeptic and the Vision Board Party 167
The Hidden Gem Of America 177
33 185
The Manifestation of Señor Bacon 199
Stars Burned Twice As Bright 205
Crab Legs In Her Carry-On 215
Appendix A The Profiler Checklist 231
Appendix B The Special Ed Behavior Modification Expert's Manual for Getting Controlling Mothers Under Control: Techniques for Managing Your S'mother 237