S.E.X., second edition: The All-You-Need-To-Know Sexuality Guide to Get You Through Your Teens and Twenties

S.E.X., second edition: The All-You-Need-To-Know Sexuality Guide to Get You Through Your Teens and Twenties

by Heather Corinna

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Overview

S.E.X., second edition: The All-You-Need-To-Know Sexuality Guide to Get You Through Your Teens and Twenties by Heather Corinna

The go-to sex ed guide for teens and young adults, tackling everything you want to know about sex, from consent, safe sex, emotional health and more, from the founder of scarleteen.com.

As a teen or emerging adult, dealing with all the changes going on in your life, body, and mind can be mighty overwhelming. When it comes to sex, everyone seems to have strong feelings and opinions about who you should be and what you should (shouldn't) do. How do you decide who to listen to? Heather Corinna and Scarleteen have provided sex education and information to millions of young people, parents, and mentors since 1998; S.E.X. tackles all the big topics:

  • Self-image and how to find and claim your own sexual self
  • How to best protect and support your sexual and emotional health
  • Sorting out gender and sexual identities, even when they're complicated and confusing
  • The latest on contraceptive methods and other reproductive choices, sexually transmitted infections, and safer sex
  • Finding, creating, and managing healthy and happy relationships
  • How to set and respect limits and boundaries, and rock consent
  • Identifying, preventing, or healing from abuse or assault
  • ...and much more.

Whatever your gender or sexual identity, whether you've already been actively exploring your sexuality or are only just getting curious, S.E.X clearly spells out what you need and want to know--no shame, no judgement, just comprehensive and accurate info in a clear, straightforward language.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780738218854
Publisher: Da Capo Press
Publication date: 07/12/2016
Sold by: Hachette Digital, Inc.
Format: NOOK Book
Pages: 480
Sales rank: 762,364
File size: 8 MB
Age Range: 9 - 18 Years

About the Author

Heather Corinna is an educator, activist, and Internet publisher and community organizer. She has been teaching for over 25 years, and founded Scarleteen, the award-winning and pioneering sexuality and relationships resource for teens and emerging adults, in 1998. She lives in Washington state.
Scarleteen.com
Twitter: @Scarleteen

Table of Contents

Thank You xiii

Foreword xvii

Judy Norsigian and Wendy Sanford, cofounders, The Boston Women's Health Collective, and coauthors of Our Bodies, Ourselves

Who's Tills look for, Anyway? 1

A Foreword for Parents, Teachers, Mentors, and Other People Who Care About Teens and Emerging Adults

1 Pledge Allegiance … to Myself and the United State of My Sexuality: 11

An Introduction for Readers

2 Your Sexuality and Your Body: An Owner's Manual 14

What Is "Sexuality"? 14

What Can Be Part of Sexuality? 15

Circles of Sexuality 16

Let's Talk About Sex 19

Mega-Metamorphosis: Puberty 20

Braaaaaaaaiiiinnns 24

Tingly Bits 25

Reproductive and Sexual Anatomy: What's Up Down There? 26

Every Body's Got One 26

You've Got Some Nerve! 27

The Vulva, Vagina, and Uterus: From the Outside In 27

Clit Lit 28

Life on the Inside 30

The Menstrual Cycle. Period 33

Where Can Aunt Flo Go? Menses Management 35

When the Rag's a Drag 37

Breast Basics 39

The Penis and Testes: From the Outside In 41

The Foreskin (or Not) 42

Life on the Inside 43

Vasocongestion (aka Blue Balls) 47

Too Loose/Too Tight! Too Long/Too Short! Too Large/Too Small! Or, What Goldilocks and the Three Bears Have to Do with Your Genitals 48

What's "Normal" Down There? 55

3 The Problem with Perfect: Body Image: Or, Why Appearance Isn't All It Appears 56

Body linage 57

Ten Bodacious Ways to Boost Body Image 57

Disordered Eating and Eating Disorders 61

Don't Make a Mate a Minor 62

Who's at Risk of Disordered Eating, Body Image, or Self-Image Problems? 63

The Ideal Spiel 64

Whole Body/Whole Sexy 66

Viva la Revolución! 67

4 Sex Starts with You: Arousal, Orgasm, Masturbation, and Fantasy 69

Arousal and Orgasm: Human Sexual Response Coming and Going 69

The Basics of Sexual Response 70

Sexual Desire 70

Annual 71

Plateau 72

Orgasm 72

Resolution 74

Ejaculation 75

How Do You Tell If You've Had an Orgasm? What If You Just Can't Have One, Ever? 76

Buzzkills 77

Masturbation: A Sexual Solo 78

False and True 79

How Do You Masturbate? 80

Keeping It Safe 81

But Only Losers Masturbate! 82

How Much Is Too Much? 82

Fantasy Fodder: Sexual Fantasy 83

Which Fantasies Are Okay, and Which Aren't? 84

And Your First Sex Partner Is … ? 84

5 So Much More Than Either/Or: Gender Identity and Sexual Orientation 86

Genderpalooza! A Sex and Gender Primer 86

Beyond the Binary 91

Trans-lation 92

Transition 92

Gender Confirmation Surgery 93

Transphobia, Discrimination, and Bias 93

Gendermending 95

How to Be Transfriendly and Subvert Crummy Gender and Orientation Stereotypes in Five Easy Steps! 96

The Rainbow Connection: The Spectrum of Sexual Orientation 97

What Do All These Words Mean? 97

Feeling, Not Just Doing 101

How Do I Know if I'm? 102

To Be or Not to Be: Is Sexual Orientation a Choice? 102

What Does It Mean to Be Queer, Bisexual, or Pansexual? 105

"Bad" Words 106

Coming Out 108

A Basic How-To 110

6 You, Me, and Everyone Else: Big Outside Influences on Your Sexuality 116

Your Family 117

What Makes a Family? 119

Your Friends and Peers 120

How to Ask Family or Friends to Turn Down the Volume 122

Media 124

What's "Media"? 124

Not Just What, but How 127

Sexual Entertainment Media 128

Pornography: Not Realistic Since Ever 129

All/Most/Some Sexual Media or Entertainment 130

The Worst of Us, Sexified 131

How Should We Feel About Sexual Entertainment? 132

"They Saw It in Porn, So Now They Want and Expect It from Me" 134

Making Sense of External Messages and Hearing Your Own Voice 136

7 On Board the Relationship 139

Relationship Should Be a Verb 140

The Scariest Tiling on Earth (or So You'd Think): Rejection 140

Dating: Different, Not a Dinosaur 142

Relationship Models: What Works for You? 147

Closed or Open? 149

Dating and Relationships 3.0 153

How Do Yon Find a Fantastic Relationship, Anyway? 154

On the Other Hand 155

In-Person Big Plans: Made Best in Person 156

Basic Online Safely 156

Safety Dance! 158

When Run, Don't Walk Is the Catchphrase 158

Without a Map: Relationships Outside the Box 158

Those Three Little Words 163

The Test of Time: Long-Term Relationships 164

What's Typical in Long-Term Relationships? 165

Looking Toward the Future 167

In Conflict 168

Conflict Resolution: A Crash Course 169

Dysfunction Junction: The Crummy Stuff 171

The Great Escape 172

Adventures in Splitsville: Breakups and How to Deal 175

When Is It Time? 175

How Do You Do It? 176

Healthy/Unhealthy 176

The Mourning After 178

"Just" Friends? 180

8 To Be, or Not to Be … Sexually Active 182

"It" 184

The Sexual Readiness Checklist 186

Great Sexpectations 188

Get Real: Unrealistic Expectations and Scenarios 189

No Harm, No Foul: Limits and Boundaries 191

Consenting 192

A (Not So) Basic Consent How-To 194

Explicit Consent: Using Words 194

Nonexplicit Consent 196

Accepting and Respecting Nonconsent 199

Considering Your Ethics, Beliefs, Culture, and Values 200

What's the Right Age for Sex? 203

To Plan or Not to Plan, That's the Question 203

Lights, Camera, Action! 203

Worst-Case Scenarios 204

But Wait- 205

Being a Prude (and Other Really Crappy Names for Choosing Not to Be Sexually Active) 205

Intimacy: Bonding Basics 206

Are You Mental? Yes! 207

Virginity: Past and Present 207

So, Who's a Virgin and Who Isn't? 208

Be a Blabbermouth! Communicating with Partners About Sex 209

How to Talk About Sex 209

Speaking Your Own Language 212

Body of Evidence: Legal Issues and Your Sex Life 212

How to Work the System So It Doesn't Work You 221

9 Popular Mechanics: The Ins and Outs of Sex with Partners 223

Kissing 225

Petting/Massage 226

Mutual Masturbation 228

Frottage or "Dry Sex" 228

Manual Sex 229

Oral Sex: Cunnilingus 231

Oral Sex: Fellatio 231

Oral Sex: Analingus 232

Vaginal Intercourse 234

Hip to the Hype: Common Intercourse Problems and Expectations 236

Anal Sex/Intercourse 239

Sexting, Cybersex, or Phone Sex 242

Sensation Play 243

"Kinky" Sex 243

Role-Play 243

Bondage/Restraint 246

Body Fluid or Blood Play 247

Sex Toys 247

Yes, No, Maybe So: A What-You-Want-and-How-You-Want-It Sex Checklist 250

The Ol' Give-and-Take: Sexual Symmetry, Reciprocity, and Equality 255

Reciprocity, Reloaded 255

Sex and Obligation 256

Faking It 257

Having Trouble Reaching Orgasm or Feeling Aroused with a Partner? 257

Who's in Charge? 259

Sexual Differences vs. Sexual Incompatibility 259

Aftercare 260

"Queer" Sex and "Straight" Sex: What's the Diff? 260

Sex and Disability 261

The Popular Mechanics Roundup: The Five Most Important Things to Remember During Partnered Sex 262

10 Safe and Sound: Safer Sex for Your Body, Heart, and Mind 264

Taking Care Down There: Sexual Health Care 264

Your Business, Their Business: Healthcare Confidentiality and Privacy 265

Before Your First Sexual Health Appointment 266

Who Provides Sexual or Reproductive Health Care? 267

Sexual Health Care for Beginners 267

Sexual Healthcare Discrimination: Roadblocks to Good Health 273

DIY Sexual Health Care 276

Check Yourself Out! 277

Urinary Tract, Bacterial, and Yeast Infections 280

Safer Sex 101 285

Quick STI Risk Assessment 286

Practicing Safer Sex: A Lesson in Three Parts 287

Why Practice Safer Sex? 288

Safer Sex, Part One: Barriers and Other Gear 288

Condoms 288

Dental Dams 295

Safer Sex, Part Two: Testing and Annual Sexual Health Exams 297

Safer Sex, Part Three: Lifestyle Issues… 300

Easy Ways to Incorporate Safer Sex into Your Sex Life 302

"Don't You Trust Me?" 303

What If Your Partner Won't Practice Safer Sex? 304

What If You Do Get an STI? 305

How to Make Disclosing an STI Easier 307

11 Harm's Way: Abuse and Assault (and What You Can Do About Them) 310

The Ugly Truth: Statistics 312

More Vulnerable = More Vulnerable to Abuse 312

Types of Abuse 313

Abuse Does All This 318

"But I Love Them" 319

The Cycle of Abuse 320

Taking the Blinders Off; Identifying and Coping with Interpersonal Violence and Abuse 321

Listen, Tell, Leave 323

Breaking the Cycle 326

Protecting Yourself from Abusive Partners and Relationships 329

Can't Happen to You? 329

Protecting Each Other from Abuse 330

If You or Someone You Know Has Just Been Sexually Abused or Assaulted 331

Bystander Intervention Basics 332

Healing and Dealing 338

Healing 101 339

12 To Be or Not to Be … Pregnant: Contraception 344

No Birds, No Bees, No Bull: How Conception Really Happens 347

The Birth Control Breakdown 351

Abstinence 353

Barrier Methods 354

Condoms 355

Diaphragms and Cervical Caps 356

Contraceptive Sponge 358

Hormonal Methods 359

Combined Oral Contraceptives, aka the Pill or BCP 360

The Vaginal Ring 362

The Patch 363

The Injection (Depo-Provera) 364

The Implant 365

IUDs 366

Emergency Contraception (EC) 368

Birth Control Methods Not Generally Recommended for Young People 370

Withdrawal (aka "Pulling Out") 370

Fertility Charting/Natural Family Planning (FAM) 371

Permanent Birth Control (Sterilization) 373

What Isn't a Method of Birth Control? 373

It Doesn't Take a Village … but It's Awfully Nice to Have One: Birth Control Discussion with Partners and Parents 374

Discussion with Partners 374

Reproductive Choice, Sans Uterus 377

Discussions with Parents 380

13 Oh, Baby (or Not)! Reproduction and Reproductive Options 382

13 How Can You Tell If You're Pregnant? 382

How Long Have You Got to Decide? 383

Pregnancy and Delivery Basics 384

Labor Day 386

Miscarriage: What It Is and Why It Happens 388

Reproductive Options: Parenting, Adoption, and Abortion 391

Parenthood 391

Young Adult Parenting: Perils, Pitfalls, and Perks 391

If You're Considering Parenting 396

The Adoption Option 396

Abortion: Terminating a Pregnancy 398

Medical Abortion 398

Surgical Abortion 399

What to Expect During an Abortion 400

Unloading a Loaded Issue 402

To Tell or Not to Tell 404

How to Tell Partners and Parents About an Unexpected Pregnancy 404

Telling Partners 405

Telling Parents 407

For the "Dads" 408

Big Impacts, Big Choices 409

14 How to Change the World (Without Even Getting Out of Bed!) 411

Appendix A Common Sexually Transmitted Infections: STIs from A to Z 415

Appendix B Bibliography and Recommended Resources 428

The People in Your Neighborhood: Your DIY Local Resource Page 445

Index 447

Customer Reviews

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S.E.X.: The All-You-Need-To-Know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You Through High School and College 4.6 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 7 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I bought and sent this to my daughter (I'm a divorced dad) who just turned 18 and is asking all the interesting questions (I'm her confident). She has found it informative and wish most of this had been taught in Sex class in high school. It's a great book, it's simple and direct, but covers alot of very important issues. This book is sex-positive, easy and enjoyable to read. "It's like hearing it from your best friend, just that she's also a Dr. and a shrink"
TeensReadToo More than 1 year ago
If you're looking for the definitive guide to sex and sexuality, and everything that it entails, then look no further than Heather Corinna's fact-filled book. With straightforwardness, humor, insight, and directness, the founder and editor of www.scarleteen.com delves into every aspect of sexuality, and presents it in a way that teens and young adults (and us old adults, too!) can truly understand.

Everything -- and I mean everything! -- is covered within the pages of S.E.X. From Your Body: An Owner's Manual to To Be, Or Not To Be...Sexually Active, Ms. Corinna puts everything into perspective, for both girls and guys. There are thirteen main chapters included, along with appendixes that cover sexually transmitted diseases and infections and a bibliography and list of recommended sources (which include phone numbers and websites, as well as books).

If you've ever had questions of any type about sex, or about your sexuality, then this is the book to use as a reference. There's nothing silly or embarrassing in this book -- just straight questions and straight answers. There are parts that are humorous, but underneath it all is just frankness for the seriousness of the subject matter. Heather Corinna knows that sex is serious business, and that staying both healthy and happy is, too.

This is a great book! Give it to your sons and daughters, your nieces and nephews, your friends. Read it with them, and don't be afraid to discuss what you've read. If everyone -- regardless of age -- is informed, then sex and sexuality will never have to be a taboo subject.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I am 19 years old, and I can attest that this book is WAY WORTH IT. Parents, this is the book to buy for your kids if you want to start talking about sex with them. This is my message to Heather: I have read your new book, and it is SO useful in so many ways. First of all, I was very impressed by the way you discussed controversial points in issues like masturbation and sexuality-you kept things light, conversational, and informative, but made a conscious effort throughout to be all-inclusive of everyone. You were sensitive to the beliefs of ALL your readers, not a small feat! I think that just discussing the way you talk about a certain subject would be a great way for everyone to become more conscious of how they use their own words. Also, I think reading the book is also a great conversation starter between adults and children because your writing style suits all ages. At certain points I would call the book a self-help book because you convey that exploring sexuality, and knowing about sex, is empowerment. Many of your passages are almost like inspirational talks to be more open, and observant, and tolerant of others...I must say that some of it was quite moving 'I can get very emotional right before my period...last month I cried at an Matisse exhibit because it was so beautiful'. It sounded like you were right next to me, encouraging me in a bright, positive, go-gettem' voice. Bottom line: you're great at teaching about sex! why? because you don't tell us what's right, but show us how to find it 'sexuality, gender, identity, tolerance, the right partner, an alternative to tampons...all of it!' on our own. Didn't mean to write all that, it just came out. I just wanted to say thank you for writing such a great sex book. Although I learned a few new things, I wish I had this book a few years ago. I will make sure to pass it on to my sister!
Guest More than 1 year ago
I am a 23 year old recent college grad.And a former teen sex educator. This book is necessary. A long time fan of The Guide to Getting it On. The S.E.X guide expands it to the populations that are usually afterthoughts and often most endangered. There is a necessity for serious and friendly non sarcastic or ironic sex discussions. A reviewer is very right not a lot of kids are having these conversations. The ones that are however in all their per mutations are having better sex lives. This book is a great guide to helping those who are not naturals at these conversations have them and not feel self conscious.
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book is honestly amazing. It adresses pretty much everything about sexuality and, this, in a way that is easy to understand. So everything you want to know about sexuality, you'll find that in that book and easily too. The book is entitled S-E-X, but it's so much more than just that, in fact, it covers a lot of other subjects that goes from body image to relationships. The way it's written, nothing seems too taboo of a subject, it's written in a honest and sometimes also humoristic way that makes reading anything but long and boring. Another thing that is cool about this book is that it talks to everyone out there : not just the heterosexual folks, not just the girls, not just the sexually active ones but everyone. So everyone can find themselves included while reading the book which makes it even more special and valuable given it's not everywhere we can find books like that nowadays. Really, I think it's a book everyone, no matter who they are, no matter their gender or their orientation, should have by all means by their bedside.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This is an excellent book that teaches any person how to be safe sexually. It is clearly written and does cover every subject thoroughly. I wish this were given to parents when their first child is born so that the parent would know the information by the time their child starts asking questions about sexuality. That would give the parents about four years to read the book!
Guest More than 1 year ago
I went home for Memorial Weekend and my mom asked me to give her my thoughts on this book.  She bought a copy with the intention of giving it to my sixteen-year-old sister being in my last few quarters of college, she thought it would be good to seek my opinion.  The author is out of touch with teenagers and completely unrealistic with what she expects from them.  She says things like teens should, 'Discuss their desires and have open and honest discussions about their sexuality, so that they can enjoy a life of truly fulfilling sexual intimacy.'  (I don't know if those are the exact words but there's alot of advice like that throughout the book.)  Teens are not going to even come close to having such a discussion with friends even, let alone someone they are fooling around with.  I don't have those conversations in college.  It's just very unrealistic and advice that really is better for someone in their 30's or getting married, no younger than 25, for sure.  The other problem with the book is that it's dull and won't hold a young person's interest for more than a few pages.  It sounds very scientific, although it does have lots of good biological information.  (That stuff is more likely to gross teens out, though, more than help them.)   The reality is teenagers and college students today want to be constantly entertained.  Anything intended for them needs to be entertaining all the time.  They also would much rather go to a message board or chat room, using an anonymous name to answer questions about sex, than openly discuss it with anyone, even a partner.  I've seen things like, 'I was with a girl a little bit two days ago and now I'm afraid she might be pregnant.  I didn't use a condom, I was just in for a second because I wanted to know what it felt like.  I feel bad because I can't even ask her because we are not talking now.  Can you help me?'  That was by a guy who's 16, using a screen name.  Do you really think he's going to sit down with a girl anytime soon and discuss his feelings and sexual desires for a 'fulfilling life of sexual intimacy?'  Now way.  He's not even talking to a girl he just fooled around with, probably because they are both too embarrassed.  That's what teenagers and college students want to know how to talk to each other, how to get the other sex's interest, how to know what a guy or girl is thinking, and so on.  They have no interest in serious adult conversations, they're simply not mature enough.   There does need to be good, accurate information for teenagers, moreso than ever before because they are getting lots of misinformation in those chat rooms from other kids and from entertaining sites.  Kids today read Tucker Max and CollegeHumor (which does have some good advice here and there for college students).  The sites are crude but make us laugh and are honest.  Books or sites intended to give us and teens good advice need to be just as entertaining.  I told my mom to get my sister a copy of 'God is a Woman: Dating Disasters'.  It is hilarious, full of the honest real life dating and sexual misadventures of a guy, very entertaining and holds teens interest, because it is on the same level of sites like Tucker Max and CollegeHumor.  It covers all kinds of real topics, though, like date rape, losing your virginity, and talking to the opposite sex.  It's stuff we want to know in a way we want to hear it. As a parent, you may not like the graphicness of God is a Woman, but your kids are already reading much worse stuff online, believe me.  Better for them to get the right information from that book than the info they are getting from those other places.