Sex, Love, and Dharma: Ancient Wisdom for Modern Relationships

Sex, Love, and Dharma: Ancient Wisdom for Modern Relationships

by Simon Chokoisky


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Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781620552872
Publisher: Inner Traditions/Bear & Company
Publication date: 10/05/2015
Pages: 384
Sales rank: 1,210,822
Product dimensions: 5.90(w) x 8.80(h) x 1.00(d)

About the Author

Simon Chokoisky teaches Sanskrit and Medical Astrology at the Ayurvedic Institute in Albuquerque, New Mexico. He also runs a private consulting business based on his trainings in Vedic life mapping and Vedic astrology. The author of The Five Dharma Types and creator of the Decoding Your Life Map with Vedic Astrology DVD series, he travels widely giving seminars. He lives in Albuquerque, New Mexico.

Read an Excerpt

Chapter 6

The Laws of Attraction
Woman as Laborer and Man as Warrior


How does a man generate attraction? The answer is, find your quality. Find your uniqueness and superiority—areas where you excel and are unlike anyone else. Understand your dharma type and play up its qualities.

Are you a Warrior? Show a potential partner what a powerful mission you have protecting those who can’t protect themselves. If you don’t have such a mission, find one. It can be teaching guitar to innercity orphans or donating goats to village families. Women are interested in a man who wants to make the world a better place. Also show her your courage, decisiveness, and adventurous spirit by going to places that highlight these traits. From rock climbing to strip poker, show her your mastery in everything you do.

Are you an Educator? Show her your class, culture, and intelligence—not in a self-absorbed way that glorifies you but by truly adding to her wisdom. Show her your ideas, and how they set you apart. Let her see others admire you for them—social proof is a powerful aphrodisiac.

Having a mission and wanting to make the world a better place is a basic Warrior trait that all men can cultivate as they all carry the seed of the Warrior type. Develop Warrior traits that will help you stand up for and respect yourself—don’t let your compassion and surrender make you spineless; instead, let them be a sign of your inner strength.

Are you a Laborer? Show her how good you are with your hands. Your practical sense has no equal—you can make things that other types only dream about. Let her see your skill. Play up scent, but use a light touch with cologne or essential oils—don’t overdo it. Be plain, direct, and overwhelm her defenses with your genuineness and attentiveness. Have self-respect—you’re a catch, and show her that you respect her too, but without buying gifts or flattering her; your attention and presence is your gift.

Are you an Outsider? Then wow her by being unpredictable, different, and exciting. Use these sparingly, as too much unpredictability can also make you look unstable. There is nothing as fascinating to a woman as a man with an air of mystery. You were born unique, so demonstrate your ability to wear many hats by taking her to places she’s never seen. Go Mongolian dining then cave spelunking. You love your freedom—demonstrate it by never being outwardly predictable. Contrast that with inner emotional consistency and you become a riddle she’s dying to solve.

Are you a Merchant? Then fun and enthusiasm are your charm. Use your wit and connections to show her the best time of her life. Show her that you can have fun regardless of where you are. Be up to date on fashion, women’s clothes, and other details of pop culture to create fun conversation. Use money wisely—show her you know its value and what to do with it.


Biologically, women’s bodies are wired to look for quality and men’s for quantity. A woman’s body judges quality by subconsciously continually testing men and evaluating their responses. If a man meets the quality standards, this generates desire to be with him. When a man fails to meet these standards, a woman’s body disengages from him, and her feelings cool. Basically a woman looks for two things in a man: genetic superiority and stability.

Genetic Superiority

Short-term compatibility created by personal chemistry, a man’s physical proportions, smell, taste, personality, wealth, humor, popularity, social standing, and other attractive features is based on genetic superiority. It qualifies a man as a potential lover and candidate to father a child.

Women’s bodies react to genetic superiority by creating powerful sexual attraction. The tests for this may be different from those that determine good long-term partners or providers. Here, women are not necessarily looking for relationship material, but the best choice physically to pass on genetic material. For men to ace these tests they must create an overwhelming display of quality, whatever that may be. Men who cannot do this but who show stability and other positive qualities, like nurturing and friendship, fall into the next category.


The other way women judge potential partners is by their ability to stay, provide, and care for their offspring. These tests begin with the first meeting and continue for the duration of a relationship. They are unconscious trials set up by a woman’s biology to ensure that a man is suitable to not just father but to rear children. When a man displays provider qualities, like financial stability, an ability to compromise, and putting the relationship before his own needs, women’s bodies perceive this as long-term courting behavior and tend to withhold sex and continue testing until either marriage or a long-term relationship is established.

A lover is a short-term candidate to whom a woman responds sexually. A provider is a long-term candidate to whom a woman usually responds by withholding sex. Knowing in which bracket he wants to be is crucial for a man. Men continue to grow by facing and learning from the real-world testing by women in their lives. These tests help men to become their most authentic selves by weeding out their inauthentic behavior. Women have evolved sensitive meters that can determine if men are living their highest life. By continuing to test them throughout a relationship, women help men evolve.

There is no greater cause for a Warrior than a just battle. At some level all men are Warriors, and the toughest battles they face are usually at home, in the intimate arena of interpersonal relationships. A man’s potential for greatest growth comes from learning to live with a partner. There are no obstacles that the world can throw at him that are more creative, challenging, and frustrating than those proposed by women.

Table of Contents

Discovering Your Dharma

Part One
Creating a Framework for Success in Life and Love

1 Inside Us All
The Origins of Dharma

2 The Roles We Play
General Principles of Dharma

Your Dharma Type as a Guide for Life

4 From Ama to Agni
Lessons from Ayurveda and Your Dharma Type to Create Full-Body Health

5 From House to Home
Using Vastu Shastra to Create a Home to Match Your Desires

6 Physical Dharma and the Doshas
Lifestyle Practices to Optimize Your Sex Appeal

Part Two

Putting Science and Spirit behind the Act

7 The Laws of Attraction
Woman as Laborer and Man as Warrior

8 Sex in a Sacred Society
A Modern Application of Traditional Sexual Initiations

9 Nourishing Sex
Optimal Sexual Practices Based on Gender and Dharma Type

Part Three
A Formula for Relationship Longevity

10 The Yoga of Love
Applying Yogic Principles to Your Dharma Type and Relationships

11 Love in the Stars
Astrology for Timing Sex, Marriage, and Other Aspects of Life

12 Love and Dharma
How Knowing Your Dharma Type Can Strengthen Your Relationship

Life Is in Your Hands


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