Helen Boyd's partner, who had long been open about cross-dressing, was considering living as a woman full time. Suddenly, Boyd was confronted with the reality of what it would mean if her partner were actually to transition—socially, legally, and medically. As Boyd struggles to understand the nature of marriage, passion, and love, she shares her confusion and anger, providing a fascinating observation of the ways in which relationships are gendered, and how we cope, or don't, with the emotional and sexual pressures that gender roles can bring to our marriages and relationships. She's Not the Man I Married is a more expansive examination of gender in relationships for couples of all sexualities and readers who fall anywhere along the gender spectrum.
|Publisher:||Da Capo Press|
|Product dimensions:||5.50(w) x 8.62(h) x 0.75(d)|
Table of Contents
Author's note: on language & pronouns & taxonomy 17
Girl meets boy 21
Confession of a grown-up tomboy 48
The opposite of 49 87
Snips & snails & sugar & spice 124
Wearing the pants 161
Genitals are the least of it 198
Love is a many-gendered thing 231
Betty's afterword 264
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
Most books about transgender accounts are about the person who is transitioning, this book is about the effects on other peoples lives. This is a very personal account on finding how to deal with issues of gender, social norms, etc. It's the first book I would recomend to someone with a trans/gender queer/ cross dressing spouse. I also recomend that the trans person read this book.
I really liked this book; I enjoyed Boyd's honesty in her compassion for her husband and the struggles of Betty's decision on whether or not to fully transition MTF. Not only is it clear she is in love with her partner, but that there is compassion in the question of whether or not she's going to be able to say. As a non-trans partner, I really appreciated the moments of "I know exactly what you're talking about" that I haven't been able to have with other literature.
A really interesting narrative about how we navigate gender in different parts of our lives: how we are perceived by others, how we perceive our own gender and sexual orientation, how gender does/doesn't affect our relationships, and how love (hopefully) conquers all.