Read how C.A Rivers went through hell to get to her spiritual life. C.A Rivers doesn't have to look for "Someone Please Love Me" anymore.
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Someone Please Love Me
A True Story of a Dancer from the Movie Porky's
By C. A. Rivers
AuthorHouseCopyright © 2013 C. A. Rivers
All rights reserved.
Indian Mother and Patty as a Young Child
Back many, many, moons ago; there was an Indian maiden whose mother had her out of wedlock. This started a chain reaction of unwed mothers in this family. Back in those days, it was taboo for a maiden to have a baby out of wedlock. The maiden became pregnant by a Cheiracahua Apache Indian Chief who lived in Chino Valley, Arizona. At the time of conception, the chief was drunk and assaultd the young maiden. Luckily for the infant, abortions were never heard of at that time and the maiden gave birth to a lovely little Indian girl. Unfortunately, since her bloodline was from an alcoholic father, the child acquired the alcoholic genes from her father. In the future, the gene was passed down to other children in the family.
After the girl was born, she was such a tiny little baby that her mother gave her the name of Tina. Tina grew up to have a bad life, living as an alcoholic, just like her father. When she was sixteen, her mother moved from Arizona to Indiana where she started living her evil life. Tina really hated Indiana and did not want to live there.
When Tina was sixteen, she was already carousing around. One day Tina was drunk, acting crazy, and decided to hitchhike back to Arizona. On her way back to Arizona, a truck driver picked her up. Of course this truck driver took a liking to the little Indian girl and wanted to have sex with her. This truck driver was a red headed Irishman and there was such a difference between them that this turned Tina on even more. She was so turned on that she just could not say no and they had sex. Tina ended up back in Arizona living with her grandmother, but not for long. A few months went by and Tina's mother found out that she was pregnant by a trucker.
Tina's mother was furious about this pregnancy and went to Arizona to get Tina and made her return back to Indiana. Tina's mother was so mad at her because of this pregnancy that she set up a marriage for her with a man that was twenty years older than Tina. Since this man was twenty years older, Tina ended up hating him and her mother for forcing this marriage upon her. Seeing that she hated the man so much, all she wanted to do was drink, run around on this man.
This man Tina had to marry was a tall, dark, handsome Italian man who had his own business; a trucking company. But Tina didn't care. She still hated him because he seemed like an old man to her. Tina's mother set up a nice little wedding for Tina and her man, but Tina still didn't like it. Since Tina hated her new husband so much, she would never have sex with him and this made him very angry. He knew she hated him, so he would assault her; this way he could at least get his satisfaction, but she ended up pregnant again. The problem with this pregnancy was since she was running around so much; there was no telling who the father really was. Luckily for this infant also, there were no abortions allowed at that time, ether. So, Tina gave birth to another child with the alcoholic genes. Tina still hated the man she was married to and went whoring around even more. By this time, she was about twenty years old and still had not grown up yet, she was a partier.
At this time, Tina got into prostitution with people who were involved with the mafia. Because of this, she was scared of everything and everyone. She surely did not want another child to cramp her lifestyle and did not want her husband to find out about another pregnancy. So, she gave her first daughter away and tried to abort the second one.
With the first child, Tina tried to abort it, but it didn't work. However, with the second one, she really went over-board. Tina took pills, but that didn't work; next, she tried sticking things up herself. This ended up damaging the child's head. Even though she tried all of these things, the baby was born anyhow and she gave it up for adoption. Tina was turning out to be a devil instead of a sweet little Indian girl. She had stuck things up herself, taken pills, and tried everything imaginable to abort the second child, but nothing worked. Tina would have a bad karma to pay for now. When she was about 6 months she ended up in the emergency room giving birth to a five-pound baby girl whose head was badly damaged; the baby turned out to be very weak and sickly. The baby's head turned out being badly damaged.
The ironic thing about this birth was the name she gave the baby. The name Tina had picked out for the first child she gave to the second child, also. Tina figured the second child would not live, so it didn't matter to her what the baby's name was.
When the woman gave birth to her first daughter, she called her Cindy Ann and gave her the last name of the Italian man she was married to at the time. Now, she gave birth again, thinking that this child would never survive. Tina gave her the exact same name of Cindy Ann and the same last name of the Italian man, also. Even to this day, the two girls do not know their biological fathers.
This evil woman was so awful she even tried to slit her own wrists because she hated her life so much. She was so afraid her husband would find her. Even though she slitting her wrists it didn't work; she had to live on to pay for her awful sins in her life. Obviously she hated herself and everyone else in her world, or she would have never tried to end her own life.
After she tried to slit her wrists but was unsuccessful, she ran away. This time, she gave her first daughter to a woman at a boarding house and left the second girl for dead in the hospital. Then, thinking she was rid of all her troubles, she left town. Since Tina did not have any kids around now, she could run away from the man she was married to.
After the Italian man found out about the woman leaving her girls, he was furious and started looking for them. He put an advertisement in the newspaper trying to find them, without any luck at first. Then one day, a woman called him and told him that the evil women left the first Cindy at a boarding house. The woman at the boarding house told Tina's husband that Tina had another child and left it for dead in the hospital. The Italian man was shocked to find this out. By that time, he had no idea of whether the second Cindy was alive or even where Tina was hiding.
The Italian man was very happy to hear about the first Cindy and immediately went to get her. The first Cindy was very fortunate to be found and the Italian man raised and spoiled her all of her young life. As time went on, the man never found the second Cindy or Tina, but he did hear about Tina turning to prostitution and being an alcoholic. He was told that prostitution was an inherited trait; he hoped the girls would never acquire that trait from their mother. Now there was a new trait for the two girls; there was the possibility of inheriting the traits of prostitution, alcoholism, or maybe both. Even though the two girls were raised in separate environments, their lives turned out to be very similar.
The Italian man hated Tina for all of the evil things she had done and would have killed her if he had ever found her. This man had a lot of money and influence and could have done it if he had really wanted to. The Italian man raised the first Cindy and bought her everything imaginable, but that maternal love was always missing. Cindy grew up to have a chip on her shoulder and never really appreciated what she had. She grew up to be a hard-core, self-centered, person. There was the big difference between the two girls; the first Cindy always wanted revenge for what her mother had done to her and the second Cindy was more cheerful and forgiving.
Later in life, Cindy's Italian stepfather told her that she had a half-sister somewhere with the exact same name as herself. Immediately she was jealous. The first Cindy was jealous because she did not like the idea, that they both had the same name.
However, the second Cindy had an altogether different personality and outlook on life. It seemed like the second Cindy had more love in her heart; possibly like her unknown father, but so unlike her mother. The first Cindy was more like her mother, Tina, with her hard and cold heart.
The second Cindy was more like an Indian princess than her mother or her sister ever could have been. This girl was sweet, tiny, with a dark olive complexion, big dark green eyes, and shiny straight black hair. Cindy had a bad start in life. From day one, her mother tried to abort her and left her for dead in the hospital orphanage. She was in the hospital orphanage for six sickly months. Because of her mother stuck things up herself little Cindy's head was damaged. When she was born, she had dark black hair that had to be shaved off so that they could do surgery on her head.
Cindy was all alone in the cruel, wicked world and the only thing her mother ever gave her was a hand-me-down name and a beaded baby bracelet with her mother's name on it. The bracelet was from the hospital anyhow; her mother really did not give it to Cindy. The bracelet was pink with black letters on the beads. It wasn't much, but it was all she got from her mother.
There were several things she did inherit: a lot of talent, courage, and strength to survive. But that was probably inherited from her father because her mother was a selfish weakling and always tried to take the easy way out.
One other thing Cindy did get from her grandfather was her Indian beauty. The Indian genes really came through for little Cindy with her Indian features.
One sweet summer day, the little Indian princess had a change of luck. It seemed God was saving her for something special in life. Two German people came to the orphanage looking for a little daughter to adopt. The German people were a very nice couple from Nebraska that moved to Indiana, Indiana and opened up a dry cleaning establishment. The German people were well liked by a lot of people and could easily afford to adopt a little child.
The names of the German people were Hanes and Sally. Hanes and Sally were their nicknames. They were old enough to be Cindy's grandparents, but that was no problem for them. In that era, there was a depression going on and World War II had just ended. Hanes and Sally were in there fifties at the time and did not have any children of their own. The reason Sally did not have any children of her own was because when she was a young girl, she got pregnant. A quack doctor botched up the abortion and she could never conceive after that.
Hanes and Sally ran a very successful business and could afford to live in a nice neighborhood. They had a cute little white house with a white picket fence around it. This was a little dream house in St. Clair Shores, Indiana and the German people wanted a little child to share it with them. That's why they started looking for a child.
One day, Hans and Sally went to the Catholic Social Service at the Providence Hospital in Indiana, hunting for a baby. When they arrived at the orphanage department of the hospital, the nuns were very glad to have them because there were so many orphans at the time. The nun, Sister Ann, took them around to see all of the infants. There were all kinds of infants to choose from.
It was the year 1942 and there were plenty of war babies, so it seemed to be an easy way to find the perfect child for them. As they were looking, they spotted little Cindy; she did not look good at all. She had been struggling along for six months now and still only weighed about six pounds. She was thin, weak, had a peaked color, and her hair was still shaved off. Hanes and Babe were very inquisitive about the reason why Cindy's condition was so bad.
As the nun proceeded to tell them all about the tragedy of Cindy's birth, the nun added, "You better not pick Cindy because she is not expected to live." The German people didn't want to hear any more about it. They had already made up their minds. They told the nun, "Little Princess Cindy is the one that we want." The German people told the nun that, "With a little love, she will survive." The nuns did not argue with them and decided it would be good for Cindy to be adopted by these nice people.
There was one request the German people had as they were filling out the adoption papers; it was to change Cindy's name to Patricia Ann. They didn't like the name of Cindy because of the evil woman that gave it to her. They kept her second name of Ann mostly because it was the nun's name that helped them find the little princess, and the name Ann because it would be her saint name for her christening, also.
Well, it was time to take Patty home. Patty was the nickname they decided to call Patricia Ann. As they went home, they were very proud and happy. When Patty arrived home, there were all sorts of surprises waiting for her. Hanes and Sally had bought every toy imaginable for Patty. Patty even had her own dog named Brownie. The main reason Hanes and Babe bought Brownie was because his birthday was on the same day as Patty's, June 23, 1942.
Patty and Brownie became the best of friends. When Patty would eat ice cream, she would share it with Brownie; she would take a lick, and then Brownie would take a lick. Brownie became the only living thing that Patty could relate to at that time. Being the only child and not having many friends or any siblings made it lonely for Patty. It seemed like later in her childhood, all of her friends were so jealousy of Patty. This was the cause of loneliness for her as a child. So Patty's closeness to Brownie helped her.
Patty was very fortunate at the time because she had all the material things a child could ever want. But, there was still something missing from her life, parental love. Another reason Patty was fortunate was because she was a very intelligent child. When Patty got older she could remember things from her infancy, like being in the baby buggy, her crib, and playpen. Patty must have also had some kind of intuitive powers at an early age, but she was unaware of it at the time.
It's a rare thing for an infant to have such powers so early in life, but she had control over people already. Patty could manipulate people and she didn't even realize it until she was much older and could look back at her life. She later could see she had a very creative mind as a child also. When she would play as a child, she would dress up the kittens like babies and she would be the mom. Patty did not really realize what she could do until later in life, when she had discovered it.
Patty's parents loved her so much that they had special dresses made just for her. The dresses even had little bonnets to match. The colors of the dresses were a pretty pink or sky blue and with plenty of lace. Patty's favorite outfit was her red velvet one with her black patent leather shoes to go with it. The outfits looked beautiful with her ebony hair and olive skin.
At the time, it was hard to get metal because WWII had just ended, but Patty's father found a tricycle for her. He also purchased a metal swing set and a scooter. Since Patty was so lonely, she really loved her toys. There was one toy in particular that she cherished; it was her real lamb's wool stuffed teddy bear. Patty used to take her bear everywhere with her.
Patty really started relating to her teddy bear. She even had the fantasy that the bear was her boyfriend. Patty even imagined it was her boyfriend, even though she had no idea what a boyfriend really was at that time. Patty's loneliness put her in her own fantasy world.
Because of her closeness to the teddy bear, Brownie, her dog, was jealous and decided to tear up Patty's bear and so he did. Patty's teddy was all gone now. Patty was broken hearted because of her bear. It seemed like all through her life, the things that she held dear to her were always being destroyed somehow.
Now that her bear was gone, Patty was lonelier than ever. Her parents loved her, but there was always something missing; that physical affection and maternal love. The only way her parents knew how to love her was to give her material things.
As a child growing up, Patty could never remember her parents ever hugging or kissing each other and they never hugged or kissed Patty, ether. It was like they didn't know how to show affection.
When Patty was in her fantasy world, she could remember listening to the radio. As she stared up at the big brown radio listening to stories; she would fantasize. Some of the stories were Fiber Magee and Molly, The Squeaking Door, and Let's Pretend. They were her favorites. These stories were her way of escaping her lonely world.
When she grew up, she felt life has made things too easy for people. These days, people have forgotten how to dream and how to enjoy the simple things in life that are free. Things like listening to birds, or the smell of newly cut grass, looking up at the clouds in the sky, and imagining they are different animals. Also listening to the crickets chirp on a warm summer's night. Patty used to do all of this and didn't want to ever lose it.
Excerpted from Someone Please Love Me by C. A. Rivers. Copyright © 2013 C. A. Rivers. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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Table of Contents
ContentsAbout the Book, xi,
Chapter 1 Indian Mother and Patty as a Young Child, 1,
Chapter 2 Youth from age 9 to 16 and modeling school, 14,
Chapter 3 Patty at the age of 16 to 17, Her Assault and Boyfriend Ken, 32,
Chapter 4 Billy Her First Husband and Her Girls Barb and Pat, 44,
Chapter 5 Patricia Dancing in Indiana and Ben when He was Her Boyfriend, 61,
Chapter 6 Second Husband Ben and Son Sam, 75,
Chapter 7 Third Husband Henry, 97,
Chapter 8 Boyfriend Larry and Canada, Granddaughter Lyn, 113,
Chapter 9 Name Change to Cindy and Ben #4 the Devil, 134,
Chapter 10 Husband #5 Paul, Alaska, and Tragedy with Sam, 139,
Chapter 11 Husband #6 Bob and Meeting Family, Grandson Brent, 153,
Chapter 12 Sam #7 and Jamaica, Sailboat, and Gail, 176,
Chapter 13 Hermon #8, Indian Wedding and Indian Dancing, 192,
Chapter 14 The Enlightening of Hermon's Infidelity, New Life with Sam #9, 196,
A message from the author, 209,