Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder / Edition 2 available in Paperback
Do you feel manipulated, controlled, or lied to? Are you the focus of intense, violent, and irrational rages? Do you feel as though you are constantly trying to avoid confrontation?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you should remember this: It’s not your fault. And you’re not alone. In fact, the person you care about may have traits associated with borderline personality disorder (BPD), such as emotion dysregulation, impulsive behavior, unstable sense of self, and difficulty with interpersonal relationships. No matter how much you want to be there for your loved one, at times it can feel like you are walking on eggshells.
This compassionate guide will enable you to:
- Make sense out of the chaos
- Stand up for yourself and assert your needs
- Defuse arguments and conflicts
- Protect yourself and others from violent behavior
Stop Walking on Eggshells has already helped nearly half a million people with friends and family members suffering from BPD understand this destructive disorder, set boundaries, and help their loved ones stop relying on dangerous BPD behaviors. This fully revised edition has been updated with the very latest BPD research and includes coping and communication skills you can use to stabilize your relationship with the BPD sufferer in your life.
About the Author
Paul T. Mason, MS, is vice president of clinical services at Wheaton Franciscan Healthcare in Racine, WI. Under his leadership, the mental health and addiction care service line has expanded the number of inpatient services and outpatient programs it provides for patients, family members, and loved ones affected by borderline personality disorder (BPD). His research on BPD has been published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology and his written work has appeared in the news and print media.
Randi Kreger has brought the concerns of family members who have a loved one with BPD to an international forefront through her website, www.bpdcentral.com, and the Welcome to Oz online support community. Through Eggshells Press, she offers family members a wide variety of more specialized booklets and other materials. She was also instrumental in the formation of the Personality Disorders Awareness Network (PDAN), a not-for-profit organization. Kreger is author of The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook and The Essential Family Member Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder. She speaks and gives workshops about BPD internationally.
Table of Contents
Introduction: Intimate Strangers: How This Book Came to Be 1
Part 1 Understanding BPD Behavior
Chapter 1 Walking on Eggshells: Does Someone You Care About Have BPD? 9
Chapter 2 The Inner World of the Borderline: Defining BPD 21
Chapter 3 Making Sense of Chaos: Understanding BPD Behavior 49
Chapter 4 Living in a Pressure Cooker: How BPD Behavior Affects Non-BPs 67
Part 2 Tacking Back Control of Your Life
Chapter 5 Making Changes within Yourself 83
Chapter 6 Understanding Your Situation: Setting Boundaries and Honing Skills 107
Chapter 7 Asserting Your Needs with Confidence and Clarity 135
Chapter 8 Creating a Safety Plan 159
Chapter 9 Protecting Children from BPD Behavior 177
Part 3 Resolving Special Issues
Chapter 10 Waiting for the Next Shoe to Drop: Your Borderline Child 199
Chapter 11 Lies, Rumors, and Accusations: Distortion Campaigns 213
Chapter 12 What Now? Making Decisions about Your Relationship 225
Appendix A Causes and Treatment of BPD 237
Appendix B Practicing Mindfulness 243
Appendix C Reading List and Resources 257
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
I borrowed this book. Borderline Personality Disorder is a complex, difficult to deal with and highly undiagnosed mental disease. While the idea of the unstable girlfriend or boyfriend is common enough to be a comedy (and horror) stereotype, this book explores a very real disorder that might be behind the actions. And unlike many books on the topic, it focuses on the supporters, caretakers, or those who have been scarred by the actions of a BPD person. This book is very clear, easy to read and includes a ton of resources for those struggling to handle the seemingly manipulative and contradictory (and sometimes outright dangerous) behavior of a BPD-afflicted person. Referrals to other books or related topics, online communities and loaded with anecdotes this book is a support itself, and practically screams "We understand. You are not alone." (Which those struggling sometimes need desperately to hear.) It's not perfect, as it focuses more on identifying and explaining behaviors and the anecdotes mostly center on displaying situational BPD behavior, not on the coping side of the book. But it is a handy, comprehensive addition to mental health libraries or a useful guide for those trying to handle the effects of BPD. In fact this is an excellent place to start in a quest to both understand and recover from the damages that this emotionally crippling disease can cause.
Good basic book on BPD, and provides a foundation to understand the various manifestations of this condition.
This book set my soul free. It was recommended by my psychiatrist in order to make me understand what I have been through and finally stop carrying the blame, shame, and low self steem of a relationship with a BPD. This is the kind of book that only a Non-BPD will understand. I start crying non-stop for the first 3 chapters because it was put into words all my pain, fears, and traumas from that horror movie that was my relationship with a BPD. If someone rate this book low it's because they have no idea how true that can be and only someone who have been there will recognize the value of this book. To me is amazing!!!!! Thanks Paul and Randi for helping me to set my soul free again and to recover and heal from that tragic past.
A book that finally got my husband to see what he's really like, and that it just wasn't me. This book saved our marriage.
I can't believe how much this book made sense. It enlightened me after years of frustration. I only wish I would have read it years ago.
This book has been eye opening for me! It is my life in a nutshell. It is well written and gives great tools and examples of people with BP and non-BP as well. I would highly recommend it to anyone who is struggling with someone in their life that manipulates, blames and hates you but then loves loves loves you. Crazy cycle that I've been living and now I can recognize it for what it is and get help. Thank you :)
Easy read. A very helpful book.
Absolutely terrible book. It treats the BPD patient as a non-human, as well as makes generalizing statements about borderline patients. Not all BPD patients are guilty of manipulation and emotional abuse. In fact, that's not even a listed symptom in the DSM criteria. So why is there an entire book dedicated to, "Are you being emotionally abused? Maybe your loved one is borderline!" That's not how borderline works, and assigning labels to people who are harmful ends up hurting those who have these disorders and aren't guilty. Thanks to books like this, people with borderline are treated as sub-human trash. Thanks to books like this, there is stigma, which puts blame on victims and keeps them from seeking treatment.