How to Heal a Broken Heart
Discover the superhero within your own heart. Every women knows that sometimes, love hurts, and learning how to let go of lost love can seem impossible. You find yourself asking, "How do I live without you?" The good news is that inside each one of us is our very own love superhero. You can find the strength inside yourself to live and love like never before, and Superhero of Love will teach you how.
Moving on after heartbreak is much easier when you use your five superpowers. You already have the power to get over your break up─to find happiness again. In Superhero of Love, expert author and writer Bridget Fonger shares her own personal experience of going through a painful breakup and shows you how to rediscover your deep connection to your own heart, the ultimate source of love in your life. Bridget's method reveals The Five Superpowers:
- Super Sight – the courage to see clearly
- Super Hearing – the ability to hear your highest truth
- Super Humility – discovering your true place in the universe
- Super Self-Love – the magic of being in love with you
- Super Alignment – knowing the presence of the divine in all things
Learn how to get over heartbreak and soar. Whether you’ve been burned by a recent breakup, are harboring old wounds, or find yourself thinking, “Is this as good as it gets?” Superhero of Love will help heal your broken heart and show you that we are all superheroes who are born to fly. In this book, you will discover:
- Tools for strengthening your emotional resilience
- How to break free from old patterns that keep you stuck
- How to gain wisdom to empower you to be your mightiest self
Readers of books on how to heal a broken heart like The Wisdom of a Broken Heart, How to Fix a Broken Heart, and This Is Me Letting You Go will find happiness again with Superhero of Love.
|Product dimensions:||6.00(w) x 8.90(h) x 0.60(d)|
About the Author
Bridget Fonger wanted to figure out why her heart was so devastated after what she thought was just another breakup. So, she went on a life-altering journey through her heartbreak and loss, coming out on the other side with more power and a stronger ability to love and be loved. In her book Superhero of Love, she chronicles this journey and offers techniques, exercises, and tools that helped her to become Love Strong.
A freelance writer and Thrive Global blogger, Bridget is committed to helping women have the most vibrant, fulfilling lives possible. She is the co-author of The Lazy Woman's Guide to Just About Everything and passionately aids women in setting up their own personal Superhero of Love Boot Camps.
Bridget has been doing meditation and transformative work for over 30 years. She currently lives and thrives in Altadena, CA. Visit her at superherooflove.com.
Read an Excerpt
WAKE UP YOUR SUPERHERO
A hero is someone who has given his or her life to something bigger than oneself.
Joseph Campbell, The Hero's Journey
It was my first betrayal. As soon as I discovered the intricate web of lies he had spun over the course of two years, I broke it off with the man I will refer to here as Mr. X. This breakup brought me to my knees. I thought I knew better. I thought I was better — better at being me, at relationships, at being aware. After many years of diligently working on myself — alone and in partnership, in and out of long-term relationships — this dramatic ending left me stunned. I thought I had done it all. I was a personal-growth ninja, for God's sake, starting in young adulthood with meditation, then individual and group therapies, then off to an ever-burgeoning and juicy spiritual practice, followed by intense personal-growth workshops, more meditation, more spiritual work, more deep dives at every opportunity. What, oh what, had I missed that had left me in this state?
Most of us have been burned at some point in our lives, left in a pile of ash by some life-altering loss. Somehow, just as in a cartoon, the little bits of nearly weightless ash, helped by a gentle breeze, become more weighted and gather into a semblance of human form again. And we carry on.
Is my head on straight? Can I put weight on both legs? Do I look human from the back, too?
Several days after I broke it off with Mr. X, I ventured out of the house with my not-so-fully formed self, acting as if I were back to normal. But I wasn't. I was walking in Old Pasadena, a rather sparkly shopping area in Southern California, hoping that the tiniest bit of its shine would rub off on me. I felt dull, gray, hunched over physically and mentally. I looked across the street at a couple who caught my eye. At that moment, the man spontaneously grabbed the woman's face between his two hands and kissed her. Mr. X used to do this — kiss me with wild abandon in public — and I loved it. He once twirled me around and dipped me dramatically in a grand hallway in Vegas and asked me to marry him. I love grand romantic gestures and, normally, witnessing any couple's private moment of bliss from across a busy street would have made me smile. But it didn't. Instead I thought: "I wonder what lies he's telling her."
That bit of inner dialogue was my wake-up call. I knew that if I didn't start working on the internal filters creating this jaded worldview, I would never be able to open my heart fully again.
But how could I heal? I felt as if my heart and mind were on fire with incessant negative chatter: "What about that time?" "How about that woman?" "Where was he that night, that day, that afternoon?" "Did he mean it when he said that?" My thoughts were consumed with the betrayal, the many lies, as if pointing my finger at any one detail would take away the pain. But something inside me remembered that wise old saying: "When you point a finger, there are three fingers pointing back at you."
That first step I took — recognizing my own role in this state of affairs — required an inner strength that came from the yet-unrecognized Superhero of Love inside me. I forced my pointing finger back so that it pointed in the right direction — toward me. I had work to do. Me. My work. It had nothing to do with him. So, I got to work. I reached out for support and I made a commitment to be open to whatever came my way that could help me on the path to healing.
You may not believe this, but there are people all around you right now who want to help you. People really do have a natural instinct to help one another. You may not have recognized it before, but I encourage you to look at those around you with fresh eyes and to seek out people who can help you on this journey. It's simple. All you have to do is ask. Who wouldn't want to step into that beautiful Temple of the Mighty Heart with you?
Debbie Ford, who passed away in 2013, was the first coach to step into my temple. Debbie was an author and thought leader whose books continue to bring shadow work to the masses. Debbie brought all things "shadow" into the light and was as courageous and fierce as she was open-hearted. She inspired me to work with my own shadows in a way that still empowers me.
Soon my personal temple began to fill with other wise teachers. I discovered Mark Nepo's The Book of Awakening, which put a salve on my heart. Then came Marianne Williamson's Enchanted Love Workshop, which allowed me to soften and open my heart more than ever before.
Then, to conquer more of the subconscious debris inside and open myself even more to the Divine and to love, I started studying with Master John Douglas. Master John is a spiritual leader from Australia who is in the business of clearing away all that stops us from being our mightiest selves, lending divine intervention to help us remove our subconscious blocks.
These were the first superhero voices to echo in my Temple of the Mighty Heart, and they remain with me today.
You have been blessed with superheroes in your life as well. You may have just thought of some as I mentioned mine. You will gather even more around you as you progress through this book. And now you have a place to keep their wisdom thriving, a place where other wise voices can join you on your journey, a place to practice and hone your powers — your very own Temple of the Mighty Heart.
From that temple, we will begin the work of uncovering what is creating the crazy firestorms of pain that can happen after a loss. We will look at what can block your powers — saboteurs and kryptonite. And you will become very savvy about what makes the all-important Mighty Flame burn bright within you. Once you start to see what you are looking for in yourself — both what is empowering and what is disempowering — you will jump into superhero training camp to get your heart into shape, set up your Love League, and find your superhero training coaches. You will then explore the five superpowers and learn how to sharpen, test, and refine them. Finally, you will complete your pre-flight prep so you can go out into the world and spread your love far and wide!
You will hear stories that show you what it takes to be a Superhero of Love. You will complete exercises to help you increase your awareness and hone your powers. And you will get three diagnostic checks — one at the beginning, one in the middle, and one at the end of the book — that will help you chart the progress of your Mighty Flame's growth. It's important to acknowledge where you stand as you move along on your journey and, most especially, to witness your own transformation. This allows you to acknowledge how far you have come and how close you may be to unleashing your love into the world.
The more conscious you are of the Superhero of Love who has been inside you all along, the more you can attend to nurturing the Mighty Flame that is the source of her powers. In case you feel that your flame could use some extra support as you go, I have given you additional exercises at the end of the book called Mighty Flame Boosters to help fan the flame.
First, let's get a glimpse of the five superpowers that you will develop throughout the book to methodically feed your Mighty Flame. Every one of us has all five, but some are more naturally developed in each of us. You will learn to recognize and appreciate these superpowers in yourself and others. I give them here in the order in which I discovered them, as they each dive a little deeper into the heart.
One of your main tasks in this book is to shed some light on the unhealed corners of your heart. Super Sight helps you to look bravely at the previously unseen wounds that are keeping you stuck in your pain and anger. It allows you to remove the blinders you have put on to shield you from the truth.
If you find yourself complaining that you are always blindsided in relationships or that you keep repeating the same patterns even when you know they aren't in your best interest (or even go in the opposite direction of your goals), then strengthening this superpower will help you. I had to develop Super Sight to see why, even though I felt like a strong woman with high self-esteem, I found Mr. X's love far shinier and brighter than my love for myself. I had to root around in those dark corners of my heart to revisit losses I had previously experienced and shine some light on them as well. I had to have Super Sight to see what needed to be cleared away in order to uncover why I was drawn to Mr. X, and I had to rediscover the sparkle that he saw in me. I had to see it for myself to believe it and own it.
Super Hearing allows you to hear your inner voice and follow its direction in spite of negative, disempowering chatter. You can regularly hear guidance from God, Spirit, your inner knowing, nature, or whatever higher power you acknowledge. This is the one voice that you can always trust — the one that will lead you to your highest heights. Being able to hear it clearly is a priceless gift worth pursuing.
If friends complain that you don't listen, if you have your own inner monologue that distracts you, or if you are always going nonstop, then honing this superpower will help you quiet the noise and recognize clear guidance. It helped me hear the call of love so I could move toward opportunities to love and be loved, and be of greater service to others.
When you have Super Humility, you are more able to express gratitude for and acknowledge the perfect way that the Divine works through you in your life. You see as much perfection in the moments that look and feel challenging as you do in those that seem flawless. You can acknowledge the extraordinary forces that are greater than you and allow them to strengthen and open your heart even more.
If you find yourself complaining often or wallowing in self-pity, if you think that you have to do everything alone or are easily frustrated or angered by life, then cultivating humility will change your perspective. I developed my own mantra while working on this superpower: Everything is perfect just the way it is and just the way it is not. When I am swinging through the jungle of crazy emotions, I grab onto this mantra like a sturdy vine to bring me to safe, firm ground.
Super Self-Love will help you prioritize your heart's recovery, strength, and vitality. Through it, you will be able to tap into feeling supremely loved no matter who is around you or what the circumstances may be.
If you have a pattern of saying disparaging things about yourself, if you bow out of the game of life or habitually deflect compliments, words of appreciation, or love, then you likely need to develop this superpower. And if you feel incomplete without a partner, this power is especially important to develop.
Practicing self-love helped me feel more comfortable in my skin than ever before, to know that I am just as powerful when single as I am in relationship. It taught me that the source of all love is right inside me. It always has been and always will be.
Super Alignment allows you to tap into your highest truth at lightning speed and transcend that which stands between you and your inner knowing. You become your own divining rod, aligned with your spirit's center at every juncture.
If you think of yourself as someone who is in control, always knowing what is right and wrong — if you can be thrown off your game easily or if you push away opportunities or requests to be vulnerable — this power will serve you well. This superpower allowed me to turn inward and ask the questions that can bring me most expediently to my highest purpose and my divinity — questions like "What is my truth right now?" or "How can I best serve my soul's purpose?" And I always receive a clear answer.
CULTIVATING YOUR SUPERPOWERS
The five superpowers work together to make the Mighty Flame grow. Focusing on one power at a time can be effective, because each power reinforces the next, and each effort feeds the Superhero of Love. When you are feeling out of sorts, let yourself be guided gently toward the power that calls to you. As you do the work to develop all five powers, new traits and opportunities will reveal themselves along the way:
An availability to love more deeply and vulnerably
The desire to veer away from fear, anger, resignation, and apathy, and move toward love
More time to give love to your friends, family, pets, or even strangers
Far less negative chatter
Courage to look at your shadows and dive deep for the gems
The ability to dip into your inner knowing at a moment's notice
An abundance of synchronicities and moments that make you say: "That just gave me goose bumps!"
The absolute knowing that you are loved exactly as you are and exactly as you are not.
And in case you just went through this list with some level of impatience, cynicism, or distrust — believe me, I have been you — I'm going to repeat the last one: You are loved exactly as you are and exactly as you are not. Take a sip of that magic elixir. Let it seep into your heart. That superhero dose of love is just one of many you will receive on this journey.
This book will give you many tools to unveil the Superhero of Love inside you. If you can muster up some courage, open your heart a wee bit, and do the exercises, by the end of the book you will be Love Strong — able to love and be loved more than ever before.
Your love has the potential to make a huge difference in your life and in the world. Every person whose heart we spark with our hearts has the ability to spark another. Imagine a world of superhero hearts. Imagine a world of hearts whose pain no longer informs their words and actions, where saboteurs are tamed and Mighty Flames burn bright. Imagine a world full of Superheroes of Love.
Your Love Strong mission starts now. All it takes is a willingness to tap into your very own superpowers. Trust me, if I've got them, you've got them! You will be shocked at how easy it is to uncover them.
Let's begin.CHAPTER 2
Before fixing what you're looking at, check what you're looking through.
Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakening
All superheroes have an origin story — the legend of how they came to be and how they ended up with their superpowers. Spider-Man had his radioactive spider bite. Wonder Woman had the Greek gods. I had my Mr. X.
We met online. I was feeling pretty good about myself at the time. I felt as if I were a great catch who had a lot to off er in a relationship. I was blessed with a full and happy life — friends, travel, and work I loved. I had been single for a few years and had worked a lot on myself during that time, stretching my heart and mind as best I could, increasing my integrity so I knew myself to be my word. I had just started taking tap-dancing lessons as a fun way to get out of my physical comfort zone. So, yes, I was even trying to expand the scope of my body's limits. I was excited to get back to learning the lessons that only intimate relationships can teach.
Mr. X looked happy in his profile picture and his description seemed to indicate that he had as full and happy a life as I did. That's exactly what I was looking for — a happy man who felt and knew his own power. His profile said he was in the movie industry. I assumed he was a producer, because that's what I inferred from his photo. He was filming a movie in an exotic, tropical locale when we first spoke on the phone. When it turned out that he was an actor, I winced a little, but I was already smitten by his deep voice. We connected with ease and talked for hours — him enjoying delicious rum drinks and fresh-caught grilled fish; me lying in bed at home, a dog on either side, wondering if they would like him. That, of course, would be the ultimate test.
One of the first nights we spoke on the phone, we had a very intimate conversation. A hurricane was about to hit the island where he was filming and he was seeking a little comfort, not being well-versed in the art of hurricane survival. The storm hit while we were on the phone and I thought it was adorable that he admitted he was scared; I was happy to keep him distracted. I could hear the rain pelting his windows and shutters. He made me laugh. His deep, sexy voice, which revealed a touch of vulnerability, made him instantly attractive to me. I was hooked. The next day, I left on a business trip of my own, so we continued our intimate pillow talk in late-night calls. By the time we were both back in Los Angeles, I couldn't bear to wait a moment longer to see him.(Continues…)
Excerpted from "Superhero of Love"
Copyright © 2019 Bridget Fonger.
Excerpted by permission of Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Introduction: Welcome, Superhero! ix
Chapter 1 Wake Up Your Superhero 1
Chapter 2 Origin Story 13
Chapter 3 From Crazy Firestorms to the Mighty Flame 19
Chapter 4 Saboteurs 43
Chapter 5 Kryptonite 67
Chapter 6 Superhero Training Camp 87
Chapter 7 The Five Superpowers 119
Chapter 8 Now Go Save the World! 183
Postscript: Love Is a Practice 191
Mighty Flame Boosters 193
The Five Superpowers 217
Superhero Resources 225
Superhero Thoughts 229