Syrup: A Novel

Syrup: A Novel

by Max Barry

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Overview

Now a major motion picture starring Amber Heard, Shiloh Fernandez, Kellan Lutz, and Brittany Snow

Scat (formerly known as Michael Holloway) is young, underemployed, and trying to make it in Los Angeles. When he comes up with the idea for the hottest new soda ever, he’s sure he’ll become the next overnight sensation, maybe even retire early. But in the treacherous waters of corporate America there are no sure things and Scat finds that he has to fight to save his idea if his yet-to-be-realized career will ever get off the ground. With the help of a scarily gorgeous and brilliant marketing director named 6, he sets out on a mission to grab hold the fame and fortune that, time and again, elude him. This sharp-witted novel is a scathingly funny satire of celebrity, the pop culture machine, and the length to which a guy will go to get ahead—and get a date while doing it.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781101153697
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Publication date: 07/01/2000
Sold by: Penguin Group
Format: NOOK Book
Pages: 320
Sales rank: 825,449
File size: 1 MB
Age Range: 18 Years

About the Author

Max Barry is the author of Jennifer Government (2003), Company (2006), and Machine Man (2011). His latest book is Lexicon (2013). He lives in Melbourne, Australia.

Read an Excerpt



Chapter One


Me, Me, Me


i have a dream


I want to be famous. Really famous.

    I want to be so famous that movie stars hang out with me and talk about what a bummer their lives are. I want to beat up photographers who catch me in hotel lobbies with Winona Ryder. I want to be implicated in vicious rumors about Drew Barrymore's sex parties. And, finally, I want to be pronounced DOA in a small, tired LA hospital after doing speedballs with Matt Damon.

    I want it all. I want the American dream.


fame


I realized a long time ago that the best way to get famous in this country is to become an actor. Unfortunately, I'm a terrible actor. I'm not even a mediocre actor, which rules out a second attractive path: marrying an actress (they inbreed, so you can't marry one unless you are one). For a while I thought about becoming a rock star, but for that you either have to be immensely talented or have sex with a studio executive, and somehow I just couldn't foresee either of those little scenarios in my immediate future.

    So that really leaves just one option: to be very young, very cool and very, very rich. The great thing about this particular path to fame, Oprah and line jumping at nightclubs is that it's open to everyone. They say anyone can make it in this country, and it's true: you can make it all the way to the top and a vacuous, drink-slurred lunch with Madonna. All you have to do is find something you're good enough at to make a million dollars, and find it before you'retwenty-five.

    When I think about how simple it all is, I can't understand why kids my age are so pessimistic.


why you should be a millionaire


I read somewhere that the average adult has three million-dollar ideas per year. Three ideas a year that could make you a millionaire. I guess some people have more of these ideas and some people less, but it's reasonably safe to assume that even the most idiotic of us has to score at least one big idea during our lifetimes.

    So everybody's got ideas. Ideas are cheap. What's unique is the conviction to follow through: to work at it until it pays off. That's what separates the person who thinks I wonder why they can't just make shampoo and conditioner in one? from the one who thinks Now, should I get the Mercedes, or another BMW?

    Three million-dollar ideas per year. For a long time, I couldn't get this out of my head. And there was always the chance I could have an above average idea, because they've got to be out there, too. The ten-million-dollar ideas. The fifty-million-dollar ideas.

    The billion-dollar ideas.


the idea


The interesting part of my life starts at ten past two in the morning of January 7th. At ten past two on January 7th, I am twenty-three years and six minutes old. I am just contemplating how similar this feeling is to being, say, twenty-two years and six minutes old, when it happens: I get an idea.

    "Oh shit," I say. "Oh, shit." I get up and hunt around my room for paper and a pen, can't find either, and eventually raid the bedroom of the guy I share my apartment with. I scribble on the paper and get a beer from the fridge, and by the time I'm twenty-three years and four hours old, I've worked out how I'm going to make a million dollars.


now hold on there, smart guy


Okay. So how do I know this idea is so good?


a little explanation


When I was in my senior year of high school, the counselor said, "Now, Michael, about college ..."

    "Yeah?" I was distracted at the time by cheerleading practice outside his window. Or maybe I was just inattentive and daydreaming of cheerleaders. Not sure. "I'm doing pre-law."

    This was my plan. I'd had it for years, and I was pretty proud of it, too. I mean, just having a plan was a big deal. When people (like my parents) asked, "And what are you going to do after high school?" I could say, "Pre-law," and they'd smile and raise their eyebrows and nod. It was much better than my previous answer, a shrug, which tended to attract frowns and comments about youth unemployment rates.

    "Yes," the counselor said, and cleared his throat. Outside the window, or inside my mind, cute girls twirled red-and-white pom-poms. "I think it's time we looked at something ... more realistic."

    I blinked. "More ...?"

    "Let's be honest, Michael," he said gently. He didn't have a particularly gentle face—it was kind of bitter and jaded—and the effort he made to twist it into something sympathetic was a little scary. "You don't have the grades for it, do you?"

    "Well," I said, "maybe not, but ..." And I stopped. Because there was no but. I didn't have the grades. My plan, perfect until this moment, was missing this small but crucial step: good grades. "Shit," I said.


backup


And weren't the parents pissed.

    If I'd been fooling myself, I'd been fooling them worse. They were already picking me out a dorm at Harvard and talking about Stanford as a "backup." It was a little difficult for them when I broke the news that I was going to need a backup for my backup.

    When the only school that would have me was Cal State, they moved to Iowa. I'm still not sure if that was coincidence.


college


I majored in marketing because I was late for registration.

    I mean, suddenly I was in college; I was in a dorm and I was surrounded by college girls. There was a lot on my mind. Now, sure, there were upperclassmen and faculty advisers dedicated to making sure that freshmen like me didn't miss registration, but it wasn't hard to ditch them in favor of more horizon-broadening pursuits. My biggest mistake was making friends with a guy who had just transferred from Texas and was pre-enrolled: I forgot all about registration. I was scheduled between ten A.M. and eleven, and I turned up at four the following Thursday.

    I was lucky anyone was still there, because by then enrollments had officially closed. When I tapped on the glass door, my choice of two first-year electives was reduced to three sad little tables: Programming in Visual Basic; Masculinity in the New Millennium; and Introductory Marketing.

    Masculinity in the New Millennium was actually kind of interesting.

    But Marketing was unbelievable.


mktg: a definition


Marketing (or mktg, which is what you write when you're taking lecture notes at two hundred words per minute) is the biggest industry in the world, and it's invisible. It's the planet's largest religion, but the billions who worship it don't know it. It's vast, insidious and completely corrupt.

    Marketing is like LA. It's like a gorgeous, brainless model in LA. A gorgeous, brainless model on cocaine having sex drinking Perrier in LA. That's the best way I know how to describe it.


mktg case study #1: mktg perfume


TRIPLE YOUR PRICE. THIS GIVES CUSTOMERS THE IMPRESSION OF GREAT QUALITY. HELPS PROFITS, TOO.


welcome to reality


The first principle of marketing (okay, it's not the first, but it doesn't sound nearly as cool to say it's the third) is this: Perception is reality. You see, a long time ago, some academic came up with the idea that reality doesn't actually exist. Or at least, if it does, no one can agree what it is. Because of perception.

    Perception is the filter through which we view the world, and most of the time it's a handy thing to have: it generalizes the world so we can deduce that a man who wears an Armani suit is rich, or that a man who wears an Armani suit and keeps saying "Isn't this some Armani suit" is a rich asshole. But perception is a faulty mechanism. Perception is unreliable and easily distracted, subject to a thousand miscues and misinformation ... like marketing. If anyone found a way to actually distinguish perception from reality, the entire marketing industry would crumble into the sea overnight.

    (Incidentally, this wouldn't be a good thing. The economy of every Western country would implode. Some of the biggest companies on the planet would never sell another product. The air would be thick with executives leaping out of windows and landing on BMWs.)


graduation


I ended up taking as many marketing classes as I could, and actually graduated from Cal State summa cum laude. If I'd just finished pre-law, I'd have settled into earnest conversation with the top law firms of the country, bandying about six-figure salaries, ninety-hour weeks and twenty-year career plans. Law seems very structured like that.

    But marketing hates systems. Which is nice, in an idealistic, free-spirited sort of way, but it makes it a pain in the ass to get a job. To get a good job in marketing, you need to market yourself.


hello


My name is Scat.

    I used to be Michael George Holloway, but I had no chance of getting into marketing with a name like that. My potential employers, who had names like Fysh, Siimon and Onion, didn't even think I was making an effort. The least I could do was echo their creative genius by choosing a wacky, zany, top-of-mind name myself.

    For a while, I seriously toyed with the idea of calling myself Mr. Pretentious. But when sanity prevailed, I chose Scat. It sounded kind of fast-track.


career plan


So, armed with my new name, I was ready to hit the major corporations for a job. I was ready for the work week, tailored suits, corporate golf days, pension plans, Friday night drinks, frequent flyer programs and conservative values. I'd take it all.

    But then I get my idea.

Customer Reviews

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Syrup 4.1 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 32 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Very entertaining !
Emily Murray More than 1 year ago
Fun, witty and full of characters you'll never forget. You'll never look at advertising the same way again after Syrup. Company and Jennifer Government are also great reads.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
While it was an easy and relatively entertianing read, I had a problem with the characters. They are so shallow, materialistic, and self-absorbed that the entire time you're reading the book you are in anticipation of them getting what's coming to them at the end. I mean, the characters were so selfish that I couldn't wait for them to have some epiphany...or some bad karma, at least. But they never get their comeuppance, which seemed to pull the rug out from under the entire plot. I guess after reading Max Barry's other two books (which are AWESOME), I was expecting a bit more. All in all, it was still a decent book, just a little disappointing.
JNHatch More than 1 year ago
http://michigansmissingglove.wordpress.com/2009/05/26/our-syrup/ Follow this link to read my full review of Maxx Barry's Syrup. I enjoyed the plot of the novel, and while I found Barry's characters to be a bit lacking in the development department (the love story didn't hold my suspension of disbelief), they were not distracting to the point that I couldn't enjoy this satirical look into the world of carbonated beverage marketing.
Sean191 on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
I worked backwards and read this after Jennifer Government and Company, but of course Barry doesn't write trilogies. Instead, I would almost say that his books read like additional chapters from his others books. That's not a bad thing though - I think his formula is great and I recommend this book.
Mi-chanChelle on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
For me this was absolute perfection. Fast, fun, supremely clever and with characters that were ethically dubious but still the kind of people that you wish you spent time with. Very little surprise that the novel itself is also an exercise in marketing genius (screenplay optioned) and you have to imagine that there's a soda company out there itching to make an ironic fortune from the screen adaptation.I rarely re-read, but so great is my admiration of this book that I'm now out to return my library copy and buy the real thing. Love.
baaic on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
It contains a lot of contemporary references that date the book, but it is a lot of fun. It is zippy, and the author is clearly having fun. I'm pretty sure the author's name is part of the joke (duh).
ryvre on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
I love Max Barry, but this book didn't do it for me. I absolutely couldn't stand the main character, and I cringed whenever he did anything.
mattp340 on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
I read so long ago, and remembered when I was reading his current book this was the guy. It was such a fun quick read, but a great satire on marketing and corporate America.
mlcastle on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
A fine novel, though not Maxx Barry's best work.
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Kataman1 More than 1 year ago
This is another brilliant book by Max Barry who is one of the best satirists out there regarding office and business situations. This time he pokes his wit at the Marketing Industry. The main character who calls himself Scat (because it is a cool name) claims that every individual can come up with three million dollar ideas per year. Scat has his first; coming up with a revolutionary name for a new Coke drink. He tries to pitch it to a young marketer called "6." Immediately Scat is intrigued by 6 and falls in love with her even though she has made it clear that men are not her thing. Scat's idea is a big smash but unfortunately it is undermined by his roommate, aptly named Sneaky Pete. The book moves rapidly with Scat coming up with great idea after another hoping to be rich and land 6 to boot. I really enjoyed this book and look forward to more work by Mr. Barry!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Guest More than 1 year ago
This is another brilliant book by Max Barry who is one of the best satirists out there regarding office and business situations. This time he pokes his wit at the Marketing Industry. The main character who calls himself Scat (because it is a cool name) claims that every individual can come up with three million dollar ideas per year. Scat has his first coming up with a revolutionary name for a new Coke drink. He tries to pitch it to a young marketer called ¿6.¿ Immediately Scat is intrigued by 6 and falls in love with her even though she has made it clear that men are not her thing. Scat¿s idea is a big smash but unfortunately it is undermined by his roommate, aptly named Sneaky Pete. The book moves rapidly with Scat coming up with great idea after another hoping to be rich and land 6 to boot. I really enjoyed this book and look forward to more work by Mr. Barry!
Guest More than 1 year ago
I loved this book. I started it one evening on the subway home from work...and didn't put it down until I finished it. I read it in 6 hours. It is PHENOMENAL. The storyline, the writing, the humor, the situations... everything. I love it, and would highly recommend it!
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book was fantastic. I read it in two days, couldn't put it down, and smiled the entire time. I would recommend it to anyone!