The Teen's Guide to World Domination: Advice on Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Awesomenessby Josh Shipp
Josh Shipp has been serving up a healthy dose of "advice with an attitude" to millions of teens for over a decade, in front of packed auditoriums across the country. For the first time ever, Josh is pulling together all of his unique advice for "world domination" into a must-have survival guide. Hilarious, inspirational, and authentic, Josh offers golden nuggets of
Josh Shipp has been serving up a healthy dose of "advice with an attitude" to millions of teens for over a decade, in front of packed auditoriums across the country. For the first time ever, Josh is pulling together all of his unique advice for "world domination" into a must-have survival guide. Hilarious, inspirational, and authentic, Josh offers golden nuggets of wisdom for everything that has you freaking out (pretty much all the stuff you can't fathom addressing with Mom and Dad). So, summon your inner hero and learn to dominate the seven "villains" that are keeping you from awesomeness.
GHOSTS: All your painful memories and bad mistakes, which are holding you back and causing self-doubt. Confront them once and for all
NINJAS: Back-stabbing "friends" who earn your trust to fulfill their own agendas. Call them out and they won't stand a chance
PIRATES: Bullies and bad boyfriends who take advantage of you. Write them off and tune them out
ROBOTS: Well-intentioned but misguided grown-ups, who want to "program" you to be like them. Understand how parents, teachers, and counselors operate to improve your communication
VAMPIRES: Negative influences and addictions, which draw you in and steal your identity. Regain your self-esteem before you get bit
ZOMBIES: Chronic complainers who drag you down with their pessimism. The best zombie-repellant is gratitude! Learn that it's not what happens to you, it's how you respond
PUPPIES: They seem all fun and innocent on the surface, but often blindside you with hidden consequences. Learn how to think smart about money, your hot girlfriend, and other temptations
“Two standing ovations and an encore.” Georgetown University
“Our generation doesn't have a ‘Dear Abby,' but we do have a ‘Hey, Josh.'” CNN’s Young People Who Rock
“He's like the Dr. Phil for teens.” FOX
- St. Martin's Press
- Publication date:
- Sold by:
- NOOK Book
- Sales rank:
- File size:
- 541 KB
- Age Range:
- 13 - 18 Years
Read an Excerpt
FUNDAMENTALS of WORLD DOMINATION
Total World Domination = Epic Fail
// Let’s face it: Total world domination never works.
(OK, you’re probably confused. Maybe you’re wondering if you’re actually reading the right book. You probably read the title and picked it up thinking world domination sounded like a pretty good idea, but then you opened it up and—what the … ?—the title of the first part seems to contradict the title of the book! Yes, I am tricksy. What were you expecting? This ain’t no textbook. We need to understand each other before we go any further: I operate in one way and one way only—always in your face, but on your side. Copy? OK, so, let’s clear the air. You are asking, “Josh, are you actually contradicting the title of your book in the first paragraph?” Yes, I am. Onward …)
When I was just a little boy wonder, there was this cartoon called Animaniacs. You probably don’t remember it, but the show featured a recurring segment called “Pinky and the Brain” about two genetically enhanced lab mice: Pinky, an idiot, and Brain, a diabolical genius much like yourself. Every episode began with these two lines of dialogue:
Pinky: Gee, Brain, what are we going to do tonight?
Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky: Try to take over the world!
And try they did. Using all manner of cunning schemes and high-tech absurdities, Brain—with often disastrous “help” from Pinky—would mastermind a plan for total world domination.
It wasn’t just “Pinky and the Brain.” Every show I grew up on, from Care Bears (did I just admit to watching Care Bears?) to Masters of the Universe (much more manly) to Transformers, had a villain trying to subjugate the other characters. (Confession: I don’t even know what “subjugate” means, but my book editor told me not to talk down to teens and to challenge them with big words. Well, I have challenged myself and failed. I am crying right now.) These villains went by names like Professor Coldheart, Skeletor, Megatron, and Monty Burns. They often emitted evil, cackling laughs. They nearly all had henchmen, and sometimes they had mustaches … which stirred up jealousy in me due to my complete inability to grow facial hair, even to this day. Tear.
Fast-forward to today: Dark wizard Lord Voldemort and his Death Eaters terrorize humanity in the Harry Potter series; the merciless Volturi cause trouble for Bella in the Twilight saga; and, after all these years, Decepticon overlord Megatron is still bent on destroying Earth and everyone on it. All of these villains—and every villain from our books to the big screen—are after the same thing: Absolute power, complete control, and total world domination.
But power-hungry villains aren’t just the stuff of fiction. In fact, the villain’s quest for world domination is a classic case of art imitating life. When I was in school, the only homework my foster parents could ever force my ADD brain to focus on was history, particularly the stories about real-world dudes who built vast empires—like the Egyptian pharaohs, Xerxes I, and countless other emperors, kings, queens, warlords, generals, and dictators. Let me tell you, actual history is really just a big soap opera of crazy people trying to take over the world. But here’s what I discovered. These historical figures—from Hitler to Napoléon to Genghis Khan to Alexander the Great—all had one thing in common:
(Actually, they had a lot in common—egos the size of Texas, an insatiable thirst for power and wealth, a common serial killer’s disregard for human life—but I’m talking about besides that.)
None of them ever succeeded. That’s right, not one.
Sure, they had people running scared for a while, and some of these guys conquered huge chunks of territory. But no matter how big their army, how prosperous their economy, how abundant their resources, how advanced their technology, how brilliant their devious plan, or how epically bushy their facial hair (I’m looking at you, Genghis) … they could never quite pull it off. Their empires always crumbled.
To this day, no one has been able to take over the entire world—not in cartoons, not in books, not in movies, and definitely not in history!
// Yet the villains keep trying
Despite the dismal track record of ambitious tyrants who’ve tried and died before them, modern-day villains remain fascinated by and fixated on their personal quests for world domination. Ancient rulers tried to conquer the world in search of mythical items like the fountain of youth, gold (btw, what’s with all those gold-bar infomercials on TV after 2 A.M.?), or ultimate glory. But these days, it’s usually about political power, natural resources, weapons, and cold hard cash. It seems that everyone is looking for that magical force or item that will allow them to control everyone else or give them a leg up in the race of world domination.
Fortunately, the vast majority of these selfish and destructive individuals won’t become rulers of nations or commanders of armies. But, something you need to understand is that it doesn’t take an army, a giant moon-laser, or a mustache to try to control others’ lives.
Would-be villains are still out to dominate other people’s worlds every day, and I’m not just talking about national security or terrorist threats. Lean in for this one:
Your world is under attack by an assortment of villains right here and right now.
I’m serious! Through manipulation and physical strength or through passive-aggressiveness and psychological warfare, there are villains in your life today trying to control your world for their own gain.
Let me be clear to make sure you heard me. The villains are real and they are coming for you. But if you don’t believe me, this book isn’t going to make any sense to you and you’re not going to last.
In fact, there may be villains among us right now, even reading this book. Are you a villain? Are you? Huh? Don’t look away from the page—I’m not kidding, here. Think about it, you DID pick up a book called The Teen’s Guide to World Domination! YOU might actually be a villain trying to control others’ lives for your own gain. But let’s be honest, I don’t entirely blame you: World domination does have a certain appeal, doesn’t it? Even to noble citizens like us.
Sure, people like you and me probably don’t really aspire to overthrow governments or create secret lairs guarded by sharks with lasers on their heads in order to bring small nations to their knees while our merciless conquest is broadcast live on CNN with Larry King (the emperor of suspenders). In my experience, most people don’t want to do that. Most people aren’t psychotic megalomaniacs. (Ooh … “megalomaniac”! How’s that for challenging teens? I think it means either a crazy person or something about breeding giant LEGO blocks; I heard it on a random AM radio station and it seemed to work here.)
The idea of getting other people to do what we want … well, that sounds kinda fancy, doesn’t it? But trust me, controlling other people isn’t fancy. It’s awful, and you and I both know your grandmother would be ashamed of you if she knew you were doing this.
Beneath the surface, grandiose (how do you like them apples, editor?) plans to dominate the world are usually about something far less impressive. Often, it’s because we want something and we’re not willing to play nice to get it. We don’t feel good about who we are, so, to get what we want, we have to knock someone else down. We don’t feel powerful, so we find someone weaker to control. That’s what happened with Napoléon and Hitler. And take a look at Kim Jong Il from North Korea! That dude is 5?3?; talk about a complex! He just got extremely good at controlling people and started wearing platform shoes to appear more manly. (I must say that I understand his pain, being just 5?8? myself; I often refer to myself as a “man-boy.”) But whether you are short or tall, taking advantage of those weaker than you is just plain wrong.
Bottom line: The traditional quest for total world domination NEVER succeeds, it USUALLY stems from ugly motives, and ALWAYS, without a doubt, hurts other people.
It’s time to recognize that the quest for total world domination isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. It’s time to choose a new battle, set a new goal. Instead of trying to conquer a small country or even just conquering your own high school classroom, let’s leave everyone else alone for a while and focus on something else, something that is actually doable!
Here’s the thing: There’s a bigger, more important challenge out there and we’ve all overlooked it. Any coward can try to control someone else’s life, but it takes a hero to face the biggest challenge of them all: Dominating your own world.
Turns out that all the villainous people throughout history aren’t just evil or crazy; ultimately, they were all cowards. They didn’t have the guts to take on the challenge of dominating their own world, so instead they focused on playing dirty so they could control others. But controlling others is nothing compared to the challenge of dominating your own life.
In fact, most people can’t do it. They fold. They give up. They say they’re interested, but at the first sign of struggle, they bail. Why? Because anything worth doing is always going to be hard. Think about anything in your life that has been epic. Was it easy? NO, but was it worth it? Of course! And this will be, too. Trust me.
So, here’s my question: Are you willing to dominate your own world?
If you can’t answer “yes,” just shut the book, eBay it, and use the money to buy yourself an assortment of suckers because that’s what you are, a sucker, and that’s the way you’re choosing to live your life. I hope you like the flavor.
If, however, you are one of the few, one of the heroes—if you’re a true revolutionary, someone with an underground resistance mentality—then now is the time. Now is the time to stop trying to dominate the whole world and start trying to dominate your own.
That’s where we’re headed. That’s what this book is all about.
So, who’s with me? If you’re not with me, take another lick of your sucker and shut the book. But if you’re in, turn the page.
Excerpted from The Teen’s Guide to World Domination by Josh Shipp.
Copyright © 2010 by Hey Josh, LLC.
Published in 2010 by St. Martin’s Griffin.
All rights reserved. This work is protected under copyright laws and reproduction is strictly prohibited. Permission to reproduce the material in any manner or medium must be secured from the Publisher.
Meet the Author
Josh Shipp is a teen-advice guru and motivational speaker and host of the TV show Jump Shipp. Josh has earned an international reputation as a leading authority on teen communication that's "in your face, but on your side." Abandoned and abused as a child and raised in a dozen different foster homes, Josh has taken his past of hurt and neglect, turned it around, and used it as a catalyst for helping others. Seen on MTV, CNN, NBC, FOX, and Comedy Central, and featured in the Los Angeles Times and Inc. magazine's "30 Under 30: America's Coolest Young Entrepreneurs," his inspiring personal story and life-changing message has reached more than a million teens…and counting.
Josh Shipp is a teen-advice guru and motivational speaker, host of the TV show Jump Shipp, and the author of The Teen's Guide to World Domination. Josh has earned an international reputation as a leading authority on teen communication that’s “in your face, but on your side.” Abandoned and abused as a child and raised in a dozen different foster homes, Josh has taken his past of hurt and neglect, turned it around, and used it as a catalyst for helping others. Seen on MTV, CNN, NBC, FOX, and Comedy Central, and featured in the Los Angeles Times and Inc. magazine’s “30 Under 30: America’s Coolest Young Entrepreneurs,” his inspiring personal story and life-changing message has reached more than a million teens…and counting.
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
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As a teen, These messages usually faze right through me. BUT Shipp puts them in a way that actually keeps your attention.
Wow very good
I read another book like this and it was really boring. Shipp's swriting puts a nice way to look at these issues. Most importantly it wasn't boring.
Nest book ever i think tht e ery teen in the world should read this it really grasps the readers attention and makes you realize that maybe your life usnt as bad a you think it is. According to others. It makes you hate life alot less to the point where you dont hate it anymore. No more depression and you get your friends back and you get a better rwlationship with your family. This book really helps you see the could be life of a normal teenager. This is definitely a must read book. Especially if you are at the point in your lif where you just want to end your life. This book will also make you laugh and forget all of your madness of your teenage lives. This book was very life changing and if you are one f those peoe wh are struggling this book will helpyou revive mov on and build better relationships with your friends and family. You will view you r life differently and youwill have a better life. You need to read this book. Well im done talkig. I will continue to read this book over aover until i have denomination over the world because of this teen guide..
Josh Shipp is an excelent writer and preacher!!! He once preached for our church and he is halarious yet i learned some very important lessons!! Everyone should read this wonderful book!!!
I loved this book so much. I got it right after an awful BFF breakup. It really gave me some awesome advice and a new look on everything. It was entertaining too. It really connected to my life a lot. It helped me through my hard times and improved me. Im going to have to now give it to all my friends may even give it to my teacher for a class read. It had me laughing and it made me see how awful I was to some people and it helped me make mends with them. So now my life feels so much more positive.
I loved this book so much! It is so funny and entertaining and inspiring. It would have been really great in my teen years, but it is still helpful at age 20. Okay, no I'm not 20. But it is great. A must read, people. I will definitely be getting it for my little sister and cousins!
I got to read a pre-release of Josh Shipp's guide to "World Domination". I knew this would be a good book because Josh Shipp is known for his TOP NOTCH products. Seriously, this is a masterpiece. I couldn't put it down. It is drop dead hilarious with some of the best advice teens could ever get. Extremely well written and is bound to be a national best seller... and will be the forward thinking teen's manifesto for years to come. Josh is a stud!