Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life

Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life

by Justin J. Lehmiller
Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life

Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life

by Justin J. Lehmiller


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A leading expert on human sexuality and author of the blog Sex and Psychology offers an unprecedented look at sexual fantasy based on the most comprehensive, scientific survey ever undertaken.

What do Americans really want when it comes to sex? And is it possible for us to get what we want? Justin J. Lehmiller, one of the country's leading experts on human sexuality and author of the popular blog Sex and Psychology, has made it his career's ambition to answer these questions. He recently concluded the largest and most comprehensive scientific survey of Americans' sexual fantasies ever undertaken, a monumental two-year study involving more than 4,000 Americans from all walks of life, answering questions of unusual scope.

Based on this study, Tell Me What You Want offers an unprecedented look into our fantasy worlds and what they reveal about us. It helps readers to better understand their own sexual desires and how to attain them within their relationships, but also to appreciate why the desires of their partners may be so incredibly different.

If we only better understood the incredible diversity of human sexual desire and why this diversity exists in the first place, we would experience less distress, anxiety, and shame about our own sexual fantasies and better understand why our partners often have sexual proclivities that are so different from our own. Ultimately, this book will help readers to enhance their sex lives and to maintain more satisfying relationships and marriages in the future by breaking down barriers to discussing sexual fantasies and allowing them to become a part of readers' sexual realities.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780738234960
Publisher: Hachette Books
Publication date: 07/14/2020
Pages: 288
Sales rank: 161,174
Product dimensions: 5.90(w) x 8.90(h) x 0.90(d)

About the Author

Dr. Justin J. Lehmiller is a social psychologist and one of the country's leading experts on human sexuality. He is currently the Director of the Social Psychology Program at Ball State University and a Faculty Affiliate of The Kinsey Institute. Formerly, he served on the faculty at Harvard University.

In addition to being an award-winning educator, Dr. Lehmiller is a prolific scholar who conducts research on sexual fantasy, casual sex, secret relationships, and safer-sex practices. He has authored dozens of scientific publications and is the author of the sexuality textbook The Psychology of Human Sexuality. Dr. Lehmiller is on the editorial boards of several prominent academic journals in the fields of relationships and sexuality, including the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships and Psychology of Sexual Orientation and Gender Diversity, and he is an elected full member of the International Academy of Sex Research.

Dr. Lehmiller holds advanced degrees in psychology, including a Master of Science from Villanova University and a Ph.D. from Purdue University.

Table of Contents

Preface: Fantasy, Fear, and Freud v

Introduction: The Largest Survey of Sexual Fantasies in America xi

Chapter 1 Tell Me What You Want, What You Really, Really Want: How I Got More Than Four Thousand People to Open Up About Their Deepest Sexual Desires 1

Chapter 2 The Seven Most Common Sexual Fantasies in America: If You're Turned On by Any of This, You're in Good Company 13

Chapter 3 Mars and Venus: How Do Men's and Women's Sexual Fantasies Differ?

Chapter 4 What Do Your Sexual Fantasies Say About You?: The Fifteen Questions That Reveal Your Secret Sexual Desires 101

Chapter 5 Tell Me Who You Want: Who Are We Fantasizing About? How Do We See Ourselves in Our Fantasies? And What Does It All Mean? 131

Chapter 6 Can Science Save Your Sex Life?: The Benefits of Getting in Touch with Your Deepest Sexual Desires 159

Chapter 7 Visiting Fantasy Island: How Do You Turn Your Fantasy into Reality? 179

Chapter 8 The Path to Healthier Sex and Relationships: How to Break the Barriers That Prevent Us from Communicating About Our Desires 211

Acknowledgments 235

Notes 237

Index 253

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