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The 4 Habits of All Successful Relationships: Improving Your Relationships at Home, at Work and in Life.
Overview
But successful relationships don’t just happen automatically. They take work. The problem is, often we have no idea what to work on! Every relationship faces hurdles. Our different views, opinions and approaches as individuals mean we have different expectations and when those expectations are not met, we feel frustrated and disappointed. Unaddressed and repeated over time, this frustration leads to broken relationships, broken homes and broken people. So many relationships lose out because we are not equipped to do relationships well before problems arise… until now.
Based on over 25 years of working in relationship education, in this book, Dr. Andrea & Jon Taylor-Cummings share four fundamental habits that often distinguish between successful and unsuccessful relationships. Every successful relationship displays them and every failing relationship is missing at least one. By learning the principles, tools and techniques that underpin The 4 Habits© we can all change our behaviours from habits that damage relationships to habits that strengthen them, on purpose. This means we can all learn to “show up” better, have better conversations and achieve better outcomes in ALL our relationships – with our partners, children, colleagues, friends, everyone! These four habits are so fundamental to all relationships that they continue to resonate around the world through their TEDx Talk, which now has in excess of 1.8 million views:
• Habit #1 – BE CURIOUS, not critical is about developing our self-awareness (and other-awareness!) through understanding fundamental differences, giving each other “space and grace” to shine in our own strengths and overcome the frustration of unmet expectations.
• Habit #2 – BE CAREFUL, not crushing is about building strong skills in managing conflict, learning to treat each other well no matter how heated the argument, and working towards genuine resolutions so that relationships are strengthened not damaged through conflict.
• Habit #3 – ASK, don’t assume is about learning to build mutual trust and respect in relationships by clarifying values and having courageous conversations about things that really matter to us when necessary, overcoming the hurdles of mistrust and distance that can creep into relationships.
• Habit #4 – CONNECT, before you correct is about learning to build great rapport, warmth and connection in relationships by consistently communicating appreciation and love in meaningful ways, and to overcome the hurdle of feeling unvalued because of poor communication.
Together The 4 Habits provide the practical “how to” for building Emotional Intelligence in general, and Relational Intelligence in particular.
When we are each equipped with the skills to do relationships well, we turn up as better versions of ourselves. Our marriages and partnerships are strengthened, our children flourish, our organisations and communities thrive, and our nations grow in health.
We can and we must all become intentional about learning to do relationships well, as if our lives depended on it. Because, in reality, they do.
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Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781912863723 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Malcolm Down Publishing |
| Publication date: | 06/01/2021 |
| Sales rank: | 365,863 |
| Product dimensions: | 6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.62(d) |
About the Author
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Jonathan Taylor-Cummings is the co-founder of 4 Habits Consulting and Soulmates Academy Foundation, through which he and his wife Andrea equip people to build healthy relationships at work AND home. Andrea and Jon have hosted a TEDx talk which has had over 1.8 million views.
Andrea Taylor-Cummings
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Dr Andrea Taylor-Cummings is the co-founder of 4 Habits Consulting and Soulmates Academy Foundation. Andrea and Jon have hosted a TEDx talk which has had over 1.8 million views.
Read an Excerpt
Learning to be more CURIOUS than critical
So many friendships, couples and teams lose out on great relationships because the person who could complement them the most is often their diametric opposite in terms of skills, workstyle and approach. They can be the most frustrating to work with if you don’t understand each other.
LinkedIn CEO Jeff Weiner did a survey back in 2018 which concluded that “people don’t leave companies, they leave bosses” and the top two reasons were being overly criticised and feeling micro-managed, two classic symptoms of personality strengths being misunderstood and mismanaged.
When our first response is to judge or criticise people instead of getting curious about their different perspectives, we shut people down, kill their creativity and teach them not to speak up or be truthful. We also teach them how to blame rather than learn from mistakes. And we end up with editing and exclusion rather than authenticity and inclusion.
Table of Contents
Why Read This Book & What You'll Get Out Of It
Introduction - The secret to successful relationships 15
Part A Taking Control of Your Relationships
Chapter 1 Managing the WILL to keep relationships alive 33
Chapter 2 Building the SKILL to do relationships well 49
Chapter 3 How our levels of SKILL and WILL impact our relationships 57
Part B Mastering the 4 Habits®
Habit #1 BE CURIOUS, not critical
Chapter 4 Overcoming our in-built tendency to criticize 83
Chapter 5 Mining for strengths in personality differences 97
Habit #2 BE CAREFUL, not crushing
Chapter 6 Why we end up crushing each other… 119
Chapter 7 Strategies for treating each other with care, during conflict… 135
Habit #3 ASK, don't assume
Chapter 8 What's driving our assumptions? 159
Chapter 9 What would be most helpful to ASK for? 179
Chapter 10 Clarifying and protecting what matters most 207
Chapter 11 The art of ASKing well 241
Habit #4 CONNECT, before you correct
Chapter 12 Connection and belonging 269
Chapter 13 Getting better at connecting 285
Part C Taking Responsibility
Chapter 14 Taking responsibility for yourself 313
Chapter 15 Taking responsibility as a leader 325
Chapter 16 Taking responsibility as a society 343
Appendices 355
Footnotes and References 365
Acknowledgements 379
What People are Saying About This
With the 4 Habits, the Taylor-Cummings have put together a template to help anyone have better relationships – whether in the boardroom or the bedroom! Dotted throughout with real-life examples, they present with clarity well-researched wisdom and strategies to enable anyone to develop their connection and communication with those who matter most. The ideas in this book aren’t just something to read, but to put into practice and reap the rewards.
Healthy, respectful relationships focused on mutual flourishing are the bedrock of the lives of couples and families and are vitally important in the workplace as well. This is also a key social justice issue as the evidence shows that healthy couple relationships are a bulwark against poverty, so I warmly welcome this practical book on how we can all keep our relationships in good repair and iron out those bad habits.’
Reading Group Guide
Learning to be more CURIOUS than critical
So many friendships, couples and teams lose out on great relationships because the person who could complement them the most is often their diametric opposite in terms of skills, workstyle and approach. They can be the most frustrating to work with if you don’t understand each other.
LinkedIn CEO Jeff Weiner did a survey back in 2018 which concluded that “people don’t leave companies, they leave bosses” and the top two reasons were being overly criticised and feeling micro-managed, two classic symptoms of personality strengths being misunderstood and mismanaged.
When our first response is to judge or criticise people instead of getting curious about their different perspectives, we shut people down, kill their creativity and teach them not to speak up or be truthful. We also teach them how to blame rather than learn from mistakes. And we end up with editing and exclusion rather than authenticity and inclusion.