The Art of Hard Conversations: Biblical Tools for the Tough Talks That Matter

by Lori Stanley Roeleveld, Torry Martin (Foreword by)

Overview

Your next conversation could impact someone's life forever

Hard conversations challenge everyone. Some people make every effort to avoid them altogether; others dive in enthusiastically, damaging relationships in the process. A solid middle ground is difficult to find—especially for those who want to make sure they're following a biblical model for these tough encounters.

Lori Roeleveld firmly believes that the dialogues everyday Christians delay are often the very channels God wants to use to deepen relationships and transform lives. And she is eager to address the challenges they pose and to guide readers to meaningful conversations that rely on the wisdom of the Bible rather than the world.

In The Art of Hard Conversations, Roeleveld provides motivation, inspiration, and practical, readily applied skills to make those tricky talks more effective. Through funny, vulnerable personal stories, sound biblical teaching, and sections of tips and assignments to practice, the principles here are guaranteed to increase the confidence and competence of Christians in discussing sensitive topics of every kind.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780825445552
Publisher:	Kregel Publications
Publication date:	02/19/2019
Pages:	240
Product dimensions:	5.50(w) x 8.50(h) x 0.60(d)

About the Author

Lori Stanley Roeleveld has degrees in psychology and biblical studies, but learned most of what she knows in life's trenches, raising children and working with families in crisis. She currently works in Rhode Island with at-risk families or those who have a child with a serious emotional disorder. Lori's previous books include Jesus and the Beanstalk and Running from a Crazy Man (and Other Adventures Traveling with Jesus). She also writes a popular blog at www.loriroeleveld.com.

Table of Contents

Foreword 11

Acknowledgments 13

Introduction: Why Bother Having Hard Conversations? (Why Is It an Art?) 15

Part 1 Perspectives and Personalities-Understanding and Embracing the Challenge

1 The Place of Personality in Hard Conversations 21

2 Fears, Arguments, and Invisible Walls 35

3 Addressing Our Walls 52

4 Changing Lives 69

5 A Time to Be Silent, a Time to Offend 85

Part 2 Prepare for Success

6 Where Is the Path to the Point? 101

7 What Do I Know About the Other Person? 117

8 What Emotions May Be Involved in This Conversation? 134

9 What Biblical Guidelines Exist for This Conversation? (Is It Based in Truth?) 152

10 Is This Conversation Grounded and Timed in Love? 169

11 What's My Plan for Following Up Either Success or Rejection? 184

Part 3 Putting the Art into Practice

12 Openings and Agreements 197

13 Now We're Talking (Tips for Midtalk) 209

14 Commence Conversations 225

An Invitation to Keep Talking 237

Editorial Reviews

As someone skilled at conflict avoidance (that’s a nice way of saying I’m terrified of confrontation), I picked up The Art of Hard Conversations prepared to be challenged to grow a spine and scrounge up some courage. What I discovered in these pages was a conversation—at times humorous, at times poignant, always deeply personal and transparent. Lori writes like a friend who understands my fears and struggles and doesn’t want to change my personality but wants to equip me within the framework of my own God-given design. As a coach and confidant, Lori gently encourages both the bold and the bashful to approach hard conversations with finesse and grace. The Art of Hard Conversations is a resource I will be returning to again and again.

Lynn H. Blackburn

Why should we invest ourselves in hard conversations, in encounters that seem so likely to go wrong, to cause even more pain, to be a waste of time? ‘They are hard because they matter’ is Lori’s deep conviction, and in this highly readable book, she proves this point that many of us miss, while unveiling practical strategies that equip everyone for the inevitable difficulties and drama. This is clear, strong, gently confrontational writing that lets no one off the hook yet affirms everyone's potential for breakthroughs inside us and between us. Lori's message is life-giving, liberating, and bracing, fortifying us to face conflict and estrangement, as well as our own fears and insecurities. With an obvious concern for our emotional health and interpersonal integrity, Lori invites us to explore God's Word as the guide for selecting our words, and to submit ourselves to God’s Spirit, who reshapes our character and refines our speech. I enthusiastically recommend this book for people of all ages and backgrounds, for all of us who feel at a loss in stressful verbal interactions.

Doug Stevens

I have described author Lori Roeleveld as “wise” ever since I first stumbled upon her blog more than five years ago. That term continues to be most appropriate today as I finish her latest book The Art of Hard Conversations. Who doesn’t need wisdom on how to speak with others about things that are difficult, divisive or different? Whether it be a sensitive family issue, a potentially explosive political policy, or a hard-to-understand theological truth, Roeleveld clearly lays out a plan and takes the reader through the necessary steps of communication and understanding. And the fascinating threads holding it all together are the amazing real-life conversations she has experienced in her life as a social worker, author, daughter, wife, mother, teacher and friend. Do you wish to be able to calmly handle such things? Roeleveld’s six key questions to ask every time such a challenge appears help in both the preparation and presentation of your own encounters —- proving that “hard conversations are an art that requires training, practice, and persistence.” Lifting up Jesus as the model, she encourages us to tell the truth, engage people with opposing worldviews, and communicate love. Simple, but not easy. Your relationships are worth the hard work. Your witness to a broken world is worth developing the art. Read this book and folks may just call you “wise” as well.

Lucinda Secrest McDowell

Real, practical advice on the art of leaning into hard conversations. Roeleveld offers compassion, insight, and guidance to help us speak the truth in love. A book all of us need.

Tosca Lee

Bam! Lori Roeleveld does it again . . . and again . . . and again! She lures you in with her words and leads you straight to the One who is the ultimate answer to every hard conversation. Her books come alive and have a way of connecting our mind with our heart. The Art of Hard Conversations helps us to proceed with caution yet maintain our perspective. When we must engage in hard conversations, Lori shows us how to do it with love. Which, after all, is what life is really about.

Tammy Whitehurst

Lori has written an excellent manual for talking to others about challenging topics with the foundation of knowing Christ. I was encouraged to trust the Word and the Holy Spirit, who gives discernment and leads us as well as those we must talk to, to see clearly what is in our own hearts. She lifts up the truth of our Redeemer so we can grasp how much freedom there is in trusting His ways of humility and kindness, rather than our own ideas of how someone must be ‘fixed.’ I love this book and highly recommend it to anyone longing to have good, kind, and genuinely helpful conversations!

Valerie Elliot Shepard

Once again Lori Stanley Roeleveld speaks straight to your soul. Each lesson lingers in your heart as she encourages and empowers you to trust your instincts and your heavenly Father in the delicate art of difficult conversations with those you love. This is a must-read for every parent, child, spouse, and friend.

Bethany Jett

In The Art of Hard Conversations, Lori Roeleveld beautifully avoids preaching by telling her own story—what she’s learned, how she’s changed, and the dramatic difference it’s made in her life. That’s the kind of message that reaches me, and it’ll reach you too.

Jerry B. Jenkins