The Beauty of Conflict for Couples: Igniting Passion, Intimacy and Connection in your Relationship (Conflict in Relationships, for Readers of Communication in Marriage or The High Conflict Couple)
200
The Beauty of Conflict for Couples: Igniting Passion, Intimacy and Connection in your Relationship (Conflict in Relationships, for Readers of Communication in Marriage or The High Conflict Couple)
200Paperback
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Overview
Transform the Way Conflict Affects Your Love Life
Want to bring more peace into your relationship―and also get back that “spark” that’s been missing?
From bad breath to infidelity, find resolution for issues that cause division. If left unresolved, sources of disconnect can lead to major rifts in a relationship. Authors CrisMarie Campbell and Susan Clarke bring over twenty years of experience in family and marriage counseling and relationship coaching to this book. They cater their advice to romantic relationships and provide resolution strategies for women and men.
Bring back the “spark” that’s been missing. Passion is essential to relationships, and equally important across the spectrums of love, sex, and dating. Whether it’s our first love or last love, in order for our bond with our partner to thrive, there needs to be a sense of excitement present. By transforming the way conflict affects us, we create a space for the intimate relationship or passionate marriage we long for to take root and grow.
Conflict doesn’t have to be a deal breaker. While arguments with our partner can get tiring, looking at those disagreements as opportunities to strengthen our bond rather than weaken it can have a significant impact on their effect. With conflict comes the chance to communicate and solve problems together. This can restore a sense of intimacy and connection with our partner, both emotionally and physically.
In The Beauty of Conflict for Couples, you will find:
- Relatable stories that shed light on the common struggles of romantic relationships
- Practical tools that offer guidance for addressing conflict
- A source of hope for relationships that appear to be fated for failure
If you and your significant other have looked for guidance in books such as Mating in Captivity, The 5 Love Languages, Hold Me Tight, or Campbell and Clarke’s first book, The Beauty of Conflict, then you’ll find a further source of resolution in The Beauty of Conflict for Couples.
Note from the Authors
Many people don't realize that "conflict" can manifest in a variety of ways.
In romantic relationships, conflict doesn't always look like "screaming, sobbing, and throwing a dish across the room." Conflict is not always loud. Conflict can sometimes be very quiet. It can look like boredom, disconnection, apathy, loss of sexual interest, or tense little moments that later escalate into bigger things.
The Beauty of Conflict for Couples is not just for couples who are experiencing the "loud" type of conflict. This book is for couples experiencing "quiet" conflict, too. And, this book is also for couples who are doing pretty great—but want to learn new relationship skills and make their connection stronger than ever!
These concepts we share in this book can be preventative (prevent unnecessary pain) as well as reparative (repair hurt feelings, broken trust, and misunderstandings once these have already happened). Transform the Way Conflict Affects Your Love Life
Want to bring more peace into your relationship―and also get back that “spark” that’s been missing?
From bad breath to infidelity, find resolution for issues that cause division. If left unresolved, sources of disconnect can lead to major rifts in a relationship. Authors CrisMarie Campbell and Susan Clarke bring over twenty years of experience in family and marriage counseling and relationship coaching to this book. They cater their advice to romantic relationships and provide resolution strategies for women and men.
Bring back the “spark” that’s been missing. Passion is essential to relationships, and equally important across the spectrums of love, sex, and dating. Whether it’s our first love or last love, in order for our bond with our partner to thrive, there needs to be a sense of excitement present. By transforming the way conflict affects us, we create a space for the intimate relationship or passionate marriage we long for to take root and grow.
Conflict doesn’t have to be a deal breaker. While arguments with our partner can get tiring, looking at those disagreements as opportunities to strengthen our bond rather than weaken it can have a significant impact on their effect. With conflict comes the chance to communicate and solve problems together. This can restore a sense of intimacy and connection with our partner, both emotionally and physically.
In The Beauty of Conflict for Couples, you will find:
- Relatable stories that shed light on the common struggles of romantic relationships
- Practical tools that offer guidance for addressing conflict
- A source of hope for relationships that appear to be fated for failure
If you and your significant other have looked for guidance in books such as Mating in Captivity, The 5 Love Languages, Hold Me Tight, or Campbell and Clarke’s first book, The Beauty of Conflict, then you’ll find a further source of resolution in The Beauty of Conflict for Couples.
Note from the Authors
Many people don't realize that "conflict" can manifest in a variety of ways. Transform the Way Conflict Affects Your Love Life
Want to bring more peace into your relationship―and also get back that “spark” that’s been missing?
From bad breath to infidelity, find resolution for issues that cause division. If left unresolved, sources of disconnect can lead to major rifts in a relationship. Authors CrisMarie Campbell and Susan Clarke bring over twenty years of experience in family and marriage counseling and relationship coaching to this book. They cater their advice to romantic relationships and provide resolution strategies for women and men.
Bring back the “spark” that’s been missing. Passion is essential to relationships, and equally important across the spectrums of love, sex, and dating. Whether it’s our first love or last love, in order for our bond with our partner to thrive, there needs to be a sense of excitement present. By transforming the way conflict affects us, we create a space for the intimate relationship or passionate marriage we long for to take root and grow.
Conflict doesn’t have to be a deal breaker. While arguments with our partner can get tiring, looking at those disagreements as opportunities to strengthen our bond rather than weaken it can have a significant impact on their effect. With conflict comes the chance to communicate and solve problems together. This can restore a sense of intimacy and connection with our partner, both emotionally and physically.
In The Beauty of Conflict for Couples, you will find:
- Relatable stories that shed light on the common struggles of romantic relationships
- Practical tools that offer guidance for addressing conflict
- A source of hope for relationships that appear to be fated for failure
If you and your significant other have looked for guidance in books such as Mating in Captivity, The 5 Love Languages, Hold Me Tight, or Campbell and Clarke’s first book, The Beauty of Conflict, then you’ll find a further source of resolution in The Beauty of Conflict for Couples.
Note from the Authors
Many people don't realize that "conflict" can manifest in a variety of ways.
In romantic relationships, conflict doesn't always look like "screaming, sobbing, and throwing a dish across the room." Conflict is not always loud. Conflict can sometimes be very quiet. It can look like boredom, disconnection, apathy, loss of sexual interest, or tense little moments that later escalate into bigger things.
Transform the Way Conflict Affects Your Love Life
Want to bring more peace into your relationship―and also get back that “spark” that’s been missing?
From bad breath to infidelity, find resolution for issues that cause division. If left unresolved, sources of disconnect can lead to major rifts in a relationship. Authors CrisMarie Campbell and Susan Clarke bring over twenty years of experience in family and marriage counseling and relationship coaching to this book. They cater their advice to romantic relationships and provide resolution strategies for women and men.
Bring back the “spark” that’s been missing. Passion is essential to relationships, and equally important across the spectrums of love, sex, and dating. Whether it’s our first love or last love, in order for our bond with our partner to thrive, there needs to be a sense of excitement present. By transforming the way conflict affects us, we create a space for the intimate relationship or passionate marriage we long for to take root and grow.
Conflict doesn’t have to be a deal breaker. While arguments with our partner can get tiring, looking at those disagreements as opportunities to strengthen our bond rather than weaken it can have a significant impact on their effect. With conflict comes the chance to communicate and solve problems together. This can restore a sense of intimacy and connection with our partner, both emotionally and physically.
In The Beauty of Conflict for Couples, you will find:
- Relatable stories that shed light on the common struggles of romantic relationships
- Practical tools that offer guidance for addressing conflict
- A source of hope for relationships that appear to be fated for failure
If you and your significant other have looked for guidance in books such as Mating in Captivity, The 5 Love Languages, Hold Me Tight, or Campbell and Clarke’s first book, The Beauty of Conflict, then you’ll find a further source of resolution in The Beauty of Conflict for Couples.
Note from the Authors
Many people don't realize that "conflict" can manifest in a variety of ways.
In romantic relationships, conflict doesn't always look like "screaming, sobbing, and throwing a dish across the room." Conflict is not always loud. Conflict can sometimes be very quiet. It can look like boredom, disconnection, apathy, loss of sexual interest, or tense little moments that later escalate into bigger things.
The Beauty of Conflict for Couples is not just for couples who are experiencing the "loud" type of conflict. This book is for couples experiencing "quiet" conflict, too. And, this book is also for couples who are doing pretty great—but want to learn new relationship skills and make their connection stronger than ever!
These concepts we share in this book can be preventative (prevent unnecessary pain) as well as reparative (repair hurt feelings, broken trust, and misunderstandings once these have already happened).
We hope this book helps you approach conflict in a whole new way—so you can create more intimacy, passion, and emotional connection with your partner, and flourish with the person you love. The Beauty of Conflict for Couples is not just for couples who are experiencing the "loud" type of conflict. This book is for couples experiencing "quiet" conflict, too. And, this book is also for couples who are doing pretty great—but want to learn new relationship skills and make their connection stronger than ever!
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781642500981 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Tma Press |
| Publication date: | 09/15/2019 |
| Pages: | 200 |
| Product dimensions: | 5.40(w) x 8.30(h) x 0.60(d) |
About the Author
Campbell competed in the Olympics in her early life, then went on to earn an MBA, work for Boeing, and become a certified life coach and mind-body coach. Clarke is a marriage and family counselor and certified equus coach. They’re the founders of Thrive Inc., a company dedicated to helping couples, teams, and companies to get unstuck, solve frustrating problems together, and thrive on every level.
Campbell and Clarke have given a TEDx talk on how to manage conflict. They run retreats for couples, including Find Your Mojo in Montana and Couples Alive. They’ve given presentations on conflict resolution, communication, and creative problem solving at Fortune 100 companies like Johnson & Johnson, Microsoft, AT&T and Nationwide, and at organizations like the Gates Foundation, Universityof Washington Medical Center, Cray and Los Alamos National Laboratory.
Campbell and Clarke’s first book is The Beauty of Conflict, which focuses on workplace/team conflict within companies. The Beauty of Conflict for Couples is their second book, this time focusing on challenges that people in romantic relationships (especially long-term, committed relationships and marriages) face.
CrisMarie and Susan live and work in Northwest Montana. https://www.thriveinc.com/
CrisMarie Campbell and Susan Clarke have spent 25 years helping their clients resolve difficult conflicts and create stronger relationships.
Campbell competed in the Olympics in her early life, then went on to earn an MBA, work for Boeing, and become a certified life coach and mind-body coach. Clarke is a marriage and family counselor and certified equus coach. They’re the founders of Thrive Inc., a company dedicated to helping couples, teams, and companies to get unstuck, solve frustrating problems together, and thrive on every level.
Campbell and Clarke have given a TEDx talk on how to manage conflict. They run retreats for couples, including Find Your Mojo in Montana and Couples Alive. They’ve given presentations on conflict resolution, communication, and creative problem solving at Fortune 100 companies like Johnson & Johnson, Microsoft, AT&T and Nationwide, and at organizations like the Gates Foundation, Universityof Washington Medical Center, Cray and Los Alamos National Laboratory.
Campbell and Clarke’s first book is The Beauty of Conflict, which focuses on workplace/team conflict within companies. The Beauty of Conflict for Couples is their second book, this time focusing on challenges that people in romantic relationships (especially long-term, committed relationships and marriages) face.
CrisMarie and Susan live and work in Northwest Montana. https://www.thriveinc.com/
Read an Excerpt
How to discuss “hot topics”—difficult, sensitive, emotionally charged topics—with your partner in a productive way. One of the toughest parts of being in a couple is trying to have a conversation about a hot topic—a topic that’s tough, sensitive, tricky, delicate, or emotionally charged in some way. When hot topics come up, it’s not easy to stay open, curious, and connected. But it is possible! In this section, we’ll give three crucial tips and three powerful tools that will help you handle hot topics more gracefully. Tips for Success Timing is Important When do hot topics arise? It’s rarely during a perfect, serene moment, like when you’re both well rested, fully hydrated, and calmly strolling together hand-in-hand by the seaside! That would be great, but that’s typically not how things go. Instead, hot topics tend to arise when… • You’re both brushing your teeth • Driving through traffic • In the kitchen cooking or cleaning • At the dinner table with kids • Five minutes away from visiting the in-laws • Through a text message There you are brushing your teeth before bed and your partner says, “By the way, I have to say yes or no to that promotion in Dallas by tomorrow.” (You currently happily live in Seattle.) Choking on your toothpaste, you scramble for a reply. Or your spouse gives you a quick kiss on the cheek while running out the door, “Oh, I’m not going to be able to make it to the kid’s soccer game tonight, the boss called a project meeting.” Before you can speak up to discuss your child’s disappointment (not to mention, your own disappointment), again, your partner is out the door. Often, hot topics get brought up abruptly—when neither one of you is really prepared! This is not ideal, but in couples, it happens all the time. It’s no wonder these conversations don’t go well. Creating the right time and space to have important conversations is vital. What’s the solution? We recommend using common sense before you bring up a hot topic with your partner. If you need to discuss an important (or potentially life-changing) topic, try to choose a moment when you both have some time to actually talk and listen to one another—so, in other words, not when one of you is dashing out the door. Some couples like to schedule a weekly check in. They put the time on the calendar—say, one hour, once a week—and if they’ve got a hot topic to discuss, they’ll “save it” for this timeslot. Of course, life isn’t a computer program. Sometimes schedules need to change or urgent things come up unexpectedly. That’s okay. Just try, to the best of your abilities, not to bring up a hot topic when it’s a really inopportune moment. It’s just not productive. Resist the Urge to “Fix It Quick” When a hot topic comes up—whether it’s an ideal moment to talk, or a less-than-ideal moment—you might notice that your first instinct is to “fix it quick.” It’s natural to go to directly into problem solving mode. Heck, who likes the uncertainty of not knowing what’s going to happen? No one. So, it’s natural to think, “What can I do to make this go away and get back to normal life?” And so, your impulse is to fix it before even taking the time to listen to each other. Let’s say you’re running out the door. You notice that your spouse isn’t happy with your manager’s decision to call that project meeting right smack in the middle of the soccer game. So, you blurt out something, anything, to make it better: • “Look, I’ll make it up to her—promise.” • “This won’t keep happening—the big project will be done soon.” • “Let’s plan to do a special family event over the weekend. Okay?” These quick solutions are well-meaning and may even be viable options, but as you blurt out these quick fixes, you’re missing the point. You’ve dropped a bomb on your partner who wasn’t prepared. He (or she) is left reeling in the bathroom while you’re zipping away without giving your partner a chance to respond or express how they feel. Remember, as adults, we don’t need to always get our way, but we do need to feel heard and genuinely considered. That’s why taking the time to listen—and allowing your partner to say how what you’ve just said impacted them—is a critical part of relating and intimacy. Avoid the Trap of Asking Questions Because hot topics can often make you feel threatened, some people resort to asking their partners questions rather than sharing their opinion. This seems like a great strategy at the time. When you ask your partner a series of questions, you remain safely hidden, not revealing your beliefs, your wants, your assumptions, just gathering new information. The problem is you aren’t showing up as you. You’re not increasing your intimacy, into-me-see. We want to urge you to access your courage and share your real thoughts, feelings, and wants. Yes, your partner may have a reaction. You might have to develop the capacity to tolerate their reaction. You might have to remind yourself your partner is entitled to be upset, and you’re not responsible for fixing how they feel. Plus, when asking questions is overused (as I, CrisMarie, have done over the years), you can end up frustrated, not getting what you want, and thinking you don’t matter. . . .
Table of Contents
Foreword 16
Introduction 18
Chapter 1 Romance 34
Chapter 2 Conflict 48
Chapter 3 How Do You React? 64
Chapter 4 There's Another Way! 78
Chapter 5 The ME 102
Chapter 6 The WE 126
Chapter 7 The Situation 152
Chapter 8 Before You Do That… 182
Resources 190
Acknowledgments 194
About the Authors 198
What People are Saying About This
- “This genius little book will teach you how to transform your conflict into closeness. A beautiful read for anyone in a relationship they want to take higher.”
—Regena Thomashauer, New York Times bestselling author, founder of The School of Womanly Arts
“The Beauty of Conflict for Couples is a knock-your-socks-off book for anyone who has ever struggled with intimacy, vulnerability, and the longing to make this relationship work even when it seems impossible. Susan and CrisMarie are absolute geniuses at helping couples go in—to greater depth—and go out—to transformational solutions. This book is readable (I couldn’t put it down!), funny, warm, practical, and powerful. If you work with couples—or if you are in a couple—or frankly if there is anyone in your life you are in conflict with, this will become your go-to book. It has certainly become mine!”
—Ann Weiser Cornell, author of The Radical Acceptance of Everything and Focusing in Clinical Practice: The Essence of Change
“There are many books about relationships, but most of them are not like this one. Practical and thought-provoking, this book outlines a tested approach to the disagreements and conflicts that can arise in relationships of all sorts. Some readers may be surprised by the candor of the authors. They put themselves and their own relationship ‘out there’ with the stories they share. CrisMarie and Susan are not professing some abstract theory. They are themselves living and practicing with the tools they outline in the book. They are ‘telling it like it is’ in their own lives, and in the lives of their clients. In these pages, they offer their discoveries to readers who want to find more in their relationship lives. They urge partners to practice what they do with each other: to speak honestly and openly, even when the sharing is difficult. Using their own personal stories, and vignettes about their clients, they illustrate their methods with real life examples. They don’t hold back in their case reports, and address issues between couples that often are only hinted at in other writings. Susan and CrisMarie show how it is possible to access the energy of conflict to revitalize stalled relationships, and bring more depth in shared lives together. This book will be useful for people in new relationships to establish life-giving interactive skills; as well, it will be appealing to those who have been in relationship for years, who are looking for more depth and range in their lives.”
—Jock McKeen, co-founder of The Haven, author of The Illuminated Heart
Interviews
Note from the Authors
Many people don't realize that “conflict” can manifest in a variety of ways.
In romantic relationships, conflict doesn't always look like “screaming, sobbing, and throwing a dish across the room.” Conflict is not always loud. Conflict can sometimes be very quiet. It can look like boredom, disconnection, apathy, loss of sexual interest, or tense little moments that later escalate into bigger things.
The Beauty of Conflict for Couples is not just for couples who are experiencing the “loud” type of conflict. This book is for couples experiencing “quiet” conflict, too. And, this book is also for couples who are doing pretty great—but want to learn new relationship skills and make their connection stronger than ever!
These concepts we share in this book can be preventative (prevent unnecessary pain) as well as reparative (repair hurt feelings, broken trust, and misunderstandings once these have already happened).
We hope this book helps you approach conflict in a whole new way—so you can create more intimacy, passion, and emotional connection with your partner, and flourish with the person you love.