The Bridge Ladies

by Betsy Lerner

Overview

A fifty-year-old Bridge game provides an unexpected way to cross the generational divide between a daughter and her mother. Betsy Lerner takes us on a powerfully personal literary journey, where we learn a little about Bridge and a lot about life.

After a lifetime defining herself in contrast to her mother’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” generation, Lerner finds herself back in her childhood home, not five miles from the mother she spent decades avoiding. When Roz needs help after surgery, it falls to Betsy to take care of her. She expected a week of tense civility; what she got instead were the Bridge Ladies. Impressed by their loyalty, she saw something her generation lacked. Facebook was great, but it wouldn’t deliver a pot roast.

Tentatively at first, Betsy becomes a regular at her mother’s Monday Bridge club. Through her friendships with the ladies, she is finally able to face years of misunderstandings and family tragedy, the Bridge table becoming the common ground she and Roz never had.

By turns darkly funny and deeply moving, The Bridge Ladies is the unforgettable story of a hard-won—but never-too-late—bond between mother and daughter.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780062354488
Publisher:	HarperCollins
Publication date:	04/16/2024
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	307
File size:	945 KB

About the Author

Betsy Lerner is the author of The Forest for the Trees and Food and Loathing. She is a recipient of the Thomas Wolfe Poetry Prize, an Academy of American Poets Poetry Prize, and the Tony Godwin Prize for Editors, and was selected as one of PEN’s Emerging Writers. Lerner is a partner with the literary agency Dunow, Carlson & Lerner and resides in New Haven, Connecticut.

Hometown:

Pelham, New York

Date of Birth:

August 9, 1960

Education:

B.A., New York University, 1982; M.F.A., Columbia University, 1987

Table of Contents

Prologue 1

1 A Private Language 11

2 The Manhattan Bridge Club 29

3 The Athenian 37

4 A Thousand Bette Cohens 57

5 Bingo 71

6 How I Met Your Father 77

7 What to Expect 105

8 Ruffing It 121

9 Welcome to the Club 131

10 1964 143

11 The Finesse 153

12 The Revelation of Self 161

13 Zig-Zag 177

14 Get the Kiddies off the Street 191

15 The Hands of a Clock 199

16 Jew in a Box 215

17 Bette in Flames 233

18 When the Student Is Ready, the Teacher Appears 249

19 Ash 259

20 The Bridge Ladies 277

Epilogue 293

Acknowledgments 297

Editorial Reviews

When Lerner resolves to join the game, she discovers that bridge is more complicated than it seemed. And so it is with the ladies. Slowly, through an accumulation of sharply observed details, they reveal themselves: How they followed the rules in life as in bridge…Lerner's memoir makes a case for spending time together under the rules of neutrality imposed by a game, an approach to living that refrains from over-sharing and outward complaint to concentrate on the task at hand. The bridge ladies are there for one another, even as they keep their feelings to themselves and play on.

The New York Times Book Review - Becky Aikman

…[a] frank and deeply personal memoir…

The New York Times - Liesl Schillinger

★ 02/29/2016
This absorbing memoir by literary agent and author Lerner (The Forest for the Trees) is about the game of bridge, but it’s also about bridging gaps—both the generational gap and the “personal gulf” that had defined Lerner’s relationship with her mother. At age 54, due to her husband’s job relocation, Lerner finds herself back in her hometown of New Haven, Conn., where her 83-year-old widowed mother still resides. Hoping to repair at least some of the rifts between them, she somewhat reluctantly re-enters her mother’s life and begins attending her Monday afternoon bridge game, first as an observer and later—after taking lessons at the Manhattan Bridge Club—as an occasional participant. Along with descriptions of her bridge lessons, Lerner shares the histories of the elegantly dressed New Haven ladies who have met weekly for 55 years, women who came of age in the 1940s and ’50s. As Lerner probes marriage, career, motherhood, postpartum depression, aging, death, assisted living, dementia, widowhood, religion, and sex, she discovers that although her mother and her bridge companions differ in some ways from her own generation (for example, they felt that marriage to a Jewish man trumped pursuing a career), they share common values of love and kinship. She also draws closer to her mother, gaining a deeper understanding of her interior life, including the rarely discussed childhood death of Lerner’s sister. This beautifully written, bittersweet story of ladies of a certain age and era will have wide appeal. (May)

Publishers Weekly

Lerner’s memoir makes a case for spending time together under the rules of neutrality imposed by a game, and approach to living that refrains from over-sharing and outward complaining to concentrate on the task at hand. The bridge ladies are there for one another, even as they keep their feelings to themselves and play on.” — New York Times Book Review

“A heartfelt and affecting memoir.” — Washington Post

“A smart and colorful memoir.” — Maureen Corrigan, NPR's Fresh Air

“A deeply affecting memoir...a generous and honest examination, she honors these women’s lives” — Boston Globe

“In her absorbing memoir, Lerner probes marriage, career, motherhood, depression, aging, death, religion and sex, discovering that, although the Bridge Ladies’ generation differs from hers, they share common values of love and kinship. This beautifully written, bittersweet story of ladies of a certain age and era will have wide appeal.” — Publishers Weekly (starred review)

“A book for two generations.” — Dallas Morning News

“The Bridge Ladies is an uplifting account of a baby boomer’s attempt to understand her mother’s generation. Lerner never lets herself off the hook, either, and the result is candid, fresh and enlightening.” — Providence Journal

“Through the alchemy of a grand game, Betsy Lerner has woven a universal coming-of-age story for both mother and daughter. A poignant, humorous and often painful struggle through the pageantry of playing cards; a woman’s face on every one.” — Patti Smith, author of Just Kids and M Train

“Betsy Lerner’s ladies are our ladies, our mothers, grandmothers, and aunts. Lerner takes us back to their tables, capturing a group of wonderful American women—growing older now and braving new battles—with sweetness, humor and sharp perceptiveness. This is a book with heart and feeling.” — George Hodgman, author of Bettyville

“Lerner takes us on a journey of understanding: the card game, the women who play it, their lives and relationships. In Lerner’s beautifully observed account, Bridge becomes both a literal and figurative pathway to repairing an even more precious bond: her own relationship to her mother.” — Deborah Tannen, author of You Just Don’t Understand and You're Wearing THAT?

“This is the best book about mothers and daughters I’ve read in decades, maybe ever. It’s about mother-daughter conflict, the desire to love and be loved, aging and loss, discovery and renewal. Betsy Lerner is a beautiful, achingly honest writer, and The Bridge Ladies is at once heartbreaking and hilarious.” — Amy Chua, Yale Law Professor and author of Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother and The Triple Package: How Three Unlikely Traits Explain the Rise and Fall of Cultural Groups in America

“A searching, funny, warm memoir.” — O, the Oprah Magazine

“The Bridge Ladies reminded me of Tuesdays with Morrie, except it takes place on Mondays and has five Morries. Exquisitely written, in this book are portraits of five women whose like we won’t see again. I devoured it in one greedy sitting, and started re-reading as soon as I finished.” — Will Schwalbe, author of the New York Times bestseller The End of Your Life Book Club

From the Publisher

Lerner takes us on a journey of understanding: the card game, the women who play it, their lives and relationships. In Lerner’s beautifully observed account, Bridge becomes both a literal and figurative pathway to repairing an even more precious bond: her own relationship to her mother.

Deborah Tannen

Through the alchemy of a grand game, Betsy Lerner has woven a universal coming-of-age story for both mother and daughter. A poignant, humorous and often painful struggle through the pageantry of playing cards; a woman’s face on every one.

Patti Smith

The Bridge Ladies is an uplifting account of a baby boomer’s attempt to understand her mother’s generation. Lerner never lets herself off the hook, either, and the result is candid, fresh and enlightening.

Providence Journal

Lerner’s memoir makes a case for spending time together under the rules of neutrality imposed by a game, and approach to living that refrains from over-sharing and outward complaining to concentrate on the task at hand. The bridge ladies are there for one another, even as they keep their feelings to themselves and play on.

New York Times Book Review

A deeply affecting memoir...a generous and honest examination, she honors these women’s lives

Boston Globe

A smart and colorful memoir.

Maureen Corrigan

Betsy Lerner’s ladies are our ladies, our mothers, grandmothers, and aunts. Lerner takes us back to their tables, capturing a group of wonderful American women—growing older now and braving new battles—with sweetness, humor and sharp perceptiveness. This is a book with heart and feeling.

George Hodgman

A book for two generations.

Dallas Morning News

A heartfelt and affecting memoir.

Washington Post

A heartfelt and affecting memoir.

Washington Post

A searching, funny, warm memoir.

the Oprah Magazine O

This is the best book about mothers and daughters I’ve read in decades, maybe ever. It’s about mother-daughter conflict, the desire to love and be loved, aging and loss, discovery and renewal. Betsy Lerner is a beautiful, achingly honest writer, and The Bridge Ladies is at once heartbreaking and hilarious.

Amy Chua

The Bridge Ladies reminded me of Tuesdays with Morrie, except it takes place on Mondays and has five Morries. Exquisitely written, in this book are portraits of five women whose like we won’t see again. I devoured it in one greedy sitting, and started re-reading as soon as I finished.

Will Schwalbe

A searching, funny, warm memoir.

O: the Oprah Magazine

05/01/2016
The game of bridge provides a colorful backdrop to agent and author Lerner's (Food and Loathing) moving story of unspoken drama and reconciliation. As caretaker for her ailing mother, the author has experienced typical mother/daughter estrangements, mental health issues, and childhood tragedies. She connects with players of the Ladies Bridge Club, of which her mother was a member for over 50 years, and begins to interview informally the other participants. Chapters covering her progress as a student of the game are interspersed with emotional portraits of the women, including themes of youthful disillusionment, infertility, generational conflict, and death in the family. The Bridge Club appears to have been their support system. Though rooted in a Jewish background, the book is not parochial in the issues it raises. Well paced and engaging, the narrative occasionally relies on stereotypical generalizations about women of a certain age in its pursuit of humor. VERDICT This group memoir is profoundly personal. Capturing the pathos of seemingly ordinary lives in an entertaining way, it should appeal to readers interested in women's issues and may inspire some to take up bridge.—Antoinette Brinkman, formerly with Southwest Indiana Mental Health Ctr. Lib., Evansville

Library Journal

Orlagh Cassidy delivers Betsy Lerner’s tender memoir with warmth and affection. Lerner lets us in on her early strained relationship with her mother. Once she moves back to New Haven, Connecticut, at age 54, however, her own life experiences open her eyes and heart to her mother, now 83. From her conversations with the regulars of her mother’s Monday afternoon bridge club, we get to know the women Lerner has seen every Monday for years without really knowing them. Cassidy presents the women’s histories—their marriages and careers, their trials and triumphs. As Lerner develops insights into the women, she gains a deeper respect for each as well as an understanding of her mother’s life. Cassidy’s Yiddish pronunciations are off, but, overall, she’s terrific in this touching story. S.J.H. © AudioFile 2016, Portland, Maine

JULY 2016 - AudioFile

2016-02-15
A woman reconnects with her mother through her bridge club. For more than 50 years, a group of Jewish women in New Haven has gathered every Monday to eat lunch and play bridge. As a young child, Lerner (Food and Loathing: A Life Measured Out in Calories, 2003, etc.) was fascinated with these ladies, who showed up with "their hair frosted, their nylons shimmery, carrying patent leather pocketbooks with clasps as round as marbles." But as a teenager, she thought these women were "square" because they "didn't work, didn't seem to get that Feminism was taking over the world….To me, the Bridge Ladies were conventional, their sphere limited to family, synagogue and community. Their identities restricted to daughter, mother, and wife. What could be more tedious? More demeaning? On top of which their idea of fun was an afternoon of playing Bridge. Seriously?" It was only when Lerner moved back to New Haven to help her aging mother that she began to understand the Bridge Ladies and their fierce loyalties and friendships that continued despite a certain level of boredom with each other. Lerner interviewed each of the women in turn, learning about their successes and failures, love interests, children, and ability to commit to one man for a lifetime. During this process, she also found ways to ask her mother about her own childhood. The author decided to learn how to play bridge, a task she found more difficult than she'd imagined. She interweaves her bridge-playing attempts with stories about the Bridge Ladies to give a portrayal of a certain sector of women who came of age before feminism was the norm. Lerner captures an era that has long since faded, but it is a time period that gave birth to today's modern woman, a fact that shouldn't be overlooked. Nostalgic stories from women who came of age before feminism and how they helped a daughter bond with her mother.

Kirkus Reviews