The Bumper Book of Sporting Wit

The Bumper Book of Sporting Wit

by Richard Benson

Hardcover

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Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781849539173
Publisher: Summersdale
Publication date: 11/01/2017
Pages: 320
Product dimensions: 5.00(w) x 7.80(h) x 1.30(d)

About the Author

Richard Benson is a retired teacher and the author of the phenomenally successful F in Exams series.

Read an Excerpt

The Bumper Book of Sporting Wit


By Richard Benson

Summersdale Publishers Ltd

Copyright © 2016 Summersdale Publishers Ltd
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-78372-937-1



CHAPTER 1

IT'S A NUMBERS GAME

I've got fourteen bookings this season, eight of which were my fault and seven of which were disputable.

PAUL GASCOIGNE, ENGLISH FOOTBALLER

* * *

95 PER CENT OF PUTTS WHICH FINISH SHORT DON'T GO IN.

ROBERT GREEN, BRITISH GOLF WRITER

* * *

Just under 10 seconds for Nigel Mansell. Call it 9.5 seconds in round numbers.

MURRAY WALKER, ENGLISH MOTORSPORT COMMENTATOR

* * *

A VERY SMALL CROWD HERE TODAY. I CAN COUNT THE PEOPLE ON ONE HAND. CAN'T BE MORE THAN 30.

MICHAEL ABRAHAMSON, SOUTH AFRICAN CRICKET COMMENTATOR

* * *

For me to win the Manager of the Month award I would have to win nine games out of eight.

NEIL WARNOCK, ENGLISH FOOTBALL MANAGER

* * *

I WANT TO REACH FOR 150 OR 200 POINTS THIS SEASON, WHICHEVER COMES FIRST.

DAVID HOLWELL, NEW ZEALAND RUGBY PLAYER

* * *

Baseball is 90 per cent mental. The other half is physical.

YOGI BERRA, AMERICAN BASEBALL PLAYER

* * *

SOUTHAMPTON HAVE BEATEN BRIGHTON 3–1. THAT'S A REPEAT OF LAST YEAR'S RESULT, WHEN SOUTHAMPTON WON 5–1.

DES LYNAM, ENGLISH SPORTS PRESENTER


We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

JASON KIDD, AMERICAN BASKETBALL PLAYER AND COACH


WE'VE WON ONE ON THE TROT.

ALEC STEWART, ENGLISH CRICKETER

* * *

Any time Detroit scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100 points, they almost always win.

DOUG COLLINS, AMERICAN BASKETBALL PLAYER AND COACH

* * *

MIRANDINHA WILL HAVE MORE SHOTS THIS AFTERNOON THAN BOTH SIDES PUT TOGETHER.

MALCOLM MACDONALD, ENGLISH FOOTBALLER


Kevin Keegan and I have 63 international caps between us. He has 63 of them.

CRAIG BROWN, SCOTTISH FOOTBALL MANAGER

* * *

HE'S RANKED NUMBER THREE IN BRITAIN, NUMBER FOUR IN THE WORLD. YOU CAN'T GET ANY HIGHER THAN THAT!

JOHN LOWE, ENGLISH DARTS PLAYER

* * *

They were numerically outnumbered.

GARRY BIRTLES, ENGLISH FOOTBALLER AND PUNDIT

* * *

THE AGELESS DENNIS WISE, NOW IN HIS THIRTIES.

MARTIN TYLER, ENGLISH SPORTS PRESENTER

* * *

You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle.

COLIN COOPER, NEW ZEALAND RUGBY COACH

* * *

THE LAST TIME IRELAND PLAYED ENGLAND WE BEAT THEM 1–1.

JIM SHERIDAN, IRISH FOOTBALLER

* * *

Some of our players can hardly write their own names, but you should see them add up.

KARL-HEINZ THIELEN, GERMAN FOOTBALL MANAGER, REFERRING TO HIS SQUAD'S SAVVINESS REGARDING THEIR SALARIES

* * *

I WOULD DIE TOMORROW IF I COULD HAVE FIVE MORE YEARS TO PLAY CRICKET FOR YORKSHIRE AND ENGLAND.

GEOFFREY BOYCOTT, ENGLISH CRICKETER AND COMMENTATOR

* * *

Isolate yourself if you want, but never alone.

CHRISTOPHE PIAZZOLI, FRENCH RUGBY COACH

* * *

IRELAND WILL GIVE 99 PER CENT – EVERYTHING THEY'VE GOT.

MARK LAWRENSON, IRISH FOOTBALLER AND PUNDIT

* * *

Moses Kiptanui, the 19-year-old Kenyan who turned 20 a few weeks ago.

DAVID COLEMAN, ENGLISH SPORTS COMMENTATOR

* * *

AS FOR WAGES, THE PLAYERS HAVE HAD A TRIM, THE CHAIRMAN HAS HAD A TRIM, AND I HAVE HAD A SHORT BACK AND SIDES.

HARRY REDKNAPP, ENGLISH FOOTBALL MANAGER

* * *

An inch or two either side of the post and that would have been a goal.

DAVE BASSETT, ENGLISH FOOTBALL MANAGER AND PUNDIT

* * *

A LOVING WIFE IS BETTER THAN MAKING 50 IN CRICKET, OR EVEN 99. BEYOND THAT I WILL NOT GO.

J. M. BARRIE, SCOTTISH WRITER

* * *

Argentina are the second-best team in the world, and there's no higher praise than that.

KEVIN KEEGAN, ENGLISH FOOTBALLER AND MANAGER


IT'S 50–50 IN WALES' FAVOUR.

IAN ROBERTSON, SCOTTISH RUGBY PLAYER AND COMMENTATOR

* * *

If you had to name one person to blame it would have to be the players.

THEO FOLEY, IRISH FOOTBALL MANAGER

* * *

I'D FIGHT LLOYD HONEYGHAN FOR NOTHING IF THE PRICE WAS RIGHT.

MARLON STARLING, AMERICAN BOXER

* * *

They had a dozen corners, maybe 12, I'm guessing.

CRAIG BROWN, SCOTTISH FOOTBALL MANAGER

* * *

YORKSHIRE ALL OUT FOR 232, HUTTON ILL. NO, I'M SORRY, HUTTON 111.

JOHN SNAGGE, ENGLISH SPORTS COMMENTATOR

* * *

Ritchie has now scored 11 goals, exactly double the number he got last season.

* * *

ALAN PARRY, ENGLISH FOOTBALL COMMENTATOR

WE MUST HAVE HAD 99 PER CENT OF THE GAME. IT WAS THE OTHER 3 PER CENT THAT COST US THE MATCH.

RUUD GULLIT, DUTCH FOOTBALLER AND MANAGER

* * *

A golf course is comprised of 18 holes, 17 of them unnecessary, but included simply to create the maximum amount of frustration.

TERRY WOGAN, IRISH TELEVISION PRESENTER

* * *

ONE YEAR I PLAYED FOR 15 MONTHS.

FRANZ BECKENBAUER, GERMAN FOOTBALLER AND MANAGER

* * *

For years I thought the club's name was Partick Thistle Nil.

BILLY CONNOLLY, SCOTTISH COMEDIAN

* * *

IF YOU GO IN WITH TWO FAST BOWLERS AND ONE BREAKS DOWN, YOU'RE LEFT TWO SHORT.

BOB MASSIE, AUSTRALIAN CRICKETER

* * *

England have the best fans in the world, and Scotland's ones are also second to none.

KEVIN KEEGAN, ENGLISH FOOTBALLER AND MANAGER

CHAPTER 2

SIMPLY THE BEST


IF YOU CAN KEEP PLAYING TENNIS WHEN SOMEONE IS SHOOTING A GUN DOWN THE STREET, THAT'S CONCENTRATION!

SERENA WILLIAMS, AMERICAN TENNIS PLAYER, ON LEARNING HER TRADE IN A DEPRIVED NEIGHBOURHOOD

* * *

The minute you start talking about what you're going to do if you lose, you have lost.

GEORGE SHULTZ, AMERICAN RACING DRIVER

* * *

WHENEVER PLAYERS DISAGREE WITH ME, WE TALK ABOUT IT FOR 20 MINUTES AND THEN WE DECIDE I WAS RIGHT.

BRIAN CLOUGH, ENGLISH FOOTBALL MANAGER

* * *

That lad could throw 180 standing one-legged in a hammock.

SID WADDELL, ENGLISH DARTS COMMENTATOR

* * *

I AM THE NUMBER ONE NINJA AND I HAVE KILLED ALL THE SHOGUNS BEFORE ME.

SHAQUILLE O'NEAL, AMERICAN BASKETBALL PLAYER

Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. His hands can't hit what his eyes can't see.

* * *

MUHAMMAD ALI, AMERICAN BOXER



DON'T TOUCH HIM! HE'S A GOD!

GENERAL ANTONELLI, MUSSOLINI'S SPORTS MINISTER, TRYING TO KEEP THE CROWDS AWAY FROM GINO BARTALI AFTER HE WON THE TOUR DE FRANCE IN 1938

* * *

They came to see me bat, not to see you bowl.

W. G. GRACE, ENGLISH CRICKETER, REFUSING TO LEAVE THE CREASE HAVING BEEN BOWLED OUT FIRST BALL


THERE ARE 199 WAYS TO GET BEAT, BUT ONLY ONE WAY TO WIN; GET THERE FIRST.

WILLIE SHOEMAKER, AMERICAN JOCKEY

* * *

I'm undisputed and there's no disputing that.

LENNOX LEWIS, BRITISH–CANADIAN BOXER

* * *

WHOEVER SAID 'IT'S NOT WHETHER YOU WIN OR LOSE THAT COUNTS' PROBABLY LOST.

MARTINA NAVRATILOVA, CZECH–AMERICAN TENNIS PLAYER

* * *

I done wrestled with an alligator. I done tussled with a whale, handcuffed lightning, thrown thunder in jail. Only last week, I murdered a rock, injured a stone, hospitalised a brick. I'm so mean I make medicine sick.

MUHAMMAD ALI, AMERICAN BOXER

HE'S BIGGLES, THE VC, EL ALAMEIN, THE TANK COMMANDER, HE'S EVERYTHING. I MEAN, HOW COULD A SCHOOLBOY NOT WANT TO BE LIKE IAN BOTHAM?

LORD TIM HUDSON, ENGLISH IMPRESARIO

* * *

There seems only one way to beat George Foreman: shell him for three days and then send the infantry in.

HUGH MCILVANNEY, SCOTTISH SPORTS JOURNALIST

* * *

JOHN DALY'S DRIVING IS UNBELIEVABLE. I DON'T GO THAT FAR ON MY HOLIDAYS.

IAN BAKER-FINCH, AUSTRALIAN GOLFER

* * *

I don't suppose I can call you a lucky bleeder when you've got 347.

ANGUS FRASER, ENGLISH CRICKETER, TO BRIAN LARA

* * *

ROME WASN'T BUILT IN A DAY, BUT I WASN'T ON THAT PARTICULAR JOB.

BRIAN CLOUGH, ENGLISH FOOTBALL MANAGER

* * *

Champions keep playing until they get it right.

BILLIE JEAN KING, AMERICAN TENNIS PLAYER

* * *

I'VE FAILED OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN IN MY LIFE, AND THAT IS WHY I SUCCEED.

MICHAEL JORDAN, AMERICAN BASKETBALL PLAYER

CHAPTER 3

TALKING ABSOLUTE BALLS


All the reds are in the open now, apart from the blue.

JOHN VIRGO, ENGLISH SNOOKER PLAYER AND COMMENTATOR

* * *

PART OF THE ART OF BOWLING SPIN IS TO MAKE THE BATSMAN THINK SOMETHING SPECIAL IS HAPPENING WHEN IT ISN'T.

SHANE WARNE, AUSTRALIAN CRICKETER

* * *

Strut must be happy to see that ball struggle on and die as short as a carrot.

HARRY RIGBY, ENGLISH BOWLS COMMENTATOR

* * *

RUGBY IS A GAME FOR THE MENTALLY DEFICIENT. WHO ELSE BUT AN ENGLISHMAN COULD INVENT AN OVAL BALL?

PETER POOK, ENGLISH WRITER

* * *

Golf is a fascinating game. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I can't play it.

TED RAY, ENGLISH COMEDIAN

* * *

I BOWL SO SLOW THAT IF I DON'T LIKE THE LOOK OF IT, I CAN RUN AFTER IT AND BRING IT BACK.

J. M. BARRIE, SCOTTISH WRITER

* * *

He's obviously worked out for himself that he doesn't need that last red. Great thinker, this man.

DENNIS TAYLOR, NORTHERN IRISH SNOOKER PLAYER

* * *

HIT THE BALL. FIND THE BALL. REPEAT UNTIL THE BALL IS IN THE HOLE. HAVE FUN. THE END.

CHUCK HOGAN, AMERICAN GOLF INSTRUCTOR

* * *

Ossie Ardiles strokes the ball like it's part of his own anatomy.

JIMMY MAGEE, IRISH SPORTS BROADCASTER


IT'S GOOD SPORTSMANSHIP TO NOT PICK UP LOST GOLF BALLS WHILE THEY ARE STILL ROLLING.

MARK TWAIN, AMERICAN WRITER

* * *

Bums play pool, gentlemen play billiards.

DANIEL MCGOORTY, AMERICAN WRITER

* * *

WHY IS THERE ONLY ONE FOOTBALL FOR 22 PLAYERS? IF YOU GAVE A BALL TO EACH OF THEM, THEY'D STOP FIGHTING FOR IT.

ANONYMOUS

* * *

And for those of you watching in black and white, the pink is next to the green.

TED LOWE, ENGLISH SNOOKER COMMENTATOR

* * *

RUGBY IS PLAYED BY MEN WITH ODD-SHAPED BALLS.

CAR BUMPER STICKER

* * *

Welcome to Worcester, where we have just seen Barry Richards hit one of Basil D'Oliveira's balls clean out of the ground.

BRIAN JOHNSTON, ENGLISH CRICKET COMMENTATOR


WHOEVER CALLED SNOOKER 'CHESS WITH BALLS' WAS RUDE, BUT RIGHT.

CLIVE JAMES, AUSTRALIAN AUTHOR AND PRESENTER

* * *

I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.

G. K. CHESTERTON, ENGLISH WRITER

* * *

JOHNNY MILLER GETS BALLS OUT OF THE BUNKER AS SMOOTHLY AS A MAN LIFTING A BREAST OUT OF AN EVENING GOWN.

PHIL HARRIS, AMERICAN ACTOR

CHAPTER 4

SPORTING PHILOSOPHERS


Sometimes you see beautiful people with no brains. Sometimes you have ugly people who are intelligent, like scientists.

JOSÉ MOURINHO, PORTUGUESE FOOTBALL MANAGER

* * *

THE PLACE OF THE FATHER IN THE MODERN SUBURBAN FAMILY IS A VERY SMALL ONE, PARTICULARLY IF HE PLAYS GOLF.

BERTRAND RUSSELL, ENGLISH PHILOSOPHER

* * *

I would like to be referred to as 'The Big Aristotle'.

SHAQUILLE O'NEAL, AMERICAN BASKETBALL PLAYER

* * *

IT IS ENJOYABLE TO MAKE THINGS VISIBLE THAT ARE INVISIBLE.

ERIC CANTONA, FRENCH FOOTBALLER

* * *

Before you criticise someone, you should run a mile in their shoes. That way, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

ANONYMOUS

* * *

WHEN YOU COME TO A FORK IN THE ROAD, TAKE IT.

YOGI BERRA, AMERICAN BASEBALL PLAYER

* * *

You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.

PLATO, GREEK PHILOSOPHER

* * *

THE OXFORD ROWING CREW – EIGHT MINDS WITH BUT A SINGLE THOUGHT, IF THAT.

MAX BEERBOHM, ENGLISH ESSAYIST

* * *

If history is going to repeat itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.

TERRY VENABLES, ENGLISH FOOTBALLER AND MANAGER

* * *

DON'T LOOK BACK. SOMETHING MIGHT BE GAINING ON YOU.

LEROY 'SATCHEL' PAIGE, AMERICAN BASEBALL PLAYER

* * *

The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.

MUHAMMAD ALI, AMERICAN BOXER

* * *

JACK CHARLTON'S PHILOSOPHY OF SOCCER WAS, 'IF PLAN A FAILS, TRY PLAN A'.

MARK LAWRENSON, IRISH FOOTBALLER AND PUNDIT

* * *

The English are not very spiritual people, so they invented cricket to give them some idea of eternity.

GEORGE BERNARD SHAW, IRISH PLAYWRIGHT

* * *

THERE ARE NO TRAFFIC JAMS ALONG THE EXTRA MILE.

ROGER STAUBACH, AMERICAN FOOTBALL PLAYER

* * *

Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.

DARRELL ROYAL, AMERICAN FOOTBALL COACH

* * *

SMILE WELL AND OFTEN. IT MAKES PEOPLE WONDER WHAT YOU'RE UP TO.

LEROY 'SATCHEL' PAIGE, AMERICAN BASEBALL PLAYER

* * *

Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember it didn't work for the rabbit.

R. E. SHAY, AMERICAN HUMORIST

* * *

SOME PEOPLE THINK FOOTBALL IS A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH. I CAN ASSURE THEM IT IS MUCH MORE SERIOUS THAN THAT.

BILL SHANKLY, SCOTTISH FOOTBALL MANAGER

If only Hitler and Mussolini could have a good game of bowls once a week at Geneva, I feel that Europe would not be as troubled as it is.

R. G. BRISCOE, BRITISH POLITICIAN, DURING WORLD WAR 2

* * *

I ALWAYS TURN TO THE SPORTS PAGES FIRST, WHICH RECORD PEOPLE'S ACCOMPLISHMENTS. THE FRONT PAGE HAS NOTHING BUT MAN'S FAILURES.

EARL WARREN, AMERICAN JURIST

* * *

It is foolish and quite unfitting for an educated man to spend all his time on acquiring bulging muscles, a thick neck and mighty thighs. The large amounts they are compelled to eat make them dullwitted.

SENECA, ROMAN PHILOSOPHER

* * *

WHEN THE SEAGULLS FOLLOW THE TRAWLER, IT IS BECAUSE THEY THINK SARDINES WILL BE THROWN INTO THE SEA.

ERIC CANTONA, FRENCH FOOTBALLER, ON BEING QUESTIONED ABOUT HIS BAN FOR KICKING A SPECTATOR

* * *

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

SAVIELLY TARTAKOWER, POLISH-FRENCH CHESS PLAYER

* * *

WINNING ALL THE TIME IS NOT NECESSARILY GOOD FOR THE TEAM.

JOHN TOSHACK, WELSH FOOTBALLER


So frivolous is Man that the least thing, such as playing billiards or hitting a ball, is sufficient enough to amuse him.

BLAISE PASCAL, FRENCH POLYMATH AND PHILOSOPHER

* * *

IT'S NOT WHETHER YOU WIN OR LOSE – BUT WHETHER I WIN OR LOSE.

SANDY LYLE, SCOTTISH GOLFER

* * *

You miss 100 per cent of the shots you don't take.

WAYNE GRETZKY, CANADIAN ICE HOCKEY PLAYER AND COACH

CHAPTER 5

HOW TRAVEL BROADENS THE MIND


I DO SWEAR A LOT BUT THE ADVANTAGE OF HAVING PLAYED ABROAD IS THAT I CAN CHOOSE A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE FROM THE REFEREE'S.

JÜRGEN KLINSMANN, GERMAN FOOTBALLER

* * *

In Russia, if a male athlete loses, he becomes a female athlete.

YAKOV SMIRNOFF, UKRAINIAN–AMERICAN COMEDIAN

* * *

ENGLAND AND AMERICA SHOULD SCRAP CRICKET AND BASEBALL AND COME UP WITH A NEW GAME THAT THEY BOTH CAN PLAY. LIKE BASEBALL, FOR EXAMPLE.

ROBERT BENCHLEY, AMERICAN HUMORIST

* * *

If you have a fortnight's holiday in Dublin, you qualify to play for the national side.

MIKE ENGLAND, WELSH FOOTBALLER AND MANAGER

* * *

WHEN I DROVE FOR BRITISH TEAMS, THEY CALLED ME 'THE TADPOLE' BECAUSE I WAS TOO SMALL TO BE A FROG.

ALAIN PROST, FRENCH RACING DRIVER

* * *

Born in Italy, most of his fights have been in his native New York.

DES LYNAM, ENGLISH SPORTS PRESENTER

* * *

I'VE JUST NAMED THE TEAM I WOULD LIKE TO REPRESENT WALES IN THE NEXT WORLD CUP: BRAZIL.

BOBBY GOULD, ENGLISH FOOTBALLER AND WALES MANAGER

* * *

I get a kick out of watching him pick up the accent. He's using words like 'brilliant' and 'lovely'.

ANDRE AGASSI, AMERICAN TENNIS PLAYER, ON CANADIAN GREG RUSEDSKI BECOMING BRITISH NO. 1

* * *

PINERO HAS MISSED THE PUTT. I WONDER WHAT HE'S THINKING IN SPANISH.

RENTON LAIDLAW, SCOTTISH GOLF COMMENTATOR

* * *

I've seen batting all over the world. And in other countries, too.

KEITH MILLER, AUSTRALIAN CRICKETER

* * *

OTHER NATIONS HAVE HISTORY. WE HAVE FOOTBALL.

ONDINO VIERA, URUGUAYAN FOOTBALL MANAGER


The Brazilians aren't as good as they used to be. Or as they are now.

KENNY DALGLISH, SCOTTISH FOOTBALLER AND MANAGER

* * *

IF STALIN HAD LEARNED TO PLAY CRICKET, THE WORLD MIGHT NOW BE A BETTER PLACE TO LIVE IN.

ARCHBISHOP OF LIVERPOOL, 1940S

* * *

I'd love to play for one of those Italian teams, like Barcelona.

MARK DRAPER, ENGLISH FOOTBALLER

* * *

PLAYING WITH WINGERS IS MORE EFFECTIVE AGAINST EUROPEAN SIDES LIKE BRAZIL THAN ENGLISH SIDES LIKE WALES.

RON GREENWOOD, ENGLISH FOOTBALL MANAGER

* * *

When I'm batting, I like to pretend I'm a West Indian.

DARREN GOUGH, ENGLISH CRICKETER

* * *

I DON'T WANT ROONEY TO LEAVE THESE SHORES, BUT IF HE DOES I THINK HE'LL GO ABROAD.

IAN WRIGHT, ENGLISH FOOTBALLER


I just want to get into the middle and get the right sort of runs.

ROBIN SMITH, SOUTH AFRICAN-BORN ENGLISH CRICKETER, ON SUFFERING FROM DIARRHOEA ON TOUR IN INDIA

* * *

TERRY VENABLES COULD DO A BARCELONA AT LEEDS, LIKE HE DID AT BARCELONA.

TED BUXTON, ENGLISH FOOTBALL SCOUT

* * *

It was strange. The only English words I saw were Sony and Mitsubishi.

BILL GULLICKSON, AMERICAN BASEBALL PLAYER, ON PLAYING IN JAPAN

* * *

TO PLAY HOLLAND YOU HAVE TO PLAY THE DUTCH.

RUUD GULLIT, DUTCH FOOTBALLER AND MANAGER

* * *

Venezuela! Great, that's the Italian city with the guys in the boats, right?

MURAD MUHAMMAD, AMERICAN BOXING PROMOTER, ON ARRANGING A FIGHT IN SOUTH AMERICA

* * *

WHEN ENGLAND GO TO TURKEY THERE COULD BE FATALITIES. OR EVEN WORSE, INJURIES.

PHIL NEAL, ENGLISH FOOTBALLER AND MANAGER

* * *

San Marino play like men who expect to encounter visa problems if they approach the halfway line.

TOM HUMPHRIES, IRISH SPORTS JOURNALIST

* * *

A REAL IRISH FOOTBALL FAN IS ONE WHO KNOWS THE NATIONALITY OF EVERY PLAYER ON THE REPUBLIC OF IRELAND TEAM.

JACK CHARLTON, ENGLISH FOOTBALLER AND REPUBLIC OF IRELAND MANAGER

* * *

There are so many Latino ballplayers, we're going to have to get a Latin instructor up here.

PHIL RIZZUTO, AMERICAN BASEBALL PLAYER


(Continues...)

Excerpted from The Bumper Book of Sporting Wit by Richard Benson. Copyright © 2016 Summersdale Publishers Ltd. Excerpted by permission of Summersdale Publishers Ltd.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Table of Contents

Contents

Cover,
Title Page,
Copyright,
Editor's Note,
It's a Numbers Game,
Simply the Best,
Talking Absolute Balls,
Sporting Philosophers,
How Travel Broadens the Mind,
Anyone for Tennis?,
Horsing Around,
On Your Bike!,
Getting into the Swing of Things,
The Need for Speed,
The Beautiful Game,
The Oval Game,
Getting into Deep Water,
The Winter Sports of Our Discontent,
Boxing's Greatest Hits,
Leather on Willow,
Touchdowns, Slam Dunks and Home Runs,
Running, Jumping and Throwing,
Something a Bit Fishy,
Going a Bit Potty,
The Rude Bits,
Sport for the Less Enthusiastic,
Come Again?,

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