“The Charisma Code offers a wealth of tools for resolving conflict, inspiring engagement, and changing culture.” Tony Hsieh, CEO, Zappos.com
There is a universal language beyond words we all speak. Understanding how to consciously use it helps you communicate with your boss, your coworkers, your children, your spouse and connect more deeply with anyone, anywhere, anytime, no matter where they come from. Cultural anthropologist Robin Sol Lieberman shows us how choosing to speak the very real language of Charisma can be the most important choice you make in the 21st century.
“The Charisma Code unlocks some best-kept secrets regarding living and leading from a power within us all. It removes some veils and restores our vision of things that matter the most.” –Marianne Williamson, author of A Return to Love
|Publisher:||White Cloud Press|
|Product dimensions:||5.50(w) x 8.40(h) x 0.60(d)|
About the Author
ROBIN SOL LIEBERMAN is the lead trainer and founder of TrueCharisma. Using her company’s Global Communication Training program, she helps leaders, international companies, university students, refugees, ex-offenders, and anyone else whose lives improve when they learn to connect with people very different than themselves. Robin was introduced to the power of non-verbal communication during her world travels as a cultural anthropologist. Not particularly quick at picking up foreign languages, Robin began connecting with the world’s people using a universal language she already knew how to “speak”: charisma. She would go on to practice as a mind-body therapist in an attempt to understand how voice, body language, beliefs and emotions can be altered at will for more coherent communication. Today, Robin’s training and consulting firm, TrueCharisma, as well as her book, The Charisma Code: Communicating in a Language Beyond Words, make charisma’s barrier-breaking language accessible to the many.
Dedicated to the emerging culture of the global citizen, Robin has spoken at the United Nations Headquarters, worked with global leaders through events organized by the Japanese Ministry of Foreign Affairs, with new arrival immigrants and refugees, and with the marketing teams of international companies such as Pfizer. She leads training sessions for IMPACT Leadership 21’s Emerging Global Leaders program and serves as an advisor to Alliance 4 Empowerment, an organization committed to creating social and economic inclusion worldwide. To learn more, please visit TrueCharisma.com
Read an Excerpt
The Charisma Code
Communicating in a Language Beyond Words
By Robin Sol Lieberman
White Cloud PressCopyright © 2016 Robin Sol Lieberman
All rights reserved.
CHARISMA THE CURRENCY OF CONNECTION
CHARISMA FACT Not everyone is going to like you.
Face it: Who you are is a bold expression of life. Escargot wrapped in pepperoni is not for everyone.
What you are about to read is not designed to be nice. It is designed to call to your attention the importance of being yourself.
CHARISMA: THE CURRENCY OF CONNECTION
Charisma's power stems from an inner confidence. This confidence magnetizes you, drawing people and opportunities irresistibly toward you. It creates the optimal environment for connection to occur. We are meant to be charismatic, to share the most authentic and valuable parts of ourselves; to communicate what Greek poet Evangelos Alexandreou called "the jewelry of the human soul" Unfortunately, like all coins, the Charisma Coin has a dark flipside ...
FEAR: THE CURRENCY OF SEPARATION
The flipside of charisma is fear. Fear leads us to doubt we have anything valuable to share, convincing us our human gold is cheap brass. As a result, we resist opportunities to expose ourselves. The worst part is, when we deny the world our gifts, people and opportunities leave us, like animals fleeing a dry watering hole.
So what is charisma?
Charisma is a language beyond words. It "speaks" from the corners of eyes and tone of voice, position of foot and energy of handshake. Charisma helps communicate who you are. But charisma doesn't stop at your skin. It's a tool to bring others on your ride. Anyone can wield charisma. This book shows you how to harness the power of charisma so you can draw people together around a common goal, reveal gifts, and set souls on fire! Charisma is a choice. The choice between spending the currency of connection or spending the currency of separation. When you choose to spend the currency of connection, you know your value, Show your value, and see others' value. When you choose to spend the currency of separation, you forget your value, hide your value, and ignore others' value. The latter choice says, "I can't risk putting myself out there. What if they don't like me or tell me I'm as unworthy as I secretly believe I am?" These thoughts hold you back from sharing your "soul's jewelry." You then vacate the premises before the premises can vacate you. Problem is, the premises will vacate anyway. You haven't left them anything to hang out with.
On the flip side, a person who has charisma is a person you want to spend time with. Someone whose hand you would fight to touch through a screaming crowd of fans. It's the quality that makes you want to date someone or vote them into office. The Beatles had it. Gandhi had it. Marilyn Monroe had it dripping off her eyelashes. It's what makes us feel connected to a person, even if we've never met them.
Nowadays, our pop-culture understanding of charisma is that it's an elusive, unnamable quality possessed by a handful of "special people." This belief is obvious on shows like The X-Factor, in which a panel of judges vote off most contestants because they don't measure up. Charisma is marketed as something either you have — or you don't. This belief is no accident. Charisma scarcity is manufactured by the entertainment business to make you value those "special people" more. It keeps a whole industry running, and it sells a lot of magazines.
But is charisma really a rare quality? Is it something that can only be possessed by a select few? I am here to tell you: it is not.
No matter what you grow up believing about yourself, you can cultivate charisma. In fact, you must. Finding your inner confidence is a necessary prerequisite to cultivating your magnetism, and magnetism is essential for making connections. Your ability to connect is the end-goal of this book, the key to getting laid and paid, and quite possibly the salvation of our planet. But just like building a bank account full of money, building a charisma currency account takes work. The work is not always easy, but it is simple, and I will guide you every step of the way. In the following chapters, I will walk you through charisma's three core constituents: confidence, magnetism, and connection. Prepare to be amazed. You have no idea what you are capable of.
Before we begin, you may ask, "Why is connection so important?"
Do you remember the story "Stone Soup"? It's an old fable about a village going through some pretty hard times. The starving villagers hoarded each bit of food for themselves, hiding alone behind closed doors. The people were secretive and suspicious, hungry and miserable.
One day, a stranger passing through town started a pot of boiling water in the town square. There was nothing in it but a stone. One curious villager asked him what he was making, and the stranger replied:
"Why, stone soup, of course! I'd be happy to share it with you, but it needs a parsnip."
The villager, who just happened to have a parsnip, exclaimed, "I've got a parsnip!" and ran home to get it. Then, one by one, each villager came to contribute one small thing to the pot: a potato, a carrot, a bit of salt, a dash of paprika. Before long, there was enough nourishing soup for the entire village. All it took was a little willingness to transform isolation and hoarding into collaboration and community.
After 3.8 billion years of evolutionary growth and pruning, nature is abundant with thriving, living systems. Nothing and nobody is wasted in the drive to survive. Every living thing is interconnected, contributing to the endurance and continuation of life on the planet. As UN Messenger of Peace Dr. Jane Goodall says, "Every individual matters and has a role to play in this life on earth."
We tend to think of nature as "survival of the fittest," "red in tooth and claw" But it is also incredibly collaborative, with every being contributing in a vital way. As the Stone Soup fable illustrates, humanity is no exception. Our social nature requires us to make alliances with one another in order to survive. Some of us have carrots, and some have paprika. The point is, whatever you've got, we need it. Not convinced? Meet Dr. Tamsin Woolley-Barker.
Dr. Woolley-Barker is an evolutionary biologist. I met Tamsin in the jungles of Mexico. We bonded while trying to free a baby scorpion that had crawled into our tent. What were we doing way out there? We were studying nature, learning to mimic its 3.8 billion years of tried and true strategies for cool new inventions and ways of thinking. This process of mimicking nature's genius is called "biomimicry."
As Dr. Woolley-Barker explained to me, biomimics have figured out a basic rule of thumb concerning natural systems: nature supports systems that create conditions conducive to the flourishing of life.
It's as simple as that. Every cool adaptation in nature, be it flying squirrels or plants that eat bugs, has a role to play in our ecosystem. No trait exists in a vacuum. Every way of life creates opportunities (and problems) for the creatures around it. In fact, you can think of an organism's features less as "features" and more as nodes of interaction.
Of course, there are also animals that use what biologists call "cheater strategies." These species are commonly referred to as "parasites" and appear to take from their environment without giving back. But you know what? Parasites don't last long in large numbers. They have a high moment of glory, an explosion or a sprint, but over time, they (and their prey) must coadapt to a more harmonious equilibrium in order to survive. Think about it: if a parasite wipes out its free ride, it can kiss that way of life goodbye. Nature strikes a balance.
When I despair, I remember that all through history the ways of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants, and murderers, and for a time they can seem invincible, but in the end they always fall. Think of it — always.
MOHANDAS K. GANDHI
Our inquiry into parasites mixed with Gandhi makes for an appropriate cocktail to sip on during this early stage of our charisma exploration. The bitters provoke the question "Can charisma be used for hurt?" Why, yes, it can. The Charisma Code teaches you how to spark alive your charisma power. It does not, however, tell you what to do with the stuff once you're aglow. That part is up to you. So let's ask now, "What would you like to use your charisma power for?" As you consider the many ways, count on this: if charisma, like all of nature, is used to support the flourishing of life, it will last longer and ultimately outlive the charisma that's used to take from life.
The most successful species are those in which individuals work together and gift their abundance to one another. When we study these special creatures' survival strategies we find that, to them, gifting is synonymous with life.
So as members of this planetary party, we need each other. By the same logic, the world needs us. This is true of all species, but what about humans in particular? Oh boy, you guys and gals, it's about to get good!
You know ants? Of course you do. Well, the planetary biomass of ants is about the same as humans. That means if you rounded up all the ants that are alive right now, they would weigh about as much as all living human beings, and scientists estimate the worldwide population of termites may be twenty-seven times higher than that. What do termites and ants have in common? Along with a few other insects, they are extraordinary collaborators. The members of their colonies are so entwined, science has coined a term for them: "superorganisms."
A superorganism is a group of creatures so unified in purpose that they function as one. Each individual plays a role in helping the superorganism function. For example, bees have a queen, the only one who gets to reproduce, while the soldiers and workers create a living situation favorable for the brood. Voilà! All these guys working together result in a superorganism called the hive. The hive wouldn't function if everybody did the exact same job. Imagine a thousand queens! Instead each individual acts out his or her innate gift. Thus, the hive thrives.
Guess who else is part of a superorganism? I'll give you a hint:
Our hunting-gathering groups acted as one great forager, scouring its range for a variety of food types, a viable niche even in the midst of professional carnivorous competitors like lions. ANDREW WHITEN
Aw, yeah, you're sitting in one of their bodies. We humans are a superorganism too! This occurs very rarely outside insect colonies. Though Dr. Woolley-Barker suspects a few others (like some dolphins, including orcas), the only other mammal that we know for sure lives in a superorganism society is the naked mole rat. Once a year, the naked queen gives birth to as many as twenty-eight babies. She's the only one who gets to breed. The queen nurses her furless cuties for the first month, after which the other colony members feed them feces until they are old enough to forage for their own food. More than just feeding the babies these scrumptious feasts, these colony members collaborate to make sure the queen's kiddos are well groomed, accounted for, and kept warm. Naked mole rats are the longest living rodent (on average, thirty-one years) and do not get cancer. So basically, humans belong to a select group of incredible species that have evolved specifically to join forces with one another as a means of survival. Whoa.
Once you know this, it's kind of obvious. First of all, how in the world could humans' naked, furless, clawless bodies compete with the many furry, fangy, claw-clad beasts of the wild? I mean really, compared to a lion or jaguar, the human is a wimpy little ol' thing. I can hear you ask, "But what about fish? Don't fish cluster together in schools as a means of survival? Why aren't you calling that silver-bodied, singular direction a superorganism?" I'm glad I heard you ask about the fish, as this marks an important distinction: schools of fish are not superorganisms, because their roles are all interchangeable. A superorganism species requires its members to each contribute his or her unique, specialized gift, or shall we say, a superorganism species requires its members to each contribute his or her special spice to the stew.
Conclusion: Our species' overwhelming success means there are other survival strategies at work. The fact that we're a superorganism species is one of the biggies. We see modern examples of our superorganism finesse in team sports, government, and putting on a play. Also, every corporation exists because of its ability to work as a superorganism. Seeing a company act as one body through its aligned purpose and vision is nothing short of thrilling. The corporate environment is one of my primary venues for teaching the principles in The Charisma Code. One of the strongest factors I use to predict a company's long-term success or demise is whether or not its employees work as a collaborative superorganism, a necessary skill for an organization whose name, "corporation," can be defined as "a group of people acting as one body."
The way we take care of one another also shows our superorganism nature. Did you know that dolphins are the only species with menopausal females besides us? This is biologically significant. In nature, life forms die quickly once they are no longer reproductive. But in the case of humans and certain types of dolphins, nature considers the grandmas valuable enough to stick around. The reason? When we're done making babies, we still support conditions conducive to life. We provide care for our babies' babies (dolphin grandmothers even lactate!), care for other members of our community, and the gift of wisdom from a life well lived. Superorganism in effect! When we're not blinded by our obsession with youth and fertility, biology shows us that elders are a necessary part of a functioning human superorganism. If this were not true, the females would die after menopause.
If you live in a fast-paced, advertisement-encrusted, dog-eat-dog kind of reality, it may be hard to see humanity's superorganism potential, but I promise you that under less stressful conditions, this life-conducive practice is thriving. Here's an example: I was sixteen, on a bus in Kenya, watching a man with his baby in one arm and groceries in the other. It was obviously hard to hold his bag and his priceless, cooing cargo. Riding on a standing-room-only bus, he had nowhere to put down his groceries. To my amazement, I watched as he handed his baby to a complete stranger. There were no words exchanged, just smiles. When that passenger got off, he just handed the man's baby to someone else. Again, when that man got off the bus, he handed the baby to yet another stranger. A baby needed to be held, and for a little while, her father couldn't do the holding. There were no questions asked, no "Please" or "This is why." Just an unspoken availability to be of use to another human.
There is one essential ingredient that allowed the scene above to play out: Trust. All high-functioning superorganism societies require it. I need you to perform your function for my survival, and you need me to perform my function for yours. When we share the same goal, we trust our "teammates" to do everything they can to make it happen. Their success is our success. If we choose not to cooperate, we lose our hive or it gets sick. Everyone must contribute or everyone suffers.
Have you ever been stranded on the side of the road and had someone pull over to ask if you're okay? Next thing you feel are tears welling up because you are so touched that this perfect stranger is caring for you? It's why Jack Canfield's book series, Chicken Soup for the Soul, is such a smashing success. It reminds us, in its own words, that we are part of a superorganism. Humans are deeply interlocked and interwoven. What we do to ourselves, we do to one another. Although we often get confused about who we are, the way we feel when we are cared for by a stranger quickly reminds us.
The way our superorganism society works, we can't even turn on a light without hundreds or thousands of others, each one playing a crucial role: manufacture the bulb, package it, ship it, ring it up at the counter, wire our homes for electricity, run the power plant, et cetera. All this to bring us light. Think about that the next time you flip a switch.
Bottom line, on a purely evolutionary level, humans are designed to connect. Without connection, there's no light, no team, no soup. You are part of this tasty broth, and no one in the world is quite the vegetable that you are. You must gift your gifts!
While giving often seems counterproductive in the short term, it is productive in the long term. Relationships take time to develop enough to provide value we can see. Rest assured, each time you act as a giver, you are also giving to yourself. In his book Give and Take, Wharton professor Adam Grant explains how "givers" (those who help others without selfish motivation), "takers" (those who take without giving in return), and "matchers" (those who strive for equal trades) can affect our success — both as individuals and at the corporate level. Here's one tidbit: Evidence suggests that in sales, givers begin with 6 percent lower revenue than takers and matchers. But by the year's end, givers finish with a gargantuan 68 percent higher revenue!2
Excerpted from The Charisma Code by Robin Sol Lieberman. Copyright © 2016 Robin Sol Lieberman. Excerpted by permission of White Cloud Press.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Charisma: The Currency of Connection 7
Step 1 Confidence; Know Your Value 25
1 The Gift of Grace 28
2 The Brain 41
3 The Body 46
4 The Spirit 52
Step 2 Magnetism: Show Your Value 62
1 Loving Your Self into an Authority 66
2 Growing Your Self into a God 86
Step 3 Connection: See Others' Value 111
1 Listen 117
2 Engage 130
3 Lead 142
Applied Charisma 197
Charisma, Recidivism, and Refugees 197
Charisma and Climate Change 200
Charisma and the Economy 203
Charisma and Global Citizenship 206