The Cocktail Guide to the Galaxy: A Universe of Unique Cocktails from the Celebrated Doctor Who Bar

The Cocktail Guide to the Galaxy: A Universe of Unique Cocktails from the Celebrated Doctor Who Bar

by Andy Heidel

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Overview

Nerds unite!

For the first time ever comes a book that unites two of the best things in the world: nerd culture, and booze. Because if anything is true, it’s that nerds are awesome, and many of us like to throw back an adult beverage or two while re-watching Firefly for the seventeenth time.

The Cocktail Guide to the Galaxy has something for all fans, from Agents of Shield to X-Men. With over a hundred delicious and easy-to-make recipes, this is going to be THE go-to book for anyone who loves nerdy pop culture (and drinking). All of the cocktails are created and field tested by the owner of The Way Station, everyone’s favorite Doctor Who themed bar, so you can be assured that these drinks will quench whatever thirst you’ve got.

Cocktails include: the George R. R. Martini; the Mai Tai Fighter; Blade Rummer; the Felicia Laundry Day; the Flux Incapacitator; Close Encounters of the Third Lime; Cognac the Barbarian; the Sonic Screwdriver; Beer is the Mind Killer; the Shirley Temple of Doom; the Well Wheaton; Klingon Bloodwine; and The Vermouth is Out There.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781250121226
Publisher: St. Martin''s Publishing Group
Publication date: 09/26/2017
Sold by: Macmillan
Format: NOOK Book
Pages: 240
File size: 33 MB
Note: This product may take a few minutes to download.

About the Author

ANDY HEIDEL is the owner of The Way Station, a bar and music venue in Brooklyn, NY. As R. Andrew Heidel he is the author of the short story collection “Desperate Moon” which features an introduction by Harlan Ellison and praise from Ray Bradbury. As a book publicist, he launched the Eos imprint and helped make Neil Gaiman, Terry Pratchett, and Neal Stephenson bestselling authors while with Avon Books and HarperCollins. He turned to bar ownership when he was downsized, and hasn't looked back since.

Read an Excerpt

CHAPTER 1

12 MONKEYS

12-Step Monkey

ILLUSTRATION BY ED REYNOLDS

WE:

1. Admitted we gain power from alcohol — that without it our lives are unimaginable.

2. Came to believe that Powers whiskey is greater than ourselves and can restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our livers over to the care of the bartender.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of who at the bar was willing to listen to us, and from whom we might get that phone number.

5. Admitted to the bartender, to ourselves, and to another human being at the bar the exact nature of our wrongs, rights, and pipe dreams.

6. Were entirely ready to have the bartender remove us from the bar if we behaved badly.

7. Humbly asked the bartender to point out our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had upset or wronged, real or imaginary, and became willing to make amends to them all by buying them a round of drinks.

9. Made direct amends to such people, wherever possible, with a hug and a toast, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory (phone, wallet, ID, credit card, coat, bag) and when we were missing items, promptly admitted it, asked the bartender for help, and tipped generously.

11. Sought through tips and toasts to improve our conscious contact with the bartender, praying only for knowledge and a shot of Powers to carry that out.

12. Having had a drunken experience as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other bargoers, barflies, and regulars, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

1 part Powers whiskey
Pour all the ingredients into a small glass filled with ice. Stir. Imbibe in your favorite time-traveling chair.

2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY

HAL

ILLUSTRATION BY ELIZABETH DAGGAR

The problem with artificial intelligence, much like artificial sweeteners, is that eventually they will kill you. This homicidal drink's acronym gives us a clue to the ingredients within.

1 part Hpnotiq
Pour all the ingredients into a small glass filled with ice. Stir. Garnish with lies and a maraschino cherry (kinda looks like HAL's eye).

After one sip you'll say, "My god, it's full of bars." Drink until your speech slurs while singing "Daisy" to yourself.

Pod Bay Breeze

This chilling concoction based on the classic Bay Breeze will ease those second thoughts about your mission.

1 part Cognac
Start with a medium glass filled with ice, add Cognac, and follow it with the cranberry and then the pineapple juice, and you'll end up with pretty layers. Top with seltzer and frustration.

A gentleman always opens a door, but HAL is no gentleman. Although apologetic, he won't open the door for Dave. Dave gets his revenge by giving HAL a lobotomy. There might be a lesson to be learned here.

THE ADVENTURES OF BUCKAROO BANZAI ACROSS THE 8TH DIMENSION

Blue Blazer

The original Blue Blazer, developed in the late 1800s, involved setting scotch on fire and pouring the flaming blue liquid back and forth between two mugs. Don't do it. That's why I made something else that wouldn't put your life in jeopardy. Or cause a lawsuit, like my Flaming Moe cocktail.

1 part vodka
Pour the vodka and curaçao into a medium glass filled with ice. Top with ginger beer.

Oscillator Overthruster

Drink until you are as insane as John Lithgow, arrive in the eighth dimension, or both. You'll need a blender or food processor for this one.

Makes 2 drinks.

3 scoops chocolate ice cream
Put the chocolate ice cream, Baileys, and Kahlúa in a blender. Blend and oscillate, on overthrust speed, and divide the contents between two large glasses. Rinse out the blender.

Put the vanilla ice cream, Stoli, and marshmallow vodka in the blender. Blend and oscillate, on overthrust speed, and divide the contents over the chocolate mixture in the two large glasses. Pour Chambord over the top of each drink.

AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D.

The Tahiti Effect ILLUSTRATION BY KATI DELANEY

Whether you've been killed off by a god of Norse myth or just had a bad day at the office, this variation on the Tahiti will take you to a magical place. Palm trees optional.

1 part Bacardí Limón rum
Pour the rum and pineapple juice into a medium glass filled with ice. Fill almost to the top with 7Up and follow up with a splash of cranberry juice. Murmur "Please let me die" over and over while preparing.

Of Babes And Beasts: An Ode To Ripley BY CHLOÉ SEHR

Oh, Ripley, you live in a late-'70s early-'80s world about which the rest of us retain only a faint memory. You're rocking the white-lady perm, like so many of our moms back then, the one they would put up on the sides and back with plastic combs before they poured Mocha Mix in their morning coffee and lit up a cigarette at the breakfast table. Yes, smoking at the breakfast table, just like you and your semifearless crew in Alien, served with a side of good old-fashioned sexist banter. It's all so comforting. I can smell the Sizzlean now.

But they did you wrong, Ripley. No one remembered the most important piece of showbiz advice of them all, "Never work with animals or children" (often attributed to W. C. Fields).

So first, let's talk about the cat in Alien. Everyone knows that people don't kill people, aliens kill people who are looking for lost space cats. There are lots of rules to follow about how not to get murdered in a horror movie. For example: Don't go anywhere alone! But apparently, the scifi/horror hybrid makes spaceship personnel think that nothing bad can happen wandering around alone if one is engaged in the noble pursuit of finding the crew's pet kitty-cat. Those people are wrong. Sorry, Ripley. Brett and everyone else are dead and you must now go home alone, trapped in a box with the cat, taking the world's longest space nap.

Speaking of sequels, I think we can all agree that the only thing worse than a cat in space is a child in space, à la Aliens. Forget Newt's ear-bleeding scream for a moment. Forget that. Please. I'm trying so hard to forget that. What I want to talk about is that, yet again, the bad kid in the class is getting everyone in trouble on the field trip. Newt, when Ripley is trying to save you, please do not fall down an industrial fan (screaming, again!). Also, when she tries to find you with five minutes left until the whole goddamned place explodes, is that a good time to lose the very nice watch she gave you? Is that how you treat your things?

Ripley, I'm here for you. I know it's hard to be a badass when encumbered by ginger cats and grubby children. Here's my advice, for the alternate-universe version of both Alien and Aliens: leave them all behind. Kick alien ass, get on the spaceship, light up a smoke, and pour yourself a nice stiff drink (like the Chestburster) while you fly away, watching it all burn. You deserve it.

ALIEN

Chestburster

Here's a drink that you'll really feel in your chest. Is that burn you're feeling from all the peaty scotch? Or is that a baby alien ready to burst out of your gullet? After your fourth one, you'll beg your friends to kill you.

1 part the Peat Monster, Talisker, or other smoky/peaty scotch from
Pour all the ingredients into a small glass filled with ice. Stir.

In the immortal words of Bill Paxton's character, Private Hudson: "GAME OVER, MAN. Game over!"

Face Chugger ILLUSTRATION BY TERESA GALUS

They mostly drink at night. Mostly.

1/2 part pilsner-style beer
Pour the ingredients into a large glass. Include a shot of your favorite booze on the side.

In space, no one can hear you scream. The reason: because you have a freakin' face hugger wrapped around your skull laying eggs down your throat. Not cool, man. So not cool.

BACK TO THE FUTURE

Flux Incapacitator

Great Scott! This cocktail makes drinking possible. Face your density.

1.21 gigawatts (1 part) white lightning, also known as moonshine Pepsi Free, Tab, or the modern equivalent diet cola

Pour the moonshine into a medium glass filled with ice and top with diet cola.

We are all time travelers. The problem is we can only move forward in time. However, with enough of this drink, it will appear as if you got there faster, and with a little less of your past intact. Enjoy responsibly ... on a barstool, not in a DeLorean going eighty-eight miles an hour.

Doc B's Wake-up Juice

The following is based on my own personal remedy, invented when I had to work a brunch shift after staying out until 4 a.m. the night before.

1 part 100 percent agave tequila
Pour all the ingredients into a large glass filled with ice. Shake, then strain into a small glass. Imagine a small atomic cloud appearing over the concoction. Drink all at once and revive.

If this is for a passed-out friend, you will need a clothespin and a funnel.

BABYLON 5

Babylon French 75

After four attempts at crafting this spin on the classic French 75 (one of them vanished completely), this fifth variant will help everyone get along.

1 part gin
Pour the gin, St-Germain, and lemon juice into a large glass full of ice. Stir, then strain into a fancy glass and float the Champagne on top.

Sooner or later everyone comes for a Babylon French 75. Of course, since the French 75 is named after a gun, maybe not everyone will get along.

BATMAN

Bat Sidecar

Will Batman find all the ingredients? Will he make the cocktail in time? Can you dance the Batusi? Tune in next week!

2 parts bat Cognac
Pour all the ingredients into a large bat glass full of ice. Stir, then strain into a small bat glass.

Drink in your bat cave while working on your bat cycle.

BATTLESTAR GALACTICA

Starbuck

ILLUSTRATION BY ED REYNOLDS

There are those who believe That drinks here began out there, far across the universe ... This tough yet beautiful drink embodies the soul of Starbuck. SO DRINK WE ALL!

1 part bourbon Rose lemonade

Fill a medium glass with lovingly crafted ice, add the tough bourbon of your choice, and then softly pour the rose lemonade to the top. Take a sip and you'll hear nothing but the rain.

BEETLEJUICE

Afterlife

ILLUSTRATION BY ELIZABETH DAGGAR

Dear Diary,

I am utterly alone. By the time you read this, I will be drunk, having drank imbibed at the Winter River Tavern.

1 part gin
Pour all the ingredients into a medium glass full of ice, give a stir, and enjoy.

The afterlife, much like life, involves a lot of bureaucracy. Take a ticket, wait a millennium, and make sure to fill out the proper forms in triplicate before crafting this drink.

BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA

Pork Chop Express

ILLUSTRATION BY ED REYNOLDS

You know what ol' Andy Heidel says at a time like this? It's all in the reflexes and not for nothin', we're not alone in the universe. When someone wants to settle their tab and asks for a buyback, you know what I tell 'em? A buyback is an honor, not a privilege.

1 part Jägermeister
Shoot the Jäger and chug your favorite energy drink.

This will keep you truckin' all night long.

Pillars of Heaven

When the son of a bitch must pay, this is your drink. Especially when you bring a knife to a gunfight.

1 part vodka
Pour all the ingredients into a small glass filled with ice. Stir.

BILL AND TED'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE

Wyld Stallyns

This twist on the classic Italian Stallion is guaranteed to turn any bogus journey into an excellent adventure. You may pass your history final after drinking it, but probably not a breathalyzer.

1/2 part Frangelico
Pour all the ingredients into a small glass filled with ice. Stir.

Phone booth, police box ... both will get you through time, but one is much cozier.

BLADE RUNNER

Blade Rummer

ILLUSTRATION BY ELIZABETH DAGGAR

I've drunk things you people wouldn't believe. Whiskey and cough syrup on fire off the shoulder of I-95. I quaffed a glittering gin and tonic in the black light near Hauser's Gate. All those cocktails will be lost in time, like tears ... in ... my brain. Time to cry.

1 part spiced rum
Pour all the ingredients into a medium glass filled with ice. Stir, and dream of electric sheep.

Rum runners, unlike Blade Runners (who chase down Replicants), transported rum from the Caribbean to Florida during the Prohibition era. Like most drinks, the Rum Runner was created by a bar that had an abundance of its main ingredients — in this case, rum and banana liqueur. I, being a sane man and not a masochistic cocktail guide writer, didn't include banana liqueur in this drink. Also, Chloéhates bananas.

BRAZIL

Zipline Hero

Fresh mint
In a small glass, muddle the mint, lime juice, and sugar. Fill the glass with ice, add the cachaça, and stir.

Tuttle is nowhere to be found, your ductwork has gone on the fritz, your apartment is at an unbearable temperature. Who do you call?

BUCK ROGERS IN THE 25TH CENTURY

Gin Buck Rogers

The year is 1986 and NASA drinks the last of America's deep space shots. In a freak mixology accident, Ranger 3 and its pilot, Captain William "Buck" Rogers, are blown out of their drinking establishment into an orbit that brain-freezes his life- support systems and returns Buck Rogers to the bar five hundred years later.

1 part gin Ginger beer

Pour the gin into a medium glass full of ice, top up with ginger beer, and garnish with a lime wedge.

It sucks being a fish out of water centuries in the future. Fortunately, there's a drink to help you get over the fact that everyone you ever knew and loved is dead.

A buck is any drink that contains ginger ale or ginger beer.

(Continues…)



Excerpted from "The Cocktail Guide to the Galaxy"
by .
Copyright © 2017 Richard Andrew Heidel.
Excerpted by permission of St. Martin's Press.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Table of Contents

Title Page,
Copyright Notice,
Dedication,
Warning,
Epigraphs,
Foreword: All of This Will Make Sense to You Soon, I Promise,
Ready Player One,
Making Drinks That Make Sense,
Instructions for Making the Drinks Contained Herein,
Why The Way Station?,
12 MONKEYS,
2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY,
THE ADVENTURES OF BUCKAROO BANZAI ACROSS THE 8TH DIMENSION,
AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D.,
Of Babes and Beasts: An Ode to Ripley,
ALIEN,
BACK TO THE FUTURE,
BABYLON 5,
BATMAN,
BATTLESTAR GALACTICA,
BEETLEJUICE,
BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA,
BILL AND TED'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE,
BLADE RUNNER,
BRAZIL,
BUCK ROGERS IN THE 25TH CENTURY,
Bottoms Up Buffy,
BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER,
CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND,
CONAN THE BARBARIAN,
CONTACT,
DISTRICT 9,
DOCTOR HORRIBLE'S SING-ALONG BLOG,
Why We Built a TARDIS in Brooklyn,
DOCTOR WHO,
DUNE,
ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK,
Biggest Rookie Mistakes People Make in a Bar or in a Horror Film,
THE EVIL DEAD,
FANTASTIC FOUR,
FARSCAPE,
THE FIFTH ELEMENT,
FIREFLY,
FLASH GORDON,
FUTURAMA,
GALAXY QUEST,
GAME OF THRONES,
GHOSTBUSTERS,
GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY,
HIGHLANDER,
THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY,
THE HUNGER GAMES,
INDIANA JONES,
INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS,
JURASSIC PARK,
LOST IN SPACE,
LORD OF THE RINGS,
THE MARTIAN,
MAD MAX,
THE MATRIX,
MEN IN BLACK,
METROPOLIS,
MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000,
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN,
PLANET OF THE APES,
REPO MAN,
RICK AND MORTY,
SHERLOCK HOLMES,
SNOWPIERCER,
Welcome to Barfleet Academy with Corey Lange,
STAR TREK,
He's Dead, Gin,
It's Okay to Love Both Star Trek and Star Wars,
STAR WARS,
STARSHIP TROOPERS,
THE WALKING DEAD,
TRANSFORMERS,
TREMORS,
TRON,
RAM,
THE X-FILES,
X-MEN,
YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN,
Afterword,
Acknowledgments,
Dramatis Personae,
Also by Andy Heidel,
About the Author,
Copyright,

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