The Everything Parent's Guide to Dealing with Bullies: From playground teasing to cyber bullying, all you need to ensure your child's safety and happiness

The Everything Parent's Guide to Dealing with Bullies: From playground teasing to cyber bullying, all you need to ensure your child's safety and happiness

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Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781605507118
Publisher: Adams Media
Publication date: 06/18/2009
Series: Everything®
Sold by: SIMON & SCHUSTER
Format: NOOK Book
Pages: 304
File size: 742 KB

About the Author


Deborah Carpenter (Tyngsborough, MA) is a writer and educator specializing in parenting, education, child development, children’s health and safety, and family life issues. Ms. Carpenter is a member of the American Society of Journalists and Authors, and her work has appeared in numerous national publications including Parenting and Woman’s Day. Prior to becoming a freelancer, Ms. Carpenter spent fifteen years working in the field of education. Most recently, Ms. Carpenter was an administrator (dean of students/assistant principal) at a K-12 school, where she dealt with bullying issues on a regular basis. She holds a master’s degree in community social psychology and a bachelor’s degree in psychology.

Table of Contents

Introduction XIII

Chapter 1 What Is Bullying? 1

Definition of Bullying 1

History of Bullying 2

Facts and Statistics 5

Common Markers of Bullying 8

Bullying Versus Normal Conflict 10

Why Most People Underestimate the Impact of Bullying 11

The Triad: The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander 11

Chapter 2 Types of Bullying 15

Verbal Bullying 15

Physical Bullying 19

Social, Relational, and Emotional Bullying 20

Extortion 23

Direct Bullying Versus Indirect Bullying 24

Cyber Bullying 26

Chapter 3 Types of Bullies 32

Confident 32

Social 33

Detached 34

Hyperactive 35

Bullied Bully 36

Bunch of Bullies 38

Gang of Bullies 38

Chapter 4 The Bully 40

Characteristics of a Bully 40

Why Do Some Kids Bully? 43

The Bully's Role in the Triad 47

The Stereotypical Bully 47

Common Places Bullying Occurs 48

The Mean Bully 49

The Meaner Bully 51

The Meanest Bully 52

Chapter 5 The Bullied 53

Characteristics of a Bullied Child 53

The Bullied Child's Role in the Triad 55

The Making of a Victim: F-E-A-R 56

Why Me? 59

Why Victims Don't Tell 61

The Victim Who also Becomes a Bully 63

Chapter 6 The Bystander 64

Characteristics of a Bystander 64

The Bystander's Role in the Triad 65

Bystander Roles 65

Why Bystanders Don't Tell 68

Why Bystanders Aren't Innocent 69

How Bystanders Can Stop Bullying 70

Chapter 7 Factors That Lead to Bullying Behavior 73

Violence in the Family 73

Lack of a Positive Role Model 78

Violent Television 79

Violent Video Games 82

Prior Victim of a Bully 84

School Failure 85

Peer Rejection 86

School Climate 86

Chapter 8 Common Bullying Myths 88

Myth 1 Bullying Is a Normal Rite ofPassage 88

Myth 2 Kids Need to Learn to Defend Themselves 90

Myth 3 Children Who Are Bullied Always Tell an Adult 92

Myth 4 People Are Born Bullies 95

Myth 5 Bullying Doesn't Happen at My Child's School 96

Myth 6 Bullies Are Loners with No Social Skills 97

Myth 7 Bullying Is a School Problem 98

Chapter 9 Warning Signs That Your Child Is Being Bullied 100

Physical Clues 100

Psychological Clues 102

Educational Clues 103

Most Likely Targets 104

How to Respond (Dos and Don'ts) 105

Steps to Take if Your Child Is Being Bullied 107

Chapter 10 The Consequences of Bullying 111

Physical 111

Emotional 113

Educational 114

Short-Term Effects of Being Bullied 115

Long-Term Effects of Being Bullied 117

How Parents Can Help 118

Chapter 11 Boy Bullies 119

The Boys-Will-Be-Boys Myth 119

The Danger of Stereotypes 122

Physical Aggression 123

Boys Bullying Girls 126

Why Boys Bully Other Boys 127

How Parents Can Help 128

Chapter 12 Girl Bullies 129

Verbal Bullying 129

When Girls Get Violent 132

Group Bullying 134

Why Girls Bully Other Girls 136

The Good-Girl Persona 137

How Parents Can Help 137

The Ophelia Project 140

Chapter 13 How to Bully Proof Your Child 142

Teaching Social Skills 142

Ways to Improve Your Child's Self-Esteem 144

Teach Your Child How to Be a Friend 154

Encourage and Foster One Good Friendship 157

Allow Your Child to Join a Group 158

Enroll Your Child in a Self-Defense Class 158

Teach Basic Prevention Skills 159

Chapter 14 Social Skills and Assertiveness Training 160

Why Your Child Needs Social-Skills Training 160

The Most Essential Social Skills For Kids 161

Body Language 163

Voice Quality 166

Conversational Skills 167

Friendship Skills 168

Assertiveness Skills 170

Chapter 15 Parental Responsibility and Why Getting Involved Can Help Enact Change 173

Fear of Making the Situation Worse 173

Embarrassed by a Bullied Child 174

Kids Beg Parents Not to Tell 175

Parents Fear Being Seen as Overprotective 176

Parents Want the Child to Stand Up for Herself 177

Reasons Why Bullying Should Always Be Reported 177

What Works in Bullying Prevention? 178

Chapter 16 Cyber Bullying 186

Types of Cyber Bullying 186

Why Cyber Bullying Has Become such a Problem 193

You Can't See Me, I Can't See You 195

Impact of Cyber Bullying 195

Signs of Cyber Bullying 197

Ways to Protect Your Child 198

Responding to Cyber Bullying 200

Prevent Your Child from Being a Cyber Bully 202

Chapter 17 What if My Child Is a Bully? 204

Signs that Your Child Might Be a Bully 204

Keep an Open Mind 205

Intervention 206

Teaching Your Child Friendship and Interpersonal Skills 212

Create More Feel-Good and Do-Good Opportunities 213

Engage in Constructive, Supervised Activities and Sports 214

Limit Exposure to Violent Media 215

Chapter 18 Bullying Among Children with Special Needs 217

Are Schools Protecting Your Children? 217

Is Your Child Vulnerable? 218

New Threat to Kids: Food-Allergy Taunts 220

What Is Disability Harassment? 224

What You Can Do if It Doesn't Stop 225

What to Do if Your Child Is Being Bullied 225

Is Legal Action Necessary? 227

Chapter 19 When Bullying Becomes a Crime 229

Do You Know the Law in Your State? 229

Directives in Bullying Laws 232

Definition of Bodily Injury or Threat of Bodily Injury 233

Dealing with Uncooperative School Officials 234

Filing a Complaint 236

Resolution 238

Bullying Prevention Programs 239

Chapter 20 Why Zero Tolerance Policies Don't Work 240

What Is a Zero Tolerance Policy? 240

Why Zero Tolerance Actually Decreases Reports 242

Student Exclusion Policies 244

Bullies Need Intervention and Positive Role Models 245

Other Misdirected Policies 246

What Policies and Programs Should Be Implemented? 247

Chapter 21 How Students, Parents, Schools, and Communities Can Work Together 250

Identify the Extent of the Problem 250

Create an Awareness Campaign 251

Implement Educational Programs 252

Start a Peer-Counseling Program 254

Specify Classroom Rules 255

Practice Cooperative Learning Activities 257

Increase Supervision in High-Risk Areas 258

Whole-School Policies 259

Appendix A Glossary 261

Appendix B Resources 271

Appendix C Existing Anti-Bullying Education and Prevention Programs 275

Appendix D Anti-Bully Pledge for Use in the Classroom 279

Index 281

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