“Amy’s got your back. She’s in your corner. She’s an honesty bomb. And she’s coming for you.” —Actress Tilda Swinton and Trainwreck co-star
The Emmy Award-winning comedian, actress, writer, and star of Inside Amy Schumer and the acclaimed film Trainwreck has taken the entertainment world by storm with her winning blend of smart, satirical humor. Now, Amy Schumer has written a refreshingly candid and uproariously funny collection of (extremely) personal and observational essays.
In The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo, Amy mines her past for stories about her teenage years, her family, relationships, and sex and shares the experiences that have shaped who she is—a woman with the courage to bare her soul to stand up for what she believes in, all while making us laugh.
Ranging from the raucous to the romantic, the heartfelt to the harrowing, this highly entertaining and universally appealing collection is the literary equivalent of a night out with your best friend—an unforgettable and fun adventure that you wish could last forever. Whether she’s experiencing lust-at-first-sight while in the airport security line, sharing her own views on love and marriage, admitting to being an introvert, or discovering her cross-fit instructor’s secret bad habit, Amy Schumer proves to be a bighearted, brave, and thoughtful storyteller that will leave you nodding your head in recognition, laughing out loud, and sobbing uncontrollably—but only because it’s over.
Amy Schumer has become one of the most influential figures in the entertainment industry as a stand-up comedian, actress, writer, producer, and director. Her smash hit television series Inside Amy Schumer, has won a Peabody award, a Critics Choice Television Award, and two primetime Emmy awards. She wrote and starred in her first feature-length film, Trainwreck, which dominated the 2015 summer comedy international box office and was nominated for two Golden Globes and won both the Critics Choice award for Best Actress in a Comedy, and a Hollywood Film Award for “Comedy of the Year.” As a stand-up comedian, she continues to perform to sold-out audiences around the world. Her 2016 tour was voted Pollstar’s Comedy Tour of the Year. Schumer was raised in New York City and Long Island and loves her brother and sister the very most.
Table of Contents
A Note to My Readers 1
An Open Letter to My Vagina 3
My Only One-Night Stand 5
I Am an Introvert 15
On Being New Money 25
An Introduction to My Stuffed Animals 39
Excerpt from My Journal in 1994 (Age Thirteen) with Footnotes from 2016 59
Officially a Woman 63
Camp Anchor 69
How I Lost My Virginity 83
Things You Don't Know About Me 93
Can't Knock the Hustle 99
Excerpt from My Journal in 1999 (Age Eighteen) with Footnotes from 2016 113
Faked It 'til I Maked It 117
Excerpt from My Journal in 2001 (Age Twenty) with Footnotes from 2016 129
Beautiful and Strong 133
Excerpt from My journal in 2003 (Age Twenty-Two) with Footnotes from 2016 145
How to Become a Stand-up Comedian 147
Times It's Okay for a Man to Not Make a Woman Come During Sex 171
Ziggy Stardust, Aladdin Sane, the Thin White Duke. Gender Bender. Rebel. Songwriter. Fashion Icon. Rock
God. One of the most influential creative artists of his generation, David Bowie morphed from one glittering incarnation to the next over the course of ...
Return to the New York Times bestselling Jude Deveraux’s James River series with this passionate,
enchanting, and breathtaking romance classic!Nicole Courtalain—a passionate French beauty—finds herself the victim of a case of mistaken identity when she is kidnapped by mistake and ...
The rough and rugged Talions, sexy warriors who stop at nothing to deliver justice, star
in this steamy new paranormal series from Alexis Morgan. He's on a mission to annihilate the enemy. A Talion enforcer, Ranulf Thorsen has served his ...
LURED FROM THE SAFETY OF HOME INTO THE JAWS OF HELL America's principal chronicler
of its greatest psychopathic killers (The Boston Book Review), Harold Schechter shatters the myth that violent crime is a modern phenomenon with this seamless ...
Meet Rev Jen. Patron saint of the uncool. Cheerleader for nonconformists, geeks, and oddballs the
world over. From her tiny rent-controlled apartment on Manhattan’s hip Lower East Side, she holds court over a wacky cast of friends and lovers with ...
Jayne Ann Krentz, author of more than fifty New York Times bestsellers, expertly blends rich
sensuality dangerous twists, and electrifying suspense in Grand Passion. What happens when Mr. Right is all wrong? Cleopatra Robbins has imagined the moment when she’ll ...
An original full-length novel set in the Halo universe and based on the New York
Times bestselling video game series!Just hours following their climactic battle on the Forerunner planet Genesis, the Spartans of Blue Team and Fireteam Osiris find themselves ...
USA TODAY bestselling author Julia London begins her acclaimed Lockhart series in this stunning novel
of a love that knows no bounds.On leave from his Highland regiment, Captain Liam Lockhart comes to London on an urgent mission: to repossess the ...