The Glitch

The Glitch

by Elisabeth Cohen


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Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780385542784
Publisher: Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group
Publication date: 05/22/2018
Pages: 368
Sales rank: 233,544
Product dimensions: 5.90(w) x 8.40(h) x 1.40(d)

About the Author

ELISABETH COHEN majored in comparative literature at Princeton and her work has appeared in Conjunctions, The Mississippi Review, Cincinnati Review, McSweeney's Online and The Millions. She has an MA from the Writing Seminars at Johns Hopkins and an MLS in library science from the University of Maryland. She worked as a librarian before her current career as a technical writer. She lives outside Philadelphia with her husband and two sons.

Read an Excerpt

In the bedroom, before I fell asleep, I took out a notebook and wrote down a list of the things I wanted to tell her.

These were things that seemed harmless enough not to upset the broad scheme of her life, but that might make a significant difference in retrospect. I took out a yellow legal pad and drafted a list:
     1. If you ever get a gooey eye, don’t mess around, see a doctor, even if your schedule is packed.

     2. Please don’t ever not use condoms. Please keep in mind that it is your own older and wiser self telling you this. It’s not propaganda.

     3. Try running—you will like it. Has Pilates been invented yet? Do that. I wish you would pay attention to your laterals. Stay fit. Keep in mind that it will reduce cellulite acquisition.

     4. When Grandma gives you a Krugerrand for your twenty-first birthday, have Dad put it in his safe deposit box because you will lose it, I promise you.

     5. The stock market goes way up in 1999. But get out of tech by July 2000.

     6. As discussed, keep wearing your retainer.

     7. Sunscreen (60+) and remove makeup every night.

     8. Brush up on multiple regressions before the departmental comprehensive senior year. But don’t freak out—you pass.

     9. Try to maintain good sleep habits. I’m not sure this is possible. But try.

     10. Start working on your Mandarin tones.

     11. I’m giving you a list of big IPOs—see if you can invest early in any of them. They’re not going to let you in easily so show some hustle. Also, these are some great companies for a first job.

     12. Remember you won’t always have the time you have now, so this is the time to learn Arabic.

     13. Remember that greatness is difficult but worth it.

     14. There will be plenty of time for boys/men/romance/dating once you’re a VP. There’s no point before then.

     15. Remember, with men, the key quality you need is that they’ll put your career first, since it’s hard to both be extremely ambitious.

     16. But men who don’t want to be #1 aren’t going to be exciting enough for you.

     17. I haven’t figured out how to reconcile those two either, but maybe you can.

     18. Having a killer work ethic is worth more than riches.
I sighed, looking it over. It seemed paltry. “Things are often for the best,” I added encouragingly. “And when they’re subopti­mal you can work to improve them.”

I wondered if I should say something to her about Rafe. “Keep an eye out for a tall, dark, handsome stranger”? If a man comes up to you at a party and puts his hand on your arm and asks you whose party it is, tell him, but when it turns out he’s supposed to be at a different party, celebrating the launch of a different com­pany’s product, try to get him to stay with you instead. Although I hadn’t needed to be told. I had done it without any prior warn­ing. I had even incentivized him to stay by filching him drink tickets. He’d come up to ask me a question, but I just liked the way he looked. That’s so superficial, but you know, product packaging totally affects your user experience, and I found him enticing, almost uncomfortably so. It was uncharacteristic of me to flirt, but it had happened. Maybe I just needed to make sure she went to that party that night. I hesitated. If I’d known it was going to be such an impactful night, I don’t know if I would’ve handled it so well. I wouldn’t have felt so free. There’s irony there, in that I’ve often thought about how, if Rafe had been wearing a Conch that night and had its reliable direction-giving at his disposal, he never would have ended up at my party at all. That bothers me, that I’m helping people operate more smoothly and arming them with the information they need, but sometimes users are going to miss out too. I wasn’t sure what to tell her.

But if she met someone else, there would be no life with Rafe. What about Nova and Blazer? I felt a pang, thinking of a world in which they didn’t exist. Though Blazer didn’t exist eleven months ago, in current form, and I hadn’t known what I was missing.

And should I say something about the lightning? Yes. No. I touched the scar on my abdomen and trailed my fingers across my body. The list was missing the one thing that really mattered. When it’s a rainy night, and you are with a friend, don’t go out­side and sit on an aluminum cooler during a thunderstorm. I hesitated. I let my mind skate over the memory, very lightly: the pain, the feeling of tight burned skin, the heavy shuffle of my useless left leg, the boring grid of squares on my hospital room ceiling, the agony of lying in bed and hearing distant thunder as summer arrived and departed outside my hospital window. The Spanish soap opera I watched, every day, gradually gaining a sense of its meaning the way you wriggle on a very tight-fitting turtleneck. The endless hours of loneliness, lying immobilized, with only my laptop for company.

It had been awful. I couldn’t tell her.

But when it did happen, when she was lying on the ground, flattened by the surge, would she think of me and wonder why I hadn’t? In the days afterward, when she was suffering in the wheeled bed, would knowing I hadn’t spared her make it worse? Could it have been any worse?

I thought of her—guileless, unafraid, Nova-ish in her contrar­ianism and curiosity. It was too bad. It was really a shame. But if she didn’t go through the experience, awful as it was, she would not become me. It had been difficult, and yet it had been . . . I prompted myself to finish. Worth it. Hadn’t it been? I could not quite say that, even to myself. But this was how it had to be, and difficult calls are difficult; that’s why they are difficult calls. Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t make them, or that you are wrong. I tore the page off the pad, folded the paper over and creased it, and put it on the desk.

This was an interesting development. It was unusual. It could be an edge. How could I use it?

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The Glitch: A Novel 3.8 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 4 reviews.
gaele More than 1 year ago
Completely unlike anything I’ve ever read before, the narrative voice, ostensibly that of Shelly, is removed and almost robotic: analytical and near emotionless, it feels as if it is another product placement to show the ‘usability’ of the Conch’s product. But, I digress. Shelly Stone is the CEO of Conch, joining when things were a start-up and their device a simple idea. A small, Bluetooth-headphone like device that prompt’s the wearer, much like an inner-voice – keeping you on top of social cues, schedule, reactions, etc. A bit creepy in that wearers tend to surrender to the prompts, perhaps to the detriment of living in the moment, a problem that seems to define Shelly from the get-go. Married with two children (both geniuses), busy, always juggling and focused on her ‘list of things to accomplish’ it seemed as if Shelly was being run by her life and commitments, not taking part more than superficially in any activities but simply making choices and decisions to check that ‘moment’ off her list. Her children, Nova and Blazer are meant to be reflections of their high-flyer, go getting successful parents, but both serve best in the role of spoiler to their wishes, exposing the cracks in the façade, while clearly showing that ‘being present’ isn’t on either parent’s radar. But Shelly is about to realize that her “only for work’, trouble with emotion and the maternal instinct (non-existent here) and her own struggles with understanding why her husband, who encouraged her to take this leap into the corporate world, isn’t more supportive and encouraging, or understanding of her “here but not” approach to everything not work related. The conflicts here were also dulled by the narrative voice: a precision of word choice and a slight remove left it feeling almost uncomfortable with the more emotional (or what should have been emotional) moments, and did tend to over-emphasize the ‘corporate’ world – a world in which Shelly is far more comfortable than real life, but made the reading feel much longer than it actually was. The concept – intriguing and I expected more “emotion’ from Shelly than she was giving: mostly because she had divorced herself from self-directed interactions, and kept her difficult to empathize with, even as moments screamed for emotional reactions from the read. Better in concept, and a touch too rigidly determined to present the ‘remove’, the story was unique, and certainly sure to be enjoyed by those who want a challenge in their read. I received an eArc copy of the title from the publisher via NetGalley for purpose of honest review. I was not compensated for this review: all conclusions are my own responsibility.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I love the main characters" point of view. it was funny but suspenseful, too. I had trouble putting it down. The ending surprised me but was very sstisfying.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I loved it and I wish I could buy it. But I can't because I have no money for books. It was awesome and I love it.
jmchshannon More than 1 year ago
The first thing to note about The Glitch is the fact that none of it will be remotely amusing unless you have spent time in the corporate world. If you have not done so, you just won't get the story. Granted, Shelley will still be absurd in her mannerisms and thought processes, but anyone who has ever sat through any sort of corporate training will get many a chuckle about her pretentiousness whereas those who have not had the luxury will not get the absurdity. The second thing to note about The Glitch is that it is a satire. Think Jane Austen but for the C-suite set. On the surface, nothing is amiss. Shelley seems perfectly normal in her musings, aspirations, and dedication to the various roles in her life. But just like in Austen's novels, the truth is not what is on the surface but what remains unspoken throughout the story. The best part about The Glitch is how it takes all the corporate self-help advice, the buzz words and trends, the various training exercises, and psychological expertise and destroys it in the name of common sense. It is a bit like playing corporate bingo with Shelley as a human bingo card that already has every space blacked out. There is something delightful in seeing every single trend about open concepts, empowering your staff, work-life balance, collaboration, etc. modeled by one character. The corporate world is not the only place to feel the bite of Ms. Cohen's wit. She also does something similar with raising children and the competitive area it has become. Through Shelley, Ms. Cohen's portrayal of parenting in the wealthy and mostly white world is a far cry from children being ripped away from their parents and put into detention centers, and it has nothing in common with parents who cannot afford to feed their children or struggle making ends meet. Whereas her business style is amusing, her parenting style, and that of her husband, is so extreme that it is a whole lot of pretentious and a wee bit embarrassing. Just as Jane Austen is not for everyone, The Glitch is a novel for a subset of readers. While I would like to think the satire is so obvious that anyone can enjoy it, I suspect that is not the case and that only those with experience in management and business will truly enjoy it. The thing is we need a novel like The Glitch. We need it to reevaluate our priorities and to recognize the ridiculousness of certain corporate measures. We need it because to take the corporate world seriously is to fuel your frustration at a system that seems to only benefit the top one percent. We need it to be able to laugh in a world where it is becoming increasingly more difficult to find things about which to laugh. Thankfully, no matter how crazy the world gets, there are certain things in parenting and in corporate America which will not change, and The Glitch is there the mock it all.