Stress attacks every aspect of our well-being. Gallwey explains how negative self-talk undermines us, making us believe that pressure is inevitable and that other people’s expectations are paramount–which leaves us feeling helpless and unhappy. But as Gallwey shows, we have the means to build a shield against stress with our abilities to take childlike pleasure in learning new skills, to properly and healthily rest and relax, and to trust in our own good judgment. With his trademark mix of case histories and interactive worksheets, Gallwey helps us to tap into these inner strengths, giving us these invaluable tools:
• the STOP technique: Learn how to Step back, Think, Organize, and Proceed with a more conscious choice process, even in the most chaotic circumstances.
• the Attitude tool: If you’re feeling resentment, try gratitude.
• the Magic Pen: Develop the ability to open up your intuition and wisdom.
• the Transpose exercise: Imagine what the other person thinks, feels, wants–and develop empathy, kindness, and better relationship skills.
• the PLE triangle: Use your goals for Performance, Learning, and Experience to redefine success and enhance enjoyment.
Now you don’t have to be a champion athlete–or an athlete at all–to keep your life in perspective and your performance at its peak. A one-of-a kind guide, The Inner Game of Stress allows anyone to get in the game and win.
|Publisher:||Random House Publishing Group|
|Product dimensions:||6.40(w) x 9.30(h) x 1.00(d)|
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
Who Needs Stress?
“I’m so stressed!” We hear it dozens of times a day. It’s said in different ways in different languages all over the world. Here where I live in California, stress is a way of life. We worry about the fires that are eating away at our natural beauty, or the earthquakes and floods swallowing homes. We worry about the price of gas that is choking our car- driven culture. We worry about our economic survival, layoffs, war, and health care. If you want to worry, you’ve come to the right century!
That we are beset by both global and everyday stressors is obvious to most of us. The barrage of media messages we receive is like an assault—economic collapse, home foreclosures, terrorism, wars, loss of savings, starvation, bankruptcies, natural disasters, and failing health care systems. These messages accentuate the strain we feel from ordinary stressors, such as arguments with our spouses, difficulties raising our children, getting overburdened at work, struggling to pay the bills, health concerns, and so on. Unfortunately, stress feeds upon stress. The more stressed we are, the easier it is for the little things to upset us. Worry impairs our ability to think clearly and function productively, and that in turn stresses us out even more. In fact, we are so used to being stressed that we have come to think of it as a normal part of our lives.
Yet stress is not normal. It is an imbalance experienced in the body when the stress system is chronically activated. The factors, or stressors, can be internal or external, but one thing is clear. The stress we feel is uncomfortable, interferes with our ability to function, and is generally harmful to our physical health.
One of Edd Hanzelik’s patients once declared, “I think it would be very strange to be free of stress.” In fact, there can be a seductive energy to living a high- stress lifestyle. Some people even think that stress is good for you—that it motivates you and gives you a competitive edge. When I coach businesspeople, I see that attitude all the time: “You’ve got to be more aggressive than the competition to succeed. You’ve got to drive yourself. You’ve got to have a warrior mind- set.” In our society, we even admire people who live on adrenaline, with their buzzing BlackBerrys and eighteen- hour workdays. We consider it a badge of honor if someone can get by on four or five hours of sleep a night.
We’re conditioned to view stress as necessary and inevitable, but the opposite is true. Our bodies seek homeostasis—balance. That is what’s natural, and that is what works. Likewise, our minds need to be in balance, not in turmoil. Priorities need to be clear, and that includes our own well- being. It’s a myth that we need stress to achieve high performance. In fact, studies show that chronic stress impairs our health, leads to serious disease, and impedes successful performance.
When we do see individuals who are beset by great challenges, yet manage to keep their cool, we are impressed. While he was running for president, Barack Obama was dubbed by the media, “No Drama Obama,” and his calm demeanor gave increased hope to people around the world. Another outstanding example is Nelson Mandela. After spending twenty- seven years in a prison in South Africa, he emerged to form a government with those who had jailed him. He later said about this time, “For the political prisoners, determination and wisdom overcame fear and human frailty.”
We all are in some ways imprisoned by the threats around us, or by our own personal situations. For some, illness is a prison. For others, grief, poverty or family struggles become paralyzing realities. The question then becomes, how can we access our own determination and wisdom, and not be overwhelmed by helplessness and hopelessness? Just as stress breeds more stress, hope and wisdom breed stability and well- being, no matter what comes at us from the outside.
PRESSURE VS. CHALLENGE
We can begin by acknowledging our own role in creating stress. I am reminded of an interview with a relatively unknown Brazilian tennis player named Gustavo Kuerten, who went on to win the French Open three times. Reporters, amazed that he was defeating more highly ranked players, asked, “How do you handle all that pressure?” His response was, “What pressure? It’s not like I handled the pressure. I didn’t feel it.” No one seemed to understand his response. The press kept asking, “How could you not feel pressure under these circumstances?” He said, “I had a wonderful time. I enjoyed playing these people. I enjoyed playing well. I don’t get it—what is it about this pressure?”
Obviously, to the reporters, “pressure” was a reality that existed at higher levels of competition. But to Kuerten, it wasn’t a reality. What was real to him was that he had the opportunity to compete with the best players in the world and to enjoy playing well. He was playing in a mental state that reinforced enjoyment and a high level of performance. In such a state there is little room for stress to enter.
Perhaps it should be added that Kuerten, after winning his first French Open in 1997, did not remain stress free. His growing popularity in Brazil, and the high expectations of others, did trigger for him something he perceived as pressure, and his tennis game suffered for several years. He didn’t win the Open again until 2000.
This idea that we need pressure to succeed is imbedded in us from childhood. From about three years old, the pressure is on— walk faster, talk more, do better. It’s a constant theme throughout our lives. It never stops. In my experience, though, it’s when you stop pressuring yourself that you can be more successful. There is something innate in all of us that wants to improve. Yet when I coach executives, they have a hard time grasping that fact. The assumption of the boss is, “Unless I put the pressure on, the job won’t get done.” And the employees will say, “If I don’t look like I’m pushing the limits, the boss will think I’m not working hard.” This is an unproductive cycle.
It’s important here to make a distinction between pressure and challenge. When I feel I have a challenge in front of me that I accept as something I want to do my best with, I generally don’t get stressed, yet I can rise to the occasion. I am alert, and my abilities are accessible to me. Pressure, although we experience it on the inside, feels like something is pushing us from the outside. Living up to the expectations of others has replaced our own motivation to excel. With pressure comes fear of failure and inner conflict. With accepted challenge comes relaxed concentration, clarity of intention, and the ability to reach for one’s best. Both put us in a state of aroused attention. But an accepted challenge, though it may produce tiredness at the end, does not carry with it the harmful physical and mental by- products of stress.
I once coached the sales teams of a fine East Coast consulting company. I explained to all the teams that sales performance was not the only “game” at play. The other challenges included what they learned in the process of selling and how much they enjoyed themselves. These, I suggested, were the three stable components of work: performance, learning, and enjoyment.
I recommended that for the sake of the company’s success, as well as their own personal success, they try to balance these three work goals. What I did not know was that the lowest-ranking sales team took this to heart and decided that they were feeling so pressured to perform that they weren’t doing very well. The team leader, determined to redress the imbalance, told them, “For the next month, I want you to go out there and enjoy yourselves and learn as much as you can about the customer and how he views our product and how he views the competitor’s product.” His basic balancing message was, “Be curious and enjoy.”
I heard about this a month later when it turned out that this team had come from last place to first place in sales. Obviously, when the pressure was taken off of performance, the challenge to perform remained, as demonstrated by their results. What they perhaps didn’t realize at the time was that the energy they had put into this non- pressured approach was the kind that could be replicated over and over, without the experience of burnout.
The three components of work are interdependent. If, in the drive toward performance, the learning component is ignored, performance will inevitably fall or level out. Likewise, if enjoyment is missing from the work equation, both learning and performance will suffer. This holds true in all human activities.
Table of Contents
Foreword: What Our Patients Taught US ix
Introduction: The Inner Game and Stress xv
Part 1 The Game of Stress
1 Who Needs Stress? 3
2 Our Two Selves 15
3 Meet Your Stress Maker 28
4 An Alternative to Fight-Flight-Freeze 42
5 Gearing Up and Gearing Down 59
Part 2 Outsmarting Stress
6 The Inner Game Learning Code: ACT 75
7 Your Tree of Stability 87
8 Build a Personal Shield 96
9 Be the CEO of Your Life 107
Part 3 The Inner Game Toolbox
10 Inner Game Tool # 1: Stop 117
11 Inner Game Tool # 2: Being the CEO 126
12 Inner Game Tool # 3: The Three Control Questions 132
13 Inner Game Tool # 4: Trying On a New Attitude 138
14 Inner Game Tool # 5: The Magic Pen 145
15 Inner Game Tool # 6: Transpose 148
16 Inner Game Tool # 7: Redefine 153
17 Inner Game Tool # 8: The PLE Triangle 159
18 Applying the Tool: Eileen's Story 163
19 Applying the Tools: Matters of Life and Death 170
Conclusion: The Inner Game of Life 179
Appendix A Medical Notes 191
Appendix B Inner Game Resources 203
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
This is a great self-help book that does not wallow in the trials and tribulations of life but rather points the reader forward toward a life that manages stress so that you can fulfill your greatest potential. Stocked full of great ideas and exercises to make you the CEO of your own life, Gallwey's book is extremely inspiring and helpful if you're having problems managing the stress that comes from too many demands on your time or even if you just need a few tips to better manage already well managed stress. Written in easy to understand language, I think most people, even those who do not turn to self-help books, will walk away from this book with a few more tools in their stress management toolbox.
An interesting look at how we react to stress in our daily life. It has a very self-help kinda vibe to it but that didn't bother me too much. I enjoyed the ideas of how to control our reactions to stressful situations and feel it's good advice.Hopefully it will make you look at life a little differently for a little while at least.
I admit, as I prepared to go to a first very important conference, I was really feelin' the stress. Had been for some months ahead of time. So I called on this book to help me sort that out, and you know what, it truly helped. The Inner Game of Stress offers all kinds of tools to reset our perception of something being stressful - or not. To shut down that horrible Self 1, aka the Stress Maker, the voice that can (if we let it) keep up a constant barrage of negative, stress-inducing inner dialogue. This book is one I am going to periodically reread. I was so nervous about that conference, certain that a single misstep would forever ruin any possible writing career. By re-envisioning it as one of many conferences I am sure to attend, and a tremendous opportunity, I actually had fun and a successful pitch. It won't be the first, nor the last time I will need to put the Stress Maker in her place, I am sure.