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The Joy of Success: 10 Essential Skills for Getting the Success You Want
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Overview
Find Joy in Success! What happened to The Joy of Success? In these hectic, demanding times we simply don't have time to do what doesn't matter, but most people spend hours each day doing just that. They work longer and harder with more stress and less satisfaction and fewer dreams realized. And they teach their children to do the same. In this new edition of the must-read guide to personal satisfaction and fulfillment, renowned business consultant and motivational speaker Susan Ford Collins shows individuals how to achieve success in their lives. She outlines the 10 essential Success Skills and provides easy-to-learn methods for immediately putting them to use. Whether readers are changing jobs or relationships, starting or managing companies, families or dreams, these 10 skills will guide them step by step not just to the successes other people want for them, but to the completion of their own projects and dreams.
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781626342293 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Greenleaf Book Group Press |
| Publication date: | 10/20/2015 |
| Edition description: | Reprint |
| Pages: | 216 |
| Product dimensions: | 6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.80(d) |
| Age Range: | 3 Months to 18 Years |
About the Author
Since 1985, Susan Ford Collins has facilitated over 3,000 Technology of Success training programs in major corporations and universities, and she is considered a leading expert in what makes people successful. She is the author of the critically acclaimed parenting companion to The Joy of Success, Our Children Are Watching, as well as its business companion Success Has Gears.
Read an Excerpt
The Joy of Success
10 Essential Skills for Getting the Success You Want
By Susan Ford Collins
Greenleaf Book Group Press
Copyright © 2003 The Technology of SuccessAll rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-62634-229-3
CHAPTER 1
Escaping the Success Trap — By Learning to Success File
ONE MORNING I had an early call from a client who said he had to see me right away. "My life is falling apart — my career and possibly even my marriage." When I met him later, his usually confident voice was cracked and hollow.
Michael and his partners had had quite a run of success, expanding their practice into the sort of waterfront office tower that even impressed them. After years of trying, Michael had finally been able to convince the love of his life to marry him. He had proposed a deal: In exchange for giving up her career and beloved cottage in the woods, she would devote her life to the community service projects she had always wanted to do but never had time for. And he would handle their finances and enjoy the contributions she would make in their name. Accepting his proposal, ten years before Karen had moved to New York.
But this afternoon Michael and his partners made a decision they had been avoiding for months: Next week they would close their offices to stop the financial hemorrhaging. Tomorrow they would tell their staff. Michael's partners would find work with other firms, but that wasn't what he wanted at this stage in his career. He would stick around to pick up the pieces, renegotiate leases, and possibly stay in business alone. About to tell his wife he might have to renege on their deal, at least temporarily, Michael was distraught.
How could he have done everything "right" — complete a top-notch education, become highly effective and efficient, put in the whatever-it-takes kind of hours that had been demanded of him for years — and have it all turn out "wrong"?
In a matter of minutes, Karen would be pondering the same question as she stood at their kitchen window staring out at the neighborhood she had been working a decade to restore. Tears stung her cheeks as she thought about abandoning the health-assistance program she had been providing schools free of charge, the neighbors she had grown to love as they nailed, hammered, and painted together.
Michael felt successful last week. But today, sitting here with me, he was afraid of sobbing. Michael had accomplished all the successes that had been expected of him. He had jumped through their hoops and over their hurdles, made the requisite amount of money, bought his own home, built a highly regarded practice and sterling reputation. But today he was confronting a new level of reality.
In the process of completing the successes they — parents, teachers, bosses, and society — had in mind for him, Michael had neglected the ones he had in mind for himself, the "disapproved of," the "irresponsible," the "selfish," the "too far out." Karen had been pursuing her dreams, doing the community projects she wanted to do, while Michael was pursuing what he thought would give them security. But now that it hadn't, he was rethinking his ideas about success.
The Success Trap: Given All You've Done, Why Aren't You Feeling More Successful?
As I begin my Technology of Success seminars, I ask participants to write down as many successes as they can in the Success File I provide. Given a ten-minute time frame, I suggest they start with two hundred successes.
Seminar after seminar, year after year, I was amazed to discover that, despite a lifetime of busy days and finished projects, most participants could recall only fifteen to twenty successes. Successes most often listed were getting good grades; making a team; getting a driver's license; graduating from high school; receiving prizes, trophies or scholarships; graduating from college or professional training; getting their first job; buying their first car; getting married; renting or buying their own home; meeting quotas; looking good on charts and graphs; earning perks, plaques, and bonuses; receiving promotions and titles; giving birth to their first child.
As I thought about these successes, I began to notice a pattern. These were the successes other people created for us. The ones our family and teachers had in mind for us. The ones they believed we should accomplish so Corporate America would hire and promote us. The ones society thought would make us rule-following, hardworking, moneymaking, taxpaying citizens. These were the successes they told us God had in mind for us. The ones they taught us to dream.
We remember these successes because other people managed our process of achieving them step by step, day to day. They made sure we did our homework and got to school on time. They trained, evaluated, and spelled out the steps we should follow, the results we should produce. And, when we didn't, they provided consequences — disapproval, punishment, restrictions at home, at school, and in our communities. These are the successes they taught us to manage their way.
We remember these successes because they went out of their way to acknowledge them. Because our parents smiled, shouted "good," "right," or "excellent." Because our teachers praised, promoted, and graduated us. Because our families and friends threw parties and gave us gifts. Because our bosses paid, promoted, perked, and bonused us. Because our marketplace advertised we were "successful" when they issued us a credit card and we started spending regularly, even excessively, on things they said would make us feel successful — certain clothes, habits, cars, jewelry, homes, lifestyles, and trips. Bottom line: When we were consuming products they wanted us to consume. And paying for them on time. Or, even better for them, over time at high interest. These were the successes they valued and rewarded.
But you haven't always done what others wanted, far from it. You were no doubt sometimes headstrong or resistant, fearful or insistent on doing things your way, on creating experiences they didn't want you to have. And despite punishment and disapproval, anger, upset, lost privileges, you persisted in moving ahead your way.
Why didn't you recall those "successes," the ones they didn't acknowledge? And you didn't acknowledge either? They weren't recognized when you sorted back through memory. They were never labeled as successes. In fact, many of your "successes" were filed as "failures" — sometimes significant failures: Failures to follow their rules. Failures to want what they wanted. Failures to use their methods and timings. Failures to live their dreams. So millions and millions of your "potential success experiences" now lay dormant in memory, inaccessible and unused. Unenjoyed.
Why is this important now? Because those "unacknowledged successes" are draining energy and reducing your confidence in yourself and your future. Because continuing to depend on other people to acknowledge you means you can't feel successful — unless they agree. You can't pursue your own dreams and manage them your way.
Highly successful people have transcended their need to have others create, manage, and acknowledge their successes for them. They have taken over these responsibilities themselves. They are the ones who create their dreams. They are the ones who manage the process day by day, step by step. And they are the ones who acknowledge themselves. This is what you will be learning to do, too, step by step, skill by skill.
Unlocking the Success Trap: Why Is Acknowledgment the First Step?
Acknowledgment releases the energy we have invested in a plan, task, or project so it becomes available for what we do next — so the transaction is complete. But we don't just get back the energy we put in, we get back even more, like being paid interest on money we deposit in a bank. That "thank you" or "well done" or "I received it" or "Yeah, I did it" is an essential part of the success process.
Without acknowledgment, we move ahead, but that energy doesn't move ahead with us. Dribs and drabs of your energy are probably tied up here and there. At this point in every seminar someone shares something unacknowledged that is still holding him or her back. A parent who never said "I'm proud of you." A friend or mate who never said "I'm sorry." One of the reasons that people stop dreaming is they don't have enough energy left to dream anymore.
Acknowledgment builds confidence. Whenever we encounter new situations, our brains automatically and unconsciously sort through our memories to compare now with then. If they compare our current situations with past successes, our bodies respond with energy and enthusiasm; we feel optimistic and eager to move ahead. But if our brains compare now with past failures, we feel fearful and anxious. So it behooves each of us to have as many successes in memory as possible. But how?
Success Filing: Self-Acknowledging to Build Momentum and Self-Confidence
As I observed highly successful people, I saw them using a skill I call Success Filing. They took time each day to acknowledge the successes they'd had that day. They Success Filed alone or with people who shared their dreams. Most filed once a day, but some filed more often. Some wrote their successes down on paper, and some simply "wrote" them in memory. They told me they had been Success Filing for years and usually couldn't even remember how they got started.
Instead of other-confidence, we must develop self-confidence, the confidence it takes to lead ourselves, and others, through the periods of confusion and uncertainty inherent in creating something new, something disagreed with and unaccepted. Something you really want.
Success Filing is the skill you will need to start dreaming again, not little realistic dreams but big, juicy, exciting dreams like those you had as a child, dreams that wake you up in the night excited and propel you out of bed eager for your day.
Here's How to Start Success Filing:
Pick a time of day that works — on your way home in the car, at dinnertime or bedtime. When and where and who you file with is up to you. What's important is regularity. Imagine rewinding your inner recording to the beginning of your day. Then reexperience it in detail. Notice what you thought, felt, and did when you woke up, when you climbed out of bed moment by moment, thought by thought, action by action until you are back to the same time of day again. What successes did you have today? And what "unacknowledged successes" from your past can you acknowledge as well? Challenge yourself to think of as many as you can, knowing: When your Success File is full, you feel success-full. When it is low, you feel dependent and needy.
When you start Success Filing, it helps to write down your successes in a notebook, a computer file, or on lined paper kept in a file folder. Having this list available on challenging days will be especially valuable as you begin making changes in your life. Eventually Success Filing will become a moment in which you stop to acknowledge yourself and others on the fly.
But what is success? To Success File, you will need to know.
What Is Success?
Based on observing highly successful people's lives, I have discovered that success has three essential parts: success is completion — accomplishing what we set out to do, whether a task, a call, an errand, or a dream. Success is deletion — knowing when not to do, when to say no, when to eliminate habits, methods, or relationships. And success is creation — breaking through to solution and innovation and passing on what you've discovered.
1 — Success Is Completion
Success is being able to complete what you have in mind: Getting up early. Lacing your sneakers and running your route. Emptying the trash. Eating a healthy breakfast. Quizzing your child's spelling words. Getting gas in your car. Completing the items you've listed in your time management system. Following through with salad for lunch instead of your usual pasta. Speaking out about a concern with a project. Stopping by the grocery and dry cleaner on the way home. Reading your child the story you promised. Paying bills. Sharing your day and your mate's. Planning a trip or confirming a reservation. Registering for a class. Reading a book and rethinking your definition of success.
Without daily successes, your life falls apart. Your body gets out of shape. You run out of gas and arrive late for your meeting. Your clients abandon you and find other people to serve them. You never feel heard. Your boss constantly points out your lack of follow-through. There's no food in the refrigerator. Your trash is piling up. There's no clean underwear in the drawer. Your electricity is turned off. Your car isn't running. Your partner is unhappy. Your child is rebellious and untrusting. Insecure.
Without daily successes your confidence falls apart, too. Because completions like these are what the life experience is all about. Long-term goals are realized in tiny daily steps. Long-term relationships are enjoyed in daily conversations. Long-term careers are the result of day-to-day completions. Long-term dreams come true because you take steps each day with those dreams in mind.
But When Are Enough Completions Enough?
Carly was growing huge tumors in her body. Yes, from the outside, she and her husband seemed to be doing quite well — they had two beautiful children and homes around the world; they had built a multimillion dollar business and owned their own plane. Little by little the juice had been squeezed out of her life, leaving only pulp. Finally her doctor proposed major surgery. Shocked and repelled, she woke up.
But if she left their business, if she no longer shouldered the responsibilities her husband couldn't, would their business survive? Would her marriage and family stay intact? Originally she had planned to work for ten years, but crisis by crisis she felt compelled to stay longer. With their early goals reached, Carly and her husband had gotten caught in a tailwind that kept pushing them ahead, leaving less and less time for themselves and their children.
Escaping for a few days to a tiny house in the remote mountains of Europe, Carly reconnected with the life she had enjoyed there as a child, spending hours alone in the woods. What had she been thinking and doing differently when her life was rich and fruitful, when she awakened each morning eager for the day, when magic and creativity were daily occurrences? She had been an artist when they met, freewheeling, passionate, and productive, attracting friends wherever she went and talking late into the night. All that remained was a pile of responsibilities she no longer wanted. Sheltered in those ancient stone walls, staring up at the night sky, she remembered who she was, and how she wanted to live.
Returning home, Carly was ready to let the pieces fall in healthier places. She drafted a resignation letter and presented it to her husband along with a statement of her new intentions and boundaries. In tears she told him this was the only way she could think of to save their marriage. And shaken, he heard her.
Then instead of taking on the even larger pile of work that had accumulated while she was away, she scheduled a meeting to hand over not just that stack but her title and position as well.
2 — Success Is Also Deletion
The New Webster's Dictionary says "Success is the accomplishment of what is desired or aimed at." Yes, that's how most people define success, whether what they desired or aimed at was graduation or retirement, whether what they desired or aimed at was their dream or someone else's.
But that definition contains a potentially fatal flaw. If success can only be accomplishment, then when is enough enough? Has this very definition of success set us up to be "productive robots" always needing to do more and have more: higher scores, higher profits, more exciting sex or adventures; faster cars, planes, bodies, lives. Bigger TVs or ever smaller ones. Higher mountains to climb, deeper space to explore. Always desiring and aiming at, but never there. Never satisfied and successful. Never joyful and whole.
Joy as Oprah Sees It
But the actions of highly successful people often look quite different from Webster's definition. Take Oprah Winfrey, for example. Oprah's personal trainer, Bob Greene, said he used to see a very different Oprah than the one we see on TV. As they headed out for morning workouts, she consistently looked exhausted and flat. Having observed this for some time, he finally asked Oprah: "When was the last time you felt joy?" After taking some time to think back through her memory, Oprah finally replied, "I haven't felt joy in eight years." And to make sure Oprah heard herself, he repeated: "You haven't felt joy in eight years."
(Continues...)
Excerpted from The Joy of Success by Susan Ford Collins. Copyright © 2003 The Technology of Success. Excerpted by permission of Greenleaf Book Group Press.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Contents
INTRODUCTION The Technology of Success,Discovering 10 Skills Highly Successful People Use Consistently,
Part One: What They Didn't Tell You about Success — That You Need to Know Now,
SKILL 1 Escaping the Success Trap — By Learning to Success File,
SKILL 2 Shifting Your Approach — Using All Three Success Gears Not Just One or Two,
Part Two: The Rest of the Skills You Will Need — To Make the Changes You Want,
SKILL 3 The Science of Dreaming — Some Dreams Really Do Have More Power,
SKILL 4 Communicating So Powerfully — That You Magnetize Support,
SKILL 5 Using Others' Expertise — To Take You Much Farther,
SKILL 6 Updating — Releasing Your Past So You Can Stay on Course,
SKILL 7 Committing to Outcome — And Allowing Chance and Serendipity to Guide You,
SKILL 8 Shielding Your Dream — As You and Your Team Take Action,
SKILL 9 Switching Back — From Can't to Can, Impossible to Possible,
SKILL 10 Keeping Your Balance — And Rebalancing Our World,
Acknowledgments: Chance Happenings — And Bizarre Connections,
About the Author,
Customer Reviews
