You've sensed it, but haven't acknowledged it, except in your darkest moments.
You worry you are a horrible person. But you're not so bad, because truly awful people don't waste time thinking about such things.
Look at all the other books on these shelves (virtual or actual). They all want you to feel better, whether you deserve to or not. If you want a pat on the hand and someone to tell you you're doing just fine, you got the wrong book.
Why do you want more of that kind of shit? It's why you dig your rut deeper every year. It's why you keep making the same mistakes, repeating the same fucked up shit, and why you keep asking yourself why bad things happen to you.
Bad shit will keep happening as long as you keep the same mentality that created those situations in the first place. But you don't even know what your thinking is doing to you, or which thoughts are fucking you up, so how the fuck are you ever going to change?
You want comfort, talk to your grandma. You want to be a better you, and have good shit come your way? Read on.